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Another basic of chaos theory is that all things are interconnected and affect each other in a cumulative way. A minor incident may cause a more profound change in the outcome of events than ever previously considered. The efforts of one man or woman can change the world!

The classic statement about chaos theory goes something like this. The wind from the wings of a butterfly in Japan will affect the weather in Kansas! While this could theoretically be true there are a lot of dampening factors that need to be taken into consideration. This includes the elasticity of the astral planes and how they resist change.

For example, the lunar cycle alternately compresses and then expands the astral planes in a way that pumps the astral fluid through the connections that we create. If we don’t inject the enough energy into the astral planes daily our energy simply bleeds away. If we generate enough energy to overcome the resistance and elasticity of the astral planes we can create new circuits that will draw new things to us! It would need to be a pretty big butterfly! But it could happen!

All efforts are cumulative and everything does add to the pressurization of events within the astral planes one way or another.

Events are seen as being caused by lots of little things instead of having just one or two large causes. As this type of thinking leads to infinite regression type questions we don’t want to explore it any further. Just admit it could be possible.

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Every action has its natural consequences and those consequences once begun will continue on forever! That’s why putting closure to things is just as important as new beginnings. Things that we leave unfinished will drain our energy for the rest of our lives unless we find some way of putting closure to them. Putting closure means balancing something with its opposite!

There is no need to pursue punishment because the consequences themselves will provide punishment enough for any misdeeds! The same is true for good deeds! The consequences of good deeds will follow us forever as well! For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction!

Everyone is doing the best they know how to do. No one gets it right all the time! Cut others a little slack. That act of grace will have consequences later on and you will be glad that you did. Judge not lest ye be judged! Let whosoever is without sin cast the first stone!

Modern society denies natural consequences and that’s why things are so twisted right now! The problems within our society are the natural consequences of what society has done in the past. We don’t fix the problem by reacting to it but by doing the right things so that proper consequences can follow.

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Manipulation traps are used to take unfair advantage of someone. We all use them and we are all victims of manipulation traps unless we make the personal effort to treat ourselves and others fairly. They are unfair! First I’m going to describe the most common manipulation traps and then we will talk about some solutions that we can use to ensure fairness within our dealings with others.

The Guilt Trap

We are all familiar with the guilt trip. This is where someone else tries to make us feel guilty so that we will give in and go along with what they want. The bottom line is that this manipulation trap is trying to force us to do something that we don’t really want to do.

How can you treat me like this?

I’ve been waiting all week for you to call!

It’s your fault that I’m upset and can’t get to sleep.

The Anger Trap

This one has been one of the hardest for me personally. I am not a confrontational person by nature and when somebody gets in my face and starts yelling I used to do almost anything to calm them down. Not anymore!

Yelling and intimidation to your face.

Criticism And Insecurity

You don’t want to go play bingo. Your spouse accuses you of never wanting to do what he or she wants. That she always has to do what you want. So you go play bingo. In this manipulation trap you are just made to feel bad so that you will be forced to go along with what somebody else wants.

Obligation

If I do this for him, he’ll have to do something for me.

Here’s a free sample; can I have a minute of your time?

In this manipulation trap you are given something that you might not even want and in return you are expected to give something back even if you don’t want to.

Withholding

If you do that I’ll never talk to you again.

If you’re going to do that you might as well not come back.

This manipulation trap is very obviously unfair and highly stressful because it forces things in a very unpleasant way.

Helplessness

You’re the only person that can help me.

How do you expect me to wash the dishes and still get my homework done?

This manipulation trap forces you to help somebody do something that you might not want to do because they can’t do it themselves.

Hurtful Teasing

That’s How You Look!

You Must Be Related!

The idea is that this manipulation trap uses teasing that hits too close to home and is hurtful or spiteful. So somebody says something mean and then they say that that they were just teasing. What’s wrong, can’t you take a joke!

Questions

Why did you stop at the bar last night?

In this manipulation trap people ask awkward and uncomfortable questions which they already know the answer to just to make you squirm.

The Double-Bind

Are you still driving that old wreck?

Have you stopped beating your wife yet?

This manipulation trap amounts to a damned if you do and damned if you don’t situation where you simply can’t win. Some people get very good at this one!

Solutions to Manipulation Traps

The Repeat Technique

Ignore the trap and repeat what you want in a calm voice until they give up. This may take four or five repetitions. Don’t get drawn into the trap

The “I” Statement

Without putting yourself down or apologizing simply state what it is that you want.

I don’t want to go bowling!

Clouding

Respond calmly; acknowledge that there may be some truth to what they are saying, that you will continue to do what you believe is best. Don’t apologize – continue to do what it is that you want.

I may have used the wrong color for that part but I’m going to keep it!

Negative Declaration

Ask questions about the problem until the complaints are exhausted. Admit a mistake or fault without apologizing for it.

What are you so angry about? Are you angry about anything else? Does it help to vent a little?

Compromise without Loss of Self-Respect

If we go to the movies this week we can go bowling next time!

Sidetracking

Change the subject to something that is more interesting.

Who is that on the bicycle that just went past? Do you know them?

These assertiveness posts were originally designed for classroom situations in which each participant could team up with a partner and thoroughly explore how to be more assertive in a healthy way. I realize that I’ve probably created more questions than answers with these posts. In any case, the essence is there if you are willing to work at it!

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It begins, timeless
The charade of life
Goddess astride a silver stallion
Romping and singing
In the playground of my mind
Light hearted and sensuous
Behold, the sight of her
Enslaves my heart

The musical comedy goes on
Beneath the silver birch
We walk together,
Hand in hand
She hesitates
Will love conquer
The fear of a Goddess?

-Joe Bandel

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Physical competency or mastery is no big secret. It’s like changing dirty diapers on a newborn baby. Everyone makes a mess of it the first few times and through practice and experience gets better at it. Instead of being emotionally distasteful it simply becomes an action or a chore that is done mechanically and efficiently.

In fact, doing something well feels very good! It makes us feel good about ourselves and who we are. In the final stage of risk-taking our actions are no longer hindered by emotions. We are skilled at encountering and creatively resolving challenging situations. Through the long and difficult process of trial and error we become resourceful and even look forward to the next challenge and the rewards it may bring.

This is the stage of personal mastery. In moments of crisis our reserves of creative power automatically take over and do what is needed. This is seen time after time. When our brains shut down our training takes over. Have we been given the training that we need? How do we become trained? We learn by doing and taking risks.

Trying things we have never done before is both exciting and frightening. We don’t know if we will be successful or not. When we first try something we are not successful unless we are very lucky. The key is to have small successes. Small successes teach us the feeling that comes with being successful and develops habit patterns that promote larger successes.

You need to have successes to be successful. Small successes are the steppingstones that we can measure our progress with. Each day contains a small gain or success we have earned, something we have done right that brought a reward. Take a few minutes to think back on the day and remember something that turned out right for you. What was it that you did that allowed the experience to be successful?

Being successful can be just as much of a habit as failing can. The voice of our conscience will instinctively guide our physical actions in ways that keep negative situations from arising if we learn to trust it. First we must learn to listen to it. Are we being true to our inner nature? Are we listening to our inner authority or blindly following some external authority because that is what we are supposed to do?

Physical empowerment comes from having a keen awareness of our physical environment and being deeply sensitive to the possibilities that exist within each moment. Every day is filled with natural closure points and natural beginning points. Are we sensitive enough to sense them or do we push blindly ahead when all the signs say to wait for an hour or two. The voice of our conscience will tell us these things.

When you are in a conversation and realize someone is not paying attention should you continue pouring your heart out? Or would it be better to wait until they are in a more receptive state? Forcing things never works well. Just ask yourself, is this a good time to do this? And listen to your gut feelings and what comes from inside.

For the Master not one moment is wasted or spent uselessly in counterproductive efforts. They are sensitive to the feedback others are giving them and let things go when the time is not right. When things are going well they take advantage of the natural timing and find ways to advance their position.

The Master first passed through each of the previous stages like you and I did. They have risked and risked again. They have been a victim; learned from repeated mistakes; became friends with lead feet, pounding heart and the inability to breathe and to resolutely go forward to physical mastery. This is a natural process and they gladly followed it.

Let us ask again if the phrase “no pain, no gain” applies to the spiritual path and the path of self-mastery. Do things need to be effortless and handed over on a silver plate or is it worth personal discomfort to take the harder path? Is the reward worth the greater effort? Does it feel good to earn things? I guess each one of us must answer this question individually as we come to it.

If I haven’t earned something I don’t want it. We most value those things that we have fought and struggled for. We take for granted those things that have been given to us and not earned.

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Our physical body is our friend. Physical desires are good and sexual relationships are good. At least all of these things could be if we allowed ourselves to have them and enjoy them.

By believing there is good in everyone we confront the good in ourselves.

Positive thinking colors neutral events in a positive way. Negative thinking colors neutral events in a negative way. To color things in a positive way makes life more pleasant!

By now it should be clear that “all inputs are valid” doesn’t mean total acceptance of every harebrained idea that comes along. It means putting everything into its proper perspective. It means that everything belongs, not that everything is true.

If someone believes the world is flat, they will act as if the world is flat. If you want to deal effectively with this person you must take their beliefs into account because beliefs guide their actions, not reality.

You can live a spiritual life in a physical body and enjoy the full spectrum of what life has to offer! This is the path of the organic Gnostic! The true goal in life is the spiritualization of the physical. Manifest heaven here on earth!

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We are all part of each other at some level. We are all part of the human collective and on another level humanity is a single organism. Ultimately we cannot hurt someone else without hurting ourselves. But the opposite is just as true. The most powerful way that we can help others is to do what we are truly meant to do in this lifetime. When we do what we are meant to do, the entire world and all of humanity benefits. To be ourselves is the greatest gift that we can give another person and the entire world!

The same consideration holds true for allowing others to follow the still small voice of conscience and the Christ spirit that dwells within their hearts. So take joy in the advancement of your brothers and sisters. Think well of others and give them the benefit of the doubt. Be a good friend in times of need and they will be there for you when you need them.

We are not born for ourselves alone, our families require a share, our country requires a share, our friends require a share. Don’t set yourself above others. Don’t gossip about others, but share your own stories and listen to the stories of others.

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95% of communication is nonverbal and that doesn’t even include psychic abilities! Our bodies don’t know how to lie and if you’re serious about communicating honestly with others you need to understand body language. Now body language is a big subject and there are plenty of books about it, good books. I’m just going to mention a few things and then suggest some simple exercises that you can do with a trusted friend that you feel comfortable with.

There are some basic things to notice about other people:

Are their legs or arms crossed? Is there tension in the body? Crossing the arms and legs is a classic defensive position that walls the person off from other people.

Preening or patting the hair, smoothing the shirt or dress, straightening a tie are all nervous movements that tell a person isn’t quite comfortable with the situation.

Constant moving – can’t sit still, Ill at ease, doesn’t have your full attention. You can tell that they’re not really listening to you! This isn’t rocket science! You should be able to tell if someone’s listening to you or not.

Hand movements – what are their hands doing, are they clenched or open, in their pockets or hidden in any way?

Nervous movements – tapping a pencil, moving their leg or some other movement that shows the person is nervous or stressed.

Movement of a person toward or away from you is very revealing and we should all pay attention to this one!

Are they relaxed or tense? Ideally we should all be relaxed, open and honest in our communications with others. But that doesn’t always happen.

Okay now I’m going to list some things that I suggest you try with a person that you trust and with whom you are comfortable. The idea is simply to become more aware of body language and how powerful it really is. So as you do these exercises pay attention to the sensations that you feel so that you can recognize them and to begin to notice them in ordinary life.

Eye contact

One person tries to maintain eye contact and the other person tries to avoid eye contact. Take turns with this until both of you are familiar with the sensations of trying to avoid eye contact and trying to get the other person to make eye contact. Pay attention to your own movements, remember the goal of these exercises is self awareness.

Handshake

There are different kinds of handshakes. Try a few of the most common ones. Pay attention to how each one makes you feel and whether you like it or not.

The firm handshake

The finger handshake

The two-handed handshake

The limp handshake

Slumped Shoulders and Erect Posture

One person tries to maintain a slumped posture while talking and the other tries to maintain an erect posture. Notice how each posture makes you feel and also notice how it makes a difference in the other person’s communication. These are simple practices in self observation. Have a little fun with it.

Proximity Boundary

One person moves in too close to the other person deliberately while they are talking. Pay attention to your own emotions as you force yourself to get too close to the other person and as they get too close to you. What does it feel like?

Now reverse it and try the opposite. One person moves too far away from the other person deliberately while they are talking with each other. What does that do to the communication? Where is a comfortable spot?

Standing or Sitting at a Desk

One person is standing and the other person is sitting behind a desk. After trying this and recognizing the sensations that you feel switch places and experience the conversation from the other point of view. How does this make you feel?

Standing or Sitting

One person is standing and the other remains sitting in a chair. Take your time and really pay attention to your own feelings of comfort or discomfort and notice how the other person is feeling as well. Trade places and then compare notes.

Turned Away

One person remains turned 45° away from the other person. Notice how this feels. Is it disrespectful? Does it feel uncomfortable?

These are all very simple exercises that can stir up a lot of comfort and discomfort so pay attention to how they make you feel. Good communicators understand how to make other people feel comfortable and they understand how to be comfortable themselves. Again, have a little fun with this and share your experiences together.

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Merchant Souls
 
Oh how they love! How temperate they remain!
Only love does not make them richer!
How scrupulously they barter
And add little emotions to little emotions.
 
And here stands one, who with a thousand hands,
Wants to cast himself, like seed, into the universe
To complete his existence a thousand fold,
To renew his existence a thousand fold.
 
No, no, I pass on your ambition,
I cannot safely barter my heart!
Better to live with whores and gamble,
As heartily as you do making deals!

Richard Dehmal
translated by Joe Bandel

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Emotional crisis is painful. The worst experiences of my life have dealt with emotional pain and not physical pain. I’m sure others can relate to what I’m saying. On the flipside, emotional pleasure and satisfaction is what makes life worth living. Life without emotions would not be worth living. We take risks and experience the joy, pleasure and satisfaction that success brings.

We work hard and earn the rewards we receive. We are competent in life and enjoy competition. We enjoy the struggle and reward. We have no interest in getting something we have not earned through our own physical laborers. This is the viewpoint of a person that takes risks. Perhaps we risk by asking someone out for a date.

After many rejections we are accepted and dating someone we really like. Perhaps we even fall in love. Without the first risks and the first failures, chances are we would never have been successful. Emotional rejections are very painful but they are also instructive if we can learn from them.

The negative aspect of this stage is powerful. We are confronted or placed in situations where our feet feel like lead weights, our heart is in our throats and we can’t breathe. We feel fear to the point of being frozen. Despite this awkwardness of fear and discomfort we force ourselves to move forward, whether it be a task we fear or asking someone to marry us.

The important point is we do not allow our fear to prevent us from doing the things that we desire. I like to think of a hungry lion stalking its prey. It is crouching in the tall grass and lying very still. Suddenly there is a deafening roar. Will the prey freeze in terror and make an easy meal or will the terror cause the prey to bolt for safety with a life-saving burst of speed?

More to the point, what do we do with our terror? I once worked security at a place where an infant fell into a swimming pool and could not swim. The mother was frozen in terror and couldn’t do anything. Fortunately another security guard immediately jumped in the pool and rescued the infant.

Life places us in situations where we will feel terror. It might not happen often but it will happen and how we react will depend upon our past habits, training and activities. The military has proven time after time that when the brain shuts down the physical body reverts to training. We need to seriously think about what kind of training we have. Then we need to think about what kind of training we need.

By taking risks we develop the heart and will power to achieve in life. Working with emotional crisis develops what it takes to succeed in life.

We can only achieve joy, pleasure, and satisfaction by risking and acting in spite of personal fears and limitations. This is not being passive. In the first stage we were victims, in the second stage we learned from our mistakes. In this stage we deliberately go after what we want. We do this in spite of our inexperience, lack of knowledge and our fears.

We are clumsy and crude in our first attempts. We may or may not succeed but we have the heart and will power that allows us to eventually succeed. We believe in ourselves enough to overcome whatever obstacles may occur in time. It is our faith in ourselves and our connection to the master within that allows us to go forward into new and strange situations with confidence and determination. Our desire is stronger than our fear.

We begin as observers and gradually try things out for ourselves. We are observers simply because we don’t have any control of the situation or experience and we are stuck in it.

Think of the newborn baby that has no physical control over his or her body yet. All they can do is observe. Imagine the frustration young children feel when they can’t do something they want to do.

Our contact with the master within and our creative power started at the spiritual level and then transferred to the mental level. That is where we learned what we wanted to do. The emotional part comes when we try to act upon our desires.

Desire meets physical reality! What an exciting place to be if we can make it work!.

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