I’m trying to choose my words very carefully here because this is important. We seek catalyst to expand our own understanding. We don’t read a book for the wisdom contained in it. We read a book to be stimulated by the concepts contained within it. Then we form our own concepts that belong only to us. We learn from others and apply what we have learned to our own lives, adapting it as needed. We are not clones of each other and never can be. Each one of us is unique and the same catalyst will affect each of us differently.
It is never enough to be able to repeat what someone else does or believes. We must integrate it and do or say it in our own words and in our own ways. This is the opposite of a computer program or a hive mentality in which each is a copy or reproduction of all the others. This is two totally different approaches in which one leads to stagnation and death and the other leads to creative adaptation and life. Choose wisely!
Let’s explore the difference between a paradigm and a matrix. A paradigm is a complete and fully functioning belief system. A matrix is an integrated collection of self evident truths! Can you discern the distinction? You arrive at your beliefs in various ways, including life experience, logic and reason and philosophical thought. But they remain beliefs that might not be accurate reflections of what really exists.
A matrix on the other hand is a collection of self evident truths that once you are confronted by them and exposed to them you cannot avoid them or deny them. There is no logic and reason about them. They simply are and most people run and hide from them in a desperate attempt to maintain the sanctity of their beliefs and paradigm structures. A matrix will always be a threat to a belief system or paradigm.
If we explore this further we discover that self evident truths are instantaneous perceptions that occur in mystical illuminations or direct personal experience while beliefs are most often contrived through logic and reason or a blind acceptance of social mores.
What happens is that someone will have a sudden illumination or glimpse of a self evident truth and keeping that seed of truth will seek to embellish it and expand it to fit other things. For example Freud glimpsed the self evident truth of how important sexuality is in our lives, in our mental and emotional health, and he sought to make sexuality the reason for everything. He began with a core of self evident truth and then lost it by trying to expand it. The same can be said for almost any paradigm. It begins with a core seed of self evident truth and is then expanded to absurdity.
In Organic Gnosticism I’ve sought to collect these seeds of self evident truth and leave them as simple seeds without expanding them. After I collected enough of them they began to crystallize and merge on their own into a mutually supportive matrix that is extremely potent and powerful in its effects. What I had was not a theoretical paradigm, but a collection of self evident truths that were often at odds with currently accepted and politically correct thought. I will continue this in my next post.
I must have woken up on the wrong side of the bed today because I seem to be in a bad mood. So let’s take a look at UFO’s and sledgehammers! This probably starts with my recent reading of the excellent book “The Horse, the Wheel, and Language” by David W. Anthony. It is the definitive work on proto-Indo-European history. It presents evidence of archeological finds from all over Europe. The main interest point for this post is the evidence of something major happening in the Mediterranean basin around 3,000 BC.
Youtube videos like Bright Insight report recent scientific research suggesting that the Sahara desert was once lush vegetation and became desert almost overnight through some cataclysm. This includes newly discovered evidence of ancient civilizations buried beneath the sands of the Sahara. Apparently this cataclysm was a great flood that swept across northern Africa from east to west wiping out all civilization and burying the remains under the desert sands. So what caused this cataclysm? What kind of civilizations are we talking about?
Another Youtube video by Bright Insight showed him visiting the Great Pyramid of Egypt. In the video he showed how closely the stone blocks fit together and although I had heard about it before I had never actually seen it. Seeing is believing and it seemed to me that those blocks were precision cut as if a modern laser had done the cutting. This was actual proof of advanced technology! But as he continued his exploration of the Great Pyramid it also became clear to me that the pyramid was not a tomb or an initiation chamber. The walls were literally blank stone walls. If it served any such function it would have been painted or sculpted on the inside. NO, the pyramid was a device! Most probably used in conjunction with the earth’s magnetic field. It was part of that ancient technology!
But another factor is that there are pyramids and other structures that are tombs and temples and they all seem to be lumped together for some reason. There is no distinction between tombs, temples and devices!
So far what I have presented is solidly based upon fact and scientific research. Now I’m going to start saying things that I can’t prove, things that seem reasonable to me based upon my own researches and speculations.
Let’s begin with my recent watching the “Disclosure” by David Wilcock which gave pretty solid evidence of UFO’s and reverse engineering of alien technologies. I do have a couple bones to pick with David Wilcock in that I also have read the “Ra Material” which he claims is his major inspiration. So I’m venting here and I’m speaking from memory so I might have some of this wrong. In the Ra Material it does speak of service to others and service to self, but in no way suggests that one is any better than the other and that both have their own place in the scheme of things. In fact, the Law of One says that at the highest level there is no difference between service to others and service to self! This is certainly not what he puts out! A second minor beef is that if I remember correctly the Ra Material is what led me to the science of Dewey Larson and his reciprocal systems theory! Which of course is the basis and foundational science of Organic Gnosticism.
Anyway, back to UFO’s. It seems pretty clear that there was a world wide alien civilization that existed before 3,000 BC and it was destroyed. It is also clear that it was not destroyed by a polar shift because we know through science when such polar shifts have happened. So the most likely thing is a war between two alien civilizations. . .
Interestingly enough the work of Zecharia Sitchin in decoding Sumerian tablets claims to be an account of two alien civilizations at war with each other. However, the very fact of ancient clay tablets recording this history imply that they were written AFTER that war. They were written by survivors of that war. We find these as the first examples of writing that occurred around 4,000 years ago or roughly 2,000 BC. We also find the stone monoliths of Stonehenge and the like to have been raised around the same time, 2,000 BC.
It certainly seems as if some of the ancient knowledge was retained and passed on to humans but the alien civilizations were totally destroyed. The technologies were lost!
End of sledge hammer! That’s as far as I’ve gotten.
What I’m about to share is one of the most profound things I’ve ever discovered and I don’t know if I can put it into words properly. It will take more than one post so please bear with me. But first please understand that the Organic Gnosticism posts which I have shared represent a matrix or tightly woven collection of self evident truths and insights which I have shared to the best of my ability. Taken collectively they are antidotes to much of the toxic programing and mind control that has infected our modern culture.
By themselves they might not seem like much, but taken together they are extremely powerful and are mutually supporting and affirming in a way that is quite remarkable. That is because collectively they form a matrix and we are not accustomed to what a matrix really is or does.
Two things need to be made clear right off the bat. The first is that these concepts are very polarizing and each individual will find themselves either strongly drawn to the concepts contained in them or strongly repelled. Pay attention to that because it is important! Any true matrix is to be taken very seriously!
The second point is that my Organic Gnosticism posts are intended to act as catalyst for your own growth and understanding. Any true catalyst triggers change but in the end is not part of the final result. That means my posts remain mine, but you have to come up with what is your truth and perhaps these posts will trigger that for you, will make you think and perhaps inspire you to connect your own dots. This is the opposite of politically correct thinking or echo chamber thinking which has become so prevalent in our modern world. We are not clones, we are individuals and the process of individuation is an important part of learning our true purpose in life. Our individual understanding is meant to be unique and we each follow an individual path in life.
We seek catalyst and will always seek new catalyst! Catalyst comes from outside ourselves and is what makes life an exciting adventure. It changes us through personal life experience. Perhaps the most powerful catalyst in our lives will be the people that we encounter. Perhaps it will be some other experience, but there is a need for catalyst because there is a need for us to grow and to learn new things.
So the first point in understanding a matrix is that when we encounter it, it will change us in some way. We need to remember that the change is what is important, not the catalyst that provided that change. What is true for one person might not be true for another, but the catalytic effect will exist for both. It is the exposure to concepts that is important and not those concepts in themselves. Exposure to certain concepts will cause us and actually force us to try them out, integrate them or reject them.
If we truly understand a concept we will ultimately be forced to integrate it into our personal paradigm in one way or another. It doesn’t matter if we believe in it or not! For example, we might understand why someone believes the way they do and acts the way they do even if we disagree with them. That act of understanding them and their reason for acting and believing as they do is an important aspect of dealing with them in a creative and constructive way. We don’t need to believe or act like them, but it helps to understand their perspective.
This past new moon really triggered a lot of things for me and what is interesting is that they all seem to be dealing with communications between the physical and etheric planes. As our personal circumstances continue to solidify around us in this new world it becomes increasingly important to orient ourselves somehow.
There is a connection or needs to be a connection between our physical nature and our etheric nature. These are the sixth and seventh outer electron rings and both have 32 awareness points. So there is a possible 1:1 correspondence and communication between the physical and the etheric. We gain awareness of the etheric by powering through the physical! This means that if we desire to learn how to direct and control our etheric selves we need to do so though mastery of our physical body!
Martial arts training is a perfect example of this. The high level martial artist has the ability to alter physical reality by tapping into the etheric and manipulating it. My Ti Kwon Do Sensei was an 8th Dan black belt and there were pictures on the Dojo walls of him breaking several concrete blocks stacked on top of each other, breaking them with his forehead. Those kinds of things occur through manipulation of the etheric and not purely physical. But the training and development of the physical came first!
I recently realized just how much lack of muscle tone I had because of not going to work every day. I’ve been retired for one year and my body knows it. I spend too much time simply sitting in a chair and not getting enough exercise. I do my daily meditations but working with physical energy is not really part of it. That physical energy is simply not there. I recently started working my abdominal muscles with a Torso Track and doing five Kettlebell snatches with each arm and my body is rejoicing! Sure, I have some sore muscles, but that will pass. I’m getting some full body aerobic exercise and my body knows it! My meditations are even more powerful after such exercise.
So ascension wise this is a time of physical/etheric integration at the deepest levels! The communication channels between the physical and the etheric need to be opened up and this requires the generation of physical energy! My body of light seems so much more substantial after my exercise routine which is only less than a half hour a day.
At the same time there is a war going on within our world between the organic forces of life and the digital forces of computers. Those that wish to enslave the human race have created a digital firewall around our world that is becoming more solid and permanent than ever. If you use Windows or Apple computers that control net is gradually pulling you in to the point there is no escape.
Only open source systems like Linux will remain free and able to pass through that digital firewall. I’ve recently been forced to switch to Ubuntu, which is a lLinux based system, because of an incompatibility with Windows 10 caused by my computer lacking a TPM 2.0 module which has been increasingly required for seven years and needed for Windows 11.
So I didn’t want to change. I wanted to remain with Windows but that option was not allowed. I can take a hint when it hits me that hard! I switched to Ubuntu and am loving it! I can do just about everything that I was able to do in Windows except play games. But what is important is deep down in my core it feels right to be free of Windows. Windows and the programs that need Windows were like drugs that I needed. I’m only now realizing that I don’t really need them!
There is a merging taking place between the Linux community and the organic pagan community. If you are looking for a safe haven this is something to consider. It is the best of both worlds.
This New Moon really propelled me into a totally different world! It finalized a break from the old world by forcing the issue with my gaming computer which suddenly would not connect properly to the internet. After taking it to the shop twice and they could find nothing wrong it became apparent that Windows 10 was not compatible anymore with the motherboard on my computer, probably because it lacked a TPM 2.0 module which is increasingly required for Windows.
First I created a USB boot drive for Ubuntu. There were really nice step by step instructions on the internet for doing that. Then I tried it out by running it from the USB to make certain things were going to work ok. All my current devices were automatically hooked up, some as certain programs were run for the first time such as “cheese” which activated my webcam.
So I saved as many files as I could and switched over to Ubuntu! My goal was to be able to do as many things as I could before. I found Ubuntu fairly easy to use and managed to get it much the way I wanted without too much trouble.
Libre is an excellent word processor; Audio Recorder can do audio files; Electron Player is for videos; Krita is for creating art with my Wacom tablet; and VLC media player is also good.
I had trouble with Amazon Prime Video, Vimeo and Acorn TV until I downloaded the Google Chrome Browser for them and now they all work fine with that browser. My browser of choice is Firefox and I put Ad Block on that as I intend to use it for just about everything.
I also managed to install Zoom, Skype, Discord and Blender to round things out. I have Shotcut as a video editor and gimage reader for OCR work which makes use of tesseract. Then I threw on a firewall and TKClam as an antivirus. Of course I threw in a TOR browser just for the fun of it!
The only thing I was not able to recover was my ability to play games like I had before and that is not a serious loss since I hardly played anyway!
I really like the new setup of Ubuntu and there have been a lot of advances with automatic upgrades. I believe that the abilities for Amazon Prime Video; AcornTv [or other Netflix related sites]; Zoom; Skype and automatic updates makes Ubuntu well worth considering if you are tired of the hassles that Windows puts you through!
So it seems that I am pretty well set! I need to close out a few accounts and then I will probably switch my laptop over as well.
This New Moon triggered other important lasting changes in my life as well but I will perhaps write about them some other time!
Each day I have been doing a Shifting the Point of Awareness Meditation and I am seeing profound results! My awareness can be at where my feet touch the ground and I can be in the deepest possible altered state and still my awareness functions like normal waking awareness! What this really means is that my normal awareness is to function at an altered state where I can integrate all the chakras at one time!
I didn’t plan this ahead of time and like most things that happen to me I am either led to do them or simply stumble into them. So now I am led to believe that the ability to shift awareness from each type of energy to the other is perhaps the most important thing to aim for in the process of self-empowerment! By doing this all the chakras are stimulated into functioning in harmony with each other.
I’ve also been having a lot of empowering dreams that involve lots of people. The impression that I have is that Gaia’s ascension process has moved into a stage of resolution for us hydrogen types, whatever our stage of development might be. Our etheric bodies have been activated and we have won the right to create new lives for ourselves! Instead of a world and universe of duality, there now exists a third option that integrates the other two. This has never existed before and the hydrogen types are the first with the ability to make use of it! Meanwhile the battle for Gaia has moved on and transferred itself to the helium types who are now facing the eruption of the Shadow full force.
For the first time the collective supports us as we stand and walk upon a middle path of empowerment and integration! We are no longer in the fight and move to the stage of creation and regeneration of our lives. The real question becomes whether we can find our true path which will allow us to wake up each morning excited to be alive?
There is a mold and decadence that floats like scum on the top of society. It sticks to us and contaminates our thoughts and hinders our free actions. It is up to each one to free themselves of the slime that surrounds them. Ask yourself the question, “Do I really want to live?” If the answer is yes, then DO IT!
Many of you don’t know that I translate German horror stories as a hobby. I just finished translating this story and am offering it as a Halloween gift to all my readers! It is a story that will be published in Der Orchideengarten Vol 1, no. 11 which I am currently working on. Enjoy!
Death by Classified
By Fyodor Sologub, translation by Joe Bandel
Resanow suddenly felt weak, tired, and wilted. His thoughts were occupied more and more with death. It seemed to him that there was no sweeter resting place than between the fir boards of a coffin.
Suddenly he was overcome with the desire to do something different from his daily routine.
He sat alone in his silent room and studied the classified ads in the “Nowoje Wremja”. He was looking for something. He compared them and selected one.
His pale face which had already begun to wither, expressed perplexity and indecision. In his absent-mindedness he reached out with his pencil and the tip struck the lamp shade.
His hand trembled. The pencil tip tapped against the glass. He smiled. He said to himself:
“I am getting old.”
He lowered his eyes again; they had once been so lively and full of humor and now were tired and indifferent as he looked calmly and attentively at the newspaper.
Finally, he chose one of the classified ads. An educated, intelligent, and good-looking lady found herself in dire straits and asked a noble person to loan her fifty rubles. She would agree to any terms. The address read: Post office No. 17, general delivery. Present receipt Nr. 205824.
Resanow took a yellow, rough sheet of paper out of a box with the letterhead and water mark “Margaret Mill”.
With a sad smile on his lips, he wrote to her:
“Dear Madame!
I will give you the amount you ask for, neither as a loan nor as a gift; but for a service which I can only indicate briefly in this letter. There is not much to say. Since you claim to be intelligent, you will easily understand what I ask of you. That you come to me in the form of my Death. The more attractive it is the better— and act accordingly. If you understand and make this a fun game, the fee will be ample enough for you to live on. Are we agreed? Are you too afraid? Do you understand what I desire of you? If you are in agreement and not afraid and understand me correctly, then write me back, so I can meet with you for the first time. 5 o’clock in the afternoon would be the most suitable time for me. Respond by special delivery. Cash on delivery receipt Nr. 384384 for three ruble notes. I want to pick up the letter on Thursday.”
The three newly printed and issued 1905 ruble notes crackled uncomfortably, like the starched dress of a first communicant. The number 384 was repeated twice. This seemed strange and meaningful to him.
He thought to himself:
“And if? . . .”
He smiled weakly.
“Well, even if . . .”
He did not sign the letter. He sealed it and carried it to the mailbox. The maid could pick it up in the morning.
When he was back in his room, he wondered what the unknown woman looked like. Was she skinny, ugly, with an impoverished brown face, yellow teeth and thin strands of reddish hair beneath a wind and rain battered hat and a comical feather stuck in a ribbon hatband?
Or young, shy, and gentle, a seamstress with her delicate fingers pricked by her needle, with a pale waxy face and a large, sulking mouth?
Or a drunken, painted up, cheeky street whore with a screeching voice and crude manners?
Or an uncouth provincial lady in impossible clothes, with impossible manners, an unwashed neck, one abandoned by her husband or that had not found a lover?
“How will she, how will my Death appear? My own Death?”
“Perhaps she will meet me in a dark corridor, so that when I put my wretched gold into her cold hand, I won’t even see her face?”
On Thursday he went to the main post office. The summer day in the capitol was dusty, hot, and noisy. Here and there the houses had been plastered and whitewashed, and they gave off an unpleasant odor. Yet he felt cheerful, and the familiar restaurants seemed festive to him.
He did not hurry. He went into the Leiner and drank a glass of beer. He did not meet any of his acquaintances. Who could meet with him now? That would be an extremely unusual coincidence.
Around four o’clock he stepped through the open gate into the glass roofed hall of the new main post office. He remembered the old dirty hole that once had served as a post office. Today even the employees looked elegant.
He stopped and stood in front of the kiosk where the stationary was sold. A rotating stand showed him all sorts of sweet banalities that only post cards could give.
“Are these for sale?” He asked the saleswoman.
The cute girl with a bored expression shrugged her rounded shoulders.
“What do you want?” She asked him in a hostile tone. “Stationary, envelopes, postcards?”
He looked at her carefully. He saw the small curls on her forehead, the porcelain white complexion and the blue pupils and said:
“I don’t need anything.”
He went on. Opposite the main entrance in a large four cornered stall sat three young girls behind a double counter handing out letters. The public stood outside. A fat lady with a wart on her nose asked for a letter with the name Ruslan-Swonarjowa?
“What is your name? Swonarjowa?” asked the postwoman, whose face reminded one of the color of a roll, and she went to the box with the letters.
“Ruslan-Swonarjowa!” cried the lady with the wart, in a frightened whisper.
And as the postwoman with the bread-colored face stepped up to the counter with a packet of letters in her hand, the lady with the wart said:
“I have a double name: Ruslan-Swonaryova.”
A red-haired gentleman stood next to the lady with a stiff hat in his hand and followed the movements of the second postwoman with restless eyes; the prettiest of the three, she was looking through a packet of letters and appeared immensely proud of what she was doing. The gentleman appeared to be expecting a “sensitive and frivolous” letter. He was extremely nervous and made an uncomfortable and miserable impression.
The third postwoman, who was plump and red cheeked had a broad face and her chestnut brown mane was combed and parted deeply at her forehead. She laughed merrily at some private matter. She turned for a moment to the other two, who smiled and laughed as well, as if she had told them something very funny.
Resanow silently handed her his three ruble notes. He eyed the three girls and determined that they were all young, healthy, and pretty. The postal administration had certainly added some elegance to their new building.
He was reminded of the newspaper dispute between this postal worker and a petitioner that he had seen somewhere the other day. The petitioner had not been allowed to sell newspapers at the post office because she was skinny, ugly, and withered from hunger and poverty, and already over thirty-two years old. He closed his eyes and in front of him immediately appeared an emaciated, pale, frightened face with wide open eyes and nervously twitching lips. Someone whispered quietly, but clearly:
“I have nothing to keep me alive.”
Someone else answered just as calmly:
“Then don’t live!”
Resanow opened his eyes. He looked balefully at the plump postwoman, who was busy looking for his cipher. Several letters and postcards were thrown onto the table one after the other. Her laugh was so disgusting and insistent.
Finally, she handed him a letter in a narrow envelope and put all the other letters away.
“I don’t have anything else.”
“I don’t need anything else,” said Resanow in annoyance.
He moved to the side, sat down on a bench in front of a pillar and opened the letter. He did it in a hurry, but otherwise he remained calm.
Large, narrow letters, delicate punctuation marks, a regular, calm, and unexpectedly beautiful handwriting.
“Dear Sir!
I am in agreement. I am not afraid. I understand everything. On Thursday at six o’clock. Michael’s Park, the avenue to the right of the entrance. A white dress. Your letter in my right hand.
Your Death.”
A postal employee rang the bell. The hall emptied. Resanow went to a Viennese restaurant. He ate a quick lunch and drank wine.
At half past five he was already at the park.
She stood under a tree at the beginning of an avenue near the entrance. Her white dress rose from out of the dark green of the silent park.
She was slender, pale, very quiet and calm. While he was walking up to her, she looked him over carefully. She had gray, calm eyes that did not reveal anything. But her gaze was tense and watchful. The expression of her face, which was by no means pretty, was cheerful and humble. The smile on her generous mouth was sweet and sad.
“My dearest Death!” He said softly.
He remained standing in front of her and reached out his hand in greeting, suddenly seized by a strange unrest.
She remained silent. She took his letter from out of her right hand, put it into her left and squeezed his hand with hers, which was noticeably narrow, cool, and gentle.
He asked:
“Have you been waiting for me long?”
She answered, every word articulated slowly, in a lifeless monotone and deadly silent voice:
“You didn’t expect me. You thought that it would be someone other than me.”
It seemed to him that a strangely cold breath streamed from her. The folds of her white dress were so still and motionless. The simple white straw hat with a white ribbon that she wore high above her hair threw a yellow shadow across her face.
As she stood in front of Resanow, she leaned forward and with the tip of her parasol drew a fine line in the sand between them from left to right.
He asked:
“So, you want to be my Death?”
Her answer sounded so calm:
“I am your Death.”
And he asked again, while a shiver ran over him:
“Aren’t you afraid to play such a sinister role?”
She answered:
“Death fears the living and shows no one its face. You are quite well the first, of the living, who has seen the human face of his Death.”
He said:
“You play your role too quickly and too conscientiously. Tell me, what is your name?”
She replied with a sad, soft smile:
“I am your Death, your white, quiet, stormless Death. Breath quickly, your hours are numbered.”
He wrinkled his brow and said:
“You are an educated woman; you are in need and ask for money. What has brought you to this, that you accept all my terms and agree to play such an uncanny role?”
She answered:
“I am hungry, sick, tired and sad.”
He laughed and said:
“By all means rest. Why are you standing? Please sit down on a bench.”
They went a few steps further and sat down. She drew an intricate pattern in the sand with the tip of her parasol.
He said:
“You are hungry. If you want, we can go to a restaurant, and I can get you something to eat. I also want to give you the money that you asked for. Tell me, is there anything else that I can do for you?”
“I will take everything from you that you care to give: your money and your soul.”
He started. Then he said with a laugh:
“You play your role most excellently!”
She answered:
“I came. My hour will soon strike. I will wait.”
He took his wallet out of his pocket.
In the small middle compartment, closed with a steel clasp, lay the five gold pieces which he had prepared for her. He took them out. She silently reached out her narrow, pale, soft, and steady hand. Delicate lines crossed her white palm in a clear, simple network.
The five gold pieces made a light click as one by one they were placed in her cold, motionless hand. Her delicate, long, white fingers slowly closed, and her hand quietly slid to a pocket on the side of her white skirt.
He thought to himself:
“My poor gold. — my last gift. — the poor earnings of a day laborer, — the miserable earnings for a superhuman work. — that is what I give you, my beloved!”
Did he only think these words, or did he say them aloud? They sounded so clear in his ears. Such a deep grief weighed down upon his heart!
She looked at him sadly with her gray eyes and smiled. Then she leaned forward, and the tip of her parasol rustled swiftly through the sand.
She whispered:
I have taken your gold and will also take your soul. You have given me your gold and you will give me your soul as well.”
He said softly:
You have received my gold because I have given it to you. But how will you take my soul? How do you plan to take it?”
She answered:
“When my hour strikes, I will come to you to fetch your soul and you will give it to me. You will give it to me because I am your Death, and you cannot outrun me.”
This felt unbearably harsh to him, and he said with a cutting voice, to drown out his pain and fear:
You live in a furnished room. You are seeking a position or employment. Your name is Marie or Anna. What is your name anyway?
And he screamed, seized by a sudden hatred:
“Tell me what your name is!”
And she dispassionately replied:
“I am your Death.”
Her words sounded so hopeless and merciless. He started and hung his head. Discouraged he asked her:
“You need my gold, because you are hungry and tired, but my soul, — why do you need my soul?”
“With your gold I will buy bread and wine. I will eat and drink, and also give my death brood something to eat. Then I will take your soul. I will carefully take it out of your body, will carry it on my back, will goe with it into that dark room, where your and mine invisible Master dwells, go down and hand your soul over to Him. He will squeeze it and capture its sap in a deep bowl, into which my silent tears will also fall. — and then He will take my silent tears mixed with the sap of your soul and sprinkle them among the midnight stars.”
The strange words sounded so stiff and slow, like a strange incantation.
People passed by, voices rang out all around. Equipment rolled past outside on the pavement. Light footed children ran past, laughing. — everything was hidden behind the magical veil of her slow words. The colorful, joyful evening of the vanishing day disappeared as if in a cloud of incense.
He was sad, tired, and indifferent. He said softly:
“When the trembling of my soul reaches up to the stars and in those distant worlds an insatiable thirst for lust and life ignites — what will happen to me? I will be here rotting in a dark grave, which indifferent people will scratch out for me. What do I receive from your high sounding promises? What? Tell me!”
She replied with a mild smile:
“In blissful sleep is eternal rest.”
He said:
“Eternal rest! Is that your consolation?”
“I comfort any way I can,” she replied with the same stiff, gentle smile.
He stood up and walked to the park exit:
Behind him he heard her soft footsteps.
For a long time, he walked through the streets of the city, and she always followed him. Once in awhile he quickened his pace, as if to outrun her. — then she also went faster; she gathered the hem of her white dress with her delicate fingers and ran after him. If he stopped and looked back, he would see her in front of a shop window looking at the displays. When he got angry, turned around and walked toward her; she would quickly run across the street or hide in a doorway or shop entrance.
And she pursued him with her gray, calm, watchful eyes. Incessantly she pursued him.
“I will take a cab,” he said to himself.
He was amazed that this simple thought had not occurred to him earlier.
But when he spoke to a cab driver, she came closer. She stood right next to him and breathed her cold and sadness upon him. And she smiled.
He told himself angrily:
“She will sit with me in the coach. I can’t outrun her on foot or by coach.”
The coachman demanded sixty kopecks.
“Thirty,” said Resanow, and then walked away quickly.
The coachman cursed.
Resanow climbed up to the third floor and stood in front of the door leading to his apartment. He rang the bell. Meanwhile light footsteps came up the stairs. He rang a second time impatiently. A cold wave of fear came over him. He wanted to be inside his apartment before she could see which door he entered. There were four apartments on each floor.
She came closer and closer. Her white dress shimmered in the semi-darkness of the stairwell. She came nearer and her gray eyes looked watchfully into his own frightened eyes as he finally entered his apartment taking one backward glance.
He pulled the door shut behind him and turned the key. In the semi-darkness of the corridor, he remained standing and looked with sad eyes at the door. He felt, — as if the door had suddenly become transparent, — that she silently, with a mild smile on her lovely lips, stood outside the door and lifted her pale face to read the apartment number so that she could remember it.
Then he listened as her footsteps slowly went away.
Resanow stepped into his study.
“She is gone.” A voice said clearly.
Another hopeless, calm voice replied:
“She will come back.”
He waited. It became darker and darker. His heart tightened. His thoughts were unclear and confused. He felt dizzy as waves of hot and cold ran over him.
He thought:
“What will she do now? Perhaps she will buy something to eat, then go home and feed her hungry death brood. That is what she called her own children. How many children did she have? What did they look like? Were they as quiet as she was, his dearest Death? Starved, skinny, white, shy? Unseemly, with those same watchful eyes, just as dear, as hers, my white Death?”
She is feeding her death brood. Then she will go to sleep. Then she will come back here. Why?
Suddenly he was overcome by a burning curiosity.
Of course, she will come back. Why else would she have followed him to the doorstep of his apartment? But how will she come? How will she fulfill her task, this strange lady, who for money was prepared to do anything and wanted to be his own Death?
Maybe she is not a woman at all, but Death incarnate? Perhaps she will come here and take his soul from out of his sinful, weak body?
He laid down on the sofa and wrapped himself in a plaid blanket. A cruel-sweet fever sent shivers through all his limbs.
What strange thoughts came to his mind! She was very smart and conscientious. She wanted to honestly earn the money that he had given her and was trying to play her role to perfection.
But why was she so cold?
Well, because she was poor, starving, tired and ill.
She was tired from work. She had too much to do:
Has sewn the entire day,
Is tired, is sick . . .
She wandered around sick and hungry, searching. Her poor death brood was waiting, with wide open hungry mouths.
And he remembered her face, the earthly, human face of his Death.
The face was so familiar to him, her features so intimate.
Her face emerged more and more clearly in his memory, that known, trusted and beloved face.
“Who is she, my white Death? My sister?
It is difficult for me because I am sick.
Dear brother, stay with me!
And if you are my eternal sister, my white Death— what does it matter to me, that you appear to me here in this incarnation as a woman, who has met me through a classified ad and lives in a common apartment house?
I have placed my poor, clinking gold, my pathetic gift into her cold hand. She has taken the gold in her freezing hand and wants to also take my soul. She will carry me into the dark room, and the face of the Master will appear before me. — My own eternal face because I am the Master. I have brought my soul to life and have commanded Death to come and take me.”
And he waited.
It was night. The doorbell softly rang. No one heard it. Resanow threw off the blanket and crept softly into the anteroom. The screeching of the key in the lock was much too loud. The door opened and she stood on the threshold.
He stumbled back into the darkness of the anteroom. He asked, as if he were surprised:
“Is it you?”
She said:
“I came. My hour has struck. It is time.”
He closed the door and went through the dark rooms into his study. He heard her light footsteps behind him.
In the darkness of his room, she snuggled up to him and kissed him with tender and sinless kisses.
“Who are you?” He asked.
She answered:
“You called me, and I came. I am not afraid, and you should not be afraid either. I will give you the last sweetness that life has to give— the kiss of Death. And your death shall be easy and sweet because of the poison.”
He asked:
“And you?”
She answered:
“I already told you that I will climb down that singular path with your soul which now stands open to us.”
“And your brood?”
“I sent them on ahead, so they can go before us and open the door.”
“When will you take my soul?” He asked again.
And she snuggled up tenderly against him and whispered:
“The dagger is sharp; it’s sting gives pleasure.”
And she snuggled up against him once more and kissed him.
Then the sting of the poisoned dagger touched his neck. A sweet fire ran like lightning through all his veins, and he lay dead in her arms.
With a second sting of the poisoned dagger, she killed herself and fell down dead on top of his corpse.
Astral combat takes place at a specific location within the astral planes and it represents a weak or vulnerable spot in your aura. Astral combat is all about energy and at first you will not have much energy, perhaps barely enough to maintain your astral body intact. So in a way you are fighting for your life! At least your life in that astral body!
Astral bodies require a lot of energy to maintain and permanently activated astral bodies will automatically pull and draw the energy they need from open energy centers as well as from the physical body. The lower the astral body the more energy required to keep it viable.
Astral combat automatically strips both combatants of available energy at that specific location in a form of mutual destruction. So each combatant needs to draw more energy for the conflict itself from other energy centers, cosmic power sources or the physical body itself.
I’ll give a few examples:
You and your opponent are both naked and in hand to hand combat with knives. You are both fighting for the lives of those particular astral bodies.
You have a weapon like a gun but it won’t fire. That’s because its energy has already been used up. That you still have a gun even though it won’t work suggests that there has been a draw and no clear winner or that you have just barely won.
You fire two or three times and keep missing the target or only hit the target on the last try. This means that your opponent is successfully blocking you even though you are stronger energetically than they are. If you do manage to hit the target after several tries of course you have won the exchange.
Your opponent fires several times at you and you absorb the impact of the bullets and heal yourself. This is when you are so powerful at that particular level of the astral that you don’t even need to protect yourself. The fact that your opponent can fire several times at you suggests that they are quite powerful as well. But they are not powerful enough to change the outcome of the battle.
These are all situations that I have found myself in over the years. I’ve even had a bazooka as a weapon a few times! Its always the same. There is mutual destruction of the energy of both sides until only one is left.
There is one other form of astral combat that is worth mentioning. This was after I had tamed my “alligator puppy” and was using it to defend myself. Someone asked me for help and protection. They had gotten on the wrong side of a Voodoo Highpriestess from New Orleans and was being attacked. I stepped in like an idiot and was immediately under attack as well and I sicced my “alligator puppy” on them to protect me. All that was left was a quivering stump coming out of the ground. My “alligator puppy” had completely severed my attacker’s connection to the earth and destroyed it.
Magick circles, power objects and spells have nothing at all to do with this level of astral combat. What I’m talking about is pure power and no tricks. There are lots of magickally powerful people out there and you don’t want to mess with them. This is a rough and tumble group of people that is an elite society in itself. I’m proud to be a member but there is no leader.
Anyone that seriously begins working with magickal energies will find themselves under magickal attack at some point! For most it will come as a surprise because they have no intent to harm anyone. The answer is really quite simple once it is understood. When you actually reach the point where you are able to magickally make a difference your own energy work begins to interfere and mess with that of others.
They will track down the source of the problem and attempt to take care of it. This means an energetic confrontation. It doesn’t even really matter who wins! Each person needs to find out where they stand in the hierarchy and when they are in their right place things smooth out.
We don’t even need to talk about dreams because this point is not reached until you have at least one or two permanently activated astral bodies. These permanently activated astral bodies increase your awareness to the point that you can sense and deal with magickal attacks directly from waking consciousness. Still, most magickal attacks will happen during your dreams, but not always.
In the beginning most magickal attacks are dealt with by rising above them because the highest level can control and contain the lower ones or block them. The reality is that this doesn’t work unless you have the ability to rise above them! That means taking the confrontation up to the next astral body. If you don’t have that astral body activated, even temporarily you will lose! By rising above the attack you flee the scene and live to fight another day! You have lost the battle but managed to hold yourself together and that is a win!
The next stage is when you are able to meet the conflict head on and fight to a conclusion. When you win the other person disappears. When you lose you wake up in the middle of a nightmare. When you beat someone in a battle and they don’t disappear, that’s really, really, bad for them! They may even end up dying.
The third stage is when you are powerful enough to go beneath the other person and basically just brush them aside. I remember such a magickal attack when someone attacked me with a knife in a dream. I took the knife away from them, bent the blade and handed it back to them saying, “You shouldn’t really do that!”
As a veteran of thousands of astral attacks I can say that most of them are not personal at all. They are simply energetic crisis points where someone else is messing with our own workings or we are messing with theirs.
Over the years I’ve reached the point where it is very rare for me to be astrally attacked. It might happen once or twice a year and is of little consequence. In fact, I’ve reached a point where I will take an active role in defending others if I have to.
You can only be attacked where you are vulnerable. You can only be attacked where your aura is weak. Strike your hardest. As Crowley says, you cannot hurt a King or Queen! They will move out of your way. Likewise you will move out of their way if they are stronger. No real damage is done.
It is only those that play at this game that get hurt! There is a very real difference between people who are the real thing and people who are just pretend and do make believe.
I can tell you from personal experience that there are quite a few people out there who are the real thing! We recognize each other when we meet! We respect each other!
The observer self seems to have the ability to see our other astral bodies as we develop them. In my last post I mentioned integrating my dragon self. But I have encountered other animal selves that belong to me and I assume that I have integrated them, but perhaps we can change back and forth? I don’t really know.
I have dreamed of myself as both having a horse body and a dog body and both of these animals are very precious to me. In these dreams I’m usually interacting with someone else who also has a similar animal body so perhaps I need to shapeshift to interact with them? I’m not really sure.
I’ve also had dreams where I’m human and others are animal. Again dogs and horses are those with personal interactions.
But I’ve also dreamed of groups of people like cows or pigs and the feeling is that these people live to fill their bellies and follow their crude animal pleasures without much self awareness.
I’ve had many dreams of serpent entities and they are very smart and scary although I’ve only had one try to bite me. We always seem to have a stand off and I manage to stare them down. But my encounters with them are uncomfortable. Perhaps its because at some level I am one of them. There seems to be an uneasy truce.
Spiders or woodticks seem to be entities that are blood sucking vampires. These entities have tried to feed off my energy in the past. I’ve killed them by feeding them channeled energy until they pop! I don’t like vampires or any kind.
I’ve only had a few dreams in which I was flying and in some of them I was human and in others I was some type of bird but I don’t remember which kind of bird.
My conclusion is that as we develop our seven astral bodies they each need to go through their ancient history and evolve as well. At first they are animal and then become more human as they are gradually integrated. My dragon aspect took well over a year to fully integrate even though it was my constant companion.
I’ve not attempted to deliberately shape shift within meditations or astral journeys but I suspect that some day I will. In fact, at times I suspect that is the next step!
Anarchistbanjo's World 