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Archive for the ‘Divine Counterparts’ Category

Women, Light, Body, Young, Girl, Beautiful, Femininity

I was nearing my last three weeks in the Air Force and living in Phoenix. I continued my weekly Alanon meetings and support group activities where I met Martha. I was impressed with her during the meetings and loved chatting with her during the social period after the meetings. But I never really got to know her very well. It was just that out of a crowded room full of people she was the one that I was drawn to. That is how the energy works as it chooses whose energy is compatible with yours…

This was somewhat of a repeat of my cycle with Gail except that there was not as much power and the visions were not as graphic but more symbolic. For example, I never again had the vision of the baby being born with the umbilical cord still attached. But I had a vision of a baby. The vision of the created timeline or world was very symbolic as to include as much as possible but almost like an animated cartoon version of the circle of life. This cycle also went extremely fast and lasted only three weeks before it was done.

Again the vivid dreams of initial contact, astral sex, a new astral body and a created world or timeline. Again the sense of blended souls with the sense of her awareness poking around inside of me and me inside of her. Again the vision of the pretty colored stones that represented drugs…of energy surging through my body and blasting out engrams to clear energy channels. Again the sense of healing of old wounds and the illuminations as missing parts of the puzzle were added to my growing collection.

This new astral body had definite human features although it lacked color and the eyes were very dark. Of interest is that all of these bodies were visible to my “Watcher Self”. Also of interest is that this astral body was essentially genderless. While the form was in general male there were no sexual parts that I was aware of. My core self was able to observe these new astral bodies and at times animate them if it wanted to although I normally had a dual awareness of being in both at the same time.

In ascension terms this was the 6th density body created out of abstract mental energies or the noble gas body created out of Neon with eight sensory points of awareness. It was associated with the third eye chakra which had just been forcefully opened. The development of this astral body was the development of the third eye chakra after its initial opening.

I felt that my normal point of awareness was slipping down from the other side of the Great Abyss and moving into the mental levels. I felt despair that I was being pushed out of the Spiritual Light and that Source was pushing me away. In reality nothing could be further from the truth because my connection with Source was permanent and I was simply bringing the energy of Source back down to earth to assist in Gaia’s ascension. My task was to bring down the light and anchor it in the physical. I had become a light worker.

But my soul had changed polarity and an entire lifetime of striving upward toward Source had now changed to a striving back down to earth again…My focus changed from an interest in mystical and spiritual experiences to magical and occult experiences. I wanted to know more about my crossing of the Great Abyss and the only literature I could find on this subject was the Golden Dawn material and the writings of Aleister Crowley so I began reading that material. Remember this was back in 1991.

I also tried contacting the OTO to find out more about it but I ended up getting in touch with a group called SOTO instead which I will share more about in the next cycle. The point is that I was beginning to reach out to magickal groups.

I wrote to a local Gardnerian Wicca group hoping to find some contacts. That led to an unwelcome visitation that I will share. A few days after I sent out the letter I awoke in the middle of the night with the heavy weight of a shadowy figure kneeling upon my chest…In fright I did what just about anyone would do if they  could. I thought, “What the hell!” and used all the energy of my newly created astral bodies to push/blast it away. My astral self followed this visitor back to its home and I had a satisfied vision of someone kneeling on their bed puking from the returned threefold blast.

As I moved down into working with the philosophical energies I need to add that I was also studying Neo-Tech which was the direct opposite of what I had learned in my mystical approach to life through the Rosicrucian teachings. This branch of philosophy was a derivative of Ayn Rand’s Objectivism Philosophy and took it to new levels. It represented an entirely new type of thought that came directly from my blind spot…I soaked it up…

 

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Woman, Naked, Act, Skin, Art, Body, Female, Erotic

As I continue with my soulmate cycle experiences I will be not using actual names. I hope everyone will understand this…

These soulmate cycles have all seemed to have some things in common which I will try to identify. First, they were all propelled by my working twice daily with sexual orgasm energy as mentioned before.

The second requirement seems to have been my sharing of my emotional truth or story in a public setting. After enough people had taken in that energy and fed on it because it “spoke to them” I would then establish some form of contact with my soulmate for that chakra. In essence I would give of myself until the energy came back to me in the form of one person- my soulmate…

To be more specific, I received enough energy back from these people to activate a temporary astral body of collective energy. When this collective astral body became stable enough to become permanent I was led to contact with my chakra soulmate.

Typically this would be a dream in which I entered the home of my soulmate and the feeling would be of entering into another world or person’s world. Later there would be dreams of physical or sexual encounters, a touch, a kiss, actual astral sex. I might add that this is entirely natural and everyone experiences this within love relationships. In fact, I believe these cycles are totally natural and occur all the time. The difference is that for me they happened much faster and more forcefully because of the extreme energies which I was generating that drove the entire cycle.

At some point following astral sex an astral child would be born that would become my own permanently activated astral body of those particular chakra energies. The only way my soulmate could give birth to an astral child was if her own astral body was complete. So my energy always went to her until she was complete, then she would give birth to my new permanently activated astral body.

The final stage was the spontaneous creation of an entire new astral world or timeline in which she created this world from the essence of what I had given. So my soulmate not only gave birth to an astral body for me, but also created the new world in which we were both to live. The astral world or timeline that Gail created was beautiful beyond belief in which all things that existed were supportive aspects of all other things. We were all connected to all other living things. Where I was placed in this world and where she was placed within this world depended upon our individual karma. By this I mean that I wanted a physical relationship but she was already in a physical relationship that she was not willing to let go of. There was a sharp distinction between astral reality and physical reality.

This brings up a final point about the exclusiveness of these energies. Each of these soulmates were already in physical relationships that were missing something that was spiritual. That’s why they were attracted to me in the first place. For the duration of these cycles there was an intense magical duel as my own energy battled with and forcefully expelled this other male and his energies from the relationship until all that was left was my energy and hers. I will also add that each felt the physical relationship they were in was a soulmate relationship in the beginning but had become discontent and dissatisfied.

I mention this because it is important to understand the concept of magical celibacy. You don’t mix partners during these cycles. You don’t have physical sex but have astral sex. You don’t choose your soulmate, the energy itself brings you both together in it’s own way and creates bonds between the two of you that can’t be broken. It brings you both permanently activated astral bodies. You must let the energy find its own way and allow the natural conclusion of the cycle as well.

This is the true meaning behind the Holy Grail and witches magic cauldron and other mysteries of the divine feminine and the magical power of her womb.

I met Gail at a weekly Alanon support group in Phoenix as I was struggling with the things that were going on in my life. That first time I told my own story to the group it was extremely emotional and powerful and I was brought to tears as I shared my pain and suffering. I was also telling the story of many of the others as well and the entire group resonated powerfully to it. After the meeting they came up to shake my hand and give me a hug saying how moved they had been by what I had shared.

When Gail came up she offered her hand and before our fingers touched an electrical spark jumped about two inches between us and we both felt it. I chatted briefly with her during the social period after the meeting and hoped to see her at the next meeting. She had really made an impression on me and I wondered about the spark…

Gail was extremely intelligent, but also extremely flighty. She barely lived upon the earth plane and her conversation floated without focus from one topic to the next. It was pretty obvious that she had difficulty functioning in normal life and I was living in my own head as well. That was the real connection…She was only in Phoenix for a few days and taking part in some type of therapy for mental health. I never really got the details.

I dreamed about her that night and there were several dreams. The first was a sexual dream and the second was an extremely vivid dream of a baby being born which was still attached to her by an umbilical cord. I knew that I was that baby! I also knew that this was the second birth talked about in the Bible. I had been reborn! This was a sacred mystery…

From that point on I had a new astral body that was created out of pure energy or light. It was human shaped like a balloon without any features except two glowing eyes. This was my first permanently activated astral body. The ancient Egyptians called this body the BA…

I had been writing down all my insights in the development of the soul and the crossing of the Great Abyss as I’ve mentioned in other posts. The most sacred thing I had to share was the stages of soul development in the male and the opposite stages of soul development in the female which I had just discovered. I had used the degree format of the Golden Dawn to break each stage down into ten specific stages. I knew that if Gail would read this material it would help her to bring some structure to her own confused thoughts. So I brought my hand written copy to the next meeting for her to read.

I only met Gail three times and they were all at the weekly support group. She was fascinated with my outline of the stages of soul development and affirmed that what I had written about the female stages of soul development had resounded deeply for her, but that she felt some of the stages of male soul development seemed familiar to her as well. She felt that this material did help her place some structure to her mental environment and that it was very helpful. I never met her again.

I continued to have dream encounters in which her soul and my soul were merged in some fashion. In particular I remember a pile of beautiful colored pills which I understood to be medications that she was taking. I also re-experienced in dreams every time in my life that I had ever been beaten or high from drug use. These experiences had created engrams within my body and the energies were blowing through each and every one of these blockages at the soul level of my new astral body.

My Golden Dawn studies had also led me to the works of Aleister Crowley. He was the last Master of the Holy Kabbalah. I had a vivid dream of him leading me to a large book that was sitting closed on a pedestal. He motioned me to read it, so I grasped it firmly with both hands and opened it. He began to cackle and said that if I ever let go of the book I would die. I shouted “No!” and slammed the book closed. Immediately I felt my recently awakened connection to earth being destroyed by fire and this fire was consuming my astral cord. I felt that I would die if I couldn’t get away from the fire so I crossed the Great Abyss and hid in the embrace of Goddess as all that was left of me was destroyed…I was safe…That was my spiritual death and rebirth…

 

 

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Fantasy, Eyes, Forest, Aesthetic, Face, Portrait

There were several things that happened before the soul mate cycles started with the birth of my first permanently activated astral body. These things were very important and I don’t really remember in what order or relationship they stood to one another. But these things had an energy body of pure light that was shaped like a ball and not human shaped. My awareness was a point of light. Many mystics claim that after merging with Source they must plunge into hell…I feel this stage has been achieved by many in the past.

Shortly after my permanent shift of awareness across the Great Abyss my awareness seemed to be pulled down into a black hole or worm hole that led to the lowest level of the astral planes and existence. I saw that a new egregore was being established at the highest level of the astral planes and at the lowest levels. I also saw the old Kabbalah egregore which was not as high as the new one and not as deep as the new one. The new egregore consisted of Dewey Larson’s Reciprocal Systems theory about how all that exists is created from vibratory motion. It was also associated with Jakob Boehme’s “Throne of God” vision.

An interesting part of this vision was that I realized that I had overshot the mark by pushing my awareness much higher than this egregore. I could go higher, but others couldn’t and the egregore was for all life and all people. It needed to be reachable as a collective goal. I needed to adapt to this lower space and settle there in my awareness. It was still much higher than the Holy Kabbalah egregore and much lower than it as well.

Next was a spontaneous kundalini awakening that has never stopped its energy flow to this day. This happened shortly after I had begun working with sexual orgasm energy and felt it pooling in my pelvis area. I had been doing some yoga exercises to help circulate the energy and bent my body sideways to the left when an explosive force went up my spine and blew through the top of my head with such violence that I momentarily blacked out and my knees buckled, but I regained consciousness immediately and caught myself. This happened after I had successfully completed the energy ball meditation and had moved on to working with sexual orgasm energy as instructed by Mantak Chia in his book “Cultivating Male Sexual Energy”. These lower energies were intensely attracted to the higher energies and vice versa.

One day at work things went very badly and I was quite stressed when I went home at the end of the day. I felt a tight pressure around my forehead like an iron band. I felt a surge of anger and something “popped” in the middle of my forehead where my third eye was located. I sincerely thought I had burst a blood vessel and was frightened. But I could follow my own awareness as a point of energy and it shot outward to the far ends of the universe. I lay down on the sofa and continued “watching” this point of awareness as it circled back, entered into one testicle, moved up the entire right side of my body, exited the crown chakra and continued outward to the other side of the galaxy until it then came back, entered the left side of my body at the top of my head, spiraled through it completely and then exited through the left testicle where lost awareness of it. Energy flowing through one half of the body is common in stroke victims. I thought I might be having a stroke, but I wasn’t.

Later I was given a series of seven visions of the seven ages as my soul traveled back in time. These visions were of the evolution of life upon earth. One was a vision of the age of the dinosaurs and the violence that was life during those times. “The Way Of The Shaman” by Michael Harner mentions these series of visions as an important stage in the magical development of the Shaman. I was following the trail of my past lives through all the stages of life back to it’s original photon state as a divine spark.

For those paying attention to these posts my crown chakra and third eye chakra had both been forcefully opened…I had reclaimed my ancient past in the Shaman’s vision and had fully activated the Kundalini energy within my body…

 

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Book, Manipulation, Nature, Fantasy, Old, Clouds

There are at least three known stations or Sephiroth above the Great Abyss and even though I hesitate to use the terminology of the Holy Kabbalah it is perhaps the most useful to get my point across. When my awareness first permanently crossed the Great Abyss it settled into a very stable state known as the archetypal planes or realities. It is well known that logic and reason can’t cross this Great Abyss and they don’t function there. The best way to describe this space is self-evident truth or direct perception of reality. You don’t figure things out. You simply become aware of them as they really exist. I call this the plane of the Concrete Spiritual after the famed occultist Dion Fortune.

Beyond this station is one that is known as Unity or Spiritual Light and it is the place where energy and matter become interchangeable. This is the ultimate place of tearing down and building up of all things. It was to this area that I kept pushing my awareness because I wanted to dissolve myself into the Light in an act of Spiritual suicide because I hurt so bad that I was done and wanted OUT! This is where awareness becomes one with all that exists and knows itself as such. This is termed the plane of the Abstract Spiritual.

The third known station is more like a worm hole through space and time than anything else. Awareness can’t remain there but simply passes through it from one destination to the next. One might call this the realm of rotating magnetic spirals or where the magical cone of power exists in both its fundamental aspects of attraction and repulsion. So this is a transitional place where awareness is in motion as it traverses the universe.

I wanted to go beyond all of these and even though I was able to pierce much more deeply into the Golden Sea of Bliss and Light, I would find myself pushed back out again as soon as I let up my effort. I was able to establish a fourth station however and it was significantly above the other three. This was the photon/electron state described in Dewey Larson’s Reciprocal Systems theory. It represented the building block of all that existed in the universe.

Once more I will use the terminology of the Kabbalah because others have also mapped out this path.

The Great Abyss- the death of logic and reason

Chesed= helium-archetypal worlds- concrete spiritual energies

Binah=hydrogen-abstract spiritual energies

Chokmah=rotating magnetic forces- worm holes through time and space-timelines

Kether=alchemical unity

Ain=bliss & love – the station of the photon/electron and Dewey Larson’s Reciprocal Systems Theory or Jakob Boehme’s Throne of God  Ultimate Source of all things…the center of each atom…each cell…zero point energy

Ain Soph=where I tried to go in awareness but couldn’t

Ain Soph Aur=that unknowable Source beyond our universe that created and still creates our universe by continuously inserting more light into it.

As my awareness settled into this new reality I received almost constant ah ha moments or illuminations that filled in the missing pieces of my own philosophical paradigm or reality matrix. I began writing these down so that they wouldn’t be lost or forgotten and they became the core of my book Magister Templi. Most important was an essay on the stages of soul development that followed the spiritual path of the mystery schools as I understood it. But then in a flash of insight I inverted that path to discover the true secret of Sexual Alchemy and the twin paths of the male and female through each stage of soul development. This was the true beginning of my experience with soulmate and divine counterpart cycles.

With the collapse of my marriage the dam broke inside of me and suddenly after many years I was feeling emotions once more and it hurt! I had brought the lion back to life! I was getting so many illuminations and experiencing so much healing that I feared for my own sanity and began to see a psychologist twice a week. I also completed the Viscott Method in which I did a thorough self discovery process which I can recommend to anyone.

In addition to those things I also went to support groups twice a week, began my energy ball meditation for the first time and spent my tax return on Dianetics processing and other Scientology classes which I will talk about in my next post.

My psychologist said that my personality was stable but fluid and she was amazed at how fast things were happening for me. I kept going to her so that she could keep an eye on me so that I didn’t go off the deep end. She said that she had never known anyone who struggled against so much repression and opposition, but also said that she never knew anyone with such a strong will. I had turned that will upon myself in an effort to heal and find peace and nothing could stop me.

I was experiencing a form of psychotic break, but a positive one, in which I was reuniting with my original self or ego. I was feeling emotions for the first time since I was a teenager, but the emotions I was feeling were those of a teenager. I had to pick up where I had left off…I even went so far as to write a letter to my vampiric sweetheart proving that sexual link still existed. She never responded…

 

 

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Fantasy, Cave, Mystical, Rock, Stone, Caves Portal

As I continue with my personal story about soulmate cycles and divine counterparts there will be a few detours to make some things more clear. Please bear with me as all of this is important and you will understand more completely later as we deal with higher things.

I mentioned that my Rosicrucian studies were one of the factors leading to my early nervous breakdown in my early twenties. Since I didn’t know what to believe any more I decided to believe everything to the best of my ability if at all possible! I would let the still small voice of my conscience and my heart give the final verdict. Unknown to me at the time this was a major component of chaos theory: All inputs are valid!

But studying one monograph a week was way too slow for me and I devoured as many books on spirituality and the spiritual path as I could find. For many years I spent well over $500/year on books and resources in the area of new age metaphysics and cutting edge self empowerment.

I began with alternative Rosicrucian material by Manly Hall and Max Heindel not knowing what made them different from the Rosicrucian Order AMORC. From there I went on to study astrology and the works of the Theosophical Society with authors such as C.W. Leadbeater, Alice Bailey and H.P. Blavatsky. From there I moved on to Edgar Caycee, Ruth Montgomery and Jane Roberts and the Seth Material. Jane Roberts and the Seth Material was one of my greatest early influences and I still have Vols I&II of The Unknown Reality.

Soon I had graduated to the self hypnosis work of Dick Sutphen and was listening to self hypnosis tapes on past life regressions and positive programing techniques. I purchased the Hypnosis Training Seminar, a collection of twelve cassettes that were recorded during a three day Hypnosis Training Seminar and many other individual cassettes. I did attend a Dick Sutphen human potentials seminar later in Phoenix Arizona. Dick Sutphen was also an early major influence. From there I was led to NLP or Neuro Linguistic Programing which is a powerful derivation of hypnosis and altered state technology. I have six highly valued books on NLP on my library shelf. The problem I had with NLP and hypnosis is that if reprogramming can be so simple, it can also be undone just as simply! I was looking for something more permanent and stable…

A person shared his story of the graduation ceremony of becoming a NLP trainer. The entire group walked barefoot twenty feet through a glowing bed of hot coals without getting burned. When I asked if he thought he could repeat it, or if it was the belief of the entire group that made it possible, he thought that it had been the belief of the entire group that made it possible.

I mention hypnosis because I’ve discovered that much of what passed for magic was actually some form of hypnotic suggestion. But things get a little weird here and it is also obvious that we can do much more in altered states than we are led to believe. Consider that the stage hypnotist can create blisters on the skin of a subject by suggesting that it is a cigarette burn. The blister will actually appear and then later disappear when you tell the subject that it will go away. Walking through a bed of hot coals is obviously not simple suggestion, but something else entirely. We also have reports of medical miracles that can’t be explained such as sudden remission of cancer in certain people after a sudden healing. Dion Fortune talked about magical societies using hypnotic trance states and mediums to communicate over great distances with other lodges…

Remember that I was a head tripper after my nervous breakdown and no longer accessed my emotions for much of anything. I was obsessed with the spiritual and mystical path and wanted to commit spiritual suicide by merging with Source and disappearing forever…

Back tracking a bit…Everyone thought that I would go to college after I graduated from High School but my father told me in no uncertain terms that I would not go to college, but would go to some vocational school and learn a trade so that I could earn my living by the sweat of my brow like it said in the Bible. My self esteem and ego was not strong enough to stand up for myself and I went to vocational school to become an electrician. I went to vocational school for two years and worked as an electrician for five years. It was the hardest work I had ever done and I was treated as if I was an idiot because working with my hands didn’t come easily to me. I was treated so badly that I finally quit and resolved to go to college no matter what my father thought…

After getting an associate degree at the local community college I went to St. Cloud State University and enrolled in their Germany exchange program where I spent the best six months of my life in West Germany. More on that in my next post…

As my spiritual journey progressed I found myself isolating more and more from others and focusing almost entirely on Source.

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Portrait, Wedding, Kiss, Photoshoot, Just Married

I think everyone will understand why I’ve chosen to share my personal story in this post. I will be bringing many things up that require a certain perspective and context that would be difficult to present in any other way.

Now soulmates share the same soul frequency and because of that there is a very intense attraction and spark between the two people. However, you can have several soulmates and that spark or attraction doesn’t guarantee that you can have a happy relationship with that person. What it does indicate is that you can possibly complete a soulmate cycle together and permanently activate astral bodies for each other. After that much depends upon the karma that each person has with other people in their lives. The soulmate cycle aside, karma with other people often prevents soulmates from having lasting relationships with each other. But there are lots of factors that can go into this.

In my last post I talked about my first love relationship that I felt was with my true soulmate, but instead it turned into a vampiric connection that drained my sexual energies for over thirty years…Let me share a bit more to make this clear…

When this girl broke up with me I was so devastated that I lost twenty pounds in two weeks and was not able to ask another girl out on a date for seven years! I felt that no one could be to me what she was to me. I was fixated on that soulmate or supposed soulmate connection. Or perhaps it was the vampiric connection that held me so tightly bound? To this day I don’t really know. I only know that later in life I’ve encountered other soulmates that shared the same soul frequency as I and actually completed soulmate cycles with them and mutually activating permanent astral bodies. I have called these chakra soulmates because the individual soulmate cycles permanently activated a particular astral body or noble gas body as I will share in future posts.

Now getting back to my story:

Three critical factors hit me at the same time in my early twenties and caused me to have a nervous breakdown in which I ended up creating and living inside a secondary personality for the next twenty-five or so years. But this was a good thing and I need to explain why and what was really happening because this is an important part of the occult/mystic path that  people don’t understand.

The first factor was the ending of this love relationship with this person I believed was my one and only soulmate.

The second factor was my mother getting into a car accident with a man that she was having an affair with and everything coming out into the open including her drug abuse. This was devastating to me and caused me to lose faith in the spiritual and religious principles that I was raised in and which I had accepted after my earlier spiritual crisis of conscience. I felt that it was all a lie and not true because it certainly was not true for my own parents!

The third factor was perhaps the greatest and the one that really caused my nervous breakdown. Shortly after highschool I joined the Rosicrucian Order AMORC and began to receive weekly monographs in the mail to study. These monographs introduced concepts that were very challenging to the religious beliefs that I had been taught. I will give a few examples:

The Rosicrucians taught the importance of an inner authority called the Master Within which was the Christ spirit within each human heart that spoke through the voice of conscience. It was the one and only true spiritual authority and individual to each person. The Bible was symbolic and not to be taken literally. God was in our hearts, in all things, and that’s where we needed to contact Him, not out there in heaven somewhere.

I was also taught the concept of reincarnation and karma for the first time. These were some of the early concepts that actively destroyed my faith in ordinary Christianity. But I was conflicted… I was so conflicted that one night I lay on the living room floor unmoving, locked in indecision, knowing that I needed to decide and knowing that my eternal life and soul was at risk depending on which path I chose. I finally chose to follow the path of conscience and my heart and if I was wrong I would accept the consequences.

That was when I had my nervous breakdown. That was when something split inside of me and I lost my connection to mother earth. I set my sights on a spiritual path and my emotions died. My emotions died because of the pain I felt from the things I’d experienced in my failed love relationship and what was going on with my mother. There was too much emotional pain…so I abandoned the emotions and set upon the spiritual path with an intensity that took over my entire being.

Luckily my weekly monograph studies were very powerful and actually helped me keep it together in a somewhat healthy way. They brought order, structure and something to believe in when I was my most vulnerable. I only realized much later in life that I had created a secondary personality and it was a positive thing. It helped me to develop and grow my sense of self and ego and this was vital to my emotional and mental health.

The reason that I bring this up is because it or something like it has always been an important part of the mystery school teachings in one way or another. You see, we are all broken in some way and the true path of a mystery school is to heal the soul, the emotions and the mind.

Magic work talks about assuming God forms and becoming the deity for brief moments while doing spells. The assumption of a God form is to temporarily place your awareness into a secondary personality that you have created. To assume a God form is much like deliberately creating a secondary personality…This is seen as a positive thing because it is more healthy than many of the ordinary personalities.

In alchemy one of the most important steps is to kill the lion, which means to kill the emotions just like I did…One of the later steps is to bring the lion back to life again…which is to reintegrate the emotions which I have done as well in these later years. I have reawakened my original self as I will share in later posts. The main point is that these phases of healing and mental and emotional health through the deliberate use of secondary personalities were known and used frequently in the development and growth of the soul.

My little talk about secondary personalities would not be complete without mentioning that both the Shadow and the Higher Self or Holy Guardian Angel are also secondary personalities and need to be integrated into the Self or Ego before true healing can take place.

The Shadow acts independent of the Self and consists of those things we feel are within us, but we deny them and don’t accept them. We need to find a way to accept them and love them for what they really are. They are those instincts that try to keep our physical body alive and healthy.

The Higher Self or Holy Guardian Angel also acts independent of the Self and consists of those things we admire and respect in others, but feel are missing within ourselves. We need to realize that those things we admire in others do exist inside us as well and do belong to us. They are not out of reach…

 

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Shamanic, Drum, Magic

I participated in a full moon drumming circle last night that was very nice. One of the things we did was something called a drum shower which I had never done before. We would take turns and one person would stand in the center of the circle and the others would then hold their drums close to the person and begin drumming as they moved the drums from the top of the head down to the ground and back up again. This was repeated three times. It was very powerful and stimulating to the chakra centers. It was also very cleansing and energizing. It almost felt like going to a chiropractor and getting an adjustment. Coming on or near the full moon was an added treat as it allowed for making room for more of the incoming energy.

Continuing my personal story: A person’s conscience usually kicks in around the age of twelve but mine was a bit late and didn’t show up until I was fourteen. When it did show up it was with a vengeance! As time went on I found myself increasingly at odds with the religious expectations of how I was raised. While I was not a mean person my shoplifting continued and I began to swear and hang out with some questionable people. The end result was that when I was around my parents or other authority figures I was a totally different person than when I was around my friends. I was not able to be who I really was! I did things that I knew were wrong and didn’t feel good about myself. I was lying to others and to myself and it became increasingly harder. My conscience was beginning to bother me in a big way and I couldn’t ignore it…

This confrontation with my conscience led to a spiritual crisis at the age of fourteen. It didn’t matter if God forgave me because I couldn’t forgive myself! I finally realized that I needed to live in such a way that I could live with myself and that meant that I needed to follow the still small voice of my conscience. I vowed to myself and to God that I would try to follow my conscience in all things for the rest of my life and I have tried to do that. It was a profound realization and led to my embracing the religious values and teaching that I had been brought up with. I had been saved; or so I thought…

I was extremely shy and nervous around girls and very sensitive; too sensitive. My parents and family had not prepared me in any way for healthy romantic relationships and I soon fell into that dreaded category of the boy that girls liked to be friends with and talk to, but not to be romantically involved with. I was always the friend and not the boy friend. I had no idea how to break out of that cycle.

There was a girl that I really liked and I finally asked her out for a date. We went on three or four dates and then she dropped me because I was boring…I was devastated but couldn’t really blame her…I was boring and I didn’t have a very high opinion of myself. She was much higher than I was and I placed her upon that pedestal. But I couldn’t get her out of my mind and three years later, some two years after graduation I asked her out again. This time I was determined not to be boring…

Sparks flew! The sexual tension was so great between us that it was almost unbearable. Yet I always backed off at the last minute because I was afraid of that intensity and ultimately she was too. We could read each other’s minds and feel each other’s emotions and our body language didn’t lie…but it was too much…she didn’t want a relationship of that kind of intensity. She just wanted to have some fun and I didn’t understand. I wanted that relationship. I often dreamed of her and in one dream she walked past me and touched me on the tailbone at the root chakra. I felt a powerful electrical shock and didn’t know what it meant.

It was only some thirty years later that I understood what it meant and I will share it here. This girl was a flirt and radiated sexuality. She was fun and popular and she knew it. So was her mother. In ancient days they would have been considered witches even though they didn’t really know what they were doing on a conscious level. She was a sexual predator, an energy vampire. The connection made in that dream encounter lasted over thirty years, thirty years in which she drained my own sexual energy from me and from others as well. It is how she kept her etheric double alive and radiant.

I was unaware of that remaining connection until much later in life when I once more activated that lower chakra center and began working with it. I discovered that connection as an energy leak and severed it to permanently close it. The next day I found out that she had wrecked her car in an accident…

There is no doubt that she was a soulmate, and shared the same frequency as my own soul. I’ve known three other women that shared that same frequency and will speak of them later. Being the same frequency makes one a soulmate, not anything else. It doesn’t mean that you can get along or live together either. It just means there is a very powerful spark that exists between you which can be used in the process of soul development.

 

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