Anarchistbanjo's World

In a very direct and real way it doesn’t matter if God can forgive us if we can’t forgive ourselves! We need to be able to forgive ourselves! That means living in a way that we are not ashamed of and one that leaves our conscience free.

When I was a young boy my conscience didn’t wake up until I was 14. I grew up in poverty and there were so many things that I wanted to have but I didn’t have any money. So I shoplifted, little things like candy.

I grew up in a very religious family and every Christmas my grandparents sent us kids little books of the Bible stories. I love to read and I soon knew all the stories my heart. But I didn’t feel them in my heart. When I was 14 I went to confirmation classes. I knew all the Bible stories and was very bored. But before class I would go to the donation offering box and steal some money out of it, go to the store to buy some candy and then eat that candy during confirmation class.

But it started bothering me. My conscience was waking up and even though I was getting away with it, I didn’t like the person that I was becoming. Over a period of several months this feeling of self loathing became so strong that I had a spiritual crisis. I broke down and asked God to forgive me and promised that I would never do or say anything that went against my conscience. To this day I have remained true to that vow.

Imagine living forever and not being able to forgive yourself! Self torment and self loathing are some of the most horrible and hellish things anyone can experience!