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Archive for December, 2017

Chapter 18B

Posted in fantasy, science fiction, Uncategorized on December 9, 2017| Leave a Comment »

“I can see that,” Rafe nodded. “Sure, I’ll be there. Where are we meeting anyway? It’s cold out there.”

“You getting soft in your old age?” Tobal joked. “You just keep lots of that grog on hand. I was thinking of meeting out by the central fire like we did last time.”

Rafe sighed, “Ok, right after circle then. Did you see Dirk made his fifth chevron?”

“Already congratulated him, how about you?”

“Maybe next time,” Rafe said. “The fights are getting more even. I can’t wait till you get to be a Journeyman and get your butt whipped all the time.” He chuckled.

“Well I’ve got to leave and get hold of Ellen.” He turned toward the door.

“Sure, changing the subject,” Rafe laughed as Tobal went out.

It was mid afternoon and he arranged with both Crow and Ellen to meet immediately after circle by the central fire. Ellen had changed into her robe and was getting ready for circle. She was one of the few non-ritual team members that was going to be wearing a robe. It was so cold most of the others including Tobal were wearing their furs to circle. He asked her about it.

“Oh, I’ll be alright,” she laughed. “I’ll be next to the fire and can keep warm there.”

“Well, I’ll have some extra blankets or furs by me if you get cold,” he told her.

“Thanks Tobal, but I won’t need them really. Especially tonight since I’m so keyed up.”

“What’s up?”

“I’m training to be High Priestess of the Journeyman Circle. It is quite different than this one. Misty will keep doing this one for awhile yet.”

“That’s great,” he grinned. “You will be High Priestess when I become Journeyman. You will probably get to initiate me again.”

She smiled, “we’ll just have to wait and see. I’ve got to get to the circle now though. See you later, ok?”

With that she gave Tobal a hug and he went looking for the girls. More and more he looked forward to the circle time he shared with Melanie and Becca and sometimes Nikki. He had come to think of it as something they did together as friends.

He had noticed the last few months that Melanie was spending a lot of time with Becca. Part of him was sad and upset but part of him was honest enough to realize Becca was a lot different than he had imagined her to be. He had been thinking about her quite a bit these last few days and didn’t really know why. She wasn’t at all what he had expected. She hadn’t shown the vicious, aggressive behavior she had during the disastrous night of the Halloween dance.

Instead, she seemed more aloof, unemotional and withdrawn as if she was hiding some deep secret or misery and keeping it to herself. It was only with Melanie that she seemed to cheer up and laugh about things. Several times he suspected they might be laughing about him but pushed that thought away. He was hoping to get a little time alone with Melanie. But it seemed that was not to be and with good humor he filled his tankard and moved over to sit beside the two girls.

“There any room for me?” He teased.

Melanie and Becca both jumped with delight and took turns giving him a hug and a kiss. Melanie’s hug was delicious and his arms folded around her as their lips met in a kiss that was longer and more passionate than he had been expecting. He took his time thoroughly enjoying it and almost regretfully stepped back.

“My turn”, Becca quipped and stepped up to him with a glint in her green eyes he didn’t recognize. She pulled the hood off and shook her red hair so that it cascaded freely around the fur of her jacket. Then she reached up and pulled his own hood back and ran her fingers through the hair at his temples till her fingers found the back of his neck and pulled his lips down to hers.

It seemed as if the universe had stopped and there was only this one moment frozen in eternity as he breathed her essence into his lungs and heart and breathed his back into her. Almost reflexively his arms tightened around her and crushed her against his body. Their lips fed on each other with a passion that consumed them in a whirlwind of feelings he had never felt before.

He moved first lifting his head up and shifting his grip as he stepped back. Her eyes met his in a soundless plea that he couldn’t answer. He saw the hurt come into her eyes as he moved back and looked away.

“Wow,” he said. “ I need to sit down after all that and I’d better sit between you two so you don’t fight over me.”

Instantly he knew that he had done and said the wrong thing. Both girls instantly went from being glad to see him to cold as death itself. He pulled the hood back up and so did Becca. They sat in frozen silence.

He tried joking and asking about their month but nothing worked. He was actually relieved when Nikki came over to join them. If Nikki noticed that anything was wrong she didn’t mention it and soon all three girls were laughing and telling stories between initiations.

They were however, very curious and envious of his new decorative clothing. He told them Crow had taught him. He opened his fur coat and showed the beautiful beadwork and porcupine needles stitched carefully and decoratively on the comfortable buckskin clothing he was wearing.

“How does Crow know these things?” Becca asked curiously. “I thought you were supposed to be training him. Not he training you?”

The girls laughed and Tobal blushed. “I just got lucky,” he said. “Crow grew up in a village about two hundred miles west of here.” He instantly wished he hadn’t said anything about the village.

“You mean the rogue village?” Nikki asked.

“You really need to talk with Crow about that,” he said. “I’d really like to stay and chat,” he said. “But I’ve got to talk with Rafe and Ellen right now.”

“You are always talking with Rafe or Ellen.” Nikki pouted. “You spend more time talking with them then you do with us. What’s that about anyway? Are you too good for us?”

That last comment had a little bite to it and Melanie and Becca looked at each other. Tobal didn’t like to leave things that way. It just didn’t seem right. He sighed.

“It’s about increased rogue activity,” he said. “I’ll tell you about it later if you are really interested.”

“You promise?” Melanie asked suddenly suspicious. “There’s something going on that you are not telling us. You can’t lie worth a damn Tobal. No one is in danger are they?”

“We don’t really know.” He pleaded. “I’ve got to go. I’ll talk later ok?”

Then he stood up and left before they stopped him or asked if they could come with. He went around to the other side of the fire circle and waited, painfully aware that Nikki, Melanie, and Becca were not leaving the fire circle either. They were going to watch the meeting from across the fire.

Rafe was the first to join and then Crow. Ellen came last. She had changed out of her robe into furs. She smiled at Tobal.

“I almost took you up on that offer.” She said shivering. “I was freezing on one side and roasting on the other side all night. You were right. I should have worn my furs. I didn’t really need the robe.”

She looked at the others, “Are we ready?”

Tobal cleared his throat hesitantly. “We might have a problem.”

All three turned to look at him expectantly.

“Becca, Melanie and Nikki are on to us. They know something is up and want to know about it. They are sitting across the fire from us now.”

Crow, Ellen and Rafe turned and looked across the fire and the three girls smiled and waved at them.

Ellen sighed, “I still don’t think we should tell any more people than we need to about this. This could be very dangerous and I don’t even want you talking to any of the other medics about it. Please?”

Reluctantly they all agreed and turned back toward the issue at hand with Ellen taking the leadership role.

“There are still many tracks around the lake area.” She told them. “I continue to patrol it every other day but never see anyone. I am convinced they know when I am coming because of my med-alert bracelet. They know I am coming and hide.”

“It gets worse,” she said. “There is a growing rumor the rogues are from the primitive village west of here. There is another rumor that the city is planning an attack on the village to make the area safe for all those that are claiming sanctuary.

“They are planning to attack my village!” Crow demanded. “Why? We have no technology to track people like you say the rogues do. We do not even have med-alert bracelets. I need to leave immediately and warn my grandfather.” He got up to leave but Tobal stopped him.

“You said your grandfather, Howling Wolf has trained you in the ways of the shaman?”

Crow nodded in the affirmative, his dark eyes flashing. “Yes, that is true.”

“Well,” Tobal suggested. “Can you get a spirit message to your grandfather instead so you don’t have to travel there physically?”

Crow pondered the question and Tobal could see he was visibly relaxing. “Yes, I can send a message to him that way. I will do it tonight after this meeting.”

“Good,” he said. “That means you can use next month to complete your solo. It would be a shame to not finish your solo since you have worked so hard at it.”

“I will ask Grandfather,” Crow said stiffly. “I will do as he suggests. My own parents were massacred and buried in a mass grave. I don’t want my grandfather or my village to suffer the same fate.”

The mention of Howing Wolf jarred something loose inside Tobal’s mind and he tried fitting things together. Howling Wolf just knew too much and was in the center of too many things. He had trained his parents in bi-location and hand-fasted them together. He had built the cairn over the mass grave by the waterfall. He was somehow in contact with Sarah’s father. Perhaps it was Howling Wolf the rogues were interested in and not the village itself.

“Maybe they are interested in Howling Wolf and not the village?”

“That would mean my sister and I would be in even greater danger,” Crow told him.

Rafe said, “We need to know more about the village and the city of Heliopolis. We also need to know more about the sanctuary program.” He looked at Ellen. “Is there anyway you can research some local history on the computer and find out what the official story line is on all this stuff? I’m getting so many versions that my head is going to split.”

Ellen nodded, “That’s a good idea. I’ll see what I can dig up for our next meeting. Now”, she turned to Crow, “Can you fill me in on what you’ve told Tobal.”

Crow again told the story of the Lord and Lady and the research at the lake. He told of the part his parents and his grandfather had played in it. He also mentioned how the Lord and Lady had taught his grandfather and the others in a secret location to go on special journeys where they would disappear and return at a later time bringing objects back with them. That’s when he floored Ellen and Rafe by saying the Lord and Lady, Tobal’s parents were still alive and needed their help.

Ellen was visibly shaken and didn’t know what to say. She finally asked how the Lord and Lady spoke to him and questioned him about his experiences. Tobal had forgotten Ellen was training as a High Priestess for the Journeyman degree and was expected to speak with the Lord and Lady. She was obviously having some trouble with the concept that the Lord and Lady were Tobal’s parents and that they were still alive as physical beings.

It was shortly after that when she excused herself and the meeting was over. Crow went to warn his grandfather the village might be attacked and he might be in danger. Rafe stayed for a few extra minutes talking with Tobal.

Tobal wondered why Ellen felt none of the Masters/medics could be trusted. It seemed strange since Rafe knew several of them and trusted them. Perhaps it was not the people, Rafe suggested. Perhaps it had something to do with the job of being a medic that made it dangerous to confide in them. Anyway it was a puzzle with no ready answer.

Perhaps Rafe would learn the answer when he became a Master. He was at four chevrons and could get his fifth and sixth at any time. Rafe especially would be seeing Ellen on a regular basis at Journeyman circles and could get word from Tobal to her in case of an emergency. On that note they separated and went on to other things.

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Difference

Posted in fantasy, German literature, Uncategorized on December 9, 2017| Leave a Comment »

Difference

The bright tears, like light dew,
That my lovely boy cries,
Dry quickly, when the warm
Summer sun shines once more.

But mine are like rain drops
In a bleak autumnal world,
Frozen to ice over night,
And fall down, tear after tear.

-Mia Holm
translated by Joe Bandel

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Learn Your False Responses

Posted in ascension, fifth density, light workers, Mensa, prophecy, Radical Satanism, Satanism, Uncategorized on December 9, 2017| Leave a Comment »

We all have false responses. That’s when we feel one way and act another way. Someone might ask if we are ok and we tell them we are when we really are not ok.

Other examples of false responses are never completing things we start; feeling the grass is always greener somewhere else; never asking someone out on a date because we fear rejection.

Over and over again our false responses get in our way and cause us to trip and fall right before we reach the finish line. False responses are rationalizations and lies that we tell ourselves to avoid confronting the things that need to be owned and accepted before we can move closer toward our goals.

In most cases our false responses are protection mechanisms created to avoid unpleasant situations. We live with someone we don’t love for the sake of the children or stay at a job where we are not treated like a human being because we fear unemployment.

We are all blessed with a wide range of sensory awareness and life experience. Our physical human bodies are fully integrated and functional. At least they try to be unless we frustrate and block them with our false responses.

What I’m trying to say here is that our false responses divide and separate who we are and what we feel. They make us feel divided and lead to stress and perhaps mental or emotional illness. When we want something and can’t get it there are two paths we can follow. The easiest option is to rationalize and lie to ourselves that someone or something is preventing us from the achievement of that goal. As long as the cause of our personal failure lies external to us we have no reason to change or try harder.

The second path is much harder. We have to own up to the fact that our own actions have brought us to our current situation and our own actions must carry us forward out of them. The reason we can’t achieve our goal is because we are either doing something wrong or are not ready yet. When we hit the brick wall we need to realize that it usually manifests when we are going in the wrong direction.

Rationalizations and lies are mental in nature. This means that mentally we can’t find a way that will reach our goal. It does no good to tell ourselves that our body is wrong or that our emotions are wrong. We sense what we sense and we feel what we feel. Those are true things. We just don’t fully understand them.

The mental nature needs to be in harmony with the physical body and the emotions. This is obvious but how can we do this? Research and exploration. Research the goal and study how others go about achieving it. An in depth study of any subject will show that it is not exactly what we imagined it to be. Being a writer is much more hard work than I ever imagined it to be. I had no idea that material needed to be re-written up to ten times before it was presentable as a book.

Having a loving and sexual relationship with a partner has been nothing at all like I thought it would be. It’s much more work than I ever dreamed but it is also much more satisfying.

When we first try to achieve a goal we don’t know what it takes to reach that goal. Our expectations are not realistic. We can either stop trying and rationalize why we can’t have what we want or we can research and learn to have more realistic expectations. False responses are when our mental nature gives up.

Learning by doing and having a gentle gradient are the most powerful ways of breaking through false responses. Taking things by baby steps and mastering each small step at a time will break through any false response and replace it with a true success. This is much better than wanting too much too fast and then crashing and burning.

At the completion of each baby step we learn more about our goal. Our expectations become more realistic and we might even find we only thought we wanted that goal. What we really want is something else entirely. We can’t even discover that deeper truth until our curiosity is satisfied about the first one.

Learning and satisfying our curiosity clear the way for advancement to what really matters. This does not mean to give in to every stray whim and fancy. That is what our mental natures are for. When fully integrated they recognize these physical and emotional impulses and understand them for what they are, sensory data and impressions.

Our mental natures discern harmful or negative possibilities and steer us around bad experiences while affirming those feelings and impressions. It’s ok to look as long as you don’t touch. You’ve got your own at home.

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Submission To The Shadow

Posted in ascension, fifth density, light workers, Mensa, prophecy, Radical Satanism, Satanism, Uncategorized on December 9, 2017| Leave a Comment »

Submission to the Shadow or Etheric Double or Power Animal is very different than submission to your HGA. For one thing instead of the death of the ego you confront the loss of your humanity. You become a human animal for a time at least.

For me first contact came as an act of will. I willed the point of my awareness to plunge as deeply into the blackness as possible. It was like falling into a pit or being sucked into a black hole. There was fear of what I might encounter but not of loosing who I was.

We might say the first step in submission to the Shadow is the intentional act of falling into darkness. Like an air bubble in the water you can’t stay there and come back up. When you come back up you bring an attachment of dark energy with you and raise it up as high as you can to connect it with the light.

We might say the second step is raising the black energy up into us as high as possible in an effort to fill us with it.

I had a vivid dream over ten years ago of standing on the shore of a mighty ocean fishing. I caught this huge monster that was all teeth and pulled it up onto the shore. As it came onto the shore I realized that I could control it through the line that connected us together. I called it my “alligator puppy”. Somehow I knew that it was not my enemy but my friend and I would need it to fight my battles and to protect me from harm.

We might say the third step is the realization our Shadow is not a monster but a friend with the sacred task of protecting us from harm. My “alligator puppy” was not my Shadow but a shadow aspect that was integrated. I was learning to live and exist in the same astral world as my Shadow. This “alligator puppy” was in competition with my Shadow.

Our shadow is buried under our twisted fears and distorted thinking. Everything evil and unclean is thrown on top of it. Everything we hate and despise as not us is falsely thrust upon our Shadow. The shadow and the black energy is not evil. It is sacred and pure. It is the blackness of the womb before birth. It is the blackness of the earth that gives life. We might say the fourth step is the purification of our black energy.

As we begin to use our own black energy others send their black “shit” energy our way as well. We must learn to transmute and detoxify any type of black energy so we can use it as we wish. This means becoming immune to the toxic effects of other peoples black energy. We might say this period is one of attracting bad things and learning to cope with them.

Developing other astral bodies was a key part in the submission to the shadow. Every astral body I developed over several years was fought over astrally with a giant serpent or dragon. For a long time I thought the serpent was an alien life form. Later I came to realize it was my true Shadow. It was my task to control it and it didn’t want to be controlled.

Only after all seven astral bodies were fully developed would the final integration of the Shadow take place. I opened a portal where my feet touched the earth and a glowing yellow greenish light came forth. I lifted the greenish light and surrounded myself in it like a cocoon. It sealed me inside like an egg. It was tough and rubbery and pulled my astral bodies down into the earth and intensified my earth connection.

Many times I would raise energy out of the earth and surround myself in the blackness. More importantly I did Russian Kettlebell exercises. The Shadow is created out of physical energies not sexual or emotional energies. The only way to integrate the Shadow is to generate lots of physical energy through hard physical exertions.

When the integration finally happened I was intoxicated with the power I felt around me. My spirit was walking in the underworld of the Shaman. I was able to function in the world of Voodoo and reconnect with my ancestors. The mighty serpent had become my “soul mate” and was constantly at my side.

As time went on my Shadow or power animal appeared to be evolving to become more human. I can’t really say when the integration happened but I can say that I went a bit crazy. I gave away everything I owned and moved to Washington DC to live with a woman I had only met once. I knew that I was strong enough to start my life over from scratch and I did.

People around me felt the black earth energy and were afraid of me. They thought I had gone crazy or “evil”. Just as quickly my life normalized and I moved back to Minnesota to rebuild my life as a new person. The implications of integrating my Shadow are new and I’m still learning as things happen. What I can say is that the longing for an earth connection and the black energy has resulted in a polarity shift and my soul now seeks the light as it so recently craved the darkness.

I have become rooted in the energy of the earth as firmly as a giant OAK tree. I do not doubt the strength of this connection.

I feel the dark energy rising and bringing its own influence and insight into my life. For the first time in ten years I am reading philosophical literature and developing a modern magic paradigm. This is not head tripping but something much more real and immediate that works. It is connected to the earth.

My soul no longer attracts “black energy” and negative events. Good things are happening and my ability to draw positive things and manifest them physically is the strongest it has ever been in my life.

I feel the black swirl around me at times in a comforting way that is very hard to describe. I am learning to trust in its strength. I am feeling the magic.

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OAK Tarot Of Love And Romance The Suit Of Wands

Posted in ascension, fifth density, light workers, Mensa, Radical Satanism, Satanism, tantra, tantrism, Uncategorized on December 9, 2017| Leave a Comment »

In the Tarot the suit of Wands represents spiritual energy and the element fire. Fire has always been a symbol of light and passion. This energy comes to us through inspiration and illumination.

It is an extremely abstract form of thought that is beyond the normal intellect but still valid. It is the energy of the God and Goddess that resides within each of us. Spiritual energy is extremely volatile and is the first energy that is exchanged normally between the male and the female. It has to do with the vague and general stereotypes that we have of the opposite sex. This is when we worship the person we fall in love with.

This is also called “Puppy Love”. We are in love with the idea of being in love and not really in love with our partner. We worship them but don’t really know them. This is also an important part of the chemistry or lack of it between individuals.

This sharing of energy follows a pattern that sets the tone for the other suits as well.

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Gaia Ascension Update Politics And Fifty Shades Of Gray

Posted in ascension, earth changes, end times, fifth density, light workers, Mensa, prophecy, Radical Satanism, Satanism, Uncategorized on December 9, 2017| Leave a Comment »

On the one hand I don’t have much to write about concerning Gaia’s ascension movement and on the other there is so much to write about! It’s really kind of strange. Most of it comes down to the ability or inability to integrate duality instead of insist upon a conflict of opposites. People refuse to see the shades of gray that exist and it’s causing them problems!

My first example is Trump’s formal recognition of Jerusalem and the capital of Israel. This is arguably the most powerful thing he has done as president. So many people are upset because they don’t see that nothing prevents Palestine from also having Jerusalem as it’s own capital! For the first time a true win-win possibility opens up if people could only see it.

Now let’s take a look at the Democrat’s idiotic anti-Trump reactive flailing around and hurting themselves. We are now in a new age with new energy dynamics and things don’t work the way they used to. Duality doesn’t work the way it used to. Anyone that gets caught up in conflict goes down. It’s that simple! Now Trump may be accused of bear baiting, but he’s not in a fight with anyone. He simply focuses on the goal and reaches it! Over and over again! The Democrats are so caught up in opposition that they can’t see what it happening.

Lastly the Divine Feminine is in full rise and once more the issue lies with the integration of duality and sexuality and not the conflict of opposites. Some people never learn. There are balanced win-win situations and shades of gray. The Democrats are eating their own by so viciously casting out Frankin and Conyers’ in the hopes that this will create a movement that will sweep Trump out of office. No, it won’t even come close. Why? Because there are fifty shades of gray! The true predators on both sides will be exposed. But this will happen in a fair and balanced way without the over reaction that the Democrats are trying to stir up!

This entire past year has shown that the general population of sane people refuses to get stirred up and carried away by the hysteria on the far left. When will people begin to learn that you can’t manipulate people any more the way that they used to be manipulated? The new energies support individualism, not collectivism.

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13th Century Missing Link The Bogomil’s

Posted in ascension, fifth density, light workers, Mensa, Radical Satanism, Satanism, Uncategorized on December 9, 2017| Leave a Comment »

The 13th century was critical. Everything was converging at that point and we are going to talk about some of them. What was going on with the Bogomil’s? Those mysterious people of the near East, that originated in the Caucasus region.

We saw that some moved into southern France and became part of the Cathar population. But they also settled into Bosnia and Herzegovina.

Bogomil is a word that means dear to God or close to God. They didn’t use the cross or build churches. In the 10th century some of them settled into the part of Bulgaria that is today Macedonia. They were opposed to the government and opposed to the Church. They were a form of Christianity that called for a return to the early spiritual teachings of Jesus and were dualists believing in duality and Gnostics as I have mentioned before.

I believe that the entire concept of Organic Gnosticism came from these people. That these people carried on the tradition of Organic Gnosticism that I have been trying to trace up through history. One of the things they believed was that there is a world within the body and there is a world outside the body. That sounds very much like the astral nonphysical world and the physical world.

They believed that their body was a temple, and I suspect very much that they taught tantric sexuality, the duality of male and female, and how the sharing of male and female energies created the soul.

Here are a few things we do know they believed in. They practiced fasting, celebrating and dancing. They were also called Messalians. That’s the name of a group that went way back to first century Christianity.

At the end of the 12th century the Bogomil’s settled in Bosnia and Dalmatia. Bogomilism was eradicated in Bulgaria and Byzantium in the 13th century. They were exterminated there, but they survived in Bosnia and Herzegovina until the 15th century. Both the Catholic Church and the Greek Orthodox church persecuted them as heretics.

They were first condemned as heretics in the Synod of 383 A.D. So they had been around a long time. They taught a variant of Christianity that was considered heretical but here is an interesting point. It was considered mystical materialism! That sounds a lot like Organic Gnosticism! So I think that I’m on the right track.

One of their beliefs was that the essence of the Trinity could be perceived through the carnal senses. In other words, sexuality played a part in the creation of the soul.

The threefold God transformed into a single substance, where the essence of the soul itself is balanced, with male and female male energy joining to create a third energy that creates the soul of the Perfecti. This sounds very tantric to me.

They also taught that God took different forms to reveal himself to the physical senses. So this was a religion that taught the full spectrum of human perception. It wasn’t just in the head. It wasn’t a head trippy thing or a spiritual thing. It involved the emotions and all the senses.

It was the communion of souls in a religious embrace of everything that existed. They also maintained that those revelations of God that could be perceived through the senses conferred perfection upon the Christian. In other words, you couldn’t just be in your head. It had to be the whole thing. It had to include the emotions. It had to include sexuality. It had to include everything for a person to attain the state of perfection.

All that was required was worship and prayer. The Church didn’t have anything to do with it. The sacraments didn’t have anything to do with it.

This also sounds very much like tantra because tantra is the practice of doing. They did not believe in ritual. They did not believe in Church. They did not believe in government. They believed that the original teachings of Jesus taught that salvation was attained through prayer and worship. Once a person experienced the essence of God, they became free from moral obligations. They became free from karma.

The last thing that identifies these people as the carriers of Organic Gnosticism is that they had both male and female teachers. That is very profound and places this type of dualism as both the blending and the embrace of male and female. It recognized the equality of men and women.

The other variants of Christianity that were forming or had formed did not have this equality and balance between males and females.

One last note on this. The Bogomil’s or the Messalians were accused of incest, cannibalism and debauchery. Think about the Church’s views on women and sexuality.

It really seems to me that this is the missing link for Organic Gnosticism that comes in from the east through the 12th-century and 13th-century into those critical areas.

By this time they’ve already been eradicated in southern France along with the Cathars.

But these beliefs are still deeply hidden in their hearts and what this is doing is setting up the stage for alchemy and the alchemists.

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Chapter 18A

Posted in fantasy, science fiction, Uncategorized on December 9, 2017| Leave a Comment »

Chapter 18

By the middle of December Tobal felt he had learned twice as much from Crow as he had learned from Rafe and was certain the boy could have soloed any time he wanted to.

He had also been practicing the drills and exercises Crow had instructed him in and was getting steady results. These exercises always stirred up deeply buried and repressed emotions from his past and troubled his dreams with threatening ghostly images. His dreams were vivid and violent. As he persisted with the exercises his dreaming self became more powerful and he was able to change the outcome of his dreams.

“The shaman must be able to travel in three worlds,” Crow told Tobal one evening in the middle of December. “There is the underworld that contains the land of the dead and creatures of the earth. There is the spirit world that is full of wondrous creatures of light and there is the real world.

The shaman must be able to travel in any of these worlds because he never knows where a missing soul part has been taken. The hardest and most difficult soul retrievals are when the missing pieces are taken to the land of the dead. Even the most experienced shaman fears this place and will only go there with a protector. The Lord and Lady are my protectors,” he said proudly. “They brought the spirits of my parents out from the land of the dead and allowed them to speak with me.”

“There is something missing in your aura Tobal,” he told him. “That is why you need a soul retrieval. A part of your soul is missing and needs to be brought back before you can become whole and happy.” Crow said, “You were right about no evil within the circle. The Lord and Lady protect it at all times. But they have told me they are growing weaker and able to protect clansmen as they once were. There is trouble coming soon and I will need to do another soul retrieval besides yours. They said it is very important that I be prepared.”

They did the soul retrieval for Tobal one night the week before circle. Crow made him lie down on the mat and then started drumming in the small teepee. That was all Tobal remembered because he fell asleep. When he awoke Crow was grinning at him and shaking him gently. He was holding a hollow bone in his hand.

“Tobal, wake up,” Crow was shaking him. “I have the missing part of your soul right here and am ready to give it back to you.” He continued, “You left it with someone and they don’t want it anymore. But you do need to give this person a gift in return. It is very important. Do you understand?”

Tobal nodded groggily as he was not yet awake. Then Crow put the hollow bone to his mouth and blew into Tobal’s face and on
his chest. A small dust like powder came out of the bone and covered him. He felt a wave of emotion and energy enter into his lungs and heart as tears of joy formed in his eyes. He didn’t know what had happened but something dead inside his heart was rekindled in a blaze of light and happiness. He wondered at the change in himself over the next couple days. He also wondered who and what Crow really
was.

Tobal noticed the medics flying around much more during the winter months as they kept closer tabs on everyone to see they were doing all right. When Tobal announced at circle that Crow was ready to solo many elders were concerned about his size and age. They almost didn’t allow it. It took the testimony of several medics to confirm the activities of Tobal and Crow during the past two months before the elders agreed. Tobal was shocked at the extent his activities had been monitored. He had suspected some monitoring but never suspected the true extent the medics monitored things. He was gladder than ever that he had not tried going back to the lake.

Anne, Derdre and Seth were proclaimed ready to solo. The elders were giving the same exhaustive grilling to each of them they had given Crow. In this bitter weather there were no second chances and accidents did happen. There had been one death this past month. A Journeyman had gotten caught in a snow slide and the medics had not been able to rescue him in time. Any type of solo activity was kept to an absolute minimum if possible. The medics especially kept a close eye on the newbies that were soloing during the winter months and encouraged everyone else to partner up and use the buddy system.

The Circle of Elders consisted of Masters and was voluntary. They determined if newbies were ready to solo and mediated any disputes among clansmen. They also awarded the chevrons to both Apprentices and to Journeymen.

Ellen had always served on it since Tobal had been there. It had been her support that decided the other elders in favor of letting Crow solo. Of course she knew Crow was Howling Wolf’s grandson from the village but she never mentioned it. Tobal made a special note that he needed to talk with Ellen later that night. He wanted to know if she had found out anything about the rogue attacks.

He saw Sarah bundled in her furs and walked over giving her a big hug and a kiss.

“How are things going?”he asked.

“I didn’t realize how cold it gets out here.” She grinned. “I don’t think I’ve really been warm since I left home. We spend a lot of time getting wood for the fire.”

“How is Ben doing?” He laughed. “He’s getting his initiation tonight right?”

“Oh, he’s really doing well,” she grinned excitedly. “He will be initiated tonight and train with me for another month. If he can solo in this weather, he can survive in anything. I think he will be ready to solo next month if he wants to.” Her face got serious. “I wouldn’t force him to solo in this weather if he didn’t want to. I wouldn’t force anyone to solo in weather like this. You have to be part crazy to enjoy being out in weather like this living off the land.”

“It gets easier the longer you are out here,” he comforted her. “Either that or we just get crazier the longer we are out here.” He chuckled, “Perhaps there is some of both.”

Tobal was really proud of how well Sarah had been doing with Ben. She had come a long way from the girl in the antique shop he had once known. She had strength and a confidence that made her very attractive. This had been good for her.

There was a howling wind with blowing snow and no one seemed in any hurry to get into his or her robes. Everyone kept wearing their furs and stayed huddled together close to the fires. Warm spiced drinks were even more popular than the beer was. There was a festive feeling in the air and people were in high spirits.

This was the Yule celebration and the celebration of new light into the earth and into the spirit. It marked the time when the days started getting longer and carried the promise of spring. It was half way through the winter season and by now a person knew if they were prepared for the winter or not. It was also a time of giving and sharing with others. Cabin fever often made the long winter months difficult and this halfway spot gave everyone relief. As many clansmen as possible tried making it into circle for the Yule celebration and the relief of having other people to talk to.

Zee, Kevin and Wayne’s newbies had each completed their solo and were being congratulated. That made two chevrons for Zee, Kevin and Wayne. He made a point to go over and congratulate them too. Soloing in the middle of the winter was not that easy. Many of the Apprentices still had some trouble just surviving and staying warm. This was Tobal’s first winter and he wasn’t finding it that easy himself. Or rather it wasn’t a simple walk in the park like summer had been.

In the winter you really had to work for food and firewood and you had to deal with the long nights cooped up in the teepee. Especially if you were by yourself. The loneliness was very hard to deal with.

Wayne had been Char’s teacher. Char came to Yule with her partner. He spent a little time chatting with them but Char was obviously not in a good mood and he soon gave it up and moved on.

The Yule celebration was to be an entire week of feasting and celebration. Since travel was so difficult most clan members elected to stay a few extra days and party. It had become the tradition. Hunters went out and brought enough food to keep the camp in meat. People brought dried herbs and vegetables they had saved for the communal stew pot.

Tobal had brought more honey as a special treat. Some of the medics had somehow managed to find flour and baking supplies. Bread was a welcome change in a diet that had so much meat during the winter time. They also brought frozen vegetables from somewhere that reminded everyone of the coming spring and lush vegetation.

The newbies that were going to solo were allowed to stay for the first and second day of events but then needed to leave. The first day of the celebration was like a normal Circle day with the initiations and drum circle in the evenings. The second day continued with a talent show in the afternoon and a special Yule Ritual and meditation in the evening. That was when Tobal planned on giving his gifts to his friends before Crow left on his solo.

The things Crow had told him about his parents kept going through his mind circling restlessly. Was it possible they really were alive after all these years? Could he train himself enough so they would be able to talk with him like they did to Crow? What about his uncle? Why had his uncle not told him these things?

Was it because of the classified nature of the project or didn’t he really know. It was pretty obvious his uncle didn’t believe anyone was still alive that worked with his parents or he would have agreed to let him go to Old Seattle in the first place.

What did they mean when his parents told Crow they were getting weaker? Were they dying? Is that why the rogue attacks seemed to be increasing? They needed to find the secret meeting place his parents used before they died?

Tobal hoped not. His uncle had said he had closed the program down. Why were his parents still captive?

Questions that just led to more questions and no real answers. They made his head spin. All he knew for sure was that Crow needed to talk with Ellen and Rafe before he left. He had better set a meeting up for tonight during the party. With that in mind he first turned to look for Rafe at the Beer barrel and brewery.

“You’ve got five chevrons now!” He slapped Dirk on the back and raised a foaming mug in salute. “Soon you are going to make medic and be riding one of those drafty air sleds all over the mountains saving our asses.”

“Next month,” Dirk grinned. “I’ve got it planned. Going to challenge someone I know I can beat. It’s a sure thing.”

“Are you really that sure of beating this person?”

Dirk grinned, “I hope so. I can use a change of life style. Kind of boring making beer all month except when I’m getting beat up. Hey, try some of this hot stuff Rafe and I cooked up. It’s like a spiced grog.” He handed Tobal a wooden bowl full of a hot liquid with floating things in it.

Tobal suspiciously sipped it, “That’s really good! I think I’ll have more when I finish this beer. It’s warm too! Just what I need right now. Where’s Rafe hanging out? I need to ask him something.”

“He’s in the brew house getting another batch of grog ready.”

“Thanks, I’ll go check on him.”

“There you are!” He called as he stepped inside the warm log building that served as a brewery. Rafe looked like a mad scientist hunched over a steaming bucket of grog he was stirring vigorously. He smiled as he looked up.

“Tobal! What brings you here? Are we out of grog? Did Dirk send you?”

“Not really,” he said. “I’m just trying to get together a meeting between you, Ellen, Crow and myself tonight after circle. I think it’s important and want to get it over with before Crow leaves on his solo. That makes tonight the best time.”

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Then And Now

Posted in fantasy, German literature, Uncategorized on December 9, 2017| Leave a Comment »

Then and Now

Like a torn out tendril
I fell captive to the power of your storm,
Giving way like a weak plank
Under the waves of your passion.

But now I tower, an oak,
On which your storm breaks powerless,
And, like a rocky cliff, I do not yield
To the force of your waves.

-Mia Holm 1990
translated by Joe Bandel

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You Cannot Change What You Don’t Recognize

Posted in ascension, earth changes, end times, fifth density, light workers, Mensa, Radical Satanism, Satanism, Uncategorized on December 9, 2017| Leave a Comment »

We are completely unaware of most of our self-defeating behaviors. If we knew what they were it would be easier to build defenses against them. Some of these come out or our blind spots. Several years ago I learned I had disabilities that were affecting my life. I went to Vocational Rehab and took some tests and evaluations to find out why I was over forty years old and still having trouble making my life work.

These evaluations showed that I had an auditory learning disability. I had trouble processing too much verbal material at one time. Once the material was learned I was fine but learning through listening did not work well for me.

Another issue was short-term memory loss due to a head injury as a teenager. It was not bad but where the normal person can hold five items in short term memory I struggle to hold four. As I get older I need to write things down even more than ever. My fine motor skills are also lower than average. I scored an 80%.

Why was I always attracted to jobs that needed nimble fingers? I was sinking my own ship. Now let’s combine this with a personality that has trouble with authority figures and a slight tendency toward passive aggressive behavior and see what we get.

Memories flash of an employer getting angry at me because I didn’t understand what I was supposed to do and I would forget things that I was told. I couldn’t remember them all. It also seemed like I was working too slowly even though I couldn’t work any faster. I wouldn’t ask for help or clarification because I didn’t want to appear stupid.

I am not stupid but I was appearing stupid and couldn’t understand why I kept having problems. Getting these evaluations were a lifesaver for me. They helped me understand why I was having troubles and also what my strengths were as well.

I have a genius IQ and a near photographic memory for visual things. I take tests well. I have very good communication skills and high mechanical aptitude. I am very good at outside the box thinking and administrative tasks. I have a good understanding of human nature and people trust me. Let’s take physical health as another example. Do you know just how healthy or unhealthy you are? Last year I discovered I have high blood pressure and sleep apnea. Both were fairly severe. I will need to be on blood pressure medication and a CPAP machine for sleeping the rest of my life.

I was not really aware of any of these things. I assumed other people had many of the same problems and issues. I thought it was just as hard for them as it was for me. I didn’t want to believe there was something wrong with me. I wanted to be just a good as the next person. I did not recognize my own limitations.

The trouble was that my life was not working and I was into middle age. What about your life? If it is working great! If it is not working it might be wise to take a few minutes and think about why. Take a few examinations, talk to some friends and experts. Get second opinions. Discover what your blind spots are. We all have them.

If you are running into a brick wall perhaps you are going in the wrong direction even if you feel it is the right direction. The biggest thing anyone can recognize is when they are putting out tremendous effort and it is not working. One of the great secrets in life is to take what works and turn it into the things you want. The things that don’t work will never turn into anything except more failures.

Let go of the things that don’t work and focus on the things that do work. When you are refreshed and full of successful energy tackle those old issues and interests from positions of strength and not weakness. In the area of relationships realize that no matter how much one person might want things to work out, both people need to want it. Both people need to work at it. If only one person is trying the relationship is already lost.

If you are not getting some type of reward or gain from the effort you put out something is wrong. This is a red flag that you need to recognize. When you continue doing what you are doing you will continue to get the results that you are getting. Evaluate the results you are getting and determine if they are enough.

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