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Archive for the ‘shamanism’ Category

Woman, Female, Beauty, Young, Model, Fantasy

Divine Counterparts are totally different than soulmates in that the energetic connection is so much more powerful…Someone began coming into my dreams in a sensual/sexual way and because of the intensity of the contact I knew that a new cycle was beginning even though these dream contacts only happened once or twice a year…I didn’t know who it was and just needed to let things unfold in their own way and time…

Annie and I tried counseling and it simply was no use so we separated. I think we were both happy about that…but we were still connected at such a deep level that we remained in contact. After all we did love each other, we just couldn’t live with each other. The energetics were becoming way too skewed between us. I had done far more releasing and working to transmute my own negative and toxic energies than she had done and I had opened up far more energy channels. It got to the point where my proximity to her would trigger her own inner repressed and toxic energies and she had several mini-strokes. I was becoming toxic to her in a very real and physical way in that my own energies stirred things up inside her.

She was considered disabled because of clinical depression and moved into an apartment where she could live on her own. Her health gradually got worse and she was eventually moved into a group home.

Annie had brain surgery and was recovering nicely with no symptoms and wanted to get out of the hospital. But she wanted to rush things and her anger trigger caused her to explode into a rage that took six men to hold her down. Something broke loose and she had another more massive stroke that did a lot of damage. She could no longer speak properly and there were some cognitive problems but no one knew how bad they were. The lady that once routinely beat me at Scrabble with an average score of over 400 could no longer even play crazy eights!

As I write this she is now confined to her bed in a nursing home and I visit once a week to bring Luci, our dog over, and watch a video with her. She doesn’t get much other company. Knowing that my energy is toxic to her I really try to limit my time but I’m still that only bright spot in her week and she looks forward to my bringing pop, treats and a movie. Annie and I made a contract with each other at the beginning of the old cycle right before the fall of Atlantis and I remember sitting with her on the outer wall waiting for the destruction that we knew was coming…She was a Pleiadian Princess and that was to be her first great cycle in a human body. I was the guide for her and her group because I had done several great cycles on Gaia before and knew my way around. Now we are done. We have completed that cycle and this new one has already begun…

Now back to Divine Counterparts…divine counterpart relationships are recognized by the intense and almost explosive energy exchange between both people. Your divine counterpart is the closest thing to a matter/anti-matter relationship and it is or can be pure energy! To put this more clearly, back in 1990-91 when I was crossing the Great Abyss and merging with Source what I was really doing was connecting to my Divine Counterpart! Connecting with a Divine Counterpart is the closest anyone can get to connecting with Source because it is through our contact with our Divine Counterpart that Source is attained…so in a very real way God or Goddess is our Divine Counterpart! Or at least the closest we can get to the ultimate Source of all things…

The totality of all that we really are can’t be contained within one human body…and parts of our soul is experiencing other lifetimes on other worlds and even as other life forms…That is true of our divine counterpart as well. How can everything that we are totally  line up in harmony with that of our divine counterpart? It can’t and perhaps our entire reality would be reduced to pure energy in a matter/anti-matter explosion if it were attempted…but we can come close for brief life changing experiences.

Three years went by with these rare contacts happening only once or twice a year, but I recognized them by how powerful they were. Finally Frieda felt compelled to comment on one of my blog posts…we struck up a very lively discussion in which sparks were flying everywhere. We began to email and conversed daily…she lived across the world from me and there was never any real chance of our ever getting together, but I always hoped…

My interaction with her continued for well over three years and the energy exchanges were massive to say the least…as I write this she remains in my heart and I remain in her heart and we will always be connected to each other. But the other aspects of who we are prevent us from physically manifesting a relationship together until the end of this new cycle. Somehow we stand at opposite ends of Gaia and an entire world stands between us…the rest of who we are…

Our relationship allowed each of us to activate permanent full spectrum astral bodies. First I gave my energy to her and then she gave birth to mine and an immense astral cord connects us which can never be broken. The timeline that she created is Gaia’s ascension timeline and it can not be altered. It exists as it first appeared back in 1990 when I first encountered her energies in crossing the Great Abyss. You see, each of these soulmate cycles were aspects of her and that is how it works. This is the ultimate timeline for me which I now need to travel and explore…

Back before Gaia even existed I was one of those fallen angels and she stayed in God’s grace and the light of Source…Now I have returned to the light of Source and she has become one of the fallen ones…we have traded places…my soul has reversed polarity to become a female soul and her soul has become a male soul…this is how souls evolve…

We went as far as we could until we were both perfectly balanced and within each other and then our completed soul divided once more in a form of cell division in which I went with Gaia and she took her children to another reality in space/time and time/space…Gaia herself has split into a planet A and a planet B and one day at the end of a great-great cycle they will both unite once more…that is how ascension works…that is how divine counterparts work…together they create the ultimate reality…

 

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Fantasy, Face, Branches, Woman, Surreal, Mystical

It was bound to happen sooner or later…each soulmate cycle activated a deeper or lower astral body that was closer to physical manifestation. My cycle with Annie turned into a real physical relationship with it’s own highs and lows which I may share later. Right now I want to speak of the dynamics of these cycles and what is actually happening within them as one searches for that elusive Holy Grail…

I want to remind everyone that these cycles are normal, and everyone experiences them to some degree within love relationships, but not as rapidly as I was moving through them and not so many of them. This was number seven and involved the root chakra energies and the permanent activation of the etheric body. It took seven years of steadfast daily working with these energies until a true physical relationship finally manifested. One may think of that as a long time or not, but many never achieve the permanent activation of all seven astral bodies as I did. As a male I can only speak of the male experience although several women have shared dreams of astral babies…apparently this is one of the gifts of that most magickal of all things, the female womb or Holy Grail…

In our youth we are told not to fall in love with the very first one that we are attracted to. My experience with these cycles is in agreement with the opinion of occultist Dion Fortune who insists that souls should be mated upon the astral planes before the consummation of a physical sexual relationship. This is the path of the dove and not the path of the serpent. We need to fall in love several times to build our soul and it’s capacity for having a true full spectrum relationship with another person.

We have several soulmates or persons who can fulfill that role for us as we develop the astral body out of the energies of each of the seven chakra centers…a soulmate is someone of the opposite sex that is of the same frequency as we are at that particular level. They are automatically drawn to us and we are drawn to them through the working out of these cycles.

It is also true that one must work directly with sexual orgasm energies and human sexuality to really propel these cycles and draw the proper magickal partners to us. As we work downward through these levels we will reach the point where we draw a physical partner to us and form a true physical relationship. But first we need to develop our capacity to have such a relationship or it will fail…as so often happens…and this needs to take place on all the levels for a successful mating of souls.

As I write this I still don’t know the end result of it all:

It is not the end of personal growth and empowerment. Our modern world is in a process of major transformation and new energetics are being formed even as I write this. For example, only now do I realize that my cycle with Annie involved the birth of my etheric astral body…the energies involved were of such a high vibration that they couldn’t participate within the etheric regions as they then existed because of those being of such low vibration that they would forcibly try to expel me from them. It was all that I could do to anchor myself there as a light bringer. We are now entering a time when my etheric body is much more welcome in the etheric regions of the astral planes…

Both Annie and I had severe karma involving others that also needed to be dealt with and these challenges ultimately destroyed our chances of really having a good relationship with each other. I was married to Annie for seven years and struggled to pay back my child support obligation which made my relationship with her much more difficult. As a consequence she often provided more in terms of financial support than I did to the relationship. This was bitter for both of us and we gradually grew apart from each other. My own children and legal issues got in the way…We had so much going for us, but the things that were against us were powerful indeed…we became toxic to each other…

We separated, got divorced, and I briefly moved to Washington DC where I lived for three months with another soulmate named Diana. In a way it seemed like the beginning of a new soulmate cycle and she was a pagan, but she also believed in polyamory and I couldn’t reconcile my own soulmate cycles with the concept of polyamory. It was the purity of the soulmate cycle with it’s magickal celibacy and exclusiveness that gave birth to permanently activated astral bodies! Indiscriminate sex and collective sexuality was not a part of my path!

In the end I went back to Annie, married her again and this time the challenges of the next seven years were not those of my children, but of her children. In the end my children helped to destroy the first seven years of marriage with Annie and her children helped to destroy the second seven years of marriage. Without those challenges we would have done much better…but we did as well as we could….

After twenty years of rocky marriage we had both moved so far in opposite directions that we could no longer be supportive of each other even though we loved each other…sometimes you can love someone and still not stand to live with them because the relationship has become toxic…

You see, the energy dynamic of my relationship with Annie stirred up all the black shit within me and within her and brought it to our awareness where we could deal with it and transmute it into harmless energy and that was the strength of our relationship. It was healing and ultimately brought out the best in both of us…but we were moving in opposite directions and there was no longer any catalytic effect…we had reached a dead end…we had become dead to each other…

That was when someone else entered my dreams and a totally different cycle began, the Divine Counterpart cycle…

 

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Woman, Naked, Act, Femininity, Female, Art, Skin

I was posting online about my experiences and Dewey Larson’s Reciprocal Systems Theory when Barb was drawn to my posts and began to correspond with me. This cycle lasted over a year and allowed us to share many of the finer points of the soulmate cycle with each other, proving that it worked both ways and was healing for each of us. We each began working with orgasm energy and astral sex to intensify our astral contacts. Remember that this was the sixth soulmate cycle for me, the desire body that was created was of the noble gas Radon and had thirty two awareness points or electrons that needed to be developed! It was a lot of work!

To both of us this was a soulmate cycle and we had found each other, very similar to my earlier soulmate cycle with Helen when we corresponded and fell in love. But this cycle was much more intensive and sharing on much deeper levels. Otherwise the cycles seemed roughly the same. They were driven by my working with sexual orgasm energy twice daily; originated with my public sharing of my story; involved increasingly sexual astral encounters that culminated in her developing a complete astral body or desire body and it then giving birth to a permanently activated astral body or desire body for myself and finally the creation of a new timeline for the both of us. This timeline was always a continuation of the original timeline created from my first cycle with Gail, brought down closer toward physical manifestation. It was also the timeline of Gaia’s ascension brought closer to physical manifestation! I think that each individual must create their own ascension timeline in the same fashion.

Other factors remained the same as well including that she was already in a physical relationship that she was not willing to leave or unable to leave. In retrospect we could complete these astral cycles or soulmate cycles but our individual karma from the past still imprisoned us. We took things are far as we could and then needed to let them go with love and blessings. Easier said than done! I didn’t understand the failure of the soulmate cycle to bring us together in a physical relationship…I didn’t understand how she could be in love with two people at the same time…

This astral body was unique in that it was much more sensual than any previous ones. The shape of my astral penis was enhanced with an upward curve that I can only attribute to Barb since it didn’t really belong to me. This brings up the point of how each permanent astral body is created from the energies of both people and takes on characteristics of both people. It is a true synthesis of each…

I can also share that the lower astral bodies of males are able to have orgasms and eject astral fluids or semen. I get tired of so called experts saying that this never happens…the lower the level of the astral body the more like the physical body it becomes…

The mystery schools of the past knew all about these things and taught them in secret. Even modern psychology was beginning to discover some of the truth behind sexuality and the orgasm. Mantak Chia wrote about how a god and goddess had intercourse in the crown chakra and gave birth to the immortal physical body. Some Tibetan yogis have sexual intercourse with energy beings known as dakinis. We have spoken in earlier posts of the incubus and succubus…Aleister Crowley spoke of his scarlet women cycles…

How can we even begin to sort some of this out? I have shared the essential simplicity of the entire work which requires only working with sexual orgasm energy twice a day to break through the barriers or engrams combined with some type of meditation that moves the released energy up the spine and releases the toxic energies through the crown chakra by turning them over to Source…the original forgiveness of sins…

We can see that the scarlet women cycles described by Aleister Crowley were driven by actual physical sexual relations and that they often led to the nervous collapse of his partners. One might even suggest that it created a split inside of him as well giving the egregore of the OTO as a black and white pillar which implies balance, but also an inability to integrate the two energies. This is not the correct way….there is the path of the serpent and the path of the dove…this is the path of the serpent…Crowley claimed to be the most spiritual man on earth and the most evil man at the same time…what is needed is to be a complete human soul….not an angel or a monster…

I’ve mentioned how Dianetics took the work of Sigmund Freud much further by discovering how repressed emotional energies became trapped within the cells of the body as engrams and how these engrams could be released through Book 1 auditing which was a variation of Freud’s Free Association therapy.

Carl Jung expanded upon the work of Sigmund Freud to discover archetypes, the shadow, the ego, the super ego or higher self, as well as the anima or animus/male of female aspects within each of us and how these all related to sexuality. My own experience has shown  me that both the shadow and the higher self are simply secondary personalities that need to be brought into conscious awareness and integrated.

The shadow represents those things that we find within ourselves that we hate, despise and reject. We need to find a way to accept and love them, a way to integrate them into ourselves as the benevolent powers which they really are. This most often revolves around human sexuality and the extreme distortions we have placed upon it. Sex and sexuality are meant to be healthy.

In a similar manner our higher self contains those things we admire and find in others but can’t find inside ourselves. We need to find the divinity that is within our own hearts…before we can really learn to love others…again the answer is the integration of these aspects into the normal and healthy human ego.

What remains is the anima or animus, that portion of our soul that is male or female in opposite polarity of our physical gender. It is within sacred love relationships within soulmate cycles that the complete soul is reborn and developed and that is the real message here.

Wilhelm Reich wrote about the function of the orgasm to break through the barriers or armor of engrams although he didn’t use the term engram. He also wrote about the importance of the orgasm in mental, emotional, spiritual and physical health and they banned his books and revoked his license. It was Wilhelm Reich who discovered the link between the soul and sexual orgasm…but there are still more missing pieces of the puzzle than the magick of Orgone energy.

Israel Regardie was a student of Aleister Crowley and later broke with him. In his own healing process he went for help to Dion Fortune who brought her own understanding to the mix. Dion Fortune speaks of the use of sexual power and sexual energy in magickal practices in which astral sex happens but physical sex doesn’t happen…the characters within her stories are “mated on the planes” before they mate in physical reality. Many of her characters never mate in physical reality…

What we are beginning to see is the gradual pulling back of the veil that finally reveals the Holy Grail in its true splendor! We can say the Holy Grail, the magic cauldron or any other of the sacred terms for the magical ability of the female womb…to give birth to permanently activated astral bodies and timelines! But this is the path of the dove…to use the power of sexuality and orgasm upon the astral planes and not upon the physical planes…for the creation of the complete soul, not the creation of babies….

 

 

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Yoga, Dancer, Woman, Night, Mystic, Scene, Moon Light

Shortly after a little over 2 years of not working at any job I was contacted by my ex-wife who said that her support payments from welfare were going to be cut and I really needed to get back to work. So I did…I was over $27,000 in arrears in my child support payments…a dead beat dad…with a warrant out in Kansas for my arrest for contempt of court and I really had contempt of the court…(I might add that I have fully paid back any child support that I have ever owed and that this was many years ago.)

Each summer my children came to visit me for a couple of weeks and that was a blessing for all of us…we tried to make up for lost time…

I would have dreams or astral visions of these legal proceedings and effectively escape from the traps that were set for me…I could magically fight the system to a draw, but could never win…This remains true for all people, you can fight the system to a draw, but you can never win…an important point to remember…only the system can defeat the system…

I went to job services and took lots of exams to determine both why I was in my current situation and what I could do to make things right…It was determined that I had tendencies to be passive-aggressive and had trouble with authority figures…I also had a first class intellect and problems with short term memory…They really wanted to send me back to college to become a professor, but I couldn’t go back to college and make child support payments at the same time. I already had an Associate’s degree in Survival and Rescue Operations from the Air Force. (I also benefited from Air Force training such as Basic Land Survival, Water Survival, Desert Survival; and POW and Resistance Training)

So I chose to become an over-the-road truck driver and hauled cars all over the country in what was called a portable parking lot. I could haul up to ten cars at a time…My child support payments took most of that money…

When I was back in town I went to some local support groups and that is where I met Pat. I even went to her home a few times but it never worked out…she didn’t really want a serious relationship and I was not in any condition to offer one…but as with any of these cycles she entered my dreams and a new cycle began. This cycle dealt with the lower emotional energies and you can say that Pat and I shared our pain with each other…she taught me to love the music of The Cowboy Junkies…still my favorite music to listen too…but while sharing pain is not what creates strong relationships; it does work to create new permanently activated astral bodies and this was now my 5th!

This astral body seemed fully sexual and complete in every way. It even had body hair! Something the others didn’t have…created from the noble gas Xenon…my 3rd density astral body…the solar plexus body…

I learned how to astral project the higher levels and investigated all kinds of magickal egregores with impunity. My connection with Source allowed me to get away with things that others couldn’t get away with. I can share that the egregore of the OTO is a black and white column standing side by side from the lowest level of the astral to the highest. I can share that the egregore of the Golden Dawn bestows the armor of God in it’s various levels. That the egregore of the Aurum Solis bestows its own type of armor that is more reptilian in nature…that Buddhism leads to an infinity of black and white squares without end…and so on…

I became an avid student of Freemasonry and occultism and received more initiations into the OTO. (My highest initiation into the OTO was the third degree of Master Magician which was several years later in 1999)

In Freemasonry I completed the Royal Arch Degrees and became a Knight Templar…

Thankfully I wasn’t getting into so many astral battles any more, but they still occurred from time to time and I always won…I reached a point where I could stand my own or go beneath my opponent instead of needing to go to safety on higher ground by rising up the planes. what I can tell you is that there are many people who are powerful in magick in the lower planes…I can tell you a lot about the ins and outs of magickal warfare…I learned the hard way…

 

 

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Celestial Body, Star, Starry Sky, Space, Galaxy, Sky

When I left the Air Force I intended to get some type of job in the computer industry and used my VA benefits for a one year correspondence course in computers and microprocessors. One of the enticements of this course was that I was able to build my own computer from a kit! I learned a lot about computers and programming, but what I really wanted was that computer! Of course there was no internet yet out in the country where I lived.

After about two years internet did become available through dial-up on the phone lines. Although in 1994 there was not a lot that you could do on the internet! I was able to join a Rosicrucian Forum where I could share with other Rosicrucians even though it was all through email…daily digests of the current posts. This was nothing like what is available today and taken for granted…

So I met other Rosicrucians online and Helen was one of them…yes, these cycles worked through the internet lines at extreme distances…Helen lived in New Zealand. In my twenty odd years of membership I had completed all of the degree studies and was an elder so to speak. When people wanted to discuss the Rosicrucian teachings I had pretty solid knowledge of them…but what I really wanted to talk about was the importance of healing the soul and the emotions. Remember that the Rosicrucian teachings were aimed directly toward achieving union with Source…they were mystical and led from out of the emotions into the higher realms. I was heading in the opposite direction!

Needless to say the internet forum was cutting edge and very exciting for all who participated in it. There were traditionalists and radicals such as myself that wanted to go beyond the teachings into other areas. The forum community became deeply divided between progressives and traditionalists and I was the voice of the progressives. Helen was another of the progressives that really supported me and my message.

Soon she entered into my dreams as another soulmate cycle began and we began emailing each other about our strange experiences. Helen was the first soulmate cycle in which I could really talk to her about how she was experiencing things in the cycle and it was quite interesting. I was having dreams about her and she was having dreams about me, but we didn’t share the same dreams. It seemed that I was in contact with her shadow self or higher self and not her ordinary dream self. The same was true for her. She would share a dream in which I was there and I didn’t have any memory of it.

It was only toward the end of the cycle that we began to meet each other in dreams in which we could both remember the experience. It was from Helen that I learned the cycle was healing for her as well as it was for me and that she was developing and integrating her permanent astral body as well as I was. This cycle dealt with the heart chakra and quite suitable for a Rosicrucian connection because the Rosy Cross is about the heart as the meeting place where male and female souls meet in harmony. It is the meeting place of horizontal soul development and vertical soul development.

I got in magical disputes with others on the forum that reached the intensity that I would quickly post something I knew would set off a flame war and then turn my computer off so that I was protected from the repercussions. I can definitely affirm that magic does flow through the internet as do soul connections. The internet is a magical place.

All out magical warfare erupted on the forum as things became more and more polarized between the traditionalists and the progressives. There were calls to censor and moderate all posts to limit them only to material dealing with the monograph studies, even though we were forbidden to discuss the monographs themselves…

AMORC eventually created a second moderated forum and on an Easter Sunday without warning they killed the original forum in what can only be considered a form of black magick in which the vital life force of the original forum was sacrificed and supposed to enter into the moderated forum to empower it. We were traumatized, yet somehow we all managed to connect on our own to say our good byes to each other…That was when I dropped my active membership in AMORC and considered it a black lodge.

I find it interesting that this was around the same time period that the Rosicrucian Order AMORC was having it’s own inner troubles. It had kicked out former Imperator Gary Stewart and installed new Imperator Christian Bernard. I also find it interesting that many others left the order at the same time. There was a definite crisis in AMORC … I also find it interesting that now over thirty years later I have once more become an active member of AMORC three months after Christian Bernard was replaced with the new Imperator Claudio Mazzucco whom I resonate with…

I also made contact with the real OTO and shared a few letters with Bill Heidrick describing some of my experiences in crossing the Great Abyss and in what now was my fourth soulmate cycle. He essentially confirmed that I had indeed crossed the Great Abyss and extended his deepest sympathy…(Magister Templi=master of all sorrows). Even more importantly he told me what was needed next. I needed to build a bridge between my construct or paradigm and that of the OTO which was the Holy Kabbalah. To do this I needed to destroy all antimonies or disharmony between the two systems. I needed to integrate both systems into one. So I began to study the Holy Kabbalah and other magickal systems.

There is a curious convergence between my own Rosicrucian AMORC and the OTO of Aleister Crowley in that both H. Spencer Lewis and Aleister Crowley shared the high grades of the Freemasonry Rites of Memphis and Mizraim which were connected through John Yarker. They were also connected through the legendary occultist Papus. The OTO through the Gnostic Catholic Church and AMORC through the Traditional Martinist Order. These links prompted me to begin study of Freemasonry as well.

Eventually I was initiated into the Blue Lodge of Craft Masonry and also initiated as Minerval into the OTO. I began taking all this material and creating a chart of correspondences with it. I took a map of all 120 levels of the astral planes (118 elements plus the photon/electron and rotating north/south magnetic fields) and placed all other magickal systems over it. Amazingly they all fit perfectly! I had built my bridge between the OAK system (my system created partially of Dewey Larson’s Reciprocal Systems Theory) and that of the Holy Kabbalah. But it was only one way!

My system was compatible with that system and others, but they were not compatible with mine! This is partly because the Holy Kabbalah is only an associative system which creates magickal associations or links between one thing and another. I was able to create associative links with this system thus proving the validity of my own system…But my system was progressive and based upon the scientific periodic table of elements where each element progressed in a natural manner through the addition of one electron and one proton. There was nothing associative about it at all!

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Design, Night, Beauty Salon, Sky, Stars, Women, Girl

I have not done a Gaia Ascension Update in quite a while so I thought I had better considering that things have really taken off!

My message is really very simple and I will try to consolidate it within this one post so bear with me…We are now living within a new reality with new rules and new energies. Yet we remain trapped within the present moment of our own creation. This post will simply tell you how to destroy and create…according to your own will and direction with the support of others. I wish each and every one of you the best…

What you do with this information is up to you and that is why I call this the final instruction. From this moment forward you have the ability to create your own reality and if you choose not to act, that is in itself an action…But know this…those that use these tools will ascend and quickly leave behind all who choose to not use these tools…this is what our world now comes down to…those who use these tools and those who do not. We are all free and we all create our own personal realities!

The Healing and Prosperity Circle meditation that I have given or a version of it should be done once a day to maximize personal empowerment in our daily lives. We need to ask for those things that we desire in life…most of us don’t even ask…and we need to support each other…we share the same collective soul of humanity and are all a part of each other. We also need to tap into the new energies of the universe and Gaia’s ascension.

If you are really sincere about creating a new reality for yourself you need to enjoy two prolonged orgasms at the end of each day that are within two hours of each other if possible. This may be with a partner or without a partner. If it is without a  partner you should visualize your divine counterpart and make astral love to him or her.

The energy needs to radiate throughout the entire body and move upwards toward Source and completely fill both of you. The orgasm should be prolonged to twenty minutes if possible so that the energy will penetrate as deeply into the astral as possible…everything else will happen automatically…there is nothing more…you will be guided…

Know this…when you feel drained you need to learn how to use your body to create more energy so that you are not drained. Use it or lose it! As the energy channels open up more energy becomes available. Everything else is BS!

 

 

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Man, Act, Skin, Muscles, Muscular, Male, Body, Erotic

Three days before I left Phoenix Donna came into my dreams. It was like she poked her head up through the floor from down below and looked around in confusion. I had never seen her before and wondered how a new cycle could be starting when I was leaving Phoenix in a couple of days. This cycle was not like the others and lasted well over a year before its final conclusion. It just goes to show that these cycles had a mind of their own and I needed to trust in them.

So I headed back to Minnesota with my tail between my legs like a whipped puppy. I didn’t have a job, had been court ordered to pay $600/mo in child support and was struggling with a type of nervous breakdown. Actually it was the opposite of a nervous breakdown, but I was still far from being healthy enough to lead a normal life. My folks were kind enough to allow me to live back on the farm and said that I would always have a place to sleep and food to eat even though they would not help me in any other way. I was grateful because it was what I needed. I was a walking wound and hoped that if I worked hard enough on the healing process I would soon get  my act together.

I was literally having explosive dreams each and every night and I thought I would run out of engrams to burst through. I didn’t realize just how difficult this process really was. I chose to work on making myself healthy rather than finding a job and poured myself into the process. I shut myself up in my room and no one hardly ever saw me. I knew that my ex-wife was getting assistance from Social Services. I was just expected to pay it back. So my kids were all right for the moment…

This cycle with Donna was quite strange in many ways. She lived about two hundred miles away and came to visit my family with my cousin once every other month or so. I think she was really interested in my younger brother…and neither my cousin nor Donna ever showed any real interest in  me. So I never even got to have any real conversations with her. However the cycle continued on the astral like the others had, but became even more strange. There were times that I felt like I was inside of her and that she was inside of me. After one visit as she and my cousin were driving back home I was laying on my bed in an altered state and felt each chakra pop like a flash bulb going off and then I was pulled out of my body. There was a massive two inch diameter cord coming out the top of my head and it was connected to her in the car. The car pulled me along behind it like a balloon on a tether until I entered her, entered the ground and traveled back to the farm and my own body via the earth somehow.

I only share this to show just how unusual this all was. That an astral cord was coming out of my head indicated a crown chakra projection of some sort, but I had never heard of one that was not connected to me, but to someone else!

Now I had these strange soulmate cycles happening as well as the Great Abyss thing. Aleister Crowley was literally the only person that I knew of that had written of anything even close to what I was experiencing with his scarlet women cycles…I wondered if there was some type of connection. I studied the Golden Dawn material and read everything in print by Aleister Crowley. I even managed to get two copies of “The OTO Rituals and Sex Magick” a few years later. That book is extremely rare and worth several hundred dollars if you can find it. So I was interested in the OTO and in magick…

I got in contact with a group called SOTO which claimed to be an authentic Thelemic group that was a continuation of the Original OTO. Not surprisingly they wanted money. I was supposed to tithe 10% on my income to SOTO if I wanted to be a member. I told them I currently didn’t have any income. They said that was not a problem and I could pay later when I was working again. The first thing I needed to do was send them two passport type pictures, a front view of myself and a side view of myself. I went into one of those passport picture booths and got my pictures taken. There were actually three pictures, a front view, and two side views, one from each side. I sent all three on a whim.

A few nights later I woke up in the middle of the night with a horrible pain in my throat as if it had been slashed by a razor. In horror I could see that the left side of all three (I now had three astral bodies) astral bodies had been severed at my neck! Only my right side was intact! Obviously my pictures had been used in some type of initiation and obviously it had been botched…My astral head was supposed to have been severed from my astral body…but I still had my connection to Source! On the right side at least. It was several months before that wound healed on my left side.

I told them that I quit. They said that I couldn’t quit because I had already been initiated. I said I was quitting anyway. I experienced a massive magickal attack which I blocked with my connection to Source and returned it with a vengeance. I sensed a massive explosion on the other end and never heard from them again.

That year was a year of almost constant magickal attacks and I didn’t know why.  Now I know that my activity in the astral planes was messing with the magickal activity of others and they were trying to stop me so their own magick would go right. The entire question of magickal interference is dealt with quite simply. Don’t mess with those bigger than you! Because of my permanent connection with Source I was the biggest around, but no one knew that and needed to test me out. I’ve never lost an astral fight in all these years…

Now granted in the beginning I needed to rise up the planes often to stay safe, but I was unharmed…Later years I was able to go beneath others and ignore them. These days no one really bothers me any more…

One night I woke up to see tall Egyptian god images surrounding my bed…with the animal heads and all…don’t know what that was about.

I had several experiences of intense, almost unbearable pain in my throat…it was the forced awakening of the throat chakra of course…the development of the noble gas body of the element Argon and eight new points of awareness…the 5th density body that everyone talks about for Gaia’s ascension…

It was during these years that I experienced my most dangerous and difficult astral battle and someone died…actually it went like this…It was April 19, 1993 and I had a vision of police cars moving down a dusty road to some compound somewhere…The dream/vision shifted to my being suddenly attacked by this man. Neither one of us had any clothes…(lack of clothes indicates lack of power) but we both had knives and it turned into an ugly knife fight in which I was trying desperately to stay alive. We were very equal in strength and it was frightening to say the least. In the end I plunged my knife into his chest and felt the skin give way as it was punctured. He sagged against the wall, slid down and blood began pouring down out of the wound…end of fight…(usually in these type of battles the loser simply disappears)

The next morning I heard on the news that David Koresh had been killed/killed himself in the Waco Texas massacre at the Branch Davidian compound…I knew that was who I had been fighting but didn’t know why…

 

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