Anarchistbanjo's World

There were several things that happened before the soul mate cycles started with the birth of my first permanently activated astral body. These things were very important and I don’t really remember in what order or relationship they stood to one another. But these things had an energy body of pure light that was shaped like a ball and not human shaped. My awareness was a point of light. Many mystics claim that after merging with Source they must plunge into hell…I feel this stage has been achieved by many in the past.

Shortly after my permanent shift of awareness across the Great Abyss my awareness seemed to be pulled down into a black hole or worm hole that led to the lowest level of the astral planes and existence. I saw that a new egregore was being established at the highest level of the astral planes and at the lowest levels. I also saw the old Kabbalah egregore which was not as high as the new one and not as deep as the new one. The new egregore consisted of Dewey Larson’s Reciprocal Systems theory about how all that exists is created from vibratory motion. It was also associated with Jakob Boehme’s “Throne of God” vision.

An interesting part of this vision was that I realized that I had overshot the mark by pushing my awareness much higher than this egregore. I could go higher, but others couldn’t and the egregore was for all life and all people. It needed to be reachable as a collective goal. I needed to adapt to this lower space and settle there in my awareness. It was still much higher than the Holy Kabbalah egregore and much lower than it as well.

Next was a spontaneous kundalini awakening that has never stopped its energy flow to this day. This happened shortly after I had begun working with sexual orgasm energy and felt it pooling in my pelvis area. I had been doing some yoga exercises to help circulate the energy and bent my body sideways to the left when an explosive force went up my spine and blew through the top of my head with such violence that I momentarily blacked out and my knees buckled, but I regained consciousness immediately and caught myself. This happened after I had successfully completed the energy ball meditation and had moved on to working with sexual orgasm energy as instructed by Mantak Chia in his book “Cultivating Male Sexual Energy”. These lower energies were intensely attracted to the higher energies and vice versa.

One day at work things went very badly and I was quite stressed when I went home at the end of the day. I felt a tight pressure around my forehead like an iron band. I felt a surge of anger and something “popped” in the middle of my forehead where my third eye was located. I sincerely thought I had burst a blood vessel and was frightened. But I could follow my own awareness as a point of energy and it shot outward to the far ends of the universe. I lay down on the sofa and continued “watching” this point of awareness as it circled back, entered into one testicle, moved up the entire right side of my body, exited the crown chakra and continued outward to the other side of the galaxy until it then came back, entered the left side of my body at the top of my head, spiraled through it completely and then exited through the left testicle where lost awareness of it. Energy flowing through one half of the body is common in stroke victims. I thought I might be having a stroke, but I wasn’t.

Later I was given a series of seven visions of the seven ages as my soul traveled back in time. These visions were of the evolution of life upon earth. One was a vision of the age of the dinosaurs and the violence that was life during those times. “The Way Of The Shaman” by Michael Harner mentions these series of visions as an important stage in the magical development of the Shaman. I was following the trail of my past lives through all the stages of life back to it’s original photon state as a divine spark.

For those paying attention to these posts my crown chakra and third eye chakra had both been forcefully opened…I had reclaimed my ancient past in the Shaman’s vision and had fully activated the Kundalini energy within my body…

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There are at least three known stations or Sephiroth above the Great Abyss and even though I hesitate to use the terminology of the Holy Kabbalah it is perhaps the most useful to get my point across. When my awareness first permanently crossed the Great Abyss it settled into a very stable state known as the archetypal planes or realities. It is well known that logic and reason can’t cross this Great Abyss and they don’t function there. The best way to describe this space is self-evident truth or direct perception of reality. You don’t figure things out. You simply become aware of them as they really exist. I call this the plane of the Concrete Spiritual after the famed occultist Dion Fortune.

Beyond this station is one that is known as Unity or Spiritual Light and it is the place where energy and matter become interchangeable. This is the ultimate place of tearing down and building up of all things. It was to this area that I kept pushing my awareness because I wanted to dissolve myself into the Light in an act of Spiritual suicide because I hurt so bad that I was done and wanted OUT! This is where awareness becomes one with all that exists and knows itself as such. This is termed the plane of the Abstract Spiritual.

The third known station is more like a worm hole through space and time than anything else. Awareness can’t remain there but simply passes through it from one destination to the next. One might call this the realm of rotating magnetic spirals or where the magical cone of power exists in both its fundamental aspects of attraction and repulsion. So this is a transitional place where awareness is in motion as it traverses the universe.

I wanted to go beyond all of these and even though I was able to pierce much more deeply into the Golden Sea of Bliss and Light, I would find myself pushed back out again as soon as I let up my effort. I was able to establish a fourth station however and it was significantly above the other three. This was the photon/electron state described in Dewey Larson’s Reciprocal Systems theory. It represented the building block of all that existed in the universe.

Once more I will use the terminology of the Kabbalah because others have also mapped out this path.

The Great Abyss- the death of logic and reason

Chesed= helium-archetypal worlds- concrete spiritual energies

Binah=hydrogen-abstract spiritual energies

Chokmah=rotating magnetic forces- worm holes through time and space-timelines

Kether=alchemical unity

Ain=bliss & love – the station of the photon/electron and Dewey Larson’s Reciprocal Systems Theory or Jakob Boehme’s Throne of God  Ultimate Source of all things…the center of each atom…each cell…zero point energy

Ain Soph=where I tried to go in awareness but couldn’t

Ain Soph Aur=that unknowable Source beyond our universe that created and still creates our universe by continuously inserting more light into it.

As my awareness settled into this new reality I received almost constant ah ha moments or illuminations that filled in the missing pieces of my own philosophical paradigm or reality matrix. I began writing these down so that they wouldn’t be lost or forgotten and they became the core of my book Magister Templi. Most important was an essay on the stages of soul development that followed the spiritual path of the mystery schools as I understood it. But then in a flash of insight I inverted that path to discover the true secret of Sexual Alchemy and the twin paths of the male and female through each stage of soul development. This was the true beginning of my experience with soulmate and divine counterpart cycles.

With the collapse of my marriage the dam broke inside of me and suddenly after many years I was feeling emotions once more and it hurt! I had brought the lion back to life! I was getting so many illuminations and experiencing so much healing that I feared for my own sanity and began to see a psychologist twice a week. I also completed the Viscott Method in which I did a thorough self discovery process which I can recommend to anyone.

In addition to those things I also went to support groups twice a week, began my energy ball meditation for the first time and spent my tax return on Dianetics processing and other Scientology classes which I will talk about in my next post.

My psychologist said that my personality was stable but fluid and she was amazed at how fast things were happening for me. I kept going to her so that she could keep an eye on me so that I didn’t go off the deep end. She said that she had never known anyone who struggled against so much repression and opposition, but also said that she never knew anyone with such a strong will. I had turned that will upon myself in an effort to heal and find peace and nothing could stop me.

I was experiencing a form of psychotic break, but a positive one, in which I was reuniting with my original self or ego. I was feeling emotions for the first time since I was a teenager, but the emotions I was feeling were those of a teenager. I had to pick up where I had left off…I even went so far as to write a letter to my vampiric sweetheart proving that sexual link still existed. She never responded…

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I think everyone will understand why I’ve chosen to share my personal story in this post. I will be bringing many things up that require a certain perspective and context that would be difficult to present in any other way.

Now soulmates share the same soul frequency and because of that there is a very intense attraction and spark between the two people. However, you can have several soulmates and that spark or attraction doesn’t guarantee that you can have a happy relationship with that person. What it does indicate is that you can possibly complete a soulmate cycle together and permanently activate astral bodies for each other. After that much depends upon the karma that each person has with other people in their lives. The soulmate cycle aside, karma with other people often prevents soulmates from having lasting relationships with each other. But there are lots of factors that can go into this.

In my last post I talked about my first love relationship that I felt was with my true soulmate, but instead it turned into a vampiric connection that drained my sexual energies for over thirty years…Let me share a bit more to make this clear…

When this girl broke up with me I was so devastated that I lost twenty pounds in two weeks and was not able to ask another girl out on a date for seven years! I felt that no one could be to me what she was to me. I was fixated on that soulmate or supposed soulmate connection. Or perhaps it was the vampiric connection that held me so tightly bound? To this day I don’t really know. I only know that later in life I’ve encountered other soulmates that shared the same soul frequency as I and actually completed soulmate cycles with them and mutually activating permanent astral bodies. I have called these chakra soulmates because the individual soulmate cycles permanently activated a particular astral body or noble gas body as I will share in future posts.

Now getting back to my story:

Three critical factors hit me at the same time in my early twenties and caused me to have a nervous breakdown in which I ended up creating and living inside a secondary personality for the next twenty-five or so years. But this was a good thing and I need to explain why and what was really happening because this is an important part of the occult/mystic path that  people don’t understand.

The first factor was the ending of this love relationship with this person I believed was my one and only soulmate.

The second factor was my mother getting into a car accident with a man that she was having an affair with and everything coming out into the open including her drug abuse. This was devastating to me and caused me to lose faith in the spiritual and religious principles that I was raised in and which I had accepted after my earlier spiritual crisis of conscience. I felt that it was all a lie and not true because it certainly was not true for my own parents!

The third factor was perhaps the greatest and the one that really caused my nervous breakdown. Shortly after highschool I joined the Rosicrucian Order AMORC and began to receive weekly monographs in the mail to study. These monographs introduced concepts that were very challenging to the religious beliefs that I had been taught. I will give a few examples:

The Rosicrucians taught the importance of an inner authority called the Master Within which was the Christ spirit within each human heart that spoke through the voice of conscience. It was the one and only true spiritual authority and individual to each person. The Bible was symbolic and not to be taken literally. God was in our hearts, in all things, and that’s where we needed to contact Him, not out there in heaven somewhere.

I was also taught the concept of reincarnation and karma for the first time. These were some of the early concepts that actively destroyed my faith in ordinary Christianity. But I was conflicted… I was so conflicted that one night I lay on the living room floor unmoving, locked in indecision, knowing that I needed to decide and knowing that my eternal life and soul was at risk depending on which path I chose. I finally chose to follow the path of conscience and my heart and if I was wrong I would accept the consequences.

That was when I had my nervous breakdown. That was when something split inside of me and I lost my connection to mother earth. I set my sights on a spiritual path and my emotions died. My emotions died because of the pain I felt from the things I’d experienced in my failed love relationship and what was going on with my mother. There was too much emotional pain…so I abandoned the emotions and set upon the spiritual path with an intensity that took over my entire being.

Luckily my weekly monograph studies were very powerful and actually helped me keep it together in a somewhat healthy way. They brought order, structure and something to believe in when I was my most vulnerable. I only realized much later in life that I had created a secondary personality and it was a positive thing. It helped me to develop and grow my sense of self and ego and this was vital to my emotional and mental health.

The reason that I bring this up is because it or something like it has always been an important part of the mystery school teachings in one way or another. You see, we are all broken in some way and the true path of a mystery school is to heal the soul, the emotions and the mind.

Magic work talks about assuming God forms and becoming the deity for brief moments while doing spells. The assumption of a God form is to temporarily place your awareness into a secondary personality that you have created. To assume a God form is much like deliberately creating a secondary personality…This is seen as a positive thing because it is more healthy than many of the ordinary personalities.

In alchemy one of the most important steps is to kill the lion, which means to kill the emotions just like I did…One of the later steps is to bring the lion back to life again…which is to reintegrate the emotions which I have done as well in these later years. I have reawakened my original self as I will share in later posts. The main point is that these phases of healing and mental and emotional health through the deliberate use of secondary personalities were known and used frequently in the development and growth of the soul.

My little talk about secondary personalities would not be complete without mentioning that both the Shadow and the Higher Self or Holy Guardian Angel are also secondary personalities and need to be integrated into the Self or Ego before true healing can take place.

The Shadow acts independent of the Self and consists of those things we feel are within us, but we deny them and don’t accept them. We need to find a way to accept them and love them for what they really are. They are those instincts that try to keep our physical body alive and healthy.

The Higher Self or Holy Guardian Angel also acts independent of the Self and consists of those things we admire and respect in others, but feel are missing within ourselves. We need to realize that those things we admire in others do exist inside us as well and do belong to us. They are not out of reach…

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I participated in a full moon drumming circle last night that was very nice. One of the things we did was something called a drum shower which I had never done before. We would take turns and one person would stand in the center of the circle and the others would then hold their drums close to the person and begin drumming as they moved the drums from the top of the head down to the ground and back up again. This was repeated three times. It was very powerful and stimulating to the chakra centers. It was also very cleansing and energizing. It almost felt like going to a chiropractor and getting an adjustment. Coming on or near the full moon was an added treat as it allowed for making room for more of the incoming energy.

Continuing my personal story: A person’s conscience usually kicks in around the age of twelve but mine was a bit late and didn’t show up until I was fourteen. When it did show up it was with a vengeance! As time went on I found myself increasingly at odds with the religious expectations of how I was raised. While I was not a mean person my shoplifting continued and I began to swear and hang out with some questionable people. The end result was that when I was around my parents or other authority figures I was a totally different person than when I was around my friends. I was not able to be who I really was! I did things that I knew were wrong and didn’t feel good about myself. I was lying to others and to myself and it became increasingly harder. My conscience was beginning to bother me in a big way and I couldn’t ignore it…

This confrontation with my conscience led to a spiritual crisis at the age of fourteen. It didn’t matter if God forgave me because I couldn’t forgive myself! I finally realized that I needed to live in such a way that I could live with myself and that meant that I needed to follow the still small voice of my conscience. I vowed to myself and to God that I would try to follow my conscience in all things for the rest of my life and I have tried to do that. It was a profound realization and led to my embracing the religious values and teaching that I had been brought up with. I had been saved; or so I thought…

I was extremely shy and nervous around girls and very sensitive; too sensitive. My parents and family had not prepared me in any way for healthy romantic relationships and I soon fell into that dreaded category of the boy that girls liked to be friends with and talk to, but not to be romantically involved with. I was always the friend and not the boy friend. I had no idea how to break out of that cycle.

There was a girl that I really liked and I finally asked her out for a date. We went on three or four dates and then she dropped me because I was boring…I was devastated but couldn’t really blame her…I was boring and I didn’t have a very high opinion of myself. She was much higher than I was and I placed her upon that pedestal. But I couldn’t get her out of my mind and three years later, some two years after graduation I asked her out again. This time I was determined not to be boring…

Sparks flew! The sexual tension was so great between us that it was almost unbearable. Yet I always backed off at the last minute because I was afraid of that intensity and ultimately she was too. We could read each other’s minds and feel each other’s emotions and our body language didn’t lie…but it was too much…she didn’t want a relationship of that kind of intensity. She just wanted to have some fun and I didn’t understand. I wanted that relationship. I often dreamed of her and in one dream she walked past me and touched me on the tailbone at the root chakra. I felt a powerful electrical shock and didn’t know what it meant.

It was only some thirty years later that I understood what it meant and I will share it here. This girl was a flirt and radiated sexuality. She was fun and popular and she knew it. So was her mother. In ancient days they would have been considered witches even though they didn’t really know what they were doing on a conscious level. She was a sexual predator, an energy vampire. The connection made in that dream encounter lasted over thirty years, thirty years in which she drained my own sexual energy from me and from others as well. It is how she kept her etheric double alive and radiant.

I was unaware of that remaining connection until much later in life when I once more activated that lower chakra center and began working with it. I discovered that connection as an energy leak and severed it to permanently close it. The next day I found out that she had wrecked her car in an accident…

There is no doubt that she was a soulmate, and shared the same frequency as my own soul. I’ve known three other women that shared that same frequency and will speak of them later. Being the same frequency makes one a soulmate, not anything else. It doesn’t mean that you can get along or live together either. It just means there is a very powerful spark that exists between you which can be used in the process of soul development.

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I think I’ve said enough about the dangers of trying to activate the etheric double or the Ka, that mysterious non-physical body created out of the noble gas element #118 before establishing a solid connection to the Spiritual Light of Source. I’ve also shared how the Healing and Prosperity Circle meditation can do that for you. Now I’m going to move on to the actual process of integrating this non-physical body and becoming conscious of it.

Since it has 32 electrons or awareness points within its outer circle it takes a very long time to permanently activate it. Most likely it will take years…remember the dangers of vampirism and avoid becoming an energy vampire! Use your connection to Source or soulmate or divine counterpart as the means of empowering temporary activations of the etheric double. You can also use time honored methods such as dancing, chanting, drumming, as well as healthy physical and sexual activity. Think of Wicca and Shamanism as positive examples of this.

I remember one of the first meditations that I learned as a Rosicrucian. It was to sit in a chair with my feet on the ground and slowly visualize energy in the bottom of my feet, feel it go into my toes, my arches, my heels and gradually up my legs and body to eventually end up at the crown chakra and then back down the front of my body. Remember the etheric double is accessed where the physical body touches the ground, and if we are sitting in a chair it is where our feet touch the ground.

Think of all other types of grounding exercises and meditations such as hugging a tree or sitting with your back against a tree. Each and all of these work to integrate your normal awareness with your etheric double as much as possible. By doing these types of activities it is possible to activate several electrons or points of awareness at the level of the etheric double. Each activated point of awareness gives sensory input from this realm. Activating two points of awareness will give an archetypal awareness or black and white awareness which can sharpen your instincts of safety and danger…even if you don’t really understand why you feel at peace or threatened.

It’s also time to re-define the chakra levels and energies beginning with the lower emotional energies of the root chakra, beneath that the sexual energies of orgasm and beneath that the etheric energies of sensuality and the pleasures and pains of the flesh or skin…

Consider the similarities between some tantric practices and the sadist/masochist/dominance/submisive cultures and the immense sexual energies they generate. Consider also the Holy Grail/ witch’s cauldron/ horn of plenty which in reality is the merging of the magnetic energies of sex and orgasm on the astral planes and not the physical act of sex itself. You will begin to understand the deviant and why they act as they do to feed their lower astral bodies…

The main commonality is to raise the sexual tension to an incredible peak and draw it out for at least 30 minutes without releasing it. In many ways this means to flirt with danger and risk destroying the magical work by the act of physical sex itself. The fiction of Dion Fortune gives strong guidance on these concepts and how important such dynamic sexual tension really is to magical workings.

Also keep in mind that male energy first goes to the female until she is fulfilled and only then does she give birth to an astral/noble gas body for the male. It is much easier for the female to develop and integrate the Ka or etheric double than it is for a male. This is why females are often seen as witches. In fact, the entire practice of tantra is to teach the male  how to have full body orgasms like the female does without losing sperm energy. It is the magnetic waves of orgasm that pass through the body that act to build and strengthen the etheric double or any other noble gas body. This is easy for the female but extremely difficult for the male.

Lastly many of the strange sexual activities used in tantric and occult practices are simply ways to avoid pregnancy while achieving orgasm or near orgasm. Don’t over think it! Also consider how working with soulmate or divine counterpart crystalline energy is different from low level collective energy…consider the sacred and the profane…keep it sacred!

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