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The Joy Of Sorrow

The Joy of Sorrow

Seeing you happy and loved,
I can’t begrudge you,
I gave you some of that bliss,
Never my sorrows.

There are sorrows, so deep and beautiful,
That they don’t hurt any more.
Such a magical sorrow,
Lives in my heart.

-Mia Holm
translated by Joe Bandel

Happiness, prosperity, health and romantic love are the rewards of a competent productive and honest life. We learn by successfully doing. These things are all based on self-esteem. Self-esteem is dependent on our ability to get results from our efforts. When we get positive results from our efforts our self-esteem increases. Self-esteem allows us to feel we have earned these things and we deserve them because of our competence. We feel good about what we have.

A high level of self-esteem requires total honesty and objectivity. What brings results one day will not always bring the same results the next day. When our efforts do not produce satisfactory results we must ruthlessly throw out those things that do not work and replace them with things that will work. This means having the ability to constantly try new things and improve upon old ones.

It also involves problem solving to discover why you are not getting the results you want. Do not throw away your life’s blood on things that do not bring results. Self-esteem is related to our ability to survive and prosper physically and independently in the real world. It happens when we have that feeling of being in control of our life and able to deal with anything. That is when we feel the happiest and most content. Self-esteem comes from taking our own power and using it through focused effort to achieve our goals in life.

The main point here is that so many people choose to throw their lives away getting poor or no results for their efforts. Much of the time this is because they are busy doing things that external authorities are telling them to do. “If I do what I am told, I will get rewarded.” This is the sick mindset that prevails in our world today. The simple truth is that the system is fixed or rigged and the only people that are successful are those that play outside the system and take unfair advantage.

External authorities will tell you what rules to follow but they will not follow those same rules in the same manner that you are expected to. There is a double standard at work and we loose!

All that I am trying to say is stop and take a real honest assessment of what is happening in your life. Are you moving toward your goals? Are you making gains every day no matter how small? Find those things you are successful in and explore them to find how they can grow even more. Seriously consider getting rid of the dead wood.

PS: I have started a Facebook discussion group called Organic Gnosticism. Feel free to join if you are interested.

ASTRAL ELEMENTS WITH ONE ELECTRON SHELL

Element #2 Helium
This element is an odorless gas and one of the noble gases. This element also has one complete electron shell. Because it’s shell is complete it serves as a natural barrier in it’s astral aspect. It resists attempts to pierce through it and is one of the veils mentioned in occult literature.
This barrier separates first “chakra” energies from second “chakra” energies. It also stabilizes first “chakra” energies.

Element #1 Hydrogen
This is the smallest and simplest atom known. It is also the most abundant element in the universe. It is found also in the sun and stars.
This element forms what is known to occultists as the “light body”. Only first “chakra” personality types can raise their awareness to the level where this “body of light” is formed.
“Helium” personality types function here on the surface or top of the helium layer or veil. They are able to gain use and control of the lower astral levels by anchoring this “higher” awareness at the top of the astral veil where only “hydrogen” personality types offer any threat.
“Hydrogen” personality types can gain the ability to function in full awareness at all levels of the astral planes. They can also travel in “awareness” through the cosmic circuit as light and electrical pulses. Such experiences do not last long but a memory of them can be retained.

In summary, elements with one electron shell have two divisions.

DIVISION LX

This is the barrier or veil that separates first “chakra” energy from second “chakra” energy. It “isolates” the “tank” current of this group of elements and tries to maintain the stability of this level of the earth’s astral layers.

DIVISION LXI

This is the level of the “body of light” described by occultists. Awareness at this level can give full awareness of the “cosmic circuit”.

DIVISION LXII

This is the level of the cosmic circuit and of the joining of male-female soul mate energy. It is the level of a form of plastic light that activates the body of light.

DIVISION LXIII

This is the level of pure magnetic vortex energies. The beginning and the ending of all things. This is the final resolution of all karma and the beginning of rebirth.

DIVISION LXIV

This is the level of pure light and electricity. Any awareness at this level would be the awareness of being
a photon or spark of electricity traveling at the speed of light.

THE MAIN DIVISIONS OF THE ASTRAL PLANES

FIRST CHAKRA ENERGIES (first electron ring)

Body of “light”
1st veil

SECOND CHAKRA ENERGIES (second electron ring)

Animal and Human group souls
Plant group souls
Cosmic Awareness
“Soul” body
“Christ Consciousness”
2nd veil

THIRD CHAKRA ENERGIES (third electron ring)

Spiritual “illumination”
Mental “illumination”
Archetypal ideas
Directed thought
Mental energy source
Mental objectivity
Death of emotions
3rd veil

FOURTH CHAKRA ENERGIES (fourth electron ring)

Emergency explosive emotional thought
Destructive emotional thought
Speculative emotional thought
Realistic emotional thought
Bright and happy thought
Love emotion
Love obsession/repulsion
Friendships
Two way communication
One way communication
Withdrawal into loneliness
Self-reliance
Emotional abandonment
4th veil

FIFTH CHAKRA ENERGIES (fifth electron ring)

Revolutionary forces
Celebrities “crash & burn”
Celebrities
Public service and recognition
Spiritual pride
Everything goes right
Spiritual power source
Battle of “good” vs. “evil”
“Born again” experience
Bitter-sweet experience
“Light” self
“Dark” self
Astral world
Energy source
Barriers and limitations
5th veil

SIXTH CHAKRA ENERGIES (sixth electron ring)

Magical power
Depression & inactivity
Will power
Social restrictions
Zest for living
Sex pleasure/wealth
Pain
Sense of “self”
Life span & destiny
6th veil

SEVENTH CHAKRA ENERGIES (seventh electron ring)

Etheric double
Possible futures
“Fixed” Akashic future
Instinctive awareness of immediate environment
Seventh veil

To ensure that your astral creations become physical reality the way you intend them to they must be created in the Spirit planes and then brought down into the Magical planes. This is done naturally within the lunar cycle. Astral activity in the Magical planes is restricted to those times between 1st Qtr. and 3rd Qtr. inclusive of the full moon. All dream activity and all normal astral activity during this time will naturally occur on the Magical planes. This astral activity sets up the coming physical events for the next month as projected short term events.

All normal astral activity between the 3rd Qtr. and the 1st Qtr. inclusive of the new moon occurs naturally within the Spirit planes and sets up long term physical events. When there is a match between a long term event in the Spirit planes and a short term event in the Magical planes that event becomes physical reality. This interaction between the Spirit planes and the Magical planes is the supreme controller of significant physical events in physical reality.

Simple astral activity on only the Magical planes will mutate to the point where you may get what you want and lose something that you need. It always has a negative element that accompanies it. You may get a raise and find that emergency expense comes up. The final result is always that you haven’t really gained or lost anything. You merely exchange one type of energy for another. Striving for positive things will tend to bring negative things toward you. Paradoxically striving for negative things will bring positive things toward you. This is why doing harm to others often brings positive rewards to those that do it.

In the same manner doing anything that you normally would not do will tend to bring rewards in terms of personal growth. Nature does not recognize good or evil but is instead interested in exploring all options that life has to offer. It rewards those that try new things and punishes those that seek security and sameness.

There are three methods of using simple astral activity on only the Magical plane to achieve positive results. One is through personal loss, when you lose something that you care about a void is created that will draw something toward you to replace it with.

The second is through giving something away that you care about. The principle is the same except that by voluntarily giving something away that you care about you may draw something even more valuable toward you. This is why the best gifts are when you give away something that you love. It will always be replaced with something of equal or greater value.

The third way is to deliberately do something that you would not normally do. This opens up new areas of personal growth and new opportunities. It also contains a certain degree of uncertainty and unpleasantness that goes along with it. This is why most people avoid this approach.

You can see that the Magical plane uses a type of reverse psychology that is difficult to adjust to. But if it is understood properly much personal growth can come out of it without doing harm to others. Only when used in conjunction with Spirit energy does Magical energy perform in a direct and creatively useful manner.

This is why working with straight Magical energy is called “black magic” and to be successful often leads to harmful activities towards others and abominable deeds. This type of work also involves doing fearful things and confronting those fears. It often involves perversions of the three positive methods of working with Magical energy listed above.

All Magical work involving rituals, spells, charms and the like will have a negative consequence to them that will return to haunt the magician unless the work is combined with Spirit energy or in accordance with the three positive techniques. The strongest magical circle may be thought to keep out these negative influences but it doesn’t really work.

What happens is that the negative influences are blocked out of conscious awareness and enter in through our blind spots as self destructive energies. To think otherwise is simply to deny the dual aspect of these Magical energies and increase the hidden self-destructive potential within ourselves.

PS: I have started a Facebook discussion group called Organic Gnosticism. Feel free to join if you are interested.

Today we are going to cover the first millennium and the events that led up to it after the sixth century. The Pope became more and more powerful. Roman bishops became politicians turning one ruler against another and feudalism became established as a hierarchy and caste system.

Because of all the politics the Roman bishops in the Church were considered the only powers able to mediate disputes among the rulers. So the Pope’s political power increased and the lands that the Church owned increased.

The Church also gained in temporal power during the fifth century. We are going to talk about a few things that should be considered. The Merovingian dynasty was founded by Childric in 457 and was not Christian until his son. Clovis converted to Christianity because of one of his wives. For the first time the whole area of Western Europe or Gaul as it was known came under Merovingian rule.

We’ve been trying to track down Organic Gnosticism and that was further east so I’m just going to leave the west for right now.

I would like to add that in Eastern Europe, the Bogomils came in. They had a civilization that was almost legendary, and then they were slaughtered by the Muslims. That was in Eastern Europe. We don’t really know a lot of what was going on except that there was a lot of bloodshed.

But Western Europe didn’t have it much better as the millennium arrived. I’m going to quote some material here because you would not believe what I’m saying unless I quoted it from a definitive text. It’s from the Medieval Sourcebook. There was a monk historian, Ralf Glabor, who wrote about the turn of the millennium, and I think everybody’s going to find it interesting because we never hear about this.

“For in the seventh year before that date, Mount Vesuvius, which is also called Vulcan’s cauldron gaped far more often than his wont and belched forth a multitude of vast stones mingled with sulfurous flames, which fell even to a distance of 3 miles around; and thus by the stench of his breath he began to make all the surrounding province uninhabitable. ..It befell meanwhile that almost all the cities of Italy and Gaul were ravaged by flames of fire, and that the greater part even of the city of Rome was devoured by a conflagration. During which fire the flames caught the beams of St. Peter’s Church, beginning to creep under the bronze tiles and lick the carpenter’s work. When this became known to the whole multitude that stood by, then, finding no possible device for averting this disaster, they turned with one accord and, crying with a terrible voice, hastened to the confession;”

[Coulton note: The part of the choir in which the celebrant makes his confession before saying mass. See Dom Martene, De Antiquis Ecclesiae Ritibus, lib. i,c. art. 2, ad fin. At St. Peter’s of Rome, this is the space eastward of the saints tomb]
“even the chief of the apostles, crying upon him with curses that, if he watched not over his own, nor showed himself a very present defender of his church, many throughout the world would fall away from their profession of faith. Whereupon the devouring flames straightway left those beams of pine and, died away…At this same time a horrible plague raged among men, namely a hidden fire which, upon whatsoever limb it toned, consumed it and severed it from the body.”

[Coulton note: this is St. Anthony’s fire, one of the curses of the Middle Ages, which modern medicine has traced to poisons generated in corrupt rye bread.]

“Many were consumed even in the space of a single night by these devouring flames. ..Moreover, about the same time, a most mighty famine raged for five years throughout the Roman world, so that no region could be heard of which was not hunger stricken for lack of bread, and many of the people were starved to death. In those days also, in many regions, the terrible famine compelled men to make their food not only of unclean beasts and creeping things, but even of men’s, women’s and children’s flesh, without regard even of kindred; for so fierce waxed this hunger that grown up sons devoured their mothers, and mothers, forgetting their maternal love ate their babes.”

That was what was happening in Rome at the end of the first millennium. No wonder they thought it was the end of the world and no wonder the Pope wanted out of there!

In all likelihood that’s really why the Pope decided to move the papacy to Avignon. It was basically because Rome at that time was uninhabitable. Okay, now what’s interesting is that we never hear about what was going on at the time in Rome. We never hear that conditions were so horrible, but it was terrible over all of Western Europe as well.

This volcano erupted and there is not as much sunlight for things to grow, so the dark ages ironically were really pretty dark! People feared for the survival of humanity itself.

Think of the Crusades as a desperate action by the Church to regain control of Jerusalem from the infidels.

I’m not going to be talking about the Crusades. They’ve already been dealt with as well as the interaction between the Templars and the creation of the banking system.

They don’t really have anything to do with the subject that I’m trying to pursue which is the thread of Organic Gnosticism or the development of the soul through love relationships between men and women. What we’re looking for is something that was taught to the common people, was available to them, was powerful and it was suppressed. It was suppressed by the educated elite who wanted at all costs to keep control of the general population. So hopefully we are getting an idea of how things developed.

Here we see traces of Organic Gnosticism creeping up within alchemy, but also creeping up in Tantrism and Buddhism and the martial arts. So it’s around but remains hidden, deeply hidden and it’s strongly persecuted.

PS: I started a Facebook discussion group called Organic Gnosticism. If you are interested feel free to join.

Chapter 14A

Chapter 14

After grabbing a bite to eat and changing into his robe Tobal wandered around chatting with friends till circle started. He found a place near the fire to sit with Melanie and Becca during the initiations. The two girls spent most of the time gaily chatting back and forth about where they were going to go and he felt left out. The past month had really brought Melanie and Becca closer together as friends. He wasn’t in the mood for such levity and moved off for a little solitude.

This time Misty was the High Priestess as Ellen stood in the back ground waiting to help out if needed. He was surprised to see Angel wearing the red robes of a Master. She had certainly come quite a way since he had first seen her laid up with a leg injury in sanctuary.

He finally caught up with Rafe after circle. This was Tobal’s last chance before winter to go back to the lake and check out the abandoned gathering spot. It was Rafe that provided him with the seed of an idea.

“I’ve been thinking about this,” Rafe said. “I’m not supposed to talk about Journeyman stuff with you but I don’t think it really matters. We meet in a large cave and have our fights. There are always several medics because people get hurt during the fights and the signals from the med-alert bracelets don’t go through the rock.”

“You can’t take the med-alert bracelet off because the monitors would show you as dead. Also if you are found without a med-alert bracelet you need to start training from the beginning. You don’t want to do that.”

Tobal nodded his agreement. “What should I do then?”

“Hide in small caves or under rock ledges during the day so no air sleds can find you. If you are under or within the rock they should not be able to pick you up on the monitor screen. Then travel quickly at night. When you travel at night it will be seen that your med-alert bracelet is working properly after all and they don’t need to worry about it. They might try to find you at night but it is getting colder and no one wants to be out on an air sled in the middle of a cold night.”

“Besides,” Rafe said with a grin. “You are not doing anything wrong. At least no one has told you that you can’t go there. They probably will once they catch you. Try to get there in the middle of the night. It’s a full moon so there will be enough light to see. Give yourself about three hours and then get the hell out of there as fast as you can. It will be interesting to see what happens when they do catch up with you.”

“That sounds like a good idea,” Tobal told him. “I think I’ll do exactly as you said.”

They talked a little more about his upcoming journey and then the talk wandered around to Rafe and how he got his second chevron. It was late before Tobal got to sleep.

Tobal started out the next morning as if he were heading toward his base camp. There was nothing unusual about that and it shouldn’t draw attention. The area between his base camp and the abandoned gathering spot was very rocky and there were a few caves and outcroppings he remembered seeing. He used them now travelling at night and holing up during the day. It should make them think his med-alert was malfunctioning.

He made cold camps during the day and gradually worked his way closer to the waterfall moving quickly at night and hiding during the day. He was glad for the furs since they provided the protection from the elements that he needed.

He tried sleeping during the day without much success and when he did sleep it was troubled with nightmarish images that became more intense the closer he got to the waterfall.

It was midnight on the fourth day when he stood in front of the cairn in the haunted gathering spot and felt the ghosts around him. There was enough moonlight to see and he searched as much of the cairn as possible without lighting a torch. He examined some of the objects that had been laid there but they simply seemed to be offerings.

He was baffled and frustrated. The answer certainly did not seem to be here and the rest of the camp looked to have been thoroughly cleansed. There was nothing to see and his instinct kept telling him to leave as quickly as possible.

He hated the thought of going down the cliff face in the dark but an inner prompting kept screaming that is was not safe to be here and that he had to leave as soon as possible. Going down the rock chimney was much easier than going up and soon he was scrambling over the edge of the cliff trying to find the toe holds he knew were there.

It was with relief his searching toe finally found the first hole and from then on the descent went quickly. Soon he was standing in the small patio area near the pool at the base of the waterfall. He figured about an hour had passed which gave him two hours more.

He stripped off his clothes and put them in a small pile in a corner of the patio where they were hidden by some rocks. He kept the knife strapped around his leg and the magnesium fire starter on a small chain around his neck. He had carefully thought this out during the past month and knew he needed to at least try exploring the pool.

Bracing himself he stepped into the icy water with his foot reaching for the first step he knew was there. Three more steps and he was up to his waist in the freezing water and facing the waterfall itself. He knew what he had to do as if some unknown hand was guiding him.

He plunged into the deep pool and began swimming strongly toward the waterfall. Right before he reached it he dove deeply and explored the rock face with his fingers. As he suspected there was an opening about three feet below the surface of the pool going under the waterfall itself.

Bobbing to the surface he took a deep breath and dived again swimming as deeply into the opening as possible and rose feeling the rock surface above his head sloping upward until it opened into a silent pool. His head broke the surface as he gasped for breath. It had not been a bad swim but it had been a frightening one.

The water was icy and he pulled himself out of it onto a rocky ledge. He was shivering in the dark as his fingers searched and found what felt a pack of some type and a torch. Tearing the pack open by touch his fingers closed on the heavy wool like material of a robe. Gratefully he slipped it on and pounded his body until the circulation started coming back.

His fingers searched and found a pouch of tinder. He soon had the torch going and was warming himself as he was looking around. The pool looked only six feet across and was his only way back. His heart was racing wildly. He knew this was the secret the lake hid and he also knew he only had two hours to explore before he had to leave. The good news was he felt certain the med-alert bracelet would not give him away within the cavern. He was safe as long as he stayed inside.

The torch flickered as he walked barefoot deeper into the cave. The thundering of the waterfall made the entire cave seem to vibrate even though the sound was muted and it was hard to tell where it was coming from. The floor of the cave sloped sharply downward for twenty feet and then leveled out into an open area.

There was an opening that turned sharply to the right but Tobal ignored it, his entire attention was focussed on the chamber ahead of him. There was a rough stone altar with unlit torches set into the wall on each side and the emblem painted on the rock behind the altar took his breath away. It was the same symbol of a man and woman holding hands within a circle that had been on the gold medallion his parents had left him.

He lit the two altar torches and stepped back to examine the chamber he found himself in. There was a rough circle in front of the altar for circle members to sit and many of the places seemed to have personal belongings placed carefully around them.

On sudden impulse he moved to one of the cushions near the altar and picked up a clay bowl that held some dust covered items. In the torchlight he carefully emptied the contents of the bowl on the ground and picked two plastic bracelets up. He recognized them as hospital bracelets.

Wiping the dust off them he held the larger one closer to the light of the torch. He saw the words “Rachel Kane” written plainly on it. With his heart thundering in his chest he picked the smaller one up and examined it. Under a coating of grime and dust he saw “Tobal Kane” written and then the date of his birth.

It was his baby bracelet from when he had been born. These things must have belonged to his mother. Blinking away tears, he moved the other items with his finger to examine them more closely. A jade and amber necklace caught his eye. Static electrical energy seemed to crackle from it as he ran it through his fingers wiping the dust off. Thinking quickly he put the necklace over his head and thrilled at the intense feeling of love and peace that swept over him.

He didn’t have much time. One of these piles belonged to his father and he hastily searched the area nearest his mother. Somehow that didn’t seem right. On impulse he moved over to the other side of the altar and the cushion nearest it on that side.

There were items that belonged to the High Priest and he remembered similar items that had been placed around his mother’s seat. His eye was drawn to a ceremonial dagger and sheath that lay in front of the cushion. Picking it up he saw that R.K. had been burned into the sheath and he knew it belonged to his father. He slipped his own knife out of its sheath and strapped the dagger hurriedly into it. He didn’t have time to find a belt for the dagger and sheath.

Taking his own torch he walked around the chamber trying to get an idea of its true size. There was an opening off to the left of the altar that led deeper into the cave through some type of corridor. He stooped and walked down the corridor gasping in surprise as he turned a quick corner and gazed upon an unbelievable sight.

It was another large cavern but filled with artifacts like those at the antique shop in Old Seattle. His torch reflected off burnished armor and weapons of steel and bronze.

Even stranger was one area that was set aside from the others. The items collected here were not of the world he knew. They did not belong to either the present or the past. He didn’t even know if human hands made these items.

There was a slender silver rod that glinted in the torchlight and he picked it up. It had some small buttons on the side near the grip and a cord that went around the wrist to keep from loosing it. Pushing the first button made the tip of the rod glow with a comfortable light that lit up the room.

He pushed the second button and a beam shot out from the wand touching the wall of the cave. Within seconds the cave wall began glowing red with heat. He hastily released the button and prayed nothing else would happen.

He slipped the cord around his wrist for carrying the wand and retraced his steps back to the other cavern. He snuffed out the two torches on the wall above the altar and made his way back to the pool.

At the edge of the pool he set the tinder and another torch ready for the next time he came and then carefully set the torch where it would burn out on its own without hurting anything.

Then he slipped off the woolen robe, put the two hospital bracelets in his mouth and taking a deep breath dove into the black pool of freezing water. Moments later he was outside climbing the stone stairs out of the pool.

He wasted no time sliding into his tunic and furs. He was still wet as he hastily donned his boots and grabbed his pack and equipment. He put the wand into his pack and the hospital bracelets in a leather pouch on his waist for safe keeping. He guessed it was about 3:00 a.m. and the air sleds would be looking for him anytime.

He headed at a dog trot through the maze of rock toward the edge of the lake. He hurried toward his burned out campsite planning to stop there and rest. He was halfway around the lake in the predawn light and walking normally when the first air sled appeared. He was not surprised to see the air sled drop to the ground on the beach in front of him and a medic step toward him.

I Thank You

I Thank You

You led me into sorrow,
There in darkness,
For the first time
I felt my own power,
As I was torn in half
And there I first grew wings
That carried me to the sun
I’m not angry, I thank you
You destroyed my heart.

-Mia Holm
translated by Joe Bandel

Personal Happiness

Happiness can not be found in material possessions or in another person. Happiness is a deeply personal inner matter that is a product of our personal choices in life and the consequences of our actions. It happens when we can see the positive results of our efforts.

When we work hard toward a goal and get few or negative results there is a loss of happiness and self-esteem. When we work hard toward a goal and get many positive results our happiness and self esteem grow. When things come too easily or are given to us we tend to take them for granted and take advantage of the situation.

While this may result in short term happiness, it will not lead to long term happiness and positive self-esteem. Understanding our True Will and being clear in what we believe and stand for helps us to act in a confident and decisive manner.

We continually test our individual version of reality by keeping those things that bring results and getting rid of those things that do not bring results. Continuing to put out effort and energy in efforts that return a poor or negative yield destroys both self-esteem and happiness.

When we find ourselves not getting results from our efforts it means there is something we believe in or something we are doing that is not realistic or in agreement with the way things actually are. When we are not getting results it is time to try something else. It is time to consider we are wrong in our thinking on this particular issue. Either that or we must work harder to break through the resistance we are encountering.

PS: I have started a Facebook discussion group called Organic Gnosticism. Feel free to join if you are interested.

Life is short and sacred. Each one of us should be allowed happiness and prosperity according to our own individual needs. There are three requirements that will allow us to achieve our personal goals in life.

First we need to take care of our physical bodies. Our physical bodies are temples and should be as clean and healthy as possible inside and out. This means eating right, breathing right and getting enough physical exercise.

Second, we need a healthy self-esteem. A healthy self esteem will allow us to be confident in our own ability to overcome any obstacles and to get our individual needs met. We need to believe in ourselves and our ability to produce change in our lives.

Thirdly, we need to have a clear understanding of what we believe and act in accordance with our own personal “Truth” or paradigm. We need to be true to our inner voice and our conscience. When we understand our reason for being alive, we can act with conviction and certainty.

When we doubt ourselves and turn to external authorities for the answers that are inside of us, we are hesitant and filled with doubt. This causes us to act indecisive and weak. This includes the understanding that each person has an individual path and an individual “reality” that they must follow. Just because one thing is true for me does not mean that it must be true for the next person.

PS: I have started a Facebook group called Organic Gnosticism. Feel free to join if you are interested.