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Archive for the ‘fantasy’ Category

I Hate the Stars
 
I hate the stars; they shine,
Yet they don’t warm.
As deceptive as you, and as radiant
As your glowing face.
 
I hate the stars; they shine
In scornful silence,
And nod in agreement,
That you are joined with me till death.

-Mia Holm
translated by Joe Bandel

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The weather and shelter were going to be serious problems during below zero weather. He realized it would be important to hunt the larger animals like the deer and elk. They would migrate with the weather and he needed to know where they liked to go in the winter time so he could find them when he needed to. The cold weather would allow fresh meat to keep longer and he would only have to hunt once a week or so to keep two people in fresh meat.

With that in mind he spent the next two weeks teaching Sarah how to hunt with a bow. He taught how to set dead falls and other traps for larger animals. These were things he realized the others needed to know also.

At nights they worked on the hides and talked. Sarah’s father had told her quite a bit about claiming sanctuary and she had known pretty much what to expect. Still it was a lot harder than she had imagined and it took a while to get her toughened in to the daily grind. She was used to a much softer lifestyle. They joked about how different this was from the day she had taken him into the big city for a visit.

The bright side was she had been used to handling the items in her father’s store and came up with interesting ways to use leather and how to make tools that Tobal never even thought of making. He asked her about where his father got all those items and she said she didn’t really know. She only knew he would leave on trips from time to time and bring them back with him. He used to tell her there was no other store in the world like the one they had and that she should be very proud of it.

Sarah spoke of her mother and wanting to visit her grave. Tobal asked if she knew where it was and she didn’t. It was by some waterfall and shouldn’t be too hard to find. She was a little put off that it would be several years before she would finish training though.

Tobal felt a chill at the base of his spine as she talked about this and something deep inside him was screaming that Sarah’s mother had died at the lake like his parents and she was buried in that mass grave at the abandoned gathering spot. He didn’t know how to bring this up to Sarah yet, especially since they were so closely watched. He felt he would go back there himself first and check things out before talking to her about it.

The month went by quickly and all too soon it was time to go to the gathering spot. He didn’t think Sarah was quite ready to solo and wanted to work with the others in preparing them for the coming winter months.

The days were getting shorter by early September and there was a chill in the air at night and frost in the mornings. The first major snowstorm could come any time and they could be snowed in for weeks. He talked with Sarah and she thought spending another month on winter preparation was a good idea. She needed more winter training and he thought the others did too.

The morning of circle Zee, Nikki, Kevin and Ox all proclaimed their newbies ready to solo. They were all interviewed and questioned by the elders and approved for soloing. Each of them had winter gear they had to show the elders. It was very clear the elders were concerned about the training newbies were getting now that a sudden storm could snow a person in for weeks at a time. Tobal made a point of congratulating the two girls and Kevin. He didn’t care about Ox and avoided him as much as possible.

Zee was a little cool toward him but returned his congratulatory hug and started talking a little.

“I was mad at you for awhile,” she said. “I didn’t really think you meant it about training all winter. I thought you were just rejecting me and no woman likes that.” She put her hands on her hips and wiggled them a little with a grin. “ Then I remembered Rafe and how last year he trained at least two newbies and I wasn’t so sure anymore.”.

“Zee,” I really am training newbies this winter. If I weren’t, you would be a good partner. We’ve always gotten along pretty good. Have you found anyone to partner up with yet?”

She sighed, “You are serious aren’t you. I have a few people in mind but I haven’t really made a decision yet. I want to take this month off and work on my winter base camp first.”

He noticed she hadn’t specifically mentioned Kevin and decided to ask him, but first he wanted to congratulate Nikki on training her first newbie and wandered off to find her after wishing Zee well on her base camp project.

Nikki was getting her robe from Angel as he got his. They went to the teepee where they had left their packs and were changing into the robes..

“How did you like training you first newbie?” He asked casually.

“It was great! I’m training another this month.” she looked at him. “I really want to train another one before winter sets in. Do you think I can?”

“I don’t know,” he told her. “I’ve already decided I need to go back and help Melanie and Sarah get better prepared for winter. Their newbies could use a little extra training too.”

She thought about that a bit. “Zee did a really good job of getting me prepared for winter weather and my newbie is well prepared too. I don’t think we will have any trouble. I know it’s a sore spot, but perhaps two months of training is needed. Have you ever thought about it?”

He bit back an angry retort and instead simply said. “I do think training newbies during the winter should take two months. There is too much to learn about winter gear like snowshoes and working with furs for winter clothing. Anyone that I train this winter will get two months of training.”

Nikki beamed, “I’m so glad to hear that Tobal. We all worry about the newbies and how hard it must be for them in the winter. I haven’t spent a winter here yet but I’m pretty confident things will go well. That’s why I want one more newbie. I will probably end up spending the winter with them unless they decide to solo and go out on their own.”

Nikki’s plan sounded uncomfortably like his own. He still planned to train through the winter but didn’t really have any idea if it would work out or not. What if his newbie didn’t want to solo or move out and build a base camp on their own in the middle of the winter?

He was still thinking about these things as he wandered over to see how Kevin was doing. Kevin was helping set up some of the teepee shelters for the night. Tobal joined in until all the teepees were set up and fires laid in them.

Kevin didn’t know what he was going to do.

“I’m still hoping Zee will partner up with me for the winter,” he told Tobal with a blush. “She hasn’t said yes and she hasn’t said no. It’s driving me crazy because I really need some sort of plan. I don’t want to work on my own base camp if I’m not going to be living there.”

“Say, that’s an idea,” Tobal reflected. “Zee says she wants to spend this month getting her camp ready for winter. Perhaps you can offer to help and it will allow each of you to see how you get along together. That way she won’t need to commit to anything until she gets to know you better.”

Kevin brightened, “I’m going to try,” he said. “I’ll talk to her about it later tonight.”

“Good Luck!”

During circle he noticed Ellen was training Misty to be High Priestess. He had forgotten that Misty was a Master now. He was going to miss Ellen and wondered what she would be doing next. It was strange to see people he knew advance on to different positions.

He noticed earlier that Rafe had been put on wood crew along with Dirk. That meant they were responsible for there being enough fire wood at the gathering spot for circle. Everyone was encouraged to help, but only a few Journeymen were actually tasked to ensure there was enough wood. Angel would be given new duties next month as well. He noticed this morning that she now had four chevrons and seemed to be moving up the ranks more quickly than Rafe was.

Since Journeymen didn’t spend all of their time training newbies, they were each assigned duties that normally lasted two or at the most three months before being assigned to the next duty. The wood supply for the Circle was usually gathered well in advance and there was little work to be done during circle itself except tending fires as needed. That’s what Rafe was doing when Tobal spied him between initiations.

“Hey stranger,” he teased. “Who did you kill to get that?”

Rafe grinned as he turned in surprise. He postured and showed off his first chevron.

“One of the girls challenged me. She thought she could beat me. Bad mistake! She almost did too.” He admitted ruefully but then brightened. His mischievous smile was still the same. “Now I’ve got all the girls fighting over me. I must be the most popular Journeyman ever.”

Tobal looked at his friend. Rafe was filling out, getting taller and stronger.

“I think you will be winning quite a few fights soon,” he said. “You’re not so little any more. Pretty soon you might have to start picking on the girls instead of having them pick on you.”

“You really think so?” Rafe laughed. “Guess I can give up on the idea of fighting babies then. So what have you been up too? Is Sarah ready to solo yet? I’ve been hearing some good things about how you taught Nick and Melanie.”

“Well, I’ve run into a bit of a snag,” he confessed. Sarah isn’t ready to solo yet and I’m thinking about having Melanie, Nick, Becca, Mike, Butch and Sarah all over to my place this month. We can all make our winter gear together. None of us is really that good at it and maybe helping each other out will work.”

“That’s a terrific idea,” Rafe said. “I wish I had thought of it when I was training newbies. I guess we really didn’t do that much training for winter did we? There was only about one week of snow in your training before it melted away. Is there anything I can help with that you don’t remember?”

“I remember how to do most of it,” he replied. “But I will need to go back to your base camp and get some of my things if that is all right?”

“Sure, take anything you need. I probably won’t be around there very much this winter. I’ll be hanging around the Journeyman area most of the time. Either that or be out here getting wood or doing some other duty. Being a Journeyman is nothing at all like being an Apprentice.”

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Come

Come
 
Come to the forest! Butterflies flutter
In the green glow of twilight.
Loving thoughts fly,
And the birds burst out in song.
I want to lie by the spring,
Your hand my little cup,
And my arm shall snuggle up to you,
And my eyes shall be your mirror.
Come, oh come! We shall listen
To what the forest says about love.
There was a rustling—an exchange of kisses,
That was us in the twilight.

Mia Holm
translated by Joe Bandel

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Chapter 12

Circle that month was eventful, Tobal had never seen eight people get initiated at the same time. The initiations started early and they continued late into the night. Everyone was tired and the party didn’t get going until well after midnight. After the initiations the drum circle began and it was party time. In all it was a good time and the night went by very fast. It was early August and the sight of naked bodies dancing wildly around the central fire was as intoxicating as the home brewed beer.

One of the wilder dancers was Zee. She beckoned him to join in the dance and on impulse he threw his robe to the ground and leapt into the circle of cavorting bodies, giving himself away to the driving rhythm. The energy in the circle was intense and the drummers never seemed to tire or stop.

Later during a break she was leaning on him with her arm around his shoulder and he felt her breast against him. She told him she was sitting out the winter and wondering if he would like to partner up with her. He was flattered and she was an inviting partner. Regretfully he squeezed one of her cheeks.

“I’m sorry Zee, I’m going to be training newbies all winter. Otherwise I would, really.”

“Fine then,” she pouted and abruptly turned back to the dance.

Kevin had been watching and came over casually asking how things were going.

“She’s really something, isn’t she?” Kevin watched her retreating rear move in time to the drums as her braided raven hair flew about like a whip.

“I think she’s looking for a winter partner,” Tobal volunteered.

Kevin shot a quick look at him, “Are you interested?”

“No, I’m training newbies this winter.”

“That’s really hard they say,” Kevin glanced once more at Zee. “I’m not even thinking about it myself. I might have to go over and introduce myself.”

Kevin chuckled and drained his mug of beer. He set it down beside his robe and disappeared into the dance slowly working his way over to Zee and cavorting his lanky muscular body in front of her.

Tired of the dance Tobal donned his robe and headed to the keg for another refill of beer. He noticed Melanie and Becca sitting off to the side. Neither of them had joined in the dance or partied much. It seemed they preferred each other’s company to that of the group. As he approached Melanie looked up.

“Hey Tobal, is it alright if Becca goes with us. We can all travel together and get to know each other better.

He muttered something about it being all right with him and made an excuse to go look for Nikki and ask how things were going with her newbie. There was a lot of tension between him and Becca and he didn’t know how to make things better, hell, he didn’t know if he wanted to make things better. He was irritated at how close Melanie had gotten with her though. It looked like they were best friends or something.

Tobal avoided Ox who was drunk, belligerent and telling stories about training his last newbie. Ox was complaining how no one could get newbies any more because some people were taking them all and not training them properly. Everyone knew that newbies needed more than a month to train before they could solo. He didn’t think the elders should have let Nick solo and he was letting everyone in camp know about it too.

The next day it was more fun travelling with the two girls than alone Tobal reflected. Even if they did tease him a lot. They seemed to have boundless energy and a sense of fun that made the trip go by quickly. He found himself laughing with them in spite of his normal taciturn self. They were both surprised when he told his first joke and pinched each other to see if they were awake or not.

Winter was going to hit the mountains and it was a pleasant surprise to find eight newbies at sanctuary. This was the last chance to get training in good weather before the winter months hit. Most Apprentices didn’t like training during the winter because it was hard enough to survive alone without trying to teach someone else He figured that was why both Tara and Zee had asked him about partnering up for the winter. He was even considering asking Melanie if she wanted to partner up with him for a month or two. The timing just never seemed right.

Two other Apprentices were already there. They had missed circle to get newbies and it was just dumb luck there were enough newbies to go around.

Early August had blasts of cold that reminded Tobal of the bitter winter months ahead. He needed to be thinking about his own permanent winter camp. During the winter travel and temporary camps were both dangerous. Winter clothing was essential and food critical to replace the heat given off by the body.

In addition the nights were longer and there was less sunlight. The chance of getting caught in mountain storms was very real and likely. Rafe had talked some about winter survival but there had not been any need to do much preparation then. Now it was time to do some serious thinking and integrate it into his training.

Tobal found himself with his third trainee. To his delight it was Sarah. He had forgotten she would be claiming sanctuary in the late summer. When she saw him, she raised a scene by running over and hugging him. She refused to go with anyone else and there were a few tense moments. Since there were enough newbies things were soon straightened out and everyone was happy.

The days were getting shorter and travel would soon be getting harder. The leaves were turning and there was not as much ready vegetation for fresh salads. They relied on dried fruit and meat. They scavenged for herbs and nuts that would be impossible to find after the snows came and began collecting and drying them. They stayed on the lookout for Hazelnuts, acorns, walnuts and chestnuts.

Acorns needed to be roasted but any nuts were good protein for the winter months and kept well in storage. Some tubers and inner bark of trees were collected to be made into flour later on. Tobal was hoping to make some bread this winter if he could figure out how to do it.

Trapping became the most important thing since they needed furs to make clothing for the coming winter. The easiest fur bearing animals were the beaver and muskrats. They spent much time near the streams during that first week living off fish and small animals they snared. They even tried eating beaver and muskrat. Tobal decided he could eat it if needed but used most of the meat for baiting traps and snares for more pleasant tasting game.

The skinned pelts needed to be fleshed by scraping off every bit of fat, flesh and membrane from the back of the hide and then stretching it on a stretching board with the fur on the inside leaving it to dry. It was hard nasty work that dulled knives and took up most of the day.

The muskrat pelts were stretched over specially whittled and sized boards but the beaver pelts were stretched in circular wood hoops and laced into place tightly. The wooden hoops were made by steaming the wood and gently bending it into the desired shape and then lashing the wood tightly into place. This was also the way snowshoes would be made later when they had more time.

After the pelts had dried a few days they were tanned with a cooked smelly mixture of brains, bone marrow, and liver spread liberally over the hides, worked into them and left for a few days. The foul mixture was then washed off and the process of “pulling” the leather began. Enzymes in the bad smelling mixture softened the leather enough to tan it.

Pulling the leather was a process of bending it sharply and making it pliable. This was done by pulling the pelt across the sharp edge of a stone or around a small smooth wooden pole set in the ground. After the pelt was soft and pliable the last step was for the tanned side to be smoked so the leather would not become stiff after it had gotten wet. It was only then the pelts could be cut and sewn into winter clothing.

Making the stretching boards and the stretching frames took several days and Tobal knew Sarah would not be ready to solo at the next circle. There was too much to be done. By the end of the 2nd week they had trapped enough beaver and muskrat for their own use and were busy tanning and smoking the pelts. What worried him was they hadn’t had time to do much else and the weather was getting colder. They were running out of time.

He worried about Melanie and Nick. He had not taught them much about tanning leather and making winter clothing because it had been the middle of summer. Rafe had not spent much time on it because the weather had been getting warmer. But he had shown Tobal the basics of tanning leather and making winter equipment. Rafe had also shown Tobal his own finished products at his base camp. Tobal still had things stored away at Rafe’s camp and he needed to get them.

Rafe was no longer available and busy with Journeyman things. It was Tobal’s responsibility to make sure those he trained were able to survive the harsh mountain winters. Most Apprentices would simply hole up in their base camps and wait the winter out.

Rafe had told him the entire purpose and spirit of being an Apprentice was to learn and train people to survive during any time of the year, not just the good months. In fact, the reason Rafe trained six people so quickly was because he trained them in the winter when few people were willing to train. Last winter medics on air sleds twice sought out Rafe and told him there was a newbie waiting at sanctuary that needed training and they asked if he would do it. They only asked this of the best and most experienced teachers. Rafe had even talked them into giving him an air sled ride to sanctuary so he didn’t have to travel in the bitter weather any more than was needed.

In the snow travel would be almost impossible unless snowshoes were made and now was the time to be making them. The green wood needed to be steamed until it could be bent into the snowshoe shapes and then lashed together for drying. They would be laced later.

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Passion Flowers
 
They stand on the table,
Creeping around from out of a green vase,
Twisting, rambling, over here, over there,
Pale and wan, like consumptive lips.
Passion flowers!
Like a dying, torturous last gasp,
Like the scream of a drowning boy,
Passion flowers!
And they tremble and perfume,
Painfully and abusively,
Weak and diseased, pathetically coughing,
They tremble and look at me in hesitation,
Half complaining in pain and half vengefully,
Like the sundering eyes of the gallows birds!
—Oh, I know you, pretend flower,
Know you and your entire proud relatives,
I know Genoveva, and poor Heinrich,
Know the suffering fool on the cross
And all the chosen knights
With pale cheeks and gaping maws!
Know all of you! And hate all of you!
—hello, pale flower, voluptuously soft,
Just waft your Nazarene poison here:
I am immune and I grab you
And crinkle and tear tendrils and blossoms,
And with a healthy curse
Throw everything
Out through the window,
Into the dirty, stinking street!
—Passion flowers!

-Hanns Heinz Ewers
translated by Joe Bandel

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The dream interaction with your “soul mate” in the first soul mate cycle marks the beginning of the grade of Magus and the struggle to complete the Great Work. These soul mate interactions create phase-locked astral energy that is extremely powerful.

When this contact is made a new “resonant” circuit is formed between you and your soul mate that nothing can interfere with. At this point you can begin living the life that you truly want to live in that the fixed etheric levels have been purged of oppositional and negative influences.

It means that you can hold these negative influences at bay indefinitely because you are stronger than they are. It’s marked by a dormant period in physical life where everything seems to be at a stalemate. You can’t get ahead but you won’t back down to the opposition either. All of your energy is spent in holding these oppositional forces at bay. With each lunar cycle you make slow gains and increases in self-empowerment. The opposition becomes less and you become stronger.

The entire process is completely automatic and requires only a regular input of all types of energy to ensure total success by anyone. In fact, this process will also work with the spiritual energies and the “soul mate” cycle without the addition of the sexual energies but it will take a lot longer because spiritual energy is not as dense and heavy as sexual energy.

There is a real problem with “phase-locked” astral creations that must be clearly understood. They will resist every possible effort to become physical events and objects. This is why this is called the Great Work. To bring these astral creations into physical existence requires an unlimited source of energy and the will to go against the will of the entire world. It involves forcing and racking the astral planes until they have no choice but to give you the things that you want.

Opposites attract each other and you will automatically attract astral events to you that you don’t want and you will repel the events that you do want. The astral events that you don’t want will be attracted to the “fixed” Akashic records to become physical events in this lifetime.

The astral events that you want will repel themselves from the “fixed” Akashic records and form the basics of your next lifetime, the one after this one! You can have these things in your next life after you die! This is the way the process works unless the system is forced into giving you the things you want now in this lifetime.

This is why it is easier to prevent something negative from happening by forcing it out of the fixed etheric planes than it is to impel a created astral event into physical reality. It is easier to destroy than it is to create!

In the same manner the good life experiences that you now enjoy were earned and placed into the “fixed” Akashic records only after the death of your past life. That is the only reason that anything good is happening in your life at all!

Obviously this is not acceptable to us because we do not want to wait until our next lifetime for the things that we want now! There are three things that we can do to get the things that we want in this lifetime.

The first is known as “black” magic because we take the astral creations that someone else has made and make them our own. Because these astral creations are not made from our own energy they are not repelled and will enter into the “fixed” Akashic record to become physical reality during this life time for us.

There are important limitations to this type of magic. Because these astral creations are not our own they will never truly satisfy us. We will never be able to get what we really want out of life. In addition, we are causing pain and injury to the ones that are victimized by us and we are neglecting our future lifetime.

This path will cause our next lifetime to be without any of the things that we really want. Instead it will be an entire lifetime of tremendous hardship and suffering. For these reasons alone it is unacceptable to follow this path.

The second possibility is that of “group” magic. This type of magic is very effective in bringing astral events into physical reality but it also has its limitations. The way it works is that the other members of the group will energize and create things astrally for you that you desire to have. Since it was created by others it will not repel from you and will enter into the “fixed” Akashic records to become a physical event. If you do what society wants you to do, then society will reward you in many ways. It is the path of the conformer to the demands of the collective.

In the same manner you will energize and create astral events for others that they desire and help them to become physical reality. This is most common in prayer and healing circles where the group gives its energies to other members of the group.

While this method does bring good positive things into your life they will never really be just exactly what you wanted. It will always involve the compromise between what you wish and what the collective wants of you. Your true wish and true desire will never be fulfilled in the way that you want it to. You must always settle for second best and for less than you really wanted. For this reason this method is best left for emergencies and for a general willingness to help others with good will. It can’t hurt anything.

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Nick was strong and liked working with his hands building things out of stone. He got the idea of chipping flint much more easily than Tobal, which was good, because it was just about the only thing Nick found easy.

They spent most of their time trapping and hunting. Tobal wanted to be sure Nick would be able to get enough food when winter came. Nick was a total klutz in the woods and seemed to lack an intuitive sense about anything dealing with animals and hunting. But they kept at it until he was getting good results simply from repetition. Nick was a person that couldn’t be told anything. He had to learn by doing it himself and that took time.

It was a long hard month but at least the weather cooperated. Nick was a little slower than Melanie was. He required more work and didn’t get things quite as quickly. There were times when Tobal’s patience wore completely out and he felt ready to explode, especially after going over the same thing for the fourth or fifth time until Nick got it right. Nick required a lot of personal attention and hands on experience but once he got it, he really got it and he was ready to solo by the time of the next gathering.

Nick was the only one of five new initiates ready to solo and that made quite a stir within the clan. Tobal was proving himself to be quite a trainer following in the footsteps of Rafe and even doing a little better as long as his students were trained properly and he knew they were. The elders were inclined to agree and allowed Nick his solo after questioning him at length about what he had learned. The weather was getting colder and they were getting more careful.

Nikki, Kevin and Zee were each spending another month training their newbies even though they would be initiated tonight.

The elders called Melanie and Becca to the front of the circle for completing their solos. Then it was his turn. He had his 1st chevron sewn on his shoulder and it felt very good indeed.

“Hey Melanie! Wait up!” He hurried to catch up as they headed to get robes. “How was your solo?”

“Oh, I found the perfect place and it’s not that far from yours,” she said excitedly. “It’s east of yours on the other side of the stream that feeds into the lake. I’ve already started building my base camp. You need to stop by and see it some time.”

“I will,” he promised. “Is it easy to find?”

“Give me your map and I’ll mark it for you,” she held out her hand for his map.

“I don’t have it with me,” he said. “It’s in my pack.”

“Well, let’s get it then,” she said and they wandered over to his pack. He handed her his map and a pencil. She put a quick mark on the map and he looked. It was about ten miles east of his own camp and in some even rougher territory.

“I know this is going to be hard to find,” he told her. “You might have to show me how to get there the first time.”

She smiled quite pleased and replied. “Sure, I’ll take you out there anytime. I really want to train one newbie before winter sets in though. I’m leaving very soon.”

“Well, good luck and take care of yourself,” he gave her a hug and a kiss. “I miss you a lot more than I’m going to miss Nick. Say, I’m going to sanctuary after circle. If you want to we can go together.”

She laughed and waved as she turned around. “Let me think on it. I was going to leave before circle. I’ll get back to you.”

With that she wandered over to the food table and he went back to where the robes were being given out and changed into his. Angel was handing out the robes this month. Most clan members wore tunics during the day but were required to wear robes during ritual. Everyone was responsible for their own robe and was expected to turn it back in by noon of the next day.

“I see you’ve got four chevrons now.” He kidded her. “Your leg must be getting a lot better.”

She laughed, “I beat up one of your friends to get it.”

“Really,” he said suddenly interested. “Who’d you fight?”

“Oh, it was just Rafe,” she said. “But he really is getting better. I used to feel so sorry for him getting picked on all the time and then it was my turn and I thought “why not.” It was a tough fight though. He almost beat me.” She grinned, “Don’t tell him that though. That’s just between you and me ok?”

“Ok,” he said, but was already thinking about kidding Rafe and went looking for him.

Tobal roamed the gathering spot talking and mingling with his friends and other clansmen. Everyone seemed friendlier then last month. He spent time talking with Wayne and separately with Char.

Wayne was a burly salt of the earth type that was friendly and open. He and Char had been the first one’s to welcome Tobal into the clan and make him feel wanted. He always made a point to speak with them and see how they were doing. Wayne had one chevron because he had trained Char. They had stayed together over the past winter and summer but there were growing problems. They both needed to train newbies and didn’t want to loose each other as romantic partners. Char wanted to leave and train someone else over the winter.

“I think she’s tired of me and doesn’t love me any more,” Wayne complained to Tobal. “She wants another boyfriend. If she thinks she can do that, I’ll rip his head off.” Wayne stamped his foot on the ground in anger. “I don’t want to share her with anyone else.”

Tobal didn’t really know what to say since his own track record with girls wasn’t that good. He patted Wayne on the shoulder and tried calming him down.

“Hey, things might not be all that bad,” he said. “Tell you what. I’ll go over and talk with Char and see what’s up. Will that help?”

“Thanks Tobal, I’d really appreciate that.” “I owe you one,” he said.

Tobal went looking for Char about the same time Tara walked by with Nick. She was getting him pumped up about his coming solo. Tobal thought he knew what was on her mind but it wasn’t any of his business so he kept his mouth shut. He remembered going up to her one night after seeing her dancing naked at the drum circle after ritual. There was no doubt she was hot and liked to have men look at her. Under ordinary circumstances he might have been inclined to take up her offer to spend the winter. Nick was old enough to look out for himself.

“There you are,” he called out as he caught up with Char at the roasting pit where she was cooking a monstrous venison roast. Char was a stout round faced blond and the best cook in the entire camp. Her cooking was legendary and this roast was no exception. It looked and smelled wonderful. A roast that size took several people to handle and there were five or six others taking turns watching the roast, turning it as needed and coating it with spices and sauces. There were three fire pits with different things cooking in each one. The cooks kept an eye on all of them and helped each other as needed.

“Need any help?” He asked with a smile.

“Sure, turn this for a quarter turn and hold it if you would. It’s not balanced right and that spot never gets cooked enough.

Tobal did as directed and levered the roast around. She had been right. It was not balanced properly and wanted to fall back to its original position.

“There’s got to be a way to hold this in place,” he complained. “Do you have any rope around?”

He let the roast drop back to its original position and rummaged around for some lashing material and a long pole. He set the pole up with the lashing material so it worked like a very long handle that would spin the roast. It was not pretty but it did lock the roast in several new positions for more even cooking.

“I talked with Wayne.” He ventured cautiously.

Char sighed, “I’ve been out here for one year and I still haven’t trained anyone. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life living in a teepee. Wayne doesn’t understand that. He’s like a big child yet. He thinks this Daniel Boone stuff is fun.”

“Well, I don’t,” she said”. “ I’d like a regular bath with warm water and soap, nice clothes and both of us leading a normal life, even having kids some day. I love Wayne and want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I don’t love him enough to spend it out here. We both need to train six people and get to the next level of training.”

“ I understand,” Tobal told her. “I’m trying as hard as I can to train people. I want to be a citizen and don’t have any intention of living this way the rest of my life.” He added, “I’ve often wondered when the two of you were going to start training newbies. I knew you were in love but it seemed like it couldn’t just go forever without training people. Maybe you can talk to Wayne like you did to me and let him know how important it is for you to start training. Winter is a hard time to train anyone though.

“Yes, I suppose I’d better try talking with him again,” she sighed “but he is slow as an ox at times. He’s a Taurus you know.”

“So am I,” Tobal grinned at her. “Well I’d better be going. I think circle is about to start and I want to be there.”

He gave her a hug and a kiss and walked back toward the circle. If she was talking about kids he didn’t think Wayne really had much to worry about.

Later he kidded Rafe about being beaten by Angel but Rafe wasn’t in a good mood about it and changed the subject quickly.

“Hey you remember the dark haired girl that initiated you?” Rafe asked.

“Yeah, what about her?”

“Her name is Misty and she only needs one more fight.”

“I already knew that. I was talking to Angel about her last week. I thought maybe you had something new about her.”

“Not really but she is kind of fun to talk to. I wouldn’t want to fight her though.” Rafe joked. “Pretty soon babies will start challenging me and then I might win once in awhile.”

“You will get your turn Rafe. Don’t worry so much about it. Angel said you almost beat her.”

“She did?” Rafe eyed him hopefully. “What else did she say?”

“I wasn’t even supposed to say that,” Tobal shrugged. “You were just feeling so down I thought I had to say something. I know I’m really going to have trouble fighting when it’s my turn. Still I try not to think about it any more than I need to.”

“How long do you do guard duty for the initiations anyway?” He asked to change the subject.

“This is going to be my last month,” Rafe said. “Then I’ll get some other duty. Did you know we lost two Apprentices already this month?”

“What do you mean ‘Lost?” Tobal asked curiously. “I thought the medics looked out for all of us.”

“Oh, I don’t mean they got lost in the woods or died,” Rafe corrected. “I mean they got fed up and headed back to civilization before winter set in.”

“People can leave?” Tobal asked in surprise.

“Sure,” this is a voluntary program and you can leave anytime you want. There is nothing keeping you here except two hundred miles of wilderness. Remember New Seattle is only a hundred and fifty miles straight south of here. You can make that in three or four days pretty easy.”

“I had forgotten all about that.” Tobal said. “Do people take time off and go to the city once in awhile for fun?”

“It’s not allowed,” Rafe said. “If you get out of range of the air sleds and they can’t monitor your med-alert bracelet you are considered to have quit the program and need to start all over from scratch. Each year someone finds that out the hard way. Most of the times a medic will stop you and give you a warning though.”

Changing the subject Tobal asked, “How’s Dirk doing anyway? I feel real bad about what happened last month at Melanie’s initiation. I should have warned her or something.”

“No, people aren’t supposed to know what’s going to happen. Dirk is doing fine and his wound is healing fine. That whole thing was just bad luck, that’s all. Dirk’s a good sport and taking it pretty well even though some of the kids are razzing him.”

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In a Boat
 
I sit quietly in a little boat
And look into the deeps
To me it is, as if with endearing sounds
The voices of my sisters call.
 
They misunderstand, taunt me
The other children of men,
I am fragile, easily wounded,
So strange, timid and blind.
 
How they pull me from the world and light,
Into the immeasurable deeps,
I have certainly arisen from out of the ocean depths
And have never forgotten them.

-Mia Holm
translated by Joe Bandel

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Chapter 11

Wayne and Char were still working on their base camp and making good progress. They invited him to stop by if he was ever in the neighborhood and gave him directions. At least they were not mad at him. Tara was still looking for someone to partner up with for the winter and wasn’t doing so well with the construction of her base camp. It was pretty obvious she was looking for a man.

Tobal saw some of his other friends gathered by the kitchen and waved. Only a couple waved back and a few looked the other direction and moved away. He saw the Ox glower at him and sulk past silently.

Apparently there were no other candidates that month and Melanie’s initiation was going to be the only one. There was a highly charged atmosphere about the camp with an under current of anger and many were curious to get their first sight of this hell cat that was also rumor had it, prepared to take her solo! She was going to do this without even the traditional month of training and it was causing quite a stir.

Later he learned from Ellen the Ox had waited at sanctuary for another student and none had appeared. Both Zee and Kevin had gone there after the storm and waited too but no one had shown up. That’s why they were upset with him. While they had been worried about him he had been out training the only newbie available.

She warned him there could really be some hard feelings and resentment among Apprentices unless more newbies started coming in. The last couple months had been abnormally slow and people planning on becoming Journeymen were still one or two trainees away. Ox was obviously on the war path and it would pay to stay well out of his way if possible.

He excused himself from Ellen and was thinking about what she had said when he suddenly remembered the attack on his camp and the mysterious mass grave at the abandoned gathering spot. He wanted to ask Rafe about these things. Unfortunately Rafe was involved in Melanie’s initiation as a guard. Tobal also wanted to share his secret camp location with Rafe so he could find it.

As Melanie’s initiation began, Tobal found himself casting furtive glances toward the red haired girl. She was talking rapidly and excitedly to an Apprentice that was sitting next to her. He recognized the gray robed figure as the instructor that brought her into circle last time. He suddenly realized Becca was going to be soloing this month along with Melanie.

His feelings of responsibility toward Melanie were stronger than his curiosity and he felt himself drawn back into Melanie’s initiation ceremony as the drums started beating in deep rhythm. He was drawn into the dance with the other circle members.

Disoriented, she stood hoodwinked and tied before the central fire. Her tunic had been cut a little too high and he caught glimpses of her pubic hair in the firelight. It seemed that some dancers jostled her too roughly but she stood proudly through it all as the power grew within the circle. Tobal could feel the power growing and soon sensed the presence of the Lord and Lady. He saw them with his inner eye. It seemed they were not as happy as before and the energy had an angry tinge to it that had not been there during his initiation.

He was happy for Melanie and gave her a big hug at the end of the ceremony. She was now wearing the gray trousers and there were tears of happiness in her eyes.

“Thank you Tobal,” she whispered as she clung to him. “This is sanctuary and the safest place I have ever been in my life. I’m among friends I can trust in a place where I belong and you are my closest and dearest friend.”

She pulled him close and kissed him deeply, her lips crushing his in a fierce embrace.

The party was getting into full swing when some raucous voices called Tobal over in their direction. Tobal saw his friends drinking home brewed beer out of leather drinking jacks and hurried over to help drink it up. This evening was in Melanie’s honor and he made introductions. It was Melanie that made the greatest hit by passing out honeycomb and honey to people greedy for the unaccustomed sweets. The drums beat again and the party shifted into high gear with people dancing just for the pleasure of dancing.

Rafe came over in his new black outfit. They exchanged stories and caught each other up on what had been going on. Rafe was concerned about Tobal’s camp being destroyed and mentioned there had been other camps that had been destroyed in that general area. He had never heard about the abandoned camp with its mass grave site and found the story interesting, especially the part about the air sleds that came and buzzed them without waving back. He considered going there and checking it out himself.

Rafe also brought him up to date on circle and clan politics. It seemed that fewer people were coming to circle these days. The shortage of newbies had caused division among the clan members. The heat of the summer months made food abundant and many treated it as a holiday. Others formed romantic partnerships that lasted several months.

Often love turned sour and couples once in love with each other separated in anger and jealousy looking for new partners or newbies to train. The total effect was too many clan members stuck in the Apprentice degree without a means of self promotion. They were going elsewhere and turning their attention to other things. There was even talk of a new gathering spot that had different laws and customs.

Rafe’s students had managed to corner the market on newbies and were moving up the ranks faster than others. The incident with Ox brought things to a head and guide lines needed to be set up. Ox had come back from waiting over a week at sanctuary and no one had shown up. Furious he had gone to the elders complaining that Tobal had threatened him with a knife and forcibly taken Melanie away from him. The circle elders took this very seriously and they were very interested in talking with Tobal about it.

The incident between Melanie and the guard had defused the situation and Melanie had told her own version of the story to Ellen. That was probably why none of the elders had approached Tobal yet and now they might not.

What the elders had done was decree anyone wishing to train a newbie was welcome to wait at sanctuary as long as they liked and take turns as newbies showed up on a first come, first served basis. Some got tired of waiting and left in disgust without anyone to train. Others stayed and waited for as long as three weeks before a newbie showed up to train. Everyone now felt they had an equal chance to train someone and much of the earlier resentment was fading away.

There was still a crisis though. The average length of training had gone from two months to less than 28 days and some newbies were not being trained properly. One of the newbies trying to solo had gotten lost without water and almost died. Luckily the med-alert bracelet called the medics before it was too late.

Given this, there was a lot of concern about Tobal declaring Melanie ready to solo in not quite four weeks. There had been some discussion about letting her solo at all. Only the fact that Tobal had been Rafe’s student caused the elders to go along with it.

None of Rafe’s students had any trouble soloing and it was obvious they were happier and healthier than most of the other trainees before and after their solo. It was also very obvious they knew their stuff. Rafe had gotten his Journeyman degree in one year and he was highly respected in the circle of elders as a talented trainer. Not only was he a good trainer but his students had proven themselves to be good trainers. They were willing to give Tobal the benefit of the doubt.

“And,” Rafe continued with a chuckle,” It seems Melanie can take care of herself!”

In other areas it seemed Rafe wasn’t doing so hot. While Rafe was glad to meet him and participate in circle ceremonies, he also had the obligation of Journeyman circle during the new moon at a different location. The Journeyman degree was devoted to self defense and combat. There were constant challenges for combat.

Because of Rafe’s age and small size, he was a prime target and considered an easy win. Most of the Journeymen wasted no time challenging Rafe whenever they could. Luckily the six victories needed to be six different people. After having fought and won they left Rafe alone. If Rafe wanted to rechallenge anyone he had the right to do that as the loser. But in general the winner could not rechallenge someone for another official fight. This was a hard time for Rafe. He was frustrated and having trouble dealing with it.

Tobal’s reverie was halted abruptly by the appearance of the red haired girl, Becca. She walked up in front of him and stood silently with her head bowed. His friends turned silent with curiosity. Not comprehending they looked from her to him and back to her again. She had tears in her eyes as she looked at him.

“I’m sorry,” she said, “Please forgive me. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Tobal’s nerves snapped, “Get away from me! Get away from me!” He screamed.

Her hand flew to her mouth and she stumbled away into the night crying. As she turned and ran Tobal got up and left. He moved over to a place in the shadows and savagely fought back tears. His thoughts were lost in bitterness and despair.

Rafe came looking for him first.

“What was that all about,” he asked? “Do you know her? Have you met before?”

Tobal looked at Rafe. The pain was gleaming darkly in his eyes as he raised his hand and touched the scars on his face.

“She did this to me,” he choked and breaking into sobs turned away.

“Oh, God!” Rafe started and gasped. Then Rafe turned and left him crying against the trunk of the tree he had been sitting against.

Tobal guessed Rafe had gotten the word out and felt even more humiliated and angry. It was not fair, now the entire camp was going to know what happened. He’d told everyone he had been attacked by a wild animal and now was caught in his own lie. He was going to be the laughing stock of the whole camp.

Melanie came to him toward morning. She had been crying. Her eyes were puffed and red and she was sniffling. She ran to him and held him in her arms. It took a few minutes but he put his arms around her too and held her close. He had to admit she did feel good in his arms. Soon she had him smiling and was trying to get him to join the rest of the group. When he finally walked over to the others he noticed a strange silence. Ellen turned to him.

“Becca ran away last night and no one has seen or heard from her. We think she is starting her solo early, but we are not really sure of anything at this point.”

Zee and Kevin both came over and apologized for their bad behavior toward him last night. They hadn’t understood about Becca and assumed he had raced to sanctuary in spite of their earlier agreement to get a newbie. They were heading for sanctuary with Nikki and invited him to travel with them. He thanked them but said no. He would be coming a bit later and needed to talk with Rafe first. If it was going to be such a big deal he would let the others go ahead this time. Ox would be there and that made four people he knew would be at sanctuary. He just didn’t feel social right now.

August was the month of Melanie’s and Becca’s solos. Tobal had gotten his second newbie, a boy named Nick. August was an unusual month with eight newbies at sanctuary. That is the first time all summer for so many newbies. Tobal had gotten lucky because Nick was number eight and waiting at sanctuary. The Ox, Zee, Nikki and Kevin had each gotten newbies to train. Tobal had resigned himself to waiting out the entire month and was astounded to find Nick waiting when he arrived a few days later. The others had already left but told Nick he would be coming.

They went straight to Tobal’s main camp and spent the first week completing some permanent winter shelters he and Melanie had started. They also worked on stone axes since axes were so desperately needed for chopping wood. The knives didn’t work well for the heavier and thicker logs.

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Chestnuts
 
“Kathlin Mac Murdoch!
That is my name!”
—and when you hear her say her name,
You feel:
Dissatisfaction!
I bid you,
Look again,
How she spreads her long fingers—
Look again,
How her magnolia lips
Stand open,
While, the moist breath of Satan,
Crawls through her clenched teeth,
Her breath.
And now,
Just watch,
How her slender nostrils
Swell as they suck in—
The power: the witch
Lustfully and greedily drinks in
The phallus scent
Of the chestnut blossoms.
 
—Yes, I tell you, friend:
Kathlin Mac Murdoch,
Who rushes through a love hungry world,
Serves Aphrodite and kisses Sappho,
Who makes love through sodomy—
Kathlin Mac Murdoch,
Who at Satan’s mass
Was the priestess—
—Philopygos!
—she—
Sucks the scent—
Out of flowers—!
Watch!
Unmoving she sits at the window,
And unmoving
Outside stands the giant,
The chestnut tree—
Wide, proud, unmoving
He stretches his strong limbs out,
Each of which
Bears blooming sacrificial candles.
 
Outrageously then you hear:
That woman there,
Kathlin Mac Murdoch,
Make love to these flowers!
 
Suck the scent in—yourself!
What do you smell?
—do you sense it now?
It is the eternally victorious scent,
The wild scent,
The one, world building scent
From the original source of the phallus!
There she sits
Kathlin Mac Murdoch,
Surrounded by the rain,
That is life to her—
 
There she sits and sucks in
With all her pores
This delightful breath of a man,
She, a female, a female,
All sex
From her head to her feet!
Bend down, if you are an artist!
Here you can sense
The strange breath of this terrible flame,
That singed Salome and burned Salammbȏ:
—dissatisfaction!

-Hanns Heinz Ewers
translated by Joe Bandel

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