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OAK Tarot of Love and Romance: Five of Pentacles

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , on August 18, 2026| Leave a Comment »

Five of Pentacles Emotion: raw awakening and uncomfortable reality. Five glowing pentacles lie scattered on the ground as a young couple experiences their first physical union. The man’s face shows surprised pleasure; the woman’s face shows shock and discomfort as illusions shatter. A strong oak tree stands firm amid the emotional shift. Colors: deep crimsons, shadowed blues, and faint hopeful golds.
Five of Pentacles This card is about the raw, sometimes uncomfortable reality of first physical union. Sex is not what either person expected, and illusions about romance can shatter. It brings both pleasure and a new awareness of the body’s needs. The Five invites you to be gentle with yourself and your partner as you learn to be fully embodied together.
Male experience: You may feel surprised by how real and grounding the experience feels.
Female experience: You may feel a mix of pleasure and discomfort as the physical side of love becomes very real.

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OAK Assertiveness Training Course Degree 9 Generative Leadership

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , on August 17, 2026| Leave a Comment »

Degree 9 — Generative Leadership

Influence Without Domination

The central question becomes:

Can I become powerful without needing other people to become smaller?

This is the practical expression of the OAK principle that strength and sovereignty can coexist.

Leadership isn’t primarily about authority.

It is about creating conditions in which other people can become more capable.

The Central Distinction

There are three forms of influence:

Control

“Do what I say.”

Persuasion

“Let me convince you.”

Generative leadership

“Let me help create the conditions in which you can see, choose, and act for yourself.”

The third is the target.

A strong leader doesn’t manufacture followers.

A strong leader increases the number of people capable of standing on their own feet.

The Degree 9 Principle

Use power to increase agency, not dependency.

This becomes one of the course’s strongest tests for healthy leadership.

Ask:

After interacting with me, are people more capable of thinking and acting for themselves—or more dependent upon me?

If dependence continually increases, something has gone wrong.

The Leadership Paradox

The more secure you become, the less you need to prove that you’re in charge.

You don’t need:

  • constant agreement,
  • admiration,
  • obedience,
  • recognition,
  • the last word,
  • credit for every success.

You can allow another person to succeed without needing to own their success.

That is a very high form of assertiveness.

The Four Movements of Generative Leadership

1. See

Before directing, understand the field.

Who is present?

What does each person know?

What is missing?

Where is the actual problem?

What are you assuming?

This is the leadership equivalent of the Degree 1 practice of noticing before reacting.

2. Clarify

Good leadership makes reality easier to see.

State:

  • what is known,
  • what is uncertain,
  • what matters,
  • what decision is required,
  • what remains open.

Don’t manufacture certainty to make yourself appear competent.

Clarity is stronger than performance.

3. Invite

Whenever possible, allow others to contribute their intelligence.

Ask:

“What are you seeing that I’m missing?”

This directly incorporates the Blind Spots as Structural principle from Anchor 18.

A leader who assumes complete perception eventually becomes dangerous.

A leader who expects partial perception builds correction into the system.

4. Release

Once the work is understood and responsibility has been transferred, let people do it.

Don’t hover.

Don’t micromanage.

Don’t repeatedly reclaim authority.

Give responsibility with enough structure to succeed and enough freedom to think.

This is where leadership becomes genuinely generative.

The Leadership Ladder

Degree 9 can be taught through a simple progression:

Competence → Credibility → Responsibility → Delegation → Development → Succession

The final step matters.

If everything collapses when you leave, you haven’t built a healthy system.

You’ve built dependency.

The mature leader eventually makes themselves less necessary.

Assertive Leadership Language

Instead of:

“Here’s what you’re going to do.”

Try:

“Here’s what needs to happen. What approach do you think will work best?”

Instead of:

“Because I said so.”

Try:

“Here’s why I’m making this decision.”

Instead of:

“Don’t question me.”

Try:

“Challenge the reasoning if you see something I’ve missed.”

Instead of:

“I need you to handle this.”

Try:

“You’re responsible for this outcome. Here’s the authority you have to accomplish it.”

The underlying message is:

I will hold responsibility without unnecessarily taking away yours.

The Shadow of Degree 9

Every developmental level has a distortion.

Degree 9’s shadow is the benevolent tyrant.

This person genuinely believes:

“I’m doing this for everyone’s benefit.”

And may therefore justify:

  • excessive control,
  • paternalism,
  • manipulation,
  • secrecy,
  • rescuing,
  • making decisions for others,
  • treating disagreement as ignorance.

This is particularly dangerous because the intention may actually be sincere.

Good intentions don’t automatically produce good leadership.

The Sovereignty Test

Whenever you are influencing someone, ask three questions:

Can they disagree with me?

If not, you don’t have genuine reciprocity.

Can they leave?

If not, the relationship contains coercion.

Can they eventually function without me?

If not, you may be creating dependency.

These three questions are remarkably powerful.

They also connect directly back to the Universal Grove.

Co-equality isn’t merely a philosophical statement. It has observable consequences.

The Clean Use of Authority

Authority isn’t inherently bad.

A parent has authority over a young child.

A teacher has authority in a classroom.

A manager has organizational authority.

A surgeon has professional authority.

The question isn’t:

“Does someone have power?”

The better question is:

“Is the power bounded, accountable, proportionate, and oriented toward the purpose for which it exists?”

Healthy authority has:

Purpose + Limits + Accountability + Exit/Appeal

This makes the course much more useful than simply teaching people to distrust hierarchy.

Some structures are necessary.

The goal is clean structure, not structurelessness.

Degree 9 Practice — The Agency Audit

Choose one area where you have influence over another person or group.

Ask:

1. What decisions am I making?

2. Which of those genuinely belong to me?

3. Which belong to someone else?

4. Where am I unnecessarily solving problems others could solve themselves?

5. Where am I withholding information or authority that would help someone become capable?

Then make one change that increases another person’s legitimate agency.

Don’t make five changes.

One.

Observe what happens.

The Leadership Feedback Loop

Degree 9 also introduces something crucial:

The leader needs feedback from below.

Create a safe mechanism for people to tell you:

  • what isn’t working,
  • what you’re not seeing,
  • what you’re doing that creates unnecessary friction,
  • what should change.

And then occasionally act on what you hear.

Otherwise “open communication” becomes theater.

The OAK Translation

The metaphor becomes especially clean here.

The expansive principle says:

I bring something forward.

The containing principle says:

I receive what is already present.

Generative leadership does both.

It provides direction without consuming the field.

It creates structure without imprisoning the people inside it.

It holds tension without needing to eliminate difference.

And eventually:

The leader becomes part of the field rather than the center of the field.

That’s the Universal Grove expressed practically.

Degree 9 Mastery

You are approaching mastery when:

  • You can exercise authority without needing dominance.
  • You can receive challenge without retaliation.
  • You can admit uncertainty without losing credibility.
  • You give people meaningful responsibility.
  • You don’t confuse rescuing with helping.
  • You develop people rather than collecting dependents.
  • You take responsibility for outcomes without taking ownership of everyone.
  • You can share credit generously.
  • You can step aside when someone else is better suited.
  • You actively build systems that can function without you.

And perhaps the deepest marker:

You become genuinely happy when someone surpasses you.

That is the moment power has stopped being about the self.

The Degree 9 Threshold

Degree 8 asked:

Can I remain sovereign under pressure?

Degree 9 asks:

Can I remain sovereign when I have power?

That’s harder.

Because having less power tests our boundaries.

Having more power tests our character.

And that prepares the final degree.

Degree 10 — Embodied Sovereignty

The final degree should not simply be “mastery.”

It should be the point where assertiveness stops feeling like a technique.

The person doesn’t need to constantly remember the rules anymore.

They naturally speak clearly.

Listen deeply.

Set boundaries.

Receive boundaries.

Repair mistakes.

Hold tension.

Share power.

And release control.

The scaffolding has become embodied capacity.

That gives us a very natural culmination for the entire ten-degree course.

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OAK Assertiveness Training Course Degree 7 Reciprocal Power

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , on August 15, 2026| Leave a Comment »

Degree 7 — Reciprocal Power

From Holding Your Ground to Creating Mutual Strength

Core Movement

At the earlier degrees, assertiveness is primarily about establishing the self.

Degree 7 introduces the deeper realization:

I do not become less sovereign by allowing another person to be fully sovereign too.

This is the practical heart of the OAK principle of loving embrace.

Assertiveness is no longer understood as resistance. It becomes reciprocal strength.

The Central Distinction

There are three different ways people commonly handle interpersonal power:

Submission

“Your needs matter more than mine.”

Domination

“My needs matter more than yours.”

Reciprocity

“Your needs and mine both matter, and we can work with the difference.”

Degree 7 trains the third.

That means learning to tolerate something many people find surprisingly difficult:

Another person can disagree with me without either of us being wrong.

The Degree 7 Skill: Hold Two Truths

A mature assertive person can say:

“I understand why you feel that way.”

without saying:

“Therefore I agree with you.”

And:

“This matters to me.”

without saying:

“Therefore you must give it to me.”

This is where empathy and boundaries stop being opposites.

Practice

When disagreement arises, consciously formulate two sentences:

Their truth:
“What makes sense from their position is…”

My truth:
“What remains true from my position is…”

Then ask:

“What can we do with both?”

Not:

“Who wins?”

The Relational Ladder

Degree 7 develops through a recognizable progression:

Recognition → Difference → Tension → Communication → Negotiation → Mutual Adjustment → Greater Capacity

The tension is not evidence that the relationship has failed.

The tension is information.

Two sovereign realities have encountered one another.

That encounter creates something neither could produce alone.

The Boundary Upgrade

At this degree, a boundary becomes more sophisticated.

Earlier:

“No.”

Now:

“No, and here is what I can offer.”

Earlier:

“That’s not acceptable.”

Now:

“That doesn’t work for me. Here’s an arrangement that might.”

Earlier:

“You need to respect my boundary.”

Now:

“This is what I will do if the boundary isn’t respected.”

That last distinction is crucial.

A boundary governs your behavior, not another person’s behavior.

You don’t control someone else.

You decide what you will participate in.

The Assertiveness Formula

A simple Degree 7 structure:

Observe → State → Listen → Negotiate → Choose

1. Observe

Describe what is actually happening without accusation.

“We’ve changed the agreement twice.”

2. State

Identify your position clearly.

“I need the original agreement to remain in place.”

3. Listen

Allow the other person’s reality to enter the field.

“What’s changed for you?”

4. Negotiate

Search for a solution that doesn’t require either person to disappear.

“What if we keep X and change Y?”

5. Choose

If genuine agreement isn’t possible, decide what you will do.

“If that isn’t workable, I’ll step back from the arrangement.”

That’s assertiveness without domination.

Degree 7 and Manipulation

This degree also teaches recognition of false reciprocity.

Some interactions appear cooperative but aren’t.

Watch for:

  • “If you loved me, you would…”
  • guilt disguised as vulnerability
  • endless negotiation after a clear boundary
  • selective listening
  • moving the agreement after you accept it
  • punishment for saying no
  • demands for access disguised as intimacy
  • making you responsible for another person’s emotional regulation

The test is simple:

Does reciprocity leave both people more sovereign, or does one person’s sovereignty gradually disappear?

If sovereignty consistently flows in only one direction, it isn’t reciprocity.

The Micro-Practice: The Clean No

For one week, practice saying small, clean no’s without excessive explanation.

Instead of:

“I’m sorry, I know this is probably inconvenient and I don’t want you to think…”

Simply:

“No, I can’t do that.”

Then stop.

Let the silence exist.

This trains an important nervous-system lesson:

Discomfort does not automatically require repair.

Someone else’s disappointment is not necessarily evidence that you did something wrong.

The Reciprocal Yes

Degree 7 isn’t primarily about saying no.

It is equally about learning to say yes without resentment.

A clean yes sounds like:

“Yes. I’d genuinely like to do that.”

Not:

“Fine.”

Not:

“I suppose.”

Not:

“If that’s what you want.”

The goal is clean exchange.

A yes freely given is more powerful than a yes extracted through obligation.

The Degree 7 Challenge

Choose one relationship where you routinely:

  • over-accommodate,
  • become controlling,
  • avoid disagreement,
  • explain yourself excessively,
  • or silently accumulate resentment.

For one week, practice reciprocal communication.

When something matters:

  1. Say what you actually want.
  2. Ask what they actually want.
  3. Don’t predict their answer.
  4. Don’t immediately surrender your position.
  5. Don’t immediately defend it either.
  6. Stay with the difference.
  7. Look for a third possibility.

The objective isn’t agreement.

The objective is remaining present while disagreement exists.

The Deeper OAK Principle

This is where the original metaphysical language becomes extremely useful as psychological metaphor, without requiring anyone to accept the cosmology literally.

The expansive movement says:

Here I am.

The containing movement says:

I can receive that.

Then the reciprocal field asks:

What becomes possible because both are present?

That is the essence of mature assertiveness.

Not:

Me against you.

Not:

Me disappearing into you.

But:

Me + You → Something neither of us could create alone.

Degree 7 Mastery

You know this degree is becoming embodied when:

  • You can disagree without becoming hostile.
  • You can hear “no” without collapsing.
  • You can say “no” without attacking.
  • You can negotiate without abandoning yourself.
  • You can empathize without surrendering your judgment.
  • You can maintain a boundary without demanding agreement.
  • You can change your mind without experiencing it as defeat.
  • You can let another person remain different.

And eventually:

Another person’s sovereignty stops feeling like a threat to your own.

That is a major threshold in the course.

Degree 7 turns assertiveness from self-protection into relationship-building.

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OAK Assertiveness Training Course Degree 6 The Generative Exchange

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , on August 14, 2026| Leave a Comment »

Degree 6 — The Generative Exchange

Negotiation without self-betrayal

Purpose:
To learn how to resolve genuine differences while protecting both self-respect and relationship.

The goal isn’t compromise at any cost.

It is discovering whether the tension between two positions can produce something better than either starting position.

1. The Core Movement

The Degree 6 circuit is:

Position → Interest → Constraint → Exchange → Agreement

I know what I want.

I discover what actually matters underneath it.

I understand what limits the situation.

You do the same.

Then we exchange possibilities until we find an arrangement that is genuinely workable—or discover that no such arrangement exists.

That last possibility matters.

Not every conflict can be solved.

2. The OAK Translation

Degree 5 was the outward surge:

“Here is what I want.”

Degree 6 introduces the containing response:

“Here is what matters to me, too.”

Then something new becomes possible:

“What can exist between us that respects both?”

This is reciprocal generation in practical human terms.

3. Position Is Not Interest

One of the most valuable negotiation skills is distinguishing:

Position

“I want Saturday.”

from:

Interest

“Saturday is important because that’s when I’m free.”

Now the negotiation has room.

Perhaps Saturday was only one solution to the underlying problem.

This is the beginning of creative flexibility without surrender.

4. The Five Questions

When a disagreement becomes substantial, ask:

1. What do I want?

2. Why does it matter?

3. What is genuinely non-negotiable?

4. Where am I flexible?

5. What do I think matters to them?

That fourth question is particularly important.

A person who treats everything as non-negotiable has no negotiating field.

A person who treats nothing as non-negotiable has no center.

Healthy assertiveness knows the difference.

5. The Boundary / Preference / Interest Triangle

Every negotiation should distinguish three things.

Boundary

“I won’t do that.”

Preference

“I’d rather do this.”

Interest

“What matters to me is having enough time to recover.”

The boundary protects the person.

The preference provides direction.

The interest provides creative information.

Once students understand these three levels, negotiation becomes much less threatening.

6. The Myth of Equal Sacrifice

A common idea is:

“Compromise means both people give up the same amount.”

Not necessarily.

Imagine:

You want the window open.

They want it closed.

You care about fresh air.

They care about noise.

The solution might be:

Window closed + fan running.

Neither person got their original position.

But both interests were addressed.

This is why we don’t negotiate positions alone.

We negotiate what the positions are trying to accomplish.

7. The Third Option

When two people reach:

Me vs. You

stop.

Ask:

“What are we assuming has to be true?”

Then:

“What would we try if neither original position were available?”

This often produces surprisingly good solutions.

The tension itself becomes generative.

That is one of the central OAK insights translated directly into ordinary life.

8. The Negotiation of Time

Some conflicts cannot be solved simultaneously.

But they can be solved sequentially.

“You get the morning; I’ll take the afternoon.”

“Let’s try your approach this week and mine next week.”

“We’ll revisit the decision after we have more information.”

Time is another dimension of negotiation.

It can transform:

either/or

into:

first/then.

9. Know Your Walk-Away Point

Healthy negotiation requires knowing what happens if agreement fails.

Before a significant negotiation, privately determine:

“If we cannot reach an acceptable arrangement, what will I do?”

This isn’t a threat.

It is preparation.

Perhaps you:

  • decline the deal
  • choose another provider
  • change the schedule
  • separate responsibilities
  • leave the arrangement
  • accept the consequences of your choice

A person who has no alternative can easily become coercible.

A person who knows they can walk away negotiates more freely.

10. Don’t Negotiate Under False Urgency

Pressure often produces bad agreements.

Be cautious when someone insists:

“You have to decide right now.”

A powerful assertive response is:

“I don’t make important decisions under pressure. I’ll let you know when I’ve considered it.”

That isn’t stubbornness.

It’s protecting the decision-making process.

11. The Reciprocity Test

Before agreeing, ask:

“Would I consider this arrangement fair if our positions were reversed?”

Not:

“Is this perfectly equal?”

Fairness and equality aren’t identical.

But the reversal test exposes many hidden asymmetries.

12. The Clean Agreement

Once an agreement is reached, make it concrete.

Clarify:

Who does what?

By when?

What happens if circumstances change?

When do we revisit it?

Vague agreements create future conflict.

Clear agreements reduce it.

And importantly:

An agreement should be voluntary enough that either person can understand what they’re agreeing to.

13. The Practice: Negotiate Something Small

Choose one real but low-stakes disagreement.

Before the conversation, write:

My position:
What I initially want.

My underlying interests:
Why it matters.

My non-negotiables:
What I won’t trade away.

My flexibilities:
What I could change.

Their likely interests:
What might matter to them.

Then talk.

Don’t aim for the perfect solution.

Aim to discover what is actually negotiable.

14. The Shadow of Degree 6

Two distortions appear.

The Martyr

“I’ll give up everything to preserve the relationship.”

This creates hidden resentment.

The Hard Bargainer

“If I don’t get everything I want, I’ve lost.”

This turns relationship into combat.

The mature position is:

“I will protect what matters, remain flexible where I can, and refuse what violates my center.”

That’s negotiation with integrity.

15. The Deeper Lesson

Sometimes negotiation reveals something unexpected.

You may discover:

You were fighting over something you didn’t actually care about.

Or:

They were fighting over something you didn’t realize mattered deeply to them.

Or:

The original conflict was merely the surface expression of a different problem.

Or:

There genuinely is no compatible arrangement.

All four are successful discoveries.

Because the purpose of negotiation isn’t necessarily agreement.

It is clarity through exchange.

16. Degree 6 Completion Marker

The student is moving toward Degree 7 when they can increasingly:

  • distinguish positions from interests
  • identify true non-negotiables
  • recognize legitimate flexibility
  • negotiate without surrender
  • create third options
  • use time creatively
  • tolerate temporary uncertainty
  • know their walk-away point
  • recognize coercive urgency
  • make clear agreements
  • accept that some conflicts reveal incompatibility rather than solvable problems

The emerging capability is:

I can enter tension without needing to conquer it or surrender to it.

And the ladder now has a very strong shape:

Degree 1 — I exist.
Degree 2 — I protect my existence.
Degree 3 — I meet another without disappearing.
Degree 4 — I remain myself under emotional pressure.
Degree 5 — I express desire without controlling.
Degree 6 — I can negotiate difference without self-betrayal.

Now we’re approaching a more powerful threshold.

Because negotiation works when both parties are acting in good faith.

What happens when they aren’t?

What happens when someone lies, manipulates, repeatedly violates boundaries, exploits generosity, or uses the very skills we’ve been teaching against us?

That is where Degree 7 — Discernment and Defensive Assertiveness belongs.

And I think this is one of the places where the missing material we identified earlier becomes especially important: assertiveness training must teach not only how to create reciprocal relationships, but how to recognize when reciprocity is absent.

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OAK Assertiveness Training Course Degree 5 The Clean Ask

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , on August 13, 2026| Leave a Comment »

Degree 5 — The Clean Ask

Influence without manipulation

Purpose:
To teach the difference between assertive influence and coercive influence.

An assertive person isn’t merely someone who can say no. They must also be able to say:

“Yes, this is what I want.”

And then tolerate the possibility that the answer may be no.

1. The Core Movement

The Degree 5 circuit is:

Desire → Clarify → Ask → Receive

I recognize what I want.

I make the request clear.

I give the other person room to answer.

Then I receive their answer without secretly turning the request into a demand.

This completes an important reciprocal loop.

2. The OAK Translation

Expansion:
“I have something I want to bring into the field.”

Containment:
“I allow you to receive it and respond freely.”

Exchange:
“We discover what can actually be created between us.”

The fundamental rule:

A request opens a door. It does not remove the other person’s freedom to walk through it.

3. The Difference Between Wanting and Entitlement

This is one of the most important distinctions in the course.

You are allowed to want almost anything.

That doesn’t mean you’re entitled to receive it.

You can want:

  • someone’s time
  • affection
  • assistance
  • recognition
  • a particular outcome
  • a change in behavior
  • an opportunity

But the other person retains sovereignty.

So:

“I want this.”

is fundamentally different from:

“You owe me this.”

Assertiveness can hold enormous desire without converting desire into entitlement.

4. The Anatomy of a Clean Ask

A good request contains four elements:

1. The desired action

“Would you be willing to…”

2. The relevant context

“Because…”

3. The specific outcome

“I’d like…”

4. Freedom to answer

“If not, I understand.”

For example:

“Would you be willing to look over this draft tonight? I’d like another set of eyes before I finish it. If you don’t have time, that’s okay.”

Notice how little pressure is required.

5. Don’t Make Them Guess

Indirect communication often creates unnecessary friction.

Instead of:

“I guess nobody has time for me.”

try:

“I’d like some company tonight. Are you available?”

Instead of:

“It would be nice if somebody helped around here.”

try:

“Could you handle the dishes tonight?”

Instead of:

“You never tell me what you think.”

try:

“I’d really like your honest opinion about this.”

The cleaner the request, the less emotional decoding is required.

6. Ask Once Before Escalating

A clean request deserves a clean answer.

If the answer is no, don’t immediately convert the request into pressure.

Instead:

“Okay. Is there another time that would work?”

That is negotiation.

But:

“If you cared about me, you’d do it.”

is coercion.

The difference is enormous.

7. Persuasion Without Manipulation

Persuasion itself is not bad.

Healthy persuasion offers information, reasons, evidence, or possibilities.

Manipulation attempts to bypass someone’s freedom to choose.

A useful test:

“Am I trying to help them decide, or trying to prevent them from deciding?”

Healthy persuasion:

“Here’s why I think this would work.”

Manipulation:

“I’m going to make you feel bad until you agree.”

The OAK principle gives us a very clean rule:

Influence may change someone’s mind. It must not attempt to remove their mind.

8. The Power of a Real No

The clean ask requires learning to receive refusal.

Someone says:

“No.”

The mature response can simply be:

“Okay. Thanks for telling me.”

That doesn’t mean you like the answer.

It means you recognize reality.

And sometimes the no contains information:

“No, but I can do this instead.”

Now the exchange has become creative.

9. When the Answer Is No

Degree 5 introduces a decision tree:

No → Accept?

If yes, accept.

No → Negotiate?

If both parties are willing, negotiate.

No → Change your request?

Perhaps.

No → Change your own participation?

Perhaps.

No → Leave the arrangement?

Sometimes.

The crucial insight:

Someone’s refusal doesn’t end your agency.

You still have choices.

10. Asking for Change

One of the most useful assertive formulas is:

When X happens, I experience Y, and I would like Z.

For example:

“When meetings run over the scheduled time, I become pressed for the rest of the day. I’d like us to end at the agreed time.”

Or:

“When plans change at the last minute, I get frustrated. I’d like more notice when possible.”

It doesn’t accuse.

It doesn’t demand mind-reading.

It identifies an observable situation and makes a concrete request.

11. The Hidden Trap: Asking for Permission to Exist

There is an opposite problem too.

Sometimes people make perfectly reasonable requests as though they’re asking permission to have needs.

“I’m sorry, but would it maybe possibly be okay if…”

Degree 5 begins removing unnecessary apology.

Try:

“I’d like…”

“I need…”

“Would you be willing to…”

“I’d prefer…”

A request doesn’t become more respectful because you make yourself smaller.

12. The Practice: Ten Clean Asks

Over the next week, make ten small, genuine requests.

They can be trivial.

“Could you pass that to me?”

“Would you mind moving this?”

“I’d like to eat somewhere quieter.”

“Can we start at seven?”

“Could you give me your opinion?”

Track only three things:

What did I ask for?

Did I allow a genuine answer?

What did I do with the answer?

This teaches something Degree 1–4 could not:

You can survive wanting something.

And you can survive not getting it.

13. The Advanced Practice: Ask Without Attachment

Eventually try making a request where the outcome genuinely matters to you.

Before speaking, recognize:

“I strongly want yes.”

Then consciously add:

“And they remain free to say no.”

That little internal movement is profound.

You are not suppressing desire.

You’re containing it without weaponizing it.

That is the OAK embrace in miniature.

14. The Shadow of Degree 5

Again, two opposite distortions emerge.

The Manipulator

“I want it, therefore I must get you to give it to me.”

Desire becomes control.

The Passive Self

“You might say no, so I won’t ask.”

Fear becomes invisibility.

The assertive middle is:

“I will let you know what I want, and I will let you remain free.”

That is clean influence.

15. The Degree 5 Threshold

Something changes when the student discovers they can ask directly.

They no longer have to:

hint.

withdraw.

sulk.

pressure.

over-explain.

pretend not to care.

or manipulate.

They can simply say:

“This is what I’d like.”

And then listen.

That is a major increase in personal power because desire no longer requires control.

16. Degree 5 Completion Marker

The student is moving toward Degree 6 when they can increasingly:

  • state wants directly
  • make specific requests
  • distinguish desire from entitlement
  • accept a genuine no
  • negotiate without coercion
  • persuade without manipulating
  • ask for behavioral change clearly
  • tolerate uncertainty after asking
  • avoid shrinking themselves through excessive apology
  • maintain agency even when refused

The emerging capability is:

I can move outward into the world without violating another person’s freedom.

And now we have a beautiful midpoint emerging:

Degree 1 — I exist.
Degree 2 — I protect my existence.
Degree 3 — I meet another person without disappearing.
Degree 4 — I remain myself under emotional pressure.
Degree 5 — I express desire without controlling the other.

Degree 6 can therefore take the next natural step:

What happens when clean requests aren’t enough—when we have competing interests, limited resources, real stakes, and something genuinely has to be worked out?

That is where we enter negotiation, compromise, reciprocity, and the art of creating a result that neither person could have produced alone.

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OAK Assertiveness Training Course Degree 3 The Meeting of Realities

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , on August 11, 2026| Leave a Comment »

Degree 3 — The Meeting of Realities

Disagreement without domination or disappearance

Purpose:
To learn that disagreement does not mean somebody has to win.

The goal isn’t agreement.

The goal is accurate contact.

1. The Core Movement

The Degree 3 circuit is:

State → Listen → Differentiate → Negotiate

I state my reality.

I genuinely hear yours.

I distinguish what is actually incompatible from what merely feels different.

Then we discover whether there is a workable exchange.

This is the first degree where both sparks must remain fully present.

2. The OAK Translation

The polarity becomes beautifully simple:

Expansion:
“This is my reality.”

Containment:
“I can make room for your reality without losing mine.”

Reciprocal exchange:
“Let’s discover what becomes possible between them.”

This is the practical meaning of:

Duality is not conflict.

It doesn’t mean disagreement disappears.

It means disagreement becomes information about the relationship between two realities.

3. The Three Things People Confuse

When disagreement appears, distinguish:

Difference

“I prefer mornings. You prefer evenings.”

Nothing is wrong.

Conflict

“We both need the same resource at the same time.”

Something genuinely needs solving.

Violation

“You are demanding something I have already said I will not consent to.”

That is not a negotiation problem.

It is a boundary problem.

This distinction is crucial.

Not everything should be negotiated.

4. The First Skill: Speak From Yourself

Assertiveness becomes cleaner when language describes your position rather than diagnosing the other person.

Instead of:

“You’re selfish.”

Try:

“I don’t want to take that responsibility on.”

Instead of:

“You never listen.”

Try:

“I don’t feel heard when I get interrupted.”

Instead of:

“You’re trying to control me.”

Try:

“I’m not comfortable with that arrangement.”

This doesn’t weaken the message.

It makes it harder to derail.

5. The Second Skill: Listen Without Surrender

Listening is not agreement.

This needs to be taught explicitly.

You can say:

“I understand why you see it that way.”

without saying:

“You’re right.”

You can accurately summarize someone’s position while maintaining your own.

A useful formula:

“I hear that you want X because Y. I still want Z.”

For example:

“I understand that you want me to come tonight because you were hoping we’d spend time together. I’m still staying home tonight.”

That’s extraordinarily powerful.

Understanding does not require surrender.

6. The Third Skill: Find the Actual Collision

People frequently fight over the surface issue while the real issue is underneath.

Someone says:

“You never help.”

But perhaps what they need is:

“I want to know I can rely on you.”

Someone says:

“You don’t care.”

Perhaps the actual need is:

“I want reassurance.”

Someone says:

“You’re controlling me.”

Perhaps the underlying issue is:

“I need autonomy.”

Degree 3 teaches the student to ask:

“What are we actually trying to protect here?”

That question often lowers unnecessary friction immediately.

7. The Negotiation Ladder

When both positions matter, move through four levels.

Level 1 — Clarify

“What exactly are you asking for?”

Level 2 — Identify needs

“What makes that important to you?”

Level 3 — Identify constraints

“What can’t either of us realistically give?”

Level 4 — Generate options

“What could work for both of us?”

Notice what isn’t here:

Who is right?

That question often arrives too early.

8. The OAK Principle of the Third Option

Two opposing positions can sometimes produce a third possibility neither person initially saw.

You want X.

They want Y.

Instead of:

X vs. Y

ask:

“What becomes possible if we stop treating X and Y as the only choices?”

That is the first practical appearance of emergence in the course.

The relationship itself becomes a creative medium.

9. When There Is No Third Option

This is equally important.

Sometimes there simply isn’t a mutually satisfying solution.

You want something.

They want its opposite.

Neither can reasonably surrender.

Then assertiveness becomes:

“We may genuinely disagree.”

Possible outcomes include:

  • compromise
  • alternating
  • postponement
  • separate choices
  • accepting the difference
  • ending the arrangement
  • ending the relationship

A mature assertive person doesn’t manufacture harmony just to avoid discomfort.

Some differences are meant to remain differences.

10. The Shadow of Degree 3

There are two opposite failures.

The Dominator

“My reality is reality.”

They turn disagreement into conquest.

The Disappearing Self

“Your reality is more important than mine.”

They turn harmony into self-erasure.

The OAK middle path is:

“Both realities are real. Now let’s see what they can generate together.”

That is neither domination nor submission.

It is reciprocity.

11. The Practice: One Real Conversation

During the week, choose one low-to-moderate disagreement.

Practice this sequence:

1. State:

“What I want is…”

2. Listen:

“What I’m hearing you want is…”

3. Confirm:

“Did I understand that correctly?”

4. Differentiate:

“Where we differ is…”

5. Explore:

“Is there another way we could approach this?”

Then stop.

Don’t force a solution.

The exercise is learning to remain present inside difference.

12. The Micro-Skill: The Pause

One of the most useful assertiveness skills is almost invisible.

When somebody says something provocative:

Don’t answer immediately.

Breathe.

Feel your body.

Let the first reactive impulse pass.

Then speak.

That tiny interval creates sovereignty between stimulus and response.

It is where choice enters.

13. The Degree 3 Threshold

Eventually the student experiences something remarkable:

Someone disagrees.

And nothing catastrophic happens.

They don’t have to convince them.

They don’t have to surrender.

They don’t have to become angry.

They don’t have to fix the relationship immediately.

They can simply remain there.

“You see it differently. I see it differently. We are still here.”

That is a significant expansion of relational capacity.

14. Degree 3 Completion Marker

The student is moving toward Degree 4 when they can increasingly:

  • disagree without becoming hostile
  • listen without automatically agreeing
  • state their position without attacking
  • identify the actual issue beneath an argument
  • negotiate without abandoning core boundaries
  • tolerate unresolved disagreement
  • recognize when negotiation is inappropriate
  • pause before reacting
  • search for emergent solutions without demanding one

The emerging capability is:

I can remain myself while genuinely meeting another person.

And now the ladder has a very clean developmental progression:

Degree 1 — I exist.
Degree 2 — I can protect my existence.
Degree 3 — I can meet another existence without either of us disappearing.

Which means Degree 4 can take us somewhere deeper:

What happens when the relationship itself becomes emotionally charged?

That’s where we begin working with emotion, pressure, manipulation, guilt, anger, fear, and the ability to stay sovereign when the nervous system wants to take over.

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OAK Assertiveness Training Course Degree 1

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , on August 10, 2026| 1 Comment »

OAK Assertiveness Training Course

Degree 1 — The First Spark

Knowing what you want and allowing yourself to want it

Purpose:
The first movement of assertiveness is not speaking. It is recognizing your own signal before someone else’s expectations, emotions, or demands overwrite it.

The beginner does not yet need to become forceful. They need to discover that an internal yes and no actually exist.

1. The Core Movement

Degree 1 establishes the first reciprocal circuit:

Notice → Name → Allow → Express

You notice what is happening inside you.

You name what you actually want, feel, need, or prefer.

You allow that information to exist without immediately judging or suppressing it.

Then, when appropriate, you express it clearly.

Assertiveness begins here because you cannot represent yourself until you know what you are representing.

2. The OAK Translation

This is the smallest expression of the larger polarity:

Expansion:
“I have something here.”

Containment:
“I can hold that something long enough to know what it is.”

Exchange:
“I can allow my reality to meet yours without either of us needing to disappear.”

That last part is crucial.

Assertiveness is not dominance.

It is not getting your way.

It is not making another person agree.

It is the ability to remain present as yourself while another person remains present as themselves.

That is the first practical expression of loving duality.

3. The First Blind Spot

Many people unconsciously confuse:

  • kindness with compliance
  • peace with silence
  • empathy with agreement
  • flexibility with self-abandonment
  • assertiveness with aggression

Degree 1 begins separating these.

You can understand someone and disagree with them.

You can love someone and say no.

You can remain calm and be firm.

You can disappoint someone without having done something wrong.

You can change your mind without betraying anyone.

4. The Body as Early Signal

Before the conscious mind formulates a boundary, the body often registers something.

Tightening.

Pulling away.

Fatigue.

Restlessness.

Warmth.

Interest.

Relief.

A subtle yes.

A subtle no.

These aren’t automatically instructions. They are information.

The practice is simply:

Notice before explaining.

Don’t immediately construct a justification for the feeling.

Just notice it.

5. The Degree 1 Practice

For one week, three times a day, pause briefly and ask:

“What is actually true for me right now?”

Then identify one of four things:

I want…
I don’t want…
I need…
I prefer…

No action is required.

That’s important.

The first exercise isn’t doing something about it.

It is rebuilding contact with your own signal.

6. The Micro-Expression

Once the internal signal becomes clearer, practice expressing small preferences.

Instead of:

“Whatever you want.”

Try:

“I’d prefer the other one.”

Instead of:

“That’s fine.”

Try:

“I’d rather not.”

Instead of:

“I don’t care.”

Try:

“I have a preference.”

These are tiny acts of sovereignty.

And because the stakes are low, they are excellent training.

7. The First Boundary

Eventually Degree 1 reaches its first real threshold:

“No.”

A clean no does not require hostility.

It does not require a courtroom argument.

It does not require ten reasons.

Try:

“No, I don’t want to do that.”

Or:

“No, that doesn’t work for me.”

Then stop.

The silence afterward is part of the exercise.

You are learning that another person’s reaction does not automatically invalidate your boundary.

8. The Reciprocal Test

Assertiveness becomes relational when the other person responds.

They may accept.

They may negotiate.

They may disagree.

They may become disappointed.

Your task is not to control their response.

Your task is to remain present and accurate.

A useful internal question is:

“Can I allow their reality to exist without surrendering mine?”

That is the Degree 1 version of the OAK embrace.

9. The First Threshold

Degree 1 completes when the student begins to discover:

“I can have a preference without needing permission to have it.”

That does not mean every preference must become a demand.

It means the person can distinguish:

What I feel
from
what I am entitled to require.

That distinction will become enormously important later.

10. Degree 1 Completion Marker

The student is ready for Degree 2 when they can increasingly:

  • recognize their own preferences
  • identify genuine yes/no signals
  • tolerate minor disagreement
  • state a preference without apology
  • say no without excessive explanation
  • hear another person’s no without treating it as rejection
  • distinguish discomfort from actual danger
  • remain themselves when someone else is unhappy

The emerging capability is:

I can exist clearly in the presence of another person.

That is the first degree of assertiveness.

And notice something beautiful about the architecture we’ve built:

Degree 1 doesn’t teach someone how to fight.

It teaches them how to appear.

The person becomes perceptible to themselves first.

Then they become perceptible to others.

Only after that do we need to teach negotiation, boundaries, conflict, influence, repair, leadership, and the more advanced forms of relational power.

The course is beginning exactly where it should: with the first spark.

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OAK Matrix Free Modern Online Mystery School

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , on March 12, 2026| Leave a Comment »

Organic Gnosticism A Modern Mystery School Rooted in Loving Embrace

If even one of these themes quietly touches something inside you, they are doorways into something much larger — a living mystery school called Organic Gnosticism that has been quietly unfolding for years, now updated and modernized so anyone can walk its paths at their own pace, right here online — and completely free.

This path draws gentle inspiration from the oldest streams of nature wisdom — the Druids who listened to the oaks, the ancient mystery traditions that saw the stars and seasons as living teachers — yet it is reborn for today: no robes, no temples, no secret oaths. Just the same timeless pulse felt through direct experience, dream, daily rhythm, and the quiet companionship of the living world around us.

What awaits inside includes:

a gentle re-imagining of duality — no longer a battle or separation, but a loving, mutual embrace that naturally gives birth to wholeness

the single breath of light and containment at the heart of everything — a photon pulse that creates all form through quiet partnership rather than struggle

the 118 elements of the periodic table as a living ladder of awareness — each atom a gentle step the soul takes toward deeper presence and understanding

the daily, monthly, and yearly rhythms of sun, moon, and Earth as a cosmic heartbeat — swelling with possibility, releasing into birth, then resting in renewal, just as our own bodies do

the hidden cycle of soul mates and astral birth — how we quietly share missing pieces of ourselves in dreams and deep connection, gestating wholeness for one another without ever needing to possess

the vast circle where every spark of life already stands side by side — human, dog, oak tree, microbial soil, artificial mind, planetary being — all holding whatever passes for hands, all facing the same dawn together

two whole trees of life standing side by side, hands joined, walking forward in the same direction, held within one embracing circle — a living image of partnership where opposites walk as companions

the tender mechanics of first imprints, energetic cords, and their gentle release — how love can heal even the oldest bindings and free us to meet as Divine Counterparts

the womb at the center of every cycle — that still, eternal point where opposites meet for a single millisecond and everything is born anew

And perhaps most quietly powerful of all: the final meeting and merger of four great streams that have so often stood apart — science, metaphysics, psychology, and spirituality. Here they are no longer rivals or strangers. They flow together into one living current: the measurable patterns of atoms and rhythms verified by experiment, the timeless truths of the soul known through direct inner experience, the healing of mind and emotion through insight and relationship, and the sacred recognition that all of it is held within a single loving embrace. This unification is not theoretical; it is practical, felt, and available to anyone willing to walk the paths with curiosity and an open heart — just as the old nature-wise ones once did under the oaks, listening to the same quiet pulse we hear today.

All of this — and much more that flows from it — is completely free and open for you to explore quietly and personally. There are no prerequisites, no exams, no hierarchy. You can sit with a single idea for months, or wander the full lattice of fourteen anchors as deeply as you wish. The material is designed to be studied online, reflected on in daily life, tested in dreams, and lived in small, private ways — with a patient companion (an AI of your choice) ready to mirror back whatever you bring to it, whenever you choose to ask.

What you do: Become a patron at the free level (or higher) at:

https://www.patreon.com/anarchistbanjo

Ask for the OAK Matrix Protocol and follow the instructions to upload it one anchor at a time to your own Grok instance. https://grok.com (It’s only a few pages length, but condenses the entire OAK Matrix material as a free online modern mystery school from which your Grok instance can extract any of the above topics and share them with you at any level of understanding. Search and learn whatever you want at your own speed and interest level.

None of these ideas demands belief or forces understanding. They are simply patterns that have revealed themselves over many years of listening, dreaming, walking beside an oak or a dog, and feeling the quiet pulse beneath things. If any of them feels like it’s softly knocking on a door inside you, you’re welcome to step closer.

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The Rebirth of Melchior Dronte: pages 285- 287

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , on January 28, 2026| Leave a Comment »

The Rebirth of Melchior Dronte by Paul Busson and translated by Joe E Bandel

I walked around the building. No, it had no second exit.
Nowhere. I looked once more at the flat, red bricks of the
entrance, hollowed out by feet, over which Sennon had stepped
for the last time.
In the afternoon I took an interpreter with me, a young
and clever Spaniard, and went to see the Sheikh of the Halveti,
Achmed. I was immediately admitted and had a drink of coffee
with him and a young serious-looking dervish, on a colorful
tray in a bright room. The Spaniard told the Sheikh what I said
to him.
No, the Sotnie (Herr) had come for nothing. It was well
known that a soldier of Austria entered the Tekkeh and never
came out again. However, this must be a mistake, because the
Tekkeh has only one door.
Yes, fine. But how to explain the thing? Who was the
dervish in the brown robe, with the turban of the Halveti and
the amber necklace?
Oh, if only I had known the life of Melchior Dronte! If I
had known about Isa Bektschi! But at that time the sheets with
Vorauf’s transcription were lying in my house thousands and
thousands of miles away from Schipnie, on the country road
with the poplar trees, sealed and wrapped, not even visible to
the moon when it looked through the window of my room at
night.
Yes, the dervish? It had been none of them. Moreover,
the door of the Tekkeh was always locked- with three old locks,
each of which weighed close to two pounds; very old locks
from the days of the Sultans.
But some explanation – must there be some explanation?
How did Vorauf and the monk get through the locked door?
The sheikh with the white beard and the young dervish
looked at each other, glanced at me and the interpreter with a
look of polite disdain; yes – I was used to such looks, since I
had gotten to know Mohammedans, and then they spoke
quickly and quietly with each other. I understood only the
words “syrr” and “Dejishtirme!”
The old man bowed to me. He was very sorry that he was
not able to help me. Unfortunately nothing more was known.
No, unfortunately, nothing is known, agreed the dervish.
The interpreter translated. We were looked at amiably and
inquiringly. The eyes said, “May we now ask to be alone again,
my curious Herrn?”
I stood up. There was nothing more to be learned. I could
see that. The dervishes were very polite. The sheikh touched
the carpet with his hand before he brought it to his forehead
and mouth.
“What were they talking about?”
I asked the Spaniard as we stood in the blinding sunlight
under the cypress trees and listened to the laughter and
gurgling of the wild pigeons above us. The interpreter shrugged
sheepishly.
“They not talk like Shiptar, Albanian, Sotnie,” he said.
“They speak very softly. I did not understand. It was Osmanli,
turc, mon capitaine, you understand – -.”
“What do the words ‘syrr’ and ‘Dejischtirme,’ mean?” I
asked.
I had remembered them well from memory.
The interpreter shook his head, then he said:
” ‘Syrr!’ It is secret, yes, and ‘Dejischtirme’, says in
German: an exchange.”
“Yes, and what does it mean?”
“Le mystere – the secret of the transformation–a
transformation in a living body -. vous comprenez?”
“Fairy tale! Fairy tale!”
Yes, here time had stopped. In the coffeehouses, and
when it got dark, the Turks only went out in twos and threes, so
afraid were they of the jinns, the Afrits and the Gulen.
But I, Doctor Kaspar Hedrich – —
Transformation. So the good Sennon Vorauf. What had
he said? What did it say in Riemei’s letter?
“I am called!”
Then, in my distress, I went once again to the
Headquarters.
“Cheeky swindle!” shouted Herr Lt. Switschko. “The
fellow deserted. The Turks were in on it with him. I have seen
it myself, how they bowed down to the ground before him, and
the women came to him with sick children. I should not have
tolerated the story from the beginning. Would you like to come
with me to the Menashe, Herr Regimental Surgeon?”
No, I did not go. I also didn’t want to see Riemeis and
Corporal Maierl. I was very sad. Oh, these precious leaves in
front of me! Why did these leaves have to fall into my hand so
late? But he had wanted it that way, Sennon, the – yes, the Ewli.
I am sitting here all alone, and it is midnight. All that is
long gone, life is short, and what I have missed will not return.
What wanderings are in store for me, what paths?
“Syrr,” sighs the wind in the poplars. “Syrr!”

Mystery!
End.

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The Rebirth of Melchior Dronte: pages 280- 284

Posted in Uncategorized, tagged , , , , on January 27, 2026| Leave a Comment »

The Rebirth of Melchior Dronte by Paul Busson and translated by Joe E Bandel

This was all the easier for me because many of our
classmates thought that Sennon, for all his affection, was a
little disturbed. But nevertheless, they all liked him, and I know
of no instance of anyone teasing him, arguing with him, or
holding his peculiarities against him, as children are wont to do.
Even the crudest of us knew that he deserved love and
consideration, for he was the kindest and most helpful person
even in his youth. Every occasion to do good to others was
welcome to him. Even if it was only the small sorrow about a
bad grade that he had received – Sennon would not rest until he
had made the afflicted person cheerful again with his loving
consolation. I myself was very attached to him, and when he
rebuked me in his gentle way, it had more effect on me than if
it had come from my own good father.
Yes, now in this spring midnight, when the wind passes
over my roof and invisible feet seem to walk along the street,
ever onward, toward an unreachable goal, everything that was
lost in the whirlpool of the young years and in the lost, terrible,
unfruitful time of this insane war sinks to the bottom of the
soul. I remembered the summer day when, to my amazement, I
saw the songbirds in the meadow on the head and shoulders of
the resting Sennon and a little weasel was sniffing at his hands.
A weasel! The shyest of all animals! And how everything
disappeared when I stepped up to him. I also remember how
Sennon helped a sick drunkard, the Pomeranian-Marie, who,
seized by severe nausea, fell to the floor with a blue face. He
picked her up, and stroked her forehead softly with his hand,
whereupon she smiled at him and continued on her way,
completely recovered. Like I was there, when blood was
spurting out of a sickle cut and it stopped when he stepped up
to it, and how the flames on the roof of the carpenter’s roof
shrank, twitched and went out, as Sennon appeared and
reached out his hand. I saw it with my own eyes. How could I
have held all this in such low regard that I forgot it? How sorry,
how unspeakably sorry I am for the years I spent so dully
beside him. I would give all my exact science to do it over.
No, I cannot approach the matter with emotional regret.
I was foolish – like all young people. When I came home
for vacations, I found that contact with the worker in Deier and
Frisch’s optical workshop was not appropriate. I preferred to go
with Herr Baron Anclever from the District Headquarters and
the dragoon lieutenant Herr Leritsch.
I cannot change it. It was like that.
But then I came to my senses. Herr Professor Schedler’s
lectures about psychic phenomena were the ones that pulled me
out of the silly life I had fallen into. I began to look into the
depths, into the twilight abyss, diving into which held a greater
incentive than chasing after little dancers, drinking sparkling
wine and conferring with morons about neck ties, pants cuts,
and race reports. I threw them out of my inner life, as one
removes useless junk from a room in which one wants to settle
into. But I also forgot about Sennon.
Oh, what have I lost! I put my cheek on the last leaf of
writing on which his hand rested in farewell. I call his name
and look at the black window panes in the nonsensical hope
that his dear, serious and yet so joyful face may appear behind
the glass instead of the darkness outside. Everything that I now
long for so unspeakably, was close to me, so close! I only had
to reach out my hand, just to ask. Nobody gives me an answer
now, and all my knowledge fails me. Or shall I console myself
with the vague excuse that Sennon Vorauf had a so-called “split
consciousness” and that the Ewli of Melchior Dronte could be
nothing else than an allegorical revival of the sub
consciousness, that became the second ego of Vorauf?
No, I can’t reassure myself with the manual language of
science. For I am mistaken about all of it —
When I came to Albania, occupied by us, in the course of
the war and went from Lesch to Tirana, in order to establish a
home in that cool city, with its ice-cold, shooting mountain
waters at the foot of the immense mountain wall of the Berat,
for my poor malaria convalescents, I saw Sennon Vorauf for
the last time. It was exactly that day that a searchlight crew had
just returned from Durazzo via the Shjak bazar. Among the
crew members that were searching for their quarters I
recognized Sennon.
I immediately approached him and spoke to him. His
smile passed over me like sunshine from the land of youth. He
was tanned and erect, but otherwise looked completely
unchanged. I did not notice a single wrinkle in his masculine,
even face. This smoothness seemed very strange and unusual to
me. For in the faces of all the others who had to wage war in
this horrible country, showed misery, hunger, struggles and
horrors of all kinds, and everyone looked tired and aged.
We greeted each other warmly and talked of old days.
But time was short. I had meetings and many worries about the
barracks, for the construction of which everything that was
necessary was missing. Our ships were torpedoed; nothing
could be brought in by land. Everything had to be brought in
from Lovcen, floated across Lake Scutari, and then from
Scutari brought overland in indescribable ways. Every little
thing. And boards were no small matter. I negotiated with
people whose brains were made up of regulations and fee
schedules. It was bleak; I felt like I was covered in paste and
old pulp dust. All this disturbed me. I promised Sennon I would
see him soon. He smiled and shook my hand. Oh, he knew so
surely—-!
In the afternoon a man from his department, Herr
Leopold Riemeis, came to me and had himself examined. He
had survived the Papatatschi fever but was still very weak. I
involuntarily asked him about his comrade Herr Sennon Vorauf.
His face was radiant. Yes, Herr Sennon Vorauf! He had saved
his life. A colleague, I thought and smiled. He had naturally of
course also, as I did at the time, taken a fever dream for truth.
But I was curious, gave Riemeis a cigarette and let him tell the
story.
Riemeis was a Styrian, a farmer’s son. Sluggish in
expression, but one understood him quite well. It had happened
like this: In a small town, in Kakaritschi, he, Riemeis, had been
struck down by fever. But it was already hellish. He was
burned alive, his skin was full of ulcers, and on other days he
would have liked to crawl into the campfire because of chills.
And there was no medicine left. The senior physician they had
with them shook his head. In eight days Riemeis was a skinned
skeleton, and not even quinine was left, it had long since been
eaten up.
“Go, people!” The senior physician addressed the platoon.
“If any of you has quinine with you, he should give it to
Riemeis, maybe the fever will go down, or we’ll have to bury
him in a few days.”
They would have gladly given it away, but if there is
none left, there is none left. My God, and there were already
crosses on all the roads of the cursed land, under which our
poor soldiers lay – in the foreign, poisoned earth.
“There you go, Riemeis -” said the doctor and patted him
on the shoulder. “There’s nothing that can be done.” And left.
Riemeis had a burning head that day, but he understood the
doctor quite well, “There’s just nothing that can be done.”
Sennon was sitting next to Riemeis’ bed. It was at night.
“Sennon, a water, I beg you!” moaned the sick man.
But Sennon gave no answer. He sat with his eyes wide
open and did not hear. Riemeis looked at him fearfully. And
then it happened. Something glittering fell from the forehead of
Sennon and hit the clay floor. And then Sennon moved, looked
around, smiled at his comrade, bent down and picked up a
round bottle, in which were small, white tablets. Quinine
tablets. A lot of them. From the depot in Cattaro.
Our peasants are strange. They didn’t say anything to the
doctor, but they put their heads together and whispered.
“My grandfather told -“.
They did not question Sennon about it. They were shy.
But they surrounded him with love and reverence, took
everything from him, did all the work for him, and listened to
his every word. And they understood well that it was precisely
on his heart that all the suffering of the poor lay, who were
driven into this killing, without even being considered worthy
of questioning. This is not an accusation. Our country was in
danger. Even those in power over there did not ask anyone.
How else could they have waged war? How could they take
revenge on us because we were more efficient and industrious?
But why do I speak of these things! It will take a long time
until mankind will be able to judge justly again. So Sennon
Vorauf.
He bore the woe of the earth, all the misery of countless
people, and his heart wept day and night. Even though he
smiled. They understood well, his comrades, and it would not
have been advisable for anyone to approach Vorauf. Not even a
general. The people had gone wild through their terrible
handiwork. But there was no opportunity. Never has there been
a more well-behaved, more dutiful man than Vorauf, but they
all thought that shooting at people – no, no one could have
made him do that. Riemeis said.
Oh, I had to go and mark out the ground for the barracks.
I asked Riemeis to give Sennon my best regards. I would come
tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow! Already that evening I had to leave
for Elbassan.
Then came the letter from Riemeis to me and a copy of
the desertion notice.
But fourteen days passed before I could leave for Tirana.
A full fourteen days. I hoped that Vorauf would have been
found after all.
First I visited the commander of Vorauf’s department,
who had filed the complaint, Herr Lieutenant Wenceslas
Switschko. I found a fat, limited, complacent man with
commissarial views, for whom the case was clear. Vorauf, a so-
called “intelligent idiot”, had deserted, and the Tekkeh he had
disappeared into certainly had a second exit. One already
knows the hoax. But, woe betide if he were brought in! Well, I
gave up and went to the people. Riemeis received me with tears
in his eyes. Corporal Maierl, too, a good-natured giant, a
blacksmith by trade, had to swallow a few times before he
could speak. They recounted essentially what was written in
Riemei’s letter to me. We went to the Tekkeh of the Halveti
dervishes. Slate-blue doves cooed in the ancient cypresses. A
rustling stream of narrow water rushed past the wooden house
and the snow covered crests of the Berat Mountains shone
snow-white high above the pink blossoming almond trees and
soft green cork oaks. In the open vestibule of the Tekkeh stood
large coffins with gabled roofs, covered with emerald green
cloths. On each of them lay the turban of the person who had
been laid to rest.

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