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Archive for the ‘shamanism’ Category

Celestial Body, Star, Starry Sky, Space, Galaxy, Sky

When I left the Air Force I intended to get some type of job in the computer industry and used my VA benefits for a one year correspondence course in computers and microprocessors. One of the enticements of this course was that I was able to build my own computer from a kit! I learned a lot about computers and programming, but what I really wanted was that computer! Of course there was no internet yet out in the country where I lived.

After about two years internet did become available through dial-up on the phone lines. Although in 1994 there was not a lot that you could do on the internet! I was able to join a Rosicrucian Forum where I could share with other Rosicrucians even though it was all through email…daily digests of the current posts. This was nothing like what is available today and taken for granted…

So I met other Rosicrucians online and Helen was one of them…yes, these cycles worked through the internet lines at extreme distances…Helen lived in New Zealand. In my twenty odd years of membership I had completed all of the degree studies and was an elder so to speak. When people wanted to discuss the Rosicrucian teachings I had pretty solid knowledge of them…but what I really wanted to talk about was the importance of healing the soul and the emotions. Remember that the Rosicrucian teachings were aimed directly toward achieving union with Source…they were mystical and led from out of the emotions into the higher realms. I was heading in the opposite direction!

Needless to say the internet forum was cutting edge and very exciting for all who participated in it. There were traditionalists and radicals such as myself that wanted to go beyond the teachings into other areas. The forum community became deeply divided between progressives and traditionalists and I was the voice of the progressives. Helen was another of the progressives that really supported me and my message.

Soon she entered into my dreams as another soulmate cycle began and we began emailing each other about our strange experiences. Helen was the first soulmate cycle in which I could really talk to her about how she was experiencing things in the cycle and it was quite interesting. I was having dreams about her and she was having dreams about me, but we didn’t share the same dreams. It seemed that I was in contact with her shadow self or higher self and not her ordinary dream self. The same was true for her. She would share a dream in which I was there and I didn’t have any memory of it.

It was only toward the end of the cycle that we began to meet each other in dreams in which we could both remember the experience. It was from Helen that I learned the cycle was healing for her as well as it was for me and that she was developing and integrating her permanent astral body as well as I was. This cycle dealt with the heart chakra and quite suitable for a Rosicrucian connection because the Rosy Cross is about the heart as the meeting place where male and female souls meet in harmony. It is the meeting place of horizontal soul development and vertical soul development.

I got in magical disputes with others on the forum that reached the intensity that I would quickly post something I knew would set off a flame war and then turn my computer off so that I was protected from the repercussions. I can definitely affirm that magic does flow through the internet as do soul connections. The internet is a magical place.

All out magical warfare erupted on the forum as things became more and more polarized between the traditionalists and the progressives. There were calls to censor and moderate all posts to limit them only to material dealing with the monograph studies, even though we were forbidden to discuss the monographs themselves…

AMORC eventually created a second moderated forum and on an Easter Sunday without warning they killed the original forum in what can only be considered a form of black magick in which the vital life force of the original forum was sacrificed and supposed to enter into the moderated forum to empower it. We were traumatized, yet somehow we all managed to connect on our own to say our good byes to each other…That was when I dropped my active membership in AMORC and considered it a black lodge.

I find it interesting that this was around the same time period that the Rosicrucian Order AMORC was having it’s own inner troubles. It had kicked out former Imperator Gary Stewart and installed new Imperator Christian Bernard. I also find it interesting that many others left the order at the same time. There was a definite crisis in AMORC … I also find it interesting that now over thirty years later I have once more become an active member of AMORC three months after Christian Bernard was replaced with the new Imperator Claudio Mazzucco whom I resonate with…

I also made contact with the real OTO and shared a few letters with Bill Heidrick describing some of my experiences in crossing the Great Abyss and in what now was my fourth soulmate cycle. He essentially confirmed that I had indeed crossed the Great Abyss and extended his deepest sympathy…(Magister Templi=master of all sorrows). Even more importantly he told me what was needed next. I needed to build a bridge between my construct or paradigm and that of the OTO which was the Holy Kabbalah. To do this I needed to destroy all antimonies or disharmony between the two systems. I needed to integrate both systems into one. So I began to study the Holy Kabbalah and other magickal systems.

There is a curious convergence between my own Rosicrucian AMORC and the OTO of Aleister Crowley in that both H. Spencer Lewis and Aleister Crowley shared the high grades of the Freemasonry Rites of Memphis and Mizraim which were connected through John Yarker. They were also connected through the legendary occultist Papus. The OTO through the Gnostic Catholic Church and AMORC through the Traditional Martinist Order. These links prompted me to begin study of Freemasonry as well.

Eventually I was initiated into the Blue Lodge of Craft Masonry and also initiated as Minerval into the OTO. I began taking all this material and creating a chart of correspondences with it. I took a map of all 120 levels of the astral planes (118 elements plus the photon/electron and rotating north/south magnetic fields) and placed all other magickal systems over it. Amazingly they all fit perfectly! I had built my bridge between the OAK system (my system created partially of Dewey Larson’s Reciprocal Systems Theory) and that of the Holy Kabbalah. But it was only one way!

My system was compatible with that system and others, but they were not compatible with mine! This is partly because the Holy Kabbalah is only an associative system which creates magickal associations or links between one thing and another. I was able to create associative links with this system thus proving the validity of my own system…But my system was progressive and based upon the scientific periodic table of elements where each element progressed in a natural manner through the addition of one electron and one proton. There was nothing associative about it at all!

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Design, Night, Beauty Salon, Sky, Stars, Women, Girl

I have not done a Gaia Ascension Update in quite a while so I thought I had better considering that things have really taken off!

My message is really very simple and I will try to consolidate it within this one post so bear with me…We are now living within a new reality with new rules and new energies. Yet we remain trapped within the present moment of our own creation. This post will simply tell you how to destroy and create…according to your own will and direction with the support of others. I wish each and every one of you the best…

What you do with this information is up to you and that is why I call this the final instruction. From this moment forward you have the ability to create your own reality and if you choose not to act, that is in itself an action…But know this…those that use these tools will ascend and quickly leave behind all who choose to not use these tools…this is what our world now comes down to…those who use these tools and those who do not. We are all free and we all create our own personal realities!

The Healing and Prosperity Circle meditation that I have given or a version of it should be done once a day to maximize personal empowerment in our daily lives. We need to ask for those things that we desire in life…most of us don’t even ask…and we need to support each other…we share the same collective soul of humanity and are all a part of each other. We also need to tap into the new energies of the universe and Gaia’s ascension.

If you are really sincere about creating a new reality for yourself you need to enjoy two prolonged orgasms at the end of each day that are within two hours of each other if possible. This may be with a partner or without a partner. If it is without a  partner you should visualize your divine counterpart and make astral love to him or her.

The energy needs to radiate throughout the entire body and move upwards toward Source and completely fill both of you. The orgasm should be prolonged to twenty minutes if possible so that the energy will penetrate as deeply into the astral as possible…everything else will happen automatically…there is nothing more…you will be guided…

Know this…when you feel drained you need to learn how to use your body to create more energy so that you are not drained. Use it or lose it! As the energy channels open up more energy becomes available. Everything else is BS!

 

 

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Man, Act, Skin, Muscles, Muscular, Male, Body, Erotic

Three days before I left Phoenix Donna came into my dreams. It was like she poked her head up through the floor from down below and looked around in confusion. I had never seen her before and wondered how a new cycle could be starting when I was leaving Phoenix in a couple of days. This cycle was not like the others and lasted well over a year before its final conclusion. It just goes to show that these cycles had a mind of their own and I needed to trust in them.

So I headed back to Minnesota with my tail between my legs like a whipped puppy. I didn’t have a job, had been court ordered to pay $600/mo in child support and was struggling with a type of nervous breakdown. Actually it was the opposite of a nervous breakdown, but I was still far from being healthy enough to lead a normal life. My folks were kind enough to allow me to live back on the farm and said that I would always have a place to sleep and food to eat even though they would not help me in any other way. I was grateful because it was what I needed. I was a walking wound and hoped that if I worked hard enough on the healing process I would soon get  my act together.

I was literally having explosive dreams each and every night and I thought I would run out of engrams to burst through. I didn’t realize just how difficult this process really was. I chose to work on making myself healthy rather than finding a job and poured myself into the process. I shut myself up in my room and no one hardly ever saw me. I knew that my ex-wife was getting assistance from Social Services. I was just expected to pay it back. So my kids were all right for the moment…

This cycle with Donna was quite strange in many ways. She lived about two hundred miles away and came to visit my family with my cousin once every other month or so. I think she was really interested in my younger brother…and neither my cousin nor Donna ever showed any real interest in  me. So I never even got to have any real conversations with her. However the cycle continued on the astral like the others had, but became even more strange. There were times that I felt like I was inside of her and that she was inside of me. After one visit as she and my cousin were driving back home I was laying on my bed in an altered state and felt each chakra pop like a flash bulb going off and then I was pulled out of my body. There was a massive two inch diameter cord coming out the top of my head and it was connected to her in the car. The car pulled me along behind it like a balloon on a tether until I entered her, entered the ground and traveled back to the farm and my own body via the earth somehow.

I only share this to show just how unusual this all was. That an astral cord was coming out of my head indicated a crown chakra projection of some sort, but I had never heard of one that was not connected to me, but to someone else!

Now I had these strange soulmate cycles happening as well as the Great Abyss thing. Aleister Crowley was literally the only person that I knew of that had written of anything even close to what I was experiencing with his scarlet women cycles…I wondered if there was some type of connection. I studied the Golden Dawn material and read everything in print by Aleister Crowley. I even managed to get two copies of “The OTO Rituals and Sex Magick” a few years later. That book is extremely rare and worth several hundred dollars if you can find it. So I was interested in the OTO and in magick…

I got in contact with a group called SOTO which claimed to be an authentic Thelemic group that was a continuation of the Original OTO. Not surprisingly they wanted money. I was supposed to tithe 10% on my income to SOTO if I wanted to be a member. I told them I currently didn’t have any income. They said that was not a problem and I could pay later when I was working again. The first thing I needed to do was send them two passport type pictures, a front view of myself and a side view of myself. I went into one of those passport picture booths and got my pictures taken. There were actually three pictures, a front view, and two side views, one from each side. I sent all three on a whim.

A few nights later I woke up in the middle of the night with a horrible pain in my throat as if it had been slashed by a razor. In horror I could see that the left side of all three (I now had three astral bodies) astral bodies had been severed at my neck! Only my right side was intact! Obviously my pictures had been used in some type of initiation and obviously it had been botched…My astral head was supposed to have been severed from my astral body…but I still had my connection to Source! On the right side at least. It was several months before that wound healed on my left side.

I told them that I quit. They said that I couldn’t quit because I had already been initiated. I said I was quitting anyway. I experienced a massive magickal attack which I blocked with my connection to Source and returned it with a vengeance. I sensed a massive explosion on the other end and never heard from them again.

That year was a year of almost constant magickal attacks and I didn’t know why.  Now I know that my activity in the astral planes was messing with the magickal activity of others and they were trying to stop me so their own magick would go right. The entire question of magickal interference is dealt with quite simply. Don’t mess with those bigger than you! Because of my permanent connection with Source I was the biggest around, but no one knew that and needed to test me out. I’ve never lost an astral fight in all these years…

Now granted in the beginning I needed to rise up the planes often to stay safe, but I was unharmed…Later years I was able to go beneath others and ignore them. These days no one really bothers me any more…

One night I woke up to see tall Egyptian god images surrounding my bed…with the animal heads and all…don’t know what that was about.

I had several experiences of intense, almost unbearable pain in my throat…it was the forced awakening of the throat chakra of course…the development of the noble gas body of the element Argon and eight new points of awareness…the 5th density body that everyone talks about for Gaia’s ascension…

It was during these years that I experienced my most dangerous and difficult astral battle and someone died…actually it went like this…It was April 19, 1993 and I had a vision of police cars moving down a dusty road to some compound somewhere…The dream/vision shifted to my being suddenly attacked by this man. Neither one of us had any clothes…(lack of clothes indicates lack of power) but we both had knives and it turned into an ugly knife fight in which I was trying desperately to stay alive. We were very equal in strength and it was frightening to say the least. In the end I plunged my knife into his chest and felt the skin give way as it was punctured. He sagged against the wall, slid down and blood began pouring down out of the wound…end of fight…(usually in these type of battles the loser simply disappears)

The next morning I heard on the news that David Koresh had been killed/killed himself in the Waco Texas massacre at the Branch Davidian compound…I knew that was who I had been fighting but didn’t know why…

 

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Women, Light, Body, Young, Girl, Beautiful, Femininity

I was nearing my last three weeks in the Air Force and living in Phoenix. I continued my weekly Alanon meetings and support group activities where I met Martha. I was impressed with her during the meetings and loved chatting with her during the social period after the meetings. But I never really got to know her very well. It was just that out of a crowded room full of people she was the one that I was drawn to. That is how the energy works as it chooses whose energy is compatible with yours…

This was somewhat of a repeat of my cycle with Gail except that there was not as much power and the visions were not as graphic but more symbolic. For example, I never again had the vision of the baby being born with the umbilical cord still attached. But I had a vision of a baby. The vision of the created timeline or world was very symbolic as to include as much as possible but almost like an animated cartoon version of the circle of life. This cycle also went extremely fast and lasted only three weeks before it was done.

Again the vivid dreams of initial contact, astral sex, a new astral body and a created world or timeline. Again the sense of blended souls with the sense of her awareness poking around inside of me and me inside of her. Again the vision of the pretty colored stones that represented drugs…of energy surging through my body and blasting out engrams to clear energy channels. Again the sense of healing of old wounds and the illuminations as missing parts of the puzzle were added to my growing collection.

This new astral body had definite human features although it lacked color and the eyes were very dark. Of interest is that all of these bodies were visible to my “Watcher Self”. Also of interest is that this astral body was essentially genderless. While the form was in general male there were no sexual parts that I was aware of. My core self was able to observe these new astral bodies and at times animate them if it wanted to although I normally had a dual awareness of being in both at the same time.

In ascension terms this was the 6th density body created out of abstract mental energies or the noble gas body created out of Neon with eight sensory points of awareness. It was associated with the third eye chakra which had just been forcefully opened. The development of this astral body was the development of the third eye chakra after its initial opening.

I felt that my normal point of awareness was slipping down from the other side of the Great Abyss and moving into the mental levels. I felt despair that I was being pushed out of the Spiritual Light and that Source was pushing me away. In reality nothing could be further from the truth because my connection with Source was permanent and I was simply bringing the energy of Source back down to earth to assist in Gaia’s ascension. My task was to bring down the light and anchor it in the physical. I had become a light worker.

But my soul had changed polarity and an entire lifetime of striving upward toward Source had now changed to a striving back down to earth again…My focus changed from an interest in mystical and spiritual experiences to magical and occult experiences. I wanted to know more about my crossing of the Great Abyss and the only literature I could find on this subject was the Golden Dawn material and the writings of Aleister Crowley so I began reading that material. Remember this was back in 1991.

I also tried contacting the OTO to find out more about it but I ended up getting in touch with a group called SOTO instead which I will share more about in the next cycle. The point is that I was beginning to reach out to magickal groups.

I wrote to a local Gardnerian Wicca group hoping to find some contacts. That led to an unwelcome visitation that I will share. A few days after I sent out the letter I awoke in the middle of the night with the heavy weight of a shadowy figure kneeling upon my chest…In fright I did what just about anyone would do if they  could. I thought, “What the hell!” and used all the energy of my newly created astral bodies to push/blast it away. My astral self followed this visitor back to its home and I had a satisfied vision of someone kneeling on their bed puking from the returned threefold blast.

As I moved down into working with the philosophical energies I need to add that I was also studying Neo-Tech which was the direct opposite of what I had learned in my mystical approach to life through the Rosicrucian teachings. This branch of philosophy was a derivative of Ayn Rand’s Objectivism Philosophy and took it to new levels. It represented an entirely new type of thought that came directly from my blind spot…I soaked it up…

 

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Woman, Naked, Act, Skin, Art, Body, Female, Erotic

As I continue with my soulmate cycle experiences I will be not using actual names. I hope everyone will understand this…

These soulmate cycles have all seemed to have some things in common which I will try to identify. First, they were all propelled by my working twice daily with sexual orgasm energy as mentioned before.

The second requirement seems to have been my sharing of my emotional truth or story in a public setting. After enough people had taken in that energy and fed on it because it “spoke to them” I would then establish some form of contact with my soulmate for that chakra. In essence I would give of myself until the energy came back to me in the form of one person- my soulmate…

To be more specific, I received enough energy back from these people to activate a temporary astral body of collective energy. When this collective astral body became stable enough to become permanent I was led to contact with my chakra soulmate.

Typically this would be a dream in which I entered the home of my soulmate and the feeling would be of entering into another world or person’s world. Later there would be dreams of physical or sexual encounters, a touch, a kiss, actual astral sex. I might add that this is entirely natural and everyone experiences this within love relationships. In fact, I believe these cycles are totally natural and occur all the time. The difference is that for me they happened much faster and more forcefully because of the extreme energies which I was generating that drove the entire cycle.

At some point following astral sex an astral child would be born that would become my own permanently activated astral body of those particular chakra energies. The only way my soulmate could give birth to an astral child was if her own astral body was complete. So my energy always went to her until she was complete, then she would give birth to my new permanently activated astral body.

The final stage was the spontaneous creation of an entire new astral world or timeline in which she created this world from the essence of what I had given. So my soulmate not only gave birth to an astral body for me, but also created the new world in which we were both to live. The astral world or timeline that Gail created was beautiful beyond belief in which all things that existed were supportive aspects of all other things. We were all connected to all other living things. Where I was placed in this world and where she was placed within this world depended upon our individual karma. By this I mean that I wanted a physical relationship but she was already in a physical relationship that she was not willing to let go of. There was a sharp distinction between astral reality and physical reality.

This brings up a final point about the exclusiveness of these energies. Each of these soulmates were already in physical relationships that were missing something that was spiritual. That’s why they were attracted to me in the first place. For the duration of these cycles there was an intense magical duel as my own energy battled with and forcefully expelled this other male and his energies from the relationship until all that was left was my energy and hers. I will also add that each felt the physical relationship they were in was a soulmate relationship in the beginning but had become discontent and dissatisfied.

I mention this because it is important to understand the concept of magical celibacy. You don’t mix partners during these cycles. You don’t have physical sex but have astral sex. You don’t choose your soulmate, the energy itself brings you both together in it’s own way and creates bonds between the two of you that can’t be broken. It brings you both permanently activated astral bodies. You must let the energy find its own way and allow the natural conclusion of the cycle as well.

This is the true meaning behind the Holy Grail and witches magic cauldron and other mysteries of the divine feminine and the magical power of her womb.

I met Gail at a weekly Alanon support group in Phoenix as I was struggling with the things that were going on in my life. That first time I told my own story to the group it was extremely emotional and powerful and I was brought to tears as I shared my pain and suffering. I was also telling the story of many of the others as well and the entire group resonated powerfully to it. After the meeting they came up to shake my hand and give me a hug saying how moved they had been by what I had shared.

When Gail came up she offered her hand and before our fingers touched an electrical spark jumped about two inches between us and we both felt it. I chatted briefly with her during the social period after the meeting and hoped to see her at the next meeting. She had really made an impression on me and I wondered about the spark…

Gail was extremely intelligent, but also extremely flighty. She barely lived upon the earth plane and her conversation floated without focus from one topic to the next. It was pretty obvious that she had difficulty functioning in normal life and I was living in my own head as well. That was the real connection…She was only in Phoenix for a few days and taking part in some type of therapy for mental health. I never really got the details.

I dreamed about her that night and there were several dreams. The first was a sexual dream and the second was an extremely vivid dream of a baby being born which was still attached to her by an umbilical cord. I knew that I was that baby! I also knew that this was the second birth talked about in the Bible. I had been reborn! This was a sacred mystery…

From that point on I had a new astral body that was created out of pure energy or light. It was human shaped like a balloon without any features except two glowing eyes. This was my first permanently activated astral body. The ancient Egyptians called this body the BA…

I had been writing down all my insights in the development of the soul and the crossing of the Great Abyss as I’ve mentioned in other posts. The most sacred thing I had to share was the stages of soul development in the male and the opposite stages of soul development in the female which I had just discovered. I had used the degree format of the Golden Dawn to break each stage down into ten specific stages. I knew that if Gail would read this material it would help her to bring some structure to her own confused thoughts. So I brought my hand written copy to the next meeting for her to read.

I only met Gail three times and they were all at the weekly support group. She was fascinated with my outline of the stages of soul development and affirmed that what I had written about the female stages of soul development had resounded deeply for her, but that she felt some of the stages of male soul development seemed familiar to her as well. She felt that this material did help her place some structure to her mental environment and that it was very helpful. I never met her again.

I continued to have dream encounters in which her soul and my soul were merged in some fashion. In particular I remember a pile of beautiful colored pills which I understood to be medications that she was taking. I also re-experienced in dreams every time in my life that I had ever been beaten or high from drug use. These experiences had created engrams within my body and the energies were blowing through each and every one of these blockages at the soul level of my new astral body.

My Golden Dawn studies had also led me to the works of Aleister Crowley. He was the last Master of the Holy Kabbalah. I had a vivid dream of him leading me to a large book that was sitting closed on a pedestal. He motioned me to read it, so I grasped it firmly with both hands and opened it. He began to cackle and said that if I ever let go of the book I would die. I shouted “No!” and slammed the book closed. Immediately I felt my recently awakened connection to earth being destroyed by fire and this fire was consuming my astral cord. I felt that I would die if I couldn’t get away from the fire so I crossed the Great Abyss and hid in the embrace of Goddess as all that was left of me was destroyed…I was safe…That was my spiritual death and rebirth…

 

 

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Fantasy, Eyes, Forest, Aesthetic, Face, Portrait

There were several things that happened before the soul mate cycles started with the birth of my first permanently activated astral body. These things were very important and I don’t really remember in what order or relationship they stood to one another. But these things had an energy body of pure light that was shaped like a ball and not human shaped. My awareness was a point of light. Many mystics claim that after merging with Source they must plunge into hell…I feel this stage has been achieved by many in the past.

Shortly after my permanent shift of awareness across the Great Abyss my awareness seemed to be pulled down into a black hole or worm hole that led to the lowest level of the astral planes and existence. I saw that a new egregore was being established at the highest level of the astral planes and at the lowest levels. I also saw the old Kabbalah egregore which was not as high as the new one and not as deep as the new one. The new egregore consisted of Dewey Larson’s Reciprocal Systems theory about how all that exists is created from vibratory motion. It was also associated with Jakob Boehme’s “Throne of God” vision.

An interesting part of this vision was that I realized that I had overshot the mark by pushing my awareness much higher than this egregore. I could go higher, but others couldn’t and the egregore was for all life and all people. It needed to be reachable as a collective goal. I needed to adapt to this lower space and settle there in my awareness. It was still much higher than the Holy Kabbalah egregore and much lower than it as well.

Next was a spontaneous kundalini awakening that has never stopped its energy flow to this day. This happened shortly after I had begun working with sexual orgasm energy and felt it pooling in my pelvis area. I had been doing some yoga exercises to help circulate the energy and bent my body sideways to the left when an explosive force went up my spine and blew through the top of my head with such violence that I momentarily blacked out and my knees buckled, but I regained consciousness immediately and caught myself. This happened after I had successfully completed the energy ball meditation and had moved on to working with sexual orgasm energy as instructed by Mantak Chia in his book “Cultivating Male Sexual Energy”. These lower energies were intensely attracted to the higher energies and vice versa.

One day at work things went very badly and I was quite stressed when I went home at the end of the day. I felt a tight pressure around my forehead like an iron band. I felt a surge of anger and something “popped” in the middle of my forehead where my third eye was located. I sincerely thought I had burst a blood vessel and was frightened. But I could follow my own awareness as a point of energy and it shot outward to the far ends of the universe. I lay down on the sofa and continued “watching” this point of awareness as it circled back, entered into one testicle, moved up the entire right side of my body, exited the crown chakra and continued outward to the other side of the galaxy until it then came back, entered the left side of my body at the top of my head, spiraled through it completely and then exited through the left testicle where lost awareness of it. Energy flowing through one half of the body is common in stroke victims. I thought I might be having a stroke, but I wasn’t.

Later I was given a series of seven visions of the seven ages as my soul traveled back in time. These visions were of the evolution of life upon earth. One was a vision of the age of the dinosaurs and the violence that was life during those times. “The Way Of The Shaman” by Michael Harner mentions these series of visions as an important stage in the magical development of the Shaman. I was following the trail of my past lives through all the stages of life back to it’s original photon state as a divine spark.

For those paying attention to these posts my crown chakra and third eye chakra had both been forcefully opened…I had reclaimed my ancient past in the Shaman’s vision and had fully activated the Kundalini energy within my body…

 

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Gothic, Fantasy, Dark, Female, Witch, Fantasy Girl

“It hurts but it’s the right thing.” Was the only thing I could say to my psychologist about how I felt about my wife taking our kids and abandoning me in Phoenix. Luckily I had some money from my tax refund and spent it on Dianetics Book I auditing. I have a lot of respect for Dianetics and Scientology and think they are getting a bad rap. Having said that, it was a bit difficult to leave them once I was done with them…

After many hours of auditing I managed what is called a Dianetics Release, meaning that I had worked through the available material that was possible. This was not a clear by any means, but I needed some time before doing any more auditing. I had some money left so I took a few classes as well. It was all excellent material. I happen to have the full eighteen book set of Scientology books in my library and someday I hope to get through them all. They were given to me and I don’t have any clue how much money they represent but it must be a lot.

With the help of Book 1 auditing I was able to sort things out to where I understood that if something hurts it means there is something wrong! I was finally able to say that “I’m glad my wife is gone. It breaks my heart to be away from my children…”

Book 1 Dianetics auditing as far as I’m concerned is a derivative of Sigmund Freud’s free association which is a very powerful, but time consuming, therapy in it’s own right. Briefly stated in Book 1 auditing one sits quietly in a chair or couch and goes along the timeline back in memory to a painful memory or incident. You are asked to relive that incident as an observer and detail it over and over until there are no longer any emotions associated with it. At that point the memory moves from reactive memory into normal memory. Then you are asked to once more go back in time to an earlier memory in which you felt the same kind of pain and the process would begin all over again.

Repressed painful memories are trapped within the cells them selves and cause energy blockages within the human body. These blockages are called engrams and several painful memories are stacked one upon the other from oldest to the newest creating massive blockages of repressed emotional energy which can cause stress as well as all types of illness. The basic idea is to get back to the original engram and release the trapped emotional energy so that it becomes free energy that can be used by the body for other constructive things. I’ve already mentioned how astral activity on the lower levels requires enormous amounts of energy and you can never have enough. This is how Scientologists free up existing energy…

I would have continued with Scientology except I discovered something even better…Using tantric sex practices soon proved that two drawn out orgasms per day automatically blasted through engrams with such power that it was almost violent! The reason that I continued working with sexual orgasm energy twice a day for seven years was simply because of the way it was blasting through these engrams or pockets of repressed emotional energy! I was healing old wounds…I wanted to become whole again! I was tired of being fragmented…

What I discovered was that first you must heal old wounds which leaves you with scars…then you need to heal the scars… then you need to heal the empty places where you didn’t learn it right the first time…then and only then would the energy become available for magical use in a creative way depending upon which type of chakra energy it was.

In other words each chakra center held wounds that needed to be healed and I was working my way down from the top. After over thirty years I’ve healed the original wound which was the deepest. It was the wound I suffered from the emotional abandonment which I received from my mother when I was young. Sadly I passed that same emotional abandonment onto my own children as so many of us do. I was not there for them as they were growing up and I will regret that for the rest of my entire life. The existing relationship that I do have with my children is limited, but a good one…I try to be supportive of them and try to be there if they ever want to share…often they don’t.

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