Verb matching is something that professionals do when they really want to connect with other people. Everyone is a little bit different, but most people fall into three different categories, visual, auditory or kinesthetic. What this means is that these three groups of people process information in their brains differently and they do this by using different verbs. As I describe some of these examples you will immediately be reminded of how common these are. The trick is to find out which ones you use and which ones other people use and gain the ability to use all three to become better at communicating with other people.
The visual person uses visual verbs:
I see what you mean!
That is not very clear to me at all.
I see what you’re saying!
I got so angry that I saw a red!
You can probably come up with several more examples, but you get the general idea. These people generally use visual verbs because their minds process information in a visual way. When you use visual verbs while communicating with these people they will feel a lot more comfortable and feel the communication more deeply.
The auditory person uses auditory verbs:
That rings a bell.
I hear what you’re saying!
That doesn’t sound right to me.
You’ve got to tell that person what you really think!
Again, you can probably come up with many more examples of auditory verbs that some people use. These people process information in an auditory way and they pay attention to auditory things as opposed to visual things. We’ll talk more about this in a little bit.
The kinesthetic person feels things within their body:
That doesn’t feel right to me.
I can’t get a grip on it!
Reach out and touch someone!
That was a pretty rocky start.
Again, you can probably come up with examples that are much better than the ones that I came up with. But the idea is the same, these people process information in a kinesthetic fashion.
The problem comes in when a person that processes information one way tries to communicate with a person who processes things another way and this can create confusion and distrust between two people.
Let’s say that a visually oriented woman is married to an auditory oriented man. Because she is visually oriented, she likes to see the proof of his love in a visual way. She likes to see him do things for her. He is an auditory person so words are very important to him and every day he tells her just how much he loves her. But because she is visual she doesn’t recognize the importance of him saying how much he loves her. She wants him to show her how much he loves her. This creates tension and misunderstanding between the two people that doesn’t really need to be there if it was understood.
What if one of them was kinesthetic? They would like to hug and touch. Hugging and touching is one of the most important ways that they know of to share their feelings with another person. But if their partner is not kinesthetic they don’t understand the importance of touch or feeling and make seem cold and distant. They might not like being touched all the time!
When you understand the verbs that you use and have the ability to use all three comfortably your ability to communicate grows tremendously and people feel more comfortable around you. They feel that you really understand them. Then the quality of your personal communications goes much higher and is better receieved.
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