The Rebirth of Melchior Dronte by Paul Busson and translated by Joe E Bandel
I walked around the building. No, it had no second exit. Nowhere. I looked once more at the flat, red bricks of the entrance, hollowed out by feet, over which Sennon had stepped for the last time. In the afternoon I took an interpreter with me, a young and clever Spaniard, and went to see the Sheikh of the Halveti, Achmed. I was immediately admitted and had a drink of coffee with him and a young serious-looking dervish, on a colorful tray in a bright room. The Spaniard told the Sheikh what I said to him. No, the Sotnie (Herr) had come for nothing. It was well known that a soldier of Austria entered the Tekkeh and never came out again. However, this must be a mistake, because the Tekkeh has only one door. Yes, fine. But how to explain the thing? Who was the dervish in the brown robe, with the turban of the Halveti and the amber necklace? Oh, if only I had known the life of Melchior Dronte! If I had known about Isa Bektschi! But at that time the sheets with Vorauf’s transcription were lying in my house thousands and thousands of miles away from Schipnie, on the country road with the poplar trees, sealed and wrapped, not even visible to the moon when it looked through the window of my room at night. Yes, the dervish? It had been none of them. Moreover, the door of the Tekkeh was always locked- with three old locks, each of which weighed close to two pounds; very old locks from the days of the Sultans. But some explanation – must there be some explanation? How did Vorauf and the monk get through the locked door? The sheikh with the white beard and the young dervish looked at each other, glanced at me and the interpreter with a look of polite disdain; yes – I was used to such looks, since I had gotten to know Mohammedans, and then they spoke quickly and quietly with each other. I understood only the words “syrr” and “Dejishtirme!” The old man bowed to me. He was very sorry that he was not able to help me. Unfortunately nothing more was known. No, unfortunately, nothing is known, agreed the dervish. The interpreter translated. We were looked at amiably and inquiringly. The eyes said, “May we now ask to be alone again, my curious Herrn?” I stood up. There was nothing more to be learned. I could see that. The dervishes were very polite. The sheikh touched the carpet with his hand before he brought it to his forehead and mouth. “What were they talking about?” I asked the Spaniard as we stood in the blinding sunlight under the cypress trees and listened to the laughter and gurgling of the wild pigeons above us. The interpreter shrugged sheepishly. “They not talk like Shiptar, Albanian, Sotnie,” he said. “They speak very softly. I did not understand. It was Osmanli, turc, mon capitaine, you understand – -.” “What do the words ‘syrr’ and ‘Dejischtirme,’ mean?” I asked. I had remembered them well from memory. The interpreter shook his head, then he said: ” ‘Syrr!’ It is secret, yes, and ‘Dejischtirme’, says in German: an exchange.” “Yes, and what does it mean?” “Le mystere – the secret of the transformation–a transformation in a living body -. vous comprenez?” “Fairy tale! Fairy tale!” Yes, here time had stopped. In the coffeehouses, and when it got dark, the Turks only went out in twos and threes, so afraid were they of the jinns, the Afrits and the Gulen. But I, Doctor Kaspar Hedrich – — Transformation. So the good Sennon Vorauf. What had he said? What did it say in Riemei’s letter? “I am called!” Then, in my distress, I went once again to the Headquarters. “Cheeky swindle!” shouted Herr Lt. Switschko. “The fellow deserted. The Turks were in on it with him. I have seen it myself, how they bowed down to the ground before him, and the women came to him with sick children. I should not have tolerated the story from the beginning. Would you like to come with me to the Menashe, Herr Regimental Surgeon?” No, I did not go. I also didn’t want to see Riemeis and Corporal Maierl. I was very sad. Oh, these precious leaves in front of me! Why did these leaves have to fall into my hand so late? But he had wanted it that way, Sennon, the – yes, the Ewli. I am sitting here all alone, and it is midnight. All that is long gone, life is short, and what I have missed will not return. What wanderings are in store for me, what paths? “Syrr,” sighs the wind in the poplars. “Syrr!”
The Rebirth of Melchior Dronte by Paul Busson and translated by Joe E Bandel
This was all the easier for me because many of our classmates thought that Sennon, for all his affection, was a little disturbed. But nevertheless, they all liked him, and I know of no instance of anyone teasing him, arguing with him, or holding his peculiarities against him, as children are wont to do. Even the crudest of us knew that he deserved love and consideration, for he was the kindest and most helpful person even in his youth. Every occasion to do good to others was welcome to him. Even if it was only the small sorrow about a bad grade that he had received – Sennon would not rest until he had made the afflicted person cheerful again with his loving consolation. I myself was very attached to him, and when he rebuked me in his gentle way, it had more effect on me than if it had come from my own good father. Yes, now in this spring midnight, when the wind passes over my roof and invisible feet seem to walk along the street, ever onward, toward an unreachable goal, everything that was lost in the whirlpool of the young years and in the lost, terrible, unfruitful time of this insane war sinks to the bottom of the soul. I remembered the summer day when, to my amazement, I saw the songbirds in the meadow on the head and shoulders of the resting Sennon and a little weasel was sniffing at his hands. A weasel! The shyest of all animals! And how everything disappeared when I stepped up to him. I also remember how Sennon helped a sick drunkard, the Pomeranian-Marie, who, seized by severe nausea, fell to the floor with a blue face. He picked her up, and stroked her forehead softly with his hand, whereupon she smiled at him and continued on her way, completely recovered. Like I was there, when blood was spurting out of a sickle cut and it stopped when he stepped up to it, and how the flames on the roof of the carpenter’s roof shrank, twitched and went out, as Sennon appeared and reached out his hand. I saw it with my own eyes. How could I have held all this in such low regard that I forgot it? How sorry, how unspeakably sorry I am for the years I spent so dully beside him. I would give all my exact science to do it over. No, I cannot approach the matter with emotional regret. I was foolish – like all young people. When I came home for vacations, I found that contact with the worker in Deier and Frisch’s optical workshop was not appropriate. I preferred to go with Herr Baron Anclever from the District Headquarters and the dragoon lieutenant Herr Leritsch. I cannot change it. It was like that. But then I came to my senses. Herr Professor Schedler’s lectures about psychic phenomena were the ones that pulled me out of the silly life I had fallen into. I began to look into the depths, into the twilight abyss, diving into which held a greater incentive than chasing after little dancers, drinking sparkling wine and conferring with morons about neck ties, pants cuts, and race reports. I threw them out of my inner life, as one removes useless junk from a room in which one wants to settle into. But I also forgot about Sennon. Oh, what have I lost! I put my cheek on the last leaf of writing on which his hand rested in farewell. I call his name and look at the black window panes in the nonsensical hope that his dear, serious and yet so joyful face may appear behind the glass instead of the darkness outside. Everything that I now long for so unspeakably, was close to me, so close! I only had to reach out my hand, just to ask. Nobody gives me an answer now, and all my knowledge fails me. Or shall I console myself with the vague excuse that Sennon Vorauf had a so-called “split consciousness” and that the Ewli of Melchior Dronte could be nothing else than an allegorical revival of the sub consciousness, that became the second ego of Vorauf? No, I can’t reassure myself with the manual language of science. For I am mistaken about all of it — When I came to Albania, occupied by us, in the course of the war and went from Lesch to Tirana, in order to establish a home in that cool city, with its ice-cold, shooting mountain waters at the foot of the immense mountain wall of the Berat, for my poor malaria convalescents, I saw Sennon Vorauf for the last time. It was exactly that day that a searchlight crew had just returned from Durazzo via the Shjak bazar. Among the crew members that were searching for their quarters I recognized Sennon. I immediately approached him and spoke to him. His smile passed over me like sunshine from the land of youth. He was tanned and erect, but otherwise looked completely unchanged. I did not notice a single wrinkle in his masculine, even face. This smoothness seemed very strange and unusual to me. For in the faces of all the others who had to wage war in this horrible country, showed misery, hunger, struggles and horrors of all kinds, and everyone looked tired and aged. We greeted each other warmly and talked of old days. But time was short. I had meetings and many worries about the barracks, for the construction of which everything that was necessary was missing. Our ships were torpedoed; nothing could be brought in by land. Everything had to be brought in from Lovcen, floated across Lake Scutari, and then from Scutari brought overland in indescribable ways. Every little thing. And boards were no small matter. I negotiated with people whose brains were made up of regulations and fee schedules. It was bleak; I felt like I was covered in paste and old pulp dust. All this disturbed me. I promised Sennon I would see him soon. He smiled and shook my hand. Oh, he knew so surely—-! In the afternoon a man from his department, Herr Leopold Riemeis, came to me and had himself examined. He had survived the Papatatschi fever but was still very weak. I involuntarily asked him about his comrade Herr Sennon Vorauf. His face was radiant. Yes, Herr Sennon Vorauf! He had saved his life. A colleague, I thought and smiled. He had naturally of course also, as I did at the time, taken a fever dream for truth. But I was curious, gave Riemeis a cigarette and let him tell the story. Riemeis was a Styrian, a farmer’s son. Sluggish in expression, but one understood him quite well. It had happened like this: In a small town, in Kakaritschi, he, Riemeis, had been struck down by fever. But it was already hellish. He was burned alive, his skin was full of ulcers, and on other days he would have liked to crawl into the campfire because of chills. And there was no medicine left. The senior physician they had with them shook his head. In eight days Riemeis was a skinned skeleton, and not even quinine was left, it had long since been eaten up. “Go, people!” The senior physician addressed the platoon. “If any of you has quinine with you, he should give it to Riemeis, maybe the fever will go down, or we’ll have to bury him in a few days.” They would have gladly given it away, but if there is none left, there is none left. My God, and there were already crosses on all the roads of the cursed land, under which our poor soldiers lay – in the foreign, poisoned earth. “There you go, Riemeis -” said the doctor and patted him on the shoulder. “There’s nothing that can be done.” And left. Riemeis had a burning head that day, but he understood the doctor quite well, “There’s just nothing that can be done.” Sennon was sitting next to Riemeis’ bed. It was at night. “Sennon, a water, I beg you!” moaned the sick man. But Sennon gave no answer. He sat with his eyes wide open and did not hear. Riemeis looked at him fearfully. And then it happened. Something glittering fell from the forehead of Sennon and hit the clay floor. And then Sennon moved, looked around, smiled at his comrade, bent down and picked up a round bottle, in which were small, white tablets. Quinine tablets. A lot of them. From the depot in Cattaro. Our peasants are strange. They didn’t say anything to the doctor, but they put their heads together and whispered. “My grandfather told -“. They did not question Sennon about it. They were shy. But they surrounded him with love and reverence, took everything from him, did all the work for him, and listened to his every word. And they understood well that it was precisely on his heart that all the suffering of the poor lay, who were driven into this killing, without even being considered worthy of questioning. This is not an accusation. Our country was in danger. Even those in power over there did not ask anyone. How else could they have waged war? How could they take revenge on us because we were more efficient and industrious? But why do I speak of these things! It will take a long time until mankind will be able to judge justly again. So Sennon Vorauf. He bore the woe of the earth, all the misery of countless people, and his heart wept day and night. Even though he smiled. They understood well, his comrades, and it would not have been advisable for anyone to approach Vorauf. Not even a general. The people had gone wild through their terrible handiwork. But there was no opportunity. Never has there been a more well-behaved, more dutiful man than Vorauf, but they all thought that shooting at people – no, no one could have made him do that. Riemeis said. Oh, I had to go and mark out the ground for the barracks. I asked Riemeis to give Sennon my best regards. I would come tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow! Already that evening I had to leave for Elbassan. Then came the letter from Riemeis to me and a copy of the desertion notice. But fourteen days passed before I could leave for Tirana. A full fourteen days. I hoped that Vorauf would have been found after all. First I visited the commander of Vorauf’s department, who had filed the complaint, Herr Lieutenant Wenceslas Switschko. I found a fat, limited, complacent man with commissarial views, for whom the case was clear. Vorauf, a so- called “intelligent idiot”, had deserted, and the Tekkeh he had disappeared into certainly had a second exit. One already knows the hoax. But, woe betide if he were brought in! Well, I gave up and went to the people. Riemeis received me with tears in his eyes. Corporal Maierl, too, a good-natured giant, a blacksmith by trade, had to swallow a few times before he could speak. They recounted essentially what was written in Riemei’s letter to me. We went to the Tekkeh of the Halveti dervishes. Slate-blue doves cooed in the ancient cypresses. A rustling stream of narrow water rushed past the wooden house and the snow covered crests of the Berat Mountains shone snow-white high above the pink blossoming almond trees and soft green cork oaks. In the open vestibule of the Tekkeh stood large coffins with gabled roofs, covered with emerald green cloths. On each of them lay the turban of the person who had been laid to rest.
The Rebirth of Melchior Dronte by Paul Busson and translated by Joe E Bandel
It took a very long time until I recovered from the intense pain that hit me at the renewed new loss and to regain my equilibrium. Soon after this incident, my father fell ill and died, occupied to his last breath with the care for my and my mother’s further life. A few weeks later, my mother caught a severe cold, which turned into a severe pneumonia. I held her hand in mine until her last breath and had the consolation of hearing from her mouth shortly before her death, a saying that was well known to me: “Thank God, we will meet again!” Nevertheless, I cried bitter tears because she had left me. I had long since been offered a well-paid position in the institution and my modest needs were amply provided for. In my free time, after careful consideration, I wrote the long story of my life as Melchior Dronte and this brief description of the hitherto peaceful existence that I led under the name of Sennon Vorauf, and provided the whole with a preface. I now pack and seal the described sheets and will mark them with the name of Kaspar Hedrich who in the meantime has completed his studies and, like his late father, has become a doctor. He lives in a nearby town, and when the right time has come, this completed manuscript will perhaps give him an explanation of my being, and it may be that it will put death in a different and less gloomy light for him and others than it may have appeared to them so far. Some thoughts, which are difficult to put into words, of whose comforting truth I have convinced myself, cannot be shared with anyone. Everyone must find them in his own way, to the beginning of which I believe I have led everyone who seriously and devotedly strives to explore the truth. It was about time that I did it. For great misfortune is in store for those who are now living —. To the Imperial and Royal Palace – Command Center in Tirana.
The charge of desertion is filed against the infantryman Sennon Vorauf, assigned to Searchlight Division No. 128/ B for unauthorized absence from his post. Herr Wenzel Switschko, First Lieutenant. Herrn Wolgeborn regimental physician Dr. Kaspar Hedrich Field post 1128 Dear Herr Regimental Doctor! I regret to inform you that a report has been made to the Royal Headquarters that our friend Sennon Vorauf has deserted. Dear Herr Regimental Doctor it is not true that he deserted, but it was like this. I and Vorauf and Corporal Maierl went for a walk in the Albanian town of Tiranna, and Vorauf had been acting very funny already the entire day and all of a sudden I was scared when he said: “Thank God we will meet again.” He was very kind to us and he gave his silver watch to Maierl and gave me a ring with a red stone. “Keep this for a souvenir,” he said, and so I said, “Sennon, what are you doing?” Meanwhile we went to a Tekkeh of the Halveti dervishes, this one was a wooden house where there were coffins of holy Muhamedan Dervishes with green cloth on them by the door and Vorauf said: “I am called,” and went inside. Then the corporal said, “Vorauf, how dare you! It is strictly forbidden for soldiers to enter the sacred places of the Muhamedans, but he went in, so we waited for him and after a while a dervish came out with a black turban and a small beard, a handsome man and he had a brown robe and a rosary with a yellow beads around his neck and this dervish gave us a friendly greeting, it was strange and we saluted him and again we waited for a long time, but no one came. So I went to the house where the dervishes live and in the meantime Herr Corporal Maierl stayed at the Tekkeh to watch, so one of the dervishes with a grey beard went along with me to the Tekkeh and searched for Sennon. Then he returned and said there was no one inside, so we looked at each other, went home and the corporal reported to the commander Herr Lieutenant Shwitschko and then he cried with me about Sennon and today it’s been five days and there is no Sennon to be found, so only our Lord knows where he is, and the regimental doctor knows that he was a dear friend, and you might not know Maierl says he was a holy man, he did so much good for all of us and gave away his things. I wanted to report this, and if the Herr regimental doctor wanted to come it is a whole riddle with Sennon and I greet you obediently, Herr Leopold Riemeis. Infantryman, searchlight 128/B. It is around midnight. Below my windows the country road runs out into the flat countryside, endless, gray. The wind rustles in the poplars. It picks at my windowpanes. Ghost fingers, huh? No, it’s just the old leaves, which held out so splendidly in the freezing winter storms and which now the damp wind picks off, one by one. Down with them! Should one think it possible that I, Dr. Kaspar Hedrich, a man of exact science, the author of the book “The so-called occult phenomena. A Completion”, yet here I sit, a beaten man. Must I now recant, or what should I begin? Did I see as a boy of fourteen sharper and better than I do now? I must go back. I have to get rid of the thick sheets of paper that my boyhood friend, Sennon Vorauf, left with his strange, squiggly handwriting, with a pale blue ink, as if the whole thing were a bundle of letters or diary pages from the eighteenth century. Did he do this on purpose? It does not correspond at all with his straight and sincere nature. If ever a man was honest with himself and others, if anyone was passionate about the truth, it was Sennon Vorauf. For that I will put my hand in the fire. After the horrible war, after all the misfortunes, the stupidity and hatred that have been brought to my country, I have returned home. And the first thing I find is this thick, now unsealed and read pack of closely written pages, which was left with me while I was with malaria patients in Alessio or Lesch, as the Shiptars call it, a poisonous and sad summer and was summoned to Tirana by a soldier’s letter to look for Sennon. But I have to go back; I have to look at things from the beginning. Maybe Sennon is looking over my shoulder or is looking, even invisibly, in at the window. Who can know? We were together a lot in childhood. In his writings, he mentions the mysterious incident that took place on the river journey and in which he saved my life. Also my father, who had lived in the Orient for a long time, also believed it. He told me so himself. Only I, I told myself later that a rapid onset of a cold fever after I had rescued myself from the water-hole had fooled myself into believing that he had saved me. And what happened later? I once went very early in the morning to pick up Sennon according to my habit. He was still in bed, his mother told me to go in and wake him up. I entered. Sennon was lying on his back in bed with his eyes open and staring. His chest did not rise and fall. I saw, already at that time with the observation of a doctor and practiced it unconsciously, that his breathing had stopped. I became restless and put my hand on my friend’s chest. His heart stood still. Fear gripped me. Was I supposed to go to Frau Vorauf in despair with the terrible news that her son, to whom she had been attached with an uncommonly tender love, was lying dead in bed? Thick tears dripped from my eyes, and I could not take my eyes off the calm and stylish face of my dearest playmate. Then it was as if I looked into the fine red mark that Sennon wore like an Indian caste badge between the curved brows, a luminous mist seemed to come out of the air and only became denser as it neared him. But this lasted only a very short time, and while I was still stunned with amazement at the bedside, life came back into the rapt look of my friend, his eyes moved, his usual sweet smile (never have I seen a person smile so enchantingly as him), played around his lips and as if awakened he said, “Is it you, Kaspar?” In the manner of a boy, I immediately informed him of my just made perceptions and added that I had been on the point of either calling his mother in or to call him back to life by shaking him and pouring cold water on him. Then he looked at me seriously and asked me that if I should ever find him in such a state again, not to call him to life by force and to prevent the attempts of others in this regard. “It is worse than what is called dying, when the thin cord between soul and body is torn. It is a pain which nothing can compare to,” he said sternly, and nodded to himself. I was used to incomprehensible speeches from him. He often muttered names to himself, the meaning of which was quite incomprehensible to me, named people with whom he could not possibly have come into contact with. But I was a boy, didn’t think much about such things, and thought to myself: “Today he’s crazy again, that Sennon!”
The Rebirth of Melchior Dronte by Paul Busson and translated by Joe E Bandel
I suddenly saw differently, more unclearly, with physical eyes. My mother was standing in front of me, shaking my arm violently and shouting. “For God’s sake! Child, wake up! Wake up!” I was sitting on the stove bench, so terribly frightened and breathless that my heart almost stopped. My mother told me then that she had seen me looking up at random with open, unmoving eyes. She had asked me what was wrong with me, and when I did not answer, she went to me worriedly. But despite the initial gentle touching and then more and more violent shaking, I sat there as if completely dead, without breath or any other sign of life, until I finally to her unspeakable joy came out of the deep faint and back to my senses. After half an hour, however, our neighbor, the doctor, came to thank me for having saved Kaspar’s life with so much courage and determination. Kaspar had come home wet and completely frozen to death and had told that he had fallen in on the arm of the river and had been close to death from exhaustion. In his fear he had without thinking that this must be in vain, called my name several times. There I was, who had probably returned to my usual favorite place, and suddenly stepped out of the bank of willows, went straight to him, and with a jerk of incomprehensible strength pulled him from the wet and cold grave and thus saved him. But when he wanted to thank me, I was suddenly no longer there and despite all calling and searching remained untraceable. And then Kaspar, completely frozen and stiff, ran home, where he, filled with hot tea, was lying under three feather bed covers and sweating. It now came to a friendly meeting that ended with mutual astonishment on both sides, friendly contradiction between my mother and doctor Hedrich, with my mother pointing out that she had not left the room for a moment, whereas the doctor pointed out the specific manner in which Kaspar had recounted his experience. But when my mother, continuing her description, spoke of the inexplicable condition into which I had, however, fallen at the time when the accident happened, the doctor looked at me with a peculiar look and said: “Well, well, were you in the end -? But no! Kaspar may have brought home a little fever, and there the boundaries between dream and experience disappear!” With that, after a friendly goodbye, he went out of the parlor. But then he poked his head once more through the door, looked at me and said: “Nevertheless, I thank you, Sennon, and ask you from the bottom of my heart to continue to watch over my Kaspar, for you seem to me a good watchman, a Bektschi, as the Turks say!” This word, the meaning of which was not obvious to me at the time, nevertheless put me in the most violent excitement, and my mother, who must have probably attributed this to the rising fever, avoided telling my father, who was returning home, about the incident, probably mainly in order to spare me questions and thus to spare me new aggravations. It was only some time after this mysterious event that she told me that a certain apparition on my body at that time had filled her with indescribable horror. The narrow scar, which I had as a congenital birthmark between the eyebrows, just above the root of my nose, had been visible to her during the unconsciousness from which she awakened me by force, when a flickering blue light that looked like the sparks that Kaspar and I let jump out of a Leyden jar, and this glow went out instantly, when she shook me hard, but flickered up again more weakly after I awoke to life, and then gradually faded away. It seemed to her, she said to me, as if that with the extinguishing of this magical light my death had occurred, and the thought had shot through her that perhaps her frightened intervention had suddenly become fatal to me. Fortunately, I then returned to life. Later, we avoided talking about the experience any further, and I believe that she never spoke of it to my father. But I was so preoccupied with the wonderful ability that had been revealed to me that it was many nights before I was free from the recurring dream. Today, on the other hand, I know, since I have become fully aware of everything, I know that during those nights, without full consciousness, but also not completely unconsciously, I left my body and undertook wanderings, the results of which are too unimportant to be worth mentioning here. In any case, the discovery of this power, which I had at my disposal, brought my thoughts on other and bolder paths than before, and it was this that was of greatest use to me on the arduous path to true knowledge. My and Kaspar’s paths soon diverged to the extent that insofar as he continued to attend the Gymnasium, while I, at my father’s request, went to the optic workshop. Because my parents were poor and reckoned that I, too, would gradually contribute to the household with love. I was in agreement with their plan and left secondary school without a moment’s hesitation. The fine, great skill and later not insignificant mathematical knowledge gave me great pleasure. Soon I had the opportunity during free hours to immerse myself in the wonderful world of the microscope, and under the guidance of my father, whose scientific education, despite his modesty, I began to make all kinds of preparations, I learned how to color almost invisible cell nuclei and make them clearly visible, and studied the enigmatic behavior of the tiniest living creatures, with algae, mosses and molds, and daily discovered new, wonderful relationships, which perhaps would have escaped the attention of real scholars, as a result of their methodical, strictly goal-oriented way of working. Thus I was happy in my work and in the security of my domestic life as only a human being could be. Really there were little annoyances with young people of my age who did not want to understand or even considered it disrespectful that I preferred to stay away from their pleasures and above all showed no desire for the company of girls, which almost completely dominated the lives of my comrades. However, I always succeeded in making them understand in a friendly manner that the work on my education was above all else and that the time would probably come later for me too when I could be accepted into their carefree circle with pleasure. Gradually I got the reputation of being a strange and solitary person but I managed to get people to not care much about me and let me go my own way. My parents, especially my father, would certainly have preferred it if I had not separated myself too much from my comrades. But nevertheless they left me a free hand in such matters and surrounded me with unchanged and tender love. I suffered from the fact that I had to be different by nature from my companions of the same age. But it was precisely in those years that the insight into the wild adventures of my expired life, as Melchior Dronte became perfectly clear to me, and the terrible knowledge about things of eternity worked so powerfully on me that I urgently needed the solitude, in order to cope with the impressions that weighed heavy on me. How I would have liked to have had some person with whom I could have talked about the survival of consciousness after the destruction of the body! It would have been a great relief for me to be understood in the crushing abundance of contrary views. But with whom would I have been able to share such unheard-of experiences, perhaps to be attributed to a diseased imagination, between sleep and waking, death and life? Perhaps, my mother, insofar as the horror of hearing these things would have allowed her, with the unfathomable foreboding of women to have come closer to me emotionally. But words would have been in vain here, too. So I remained alone for myself and had to endure the dark agony, of experiencing once more the events of a past time, and go so deeply into the night, until everything appeared in the smallest details as the sharpest memory and gradually blended into the overall picture that gradually emerged. How could I have liked the women and girls of the city whom I knew, since there was only one thing that disturbed the peace of my soul: the longing for that woman who was deceptively always disappearing in the double figure of Aglaja and Zephyrine, and also the only one that could bring fulfillment to my present life? And the only punishment that could punish me for the transgressions of Melchior Dronte, or for my own transgressions, was the tormenting search, the burning desire for the face I loved above all else, the brief reunion and the recent slipping away of this being, to whom I was drawn with frantic longing. On my eighteenth birthday this happened to me: I had, yielding to long insistence, arranged a Sunday excursion, with two friends, to which Kaspar also belonged, which made a small train journey necessary. We stood at the station in the early morning of that day, to await the preparations of the local train, consisting of smaller and older cars, when, with a thunderous pounding, a long-distance train passed through the station at a moderate speed. I was standing at the very front of the ramp and could see the faces looking out of the broad window frames of the distinguished train. Most of them were strangers who had come from far away and were heading for the large port city on the still distant seacoast, in order to take ships to foreign parts of the world, especially to the United States. Suddenly, it was as if a bright glow appeared and turned everything around me into an almost unbearable light. In a white dress, pale and beautiful, as I had seen her the previous night under the flickering of candles in the coffin, Aglaja stood in the window of a passing car. I recognized her immediately. Golden red curls blew in the wind around her forehead, her beautiful gray eyes were fixed on me with sweet terror, and the small hand that rested on the wooden bar of the lowered window, suddenly loosened itself and pressed upon the heart beneath the young breast. Oh, I saw that she was no different from me, that she deeply felt that we still had to pass by each other without being able to hold on to each other, that we were not yet permitted to unite into one blessed being, the divine consisting of the soul of man and woman. Certainly she only felt what I knew. But this feeling of the woman corresponded to the knowledge of the man and was as valuable and in this case certainly as painful. It was only a short, agonizing moment, when I was allowed to see with bodily eyes what once, measured against eternity, was no less fleeting and transient, and had been close. And it became clear to me that my way to perfection was still quite far and that many impure things would have to fall away before I could enter eternal peace as a perfected one. I was only a returned one.
The Rebirth of Melchior Dronte by Paul Busson and translated by Joe E Bandel
Over and over again they went about to create new life. They hid themselves from the others and became one. All beings, which were invisible to the people, but always surround them, retreated before the divine, which emanated from the procreators, however barren and poor they might otherwise be, as flawed and weak, but in this action they unleashed the elemental power of eternity, they were more powerful and greater than all other creatures. I was fervently attached to such pairs of people everywhere. In the black nomad tents of the steppes, in dim snow huts, in thin beds, on haystacks, behind stacks of boards, in the bushes of the forest, on the straw mattresses of dull houses, in garrets and state rooms. In countless places, at secret hours of the day and night. The law was above me. I felt attracted and repelled, without grief, disappointment or impatience. Once it happened, quicker than the lightning flared up. At the union of two cells, the power of new life enclosed me. I was caught in tiny union, caught up in hot, red, radiant, working and pulsating being. I felt warmth, darkness, moisture, currents of nourishment, the rustling of creative forces. Blissful growth was in me. Juices flowed through me; the thunder of unfolding and the soft crackling of becoming were around me. Consciousness became dim. Sleep enveloped it, happy, refreshing sleep. Torn and incoherent experiences passed through my dreams as unrecognizable silhouettes, disjointed and inaudible, ancient, lost, sinking memories. I grew in slumber, stretched my limbs out comfortably, smacking with pleasure, stretched, moved softly in sleep. Delicate and precious organs, protected in bony armor, were formed in me, warm blood raced through me in rapid, throbbing beats, friendly tightness pressed me tenderly, moved me swaying, showing me the way to the light. Crystal, cold, clear air rushed into my lungs. Colorful, confused rays penetrated my eyes, confused sounds pressed into my ears. Everything happened to me that accompanies young life when it enters this world. I was there. I was the one who had come back, the Ewli. My name was Sennon Vorauf. I had a father, a mother and other people who loved me. I learned to speak and walk, a child like other children. Everything was new to me, a great revelation. Until the ability to look back into my past life. This began with dreams of anxiety in childhood, which caused my good parents a lot of worry. But even when I was awake, I was not safe from sudden sinking. The memories of Melchior Dronte, the son of a nobleman in days long past, came back to me fiercely, and frightened me very much. Only slowly did I gain from myself the repetitive, chasing, and frightening memories and gradually put them together so that I could grasp them as fragments of a former whole, which I called the life of Melchior Dronte, my former life. Shaken by the horror of my parents (they often both sat by my bedside and listened, stunned by my wild fantasies, as they thought), I withdrew already in boyhood and showed myself to others as a strangely precocious, quiet and thoughtful child, who preferred to sit alone staring with open eyes. My new life was suitable for such thoughtfulness. My parents, good-hearted and simple people, had, following a custom of the country, named me “Sennon” after one of the two saints of my birthday and loved me more than anything. After ten years of childless marriage, I was the eagerly awaited “gift from heaven” sent to them. In the first years of my life, I had, as already mentioned often caused them great fear and worry. Thus I had once fell into severe convulsions when, by accident, I was present when a few boys threw stones at a black dog, so that it ran away howling. To an aunt, who loved me tenderly, I did not want to go to her until the squawking parrot, which she had in her apartment was removed. Sometimes one, such as the reader of this book, understandably took these behaviors for stubbornness and punished me mildly. The patience and the lack of any consciousness of guilt, with which I accepted the gentle punishments, however, soon made it completely impossible for the good-hearted to act against me in such a way. Especially my mother, who despite her low status was an unusually sensitive Frau, who with her trained intuition, recognized better than my father, that all the violent emotional expressions of her child must indicate quite unusual mental processes which ruled out any crude influence. I clearly remember a Sunday afternoon, when I was with her in a garden filled with the deep glow of the autumn sun. She had cut flowers to put in a vase. The arrangement of the copper, blue, white and fire-yellow Georgiana flowers she had made suddenly seized me in a very peculiar way, and without being able to explain where these words came from, I said completely lost in a dream and quietly to myself: “Aglaja also arranged them like this”. Then my mother looked at me with a very strange, shy look, stroked her hand over my hair and said to me: “You must have once loved her very much -.” We then spoke nothing for a long time, until it became completely dark. Then mother heaved a sigh of relief, hugged me fiercely and we went into the house to wait for my father, who was working in a large optical company. I had little contact with other children, and generally kept away from them, not because I was arrogant or afraid of people, but because I had no taste for their games. I still liked best to be with the son of a well-traveled doctor who lived in our neighborhood, with Kaspar Hedrich, who was the same age as me, and who, like me, was a quiet and lonely boy. I went on many hikes in the surroundings of the small town that was my home, and to him, as the only one, I sometimes told my dreams, but only when I was in my twelfth or thirteenth year, did the realization dawn on me of the nature of these ever-renewing and complementary dream images and what they were. From then on I kept them to myself and did not listen to Kaspar’s vehement pleas to tell him more. In any case, he was the only one who listened with great attention and without any sign of disbelief until then to the tangled stories that often violently forced themselves out of me, perhaps only in the unconscious longing to find an explanation for them. When this finally came like a revelation, I guarded my secret in the realization that it could hardly ever be understood correctly by others. Then something happened with Kaspar Hedrich and me, which at that time filled me with great uneasiness. Today, however, I must think of the event with a smile and am filled with consolation, of an event that was my first, dearest, greatest and most valuable confirmation of the special pardon that I have been granted. Kaspar and I had a special joy of walking on cold winter days on the frozen dead branch of the river to a place where we could ice skate that was a half an hour’s walk away. We kept this place of our solitary pleasures from our parents, knowing that they would not have allowed us because of the danger of both the remoteness of the water and the uncertainty of the ice conditions. They thought nothing other than that we, like the other boys, were on one of the two busy and completely safe, artificially created skating rinks of the town. The deception succeeded all the more, because neither of our fathers, who were busy during the day nor my mother, who was absorbed in the economic worries of the day (Kaspar’s mother had been dead for a long time), had ever found time to teach us skating skills. On the day I want to tell you about, Kaspar came to us with the skates on his arm to pick me up. There was a warm wind that had sprung up, and water dripped softly from the roof. All the more reason, thought my playmate, to hurry in order to take advantage of the last opportunity of the departing winter. However, I had caught a cold the day before and was feverish. My worried mother, who came into the room during the visit, explained that in view of my condition Kaspar would have to do without my company this time. I was always obedient to my mother and complied. Kaspar was disappointed to have to do without his comrade, but then he said goodbye and went on his usual way to the lonely river place alone. After about an hour, my mother took a pillow and lovingly made me sit on the bench by the warm stove and lean against the cushion. She herself did some work and advised me to take a little nap, and I soon heard her knitting softly rattling half in a dream. All of a sudden it was as if I could clearly hear the voice of my friend, who repeatedly and in the highest fear called my first name! I wanted to rise, but I was paralyzed. I made a tremendous effort. Then it happened. Suddenly I found myself outside my body. I clearly saw myself, sitting on the stove bench with stiff, wide-open eyes, with my unsuspecting mother at the table, lost in her counting meshes at the table. In the very next moment I found myself, as if carried away by a whizzing gust of wind, at the edge of that river arm. With the greatest sharpness I saw the leafless pollard willows, the uniform gray of the ice, the snow eaten away by the warm wind, the skate tracks on the slippery ice and in the middle of the cracked ice an open spot of the water, from which, screaming in fear, Kaspar’s head protruded, and his wildly beating hands that searched in vain for a hold on the breaking ice sheets. Without any reflection I stepped across the ice to the very edge of the collapse, reached out my hand to the man in the greatest need and pulled him without the slightest effort onto the solid ice. He saw me, chattering with his teeth from the frost, and yet laughing with joy, and opened his mouth to say something —. Then something pulled me away from him with terrible force and I was seized by an unparalleled feeling of fear, and I became painfully aware of my own distressed body —
The Rebirth of Melchior Dronte by Paul Busson and translated by Joe E Bandel
The way was not too long. I looked once more with the old eyes that had seen so much during my existence, and enjoyed the colorful multiplicity of the images that showed themselves to me. I saw the butcher with a steaming, scalded pig in a wooden trough, and the brass basins of a barber, which rattled in the wind and rain and hung full of little drops. I took the pitying look of two dark, beautiful girl’s eyes under a blue and white bonnet, noticed a black dog that reminded me of poor Diana, and smelled the strong, sour-tart smell of fresh tan, coming from a tanner’s workshop. A steel blue fly with little glass wings sat down on my knees and thus traveled quite a distance without effort of its own. A bunch of funny screaming spiders, uninvolved in humanity threw themselves like a brown cloud over the smoking mountain of horse manure, which came from one of the front wagons, and an ancient sycamore tree, all hung with water beads, morosely and indifferently let us pass by. And then, with a jerk, all the wagons stopped. We had arrived at the ugly square, where not long ago I had spoken with the young officer about the French nation, and my gaze fell on the gaunt reddish-brown scaffold that towered high above our heads, with ghastly simplicity. At that moment the wall of fog broke, and a pale ray of sunlight fell with dull glint on the slanting knife high up under the crossbeam. “How soon all this will be over!” I thought, and remembered so many moments of impatience and not being able to wait, which lay far behind me in the old days. We had to descend, and we were helped to do so. The people did not shout. There was only that quiet murmur of a thousand voices that betrayed the excitement of a great crowd. No one shouted swear words at us, and many eyes looked sympathetically. I had the feeling that with such a general mood, the great killings would soon subside and finally stop altogether. My knees were stiff from sitting and from the morning chill. The distress of the body cramps set in once again, and the right hip was very painful when walking. I saw people appear on the platform, appearing to move. The knife fell with a dull clang and was raised again. It was red. Something struck the boards of the bloody scaffold. The fear of the body almost gained the upper hand. A thought pushed forward, gained space: To do something to save myself, to scream, to beg, to break through the crowd, to break the cords… That’s when I saw him… Huddled like a bat. Fangerle. He was sitting on a lantern of the gallows, grimly distorting his wide mouth, the evil yellow eyes directed at me, a red, Phrygian cap on his skull instead of a big hat. His eyes were like two wasps that lived and crawled around in the cavities of his head. I closed my eyes. My will kept the upper hand. “Return to the depths!” I said to myself. When I looked again with all my strength, the apparition had disappeared, the pole was empty. A soldier grasped me almost timidly by the arm and pushed me forward with gentle force. I saw how clotted, thick blood flowed sluggishly down the boards of the scaffolding. Before me the Marquis de Carmignac climbed the slippery little stairs. Two men with naked arms grabbed him, strapped him to the board, and tipped it over. The upper part of the wood, which enclosed the neck, lowered. Whoosh… A whistling sound came from his headless neck. The feet with the buckled shoes, manly still in death, softly tapped the ground, his body moved in the straps, as if he wanted to make himself more comfortable. They loosened the damp leather, rolled him aside; the golden pear rolled over the boards, a little lid opened, brown snuff dusted out. Quickly a hand reached for the shiny thing. I was next, climbing the stairs. A hand supported me kindly, saved me from a fall in a moment of slipping. I looked into a serious, well-cut face. It was Samson. He made a polite inviting hand gesture. Behind him stood the red-bristled monster. Images circled in my brain in a flash. The arm with the executioner’s sword in the witch’s room of Krottenriede, the box with the singing little bird, burning candles in a black room, the glitter of Aglaja’s crown of death, the little dead man with the hourglass and the scythe, as it tilted out of the old clock, the Bavarian Haymon as an Amicist —Firm hands grabbed me by the arm. Faces slid past me. I stood at the board. The warm smell of blood rose to my nostrils, tickling and irritating in the nose. Thin straps snaked around my upper body, my legs. I fell forward — it creaked softly around me, – pain- my larynx hit a semicircle. I thought: Now the knife will cut through my throat, sawdust will fill my eyes, my mouth —. Wet wood descended on the back of my neck. Isa Bektschi! Isa Bektschi! With all my might I thought of the Ewli. I forced him to me. Close to mine I saw his face – his mouth, as if he wanted to kiss me – kind, dark eyes, like two black suns. His gaze enclosed me with infinite love and promise. I thought nothing more. I saw only him – drank his looks, absorbed his essence into me. Then dazzling, golden rays shot out from his eyes, piercing me, consuming me in fiery embers – in golden fire. But still I saw that face, clearly, sharply, saw it growing smaller and smaller – small as a dot and yet recognizable -. I opened my mouth, felt woody, dry splinters, moist chunks—. Then night — hissing — sound — a painful tearing – a thread cut in two — I found myself outside my body. My body lay in its brown, rumpled suit, without coat, with blood-soaked shirt edge on the board of the guillotine. Despite the tight straps, my upper body reared up a few times violently. Fountains of blood rushed out of the two large neck veins. The head lay pale, with wide-open eyes in the basket. Its face smiled. All the people who were standing around the scaffold looked on in silence. The board became empty. The man who had called Astaroth and the fiery dragons was dragged up the steps. He struggled with all his might, kicking with his feet, snapping his teeth. He did not want to – – All this was so indifferent for me. I rose and floated away over the many heads, glided effortlessly, and without finding any resistance, through the house walls and window panes, driven by a force. I had no eyes and saw everything. I heard. But I felt nothing. I thought nothing either. I was consciousness itself. Everything came to me, was immediately recognized. Vibrations of many kinds trembled through me, without me feeling pleasure or suffering. It was coldness, warmth, a sound, light, phenomena for which there are no words in human language, sensations when encountering beings, that remain invisible and unknown to people. I was of a shape, if this is possible to say, like those glassy-transparent bodies that glide past human eyes when they look for a long time into the distant pure blue heavens. Nevertheless I was not a body. I was also not nothing. I was a soul, like many of those who floated in the world space. But I had consciousness, I was mindful of my ego and I had a goal. I was looking for a new house with those instruments of the senses, which received from outside and could reflect from the inner back to the outer: Could express thoughts as words. I was looking for a human body. Inside me I carried the tiny image of a noble, godlike face, the reflection of which I had taken with me into infinity when I left the destroyed body. From this image my consciousness extended along with the ability to remember. The will for re-embodiment was the only drive that dominated me. According to inscrutable laws born of the eternity of becoming and passing, I strove towards my goal, devoid of all those feelings that can be called impatience, expectation or hope. There was no time; there was no distance and no obstacles. Forces to which I surrendered of my own accord willingly lifted me up, made me sink down, and made me to fade away, to wander and to rest. I was unmoved in my consciousness. Everything was offered to me, nothing was hidden from me, and nothing was veiled, neither in depths nor in heights. The wind blew through me, the rain fell through me. I had nothing of the properties that things in space possess. I was big and small, inside and outside, far and near. I saw sunsets in ocean wastelands, mountain hikers crashed in crevasses of ice, blue flowers that slowly withered, ghosts in waterfalls, beings that lived in crystals, red and yellow sandstorms, and fermenting garbage, out of which new creatures of the strangest kind sprang, dwarfs, who would have appeared as stones to human eyes, winged creatures that rode and roared, sleeping in beds, seeded with tiny goblins as with vermin, people, from whom evil flowed like a poisonous breath. I passed by all this. There were animals in herds on vast steppes, animals in the air, in holes in the ground, in the water. Small, crawling, flying, running animals, animals of all kinds, covered with hair, feathers, scales, bristles and plates, living animals. They attracted me because they were alive. They begat young, hatched them, reproduced thousands of times. They attracted me strongly, because they had living bodies, warm bodies. But I carried in me a human face and did not follow those souls, that lurked waiting to enter into the egg cell at the moment of conception. I was only attracted to people. I was attracted to them by a tremendous force. It was good to be with people. I attached myself to them, was with them, in them, slid through them and was a guest with others. I lived with them. I saw them as one sees a region that resembles the abandoned homeland. I have to use such comparisons, although the truth is quite different.
The Rebirth of Melchior Dronte by Paul Busson and translated by Joe E Bandel
I went near one of the windows, unfolded the paper and read: “My heart weeps for the best and noblest of men; yet I bow before a heroism that respects death less than the betrayal of itself. My now impotent gratitude will forever honor your memory. May there be a reunion that gives you new goals.” It was the well-known handwriting of the magister. In the dim morning light we could see through the windows, which were high up but clean and bright, that a fine rain was falling outside. Drops hung sparkling on the iron bars of the lattice. This dungeon, admittedly the last one in which we were housed, was in every respect friendlier than the gloomy coal mine where we had awaited our sentencing. A bow-legged jailer with a good-natured face and a natural gift for joking words, brought us washing water in wooden cans and lent us clean, coarse cloths to dry our faces and hands. For those prisoners who still had money on them, he provided chocolate for breakfast and pieces of cake. The others were given a soup of burnt rye flour and a large slice of bread. Since everything seemed trivial to me that was still connected with the needs of the body, I was content with a few spoonfuls of soup. Also in these last hours of my life, I sometimes felt as if I were completely outside the events and saw from afar, like an observer, me and my fellow sufferers. Nevertheless, this observing being, which was my ego, was connected by a guiding thread with my body, and felt the morning chill, hunger and that dull, constricting feeling in the stomach area, which precedes bad events. This strange out-of- myself sensation was so strong that my own hands seemed like something foreign, for I looked at them closely and with a strange feeling as if I were seeing something familiar again after a long time. In all these ambivalent feelings was mixed with a kind of regret over the ingratitude, with which the soul calmly left forever, the house in which it had been for so long and through whose senses it had taken in the image of its changing surroundings. I could not, try as I might, find anything great or decisive in the imminent departure from the accustomed form of earthly life. It was as if the body, although its sensations continued, no longer participated in those of the soul. Even the scenes that took place around me could not move me violently, as much as I was aware of their sadness. Something constantly stirred in me, as if I had to speak to the poor people and tell them that all this was only of secondary importance and that it did not really have to mean much. But it was also completely clear to me that they would not have understood me at all, and so I kept silent and out of the way. Many things happened around me. Women wept bitterly and their hot tears, with which they said goodbye to life, dripped into the soup bowls from which they ate. The Marquis de Carmignac sat in a corner and had his beard shaved and his hair arranged. A withered, weary smiling old man read to a small crowd of listeners from the “Consolations of Philosophy” by Boethius. A handsome young man in a riding suit leaned against a pillar with rapt eyes and hummed a little song over and over again, which was obviously dear to him as a memory. He stopped only when an Abbe, who was whispering prayers with several older and younger ladies, approached him and politely asked him not to disturb the religious gathering of the dying. Several sat dully, despairingly and completely absorbed in themselves on the straw mattresses of the beds that were set up here. After some time, a young, pale-looking barber’s assistant entered with the jailer, waved to his comrade, who was taking the marquis’ tip with many bows and with a trembling voice asked the people present to sit down in turn on a bench placed in the middle of the room, to have their hair cut. This request caused loud sobs and a fit of fainting, but the toilet, as the procedure was called for short, proceeded swiftly. The long tresses of the ladies, which were carefully cut off and placed in a small basket, he very politely requested them to be considered useful for his business, and presented each woman who gave her consent, a small vial of smelling salts as a return gift. The frosty, rattling and moving of the scissor also touched my neck, and their blades cut through my hair. Coldly I felt the lack. All around, the praying grew louder and more fervent. At eight o’clock a booming drum rattled and the door opened. In front of a crowd of soldiers, a commissar with a sash appeared and read off name after name from a list. All those named rose immediately and lined up to the left of the door. “Citizen Melchior Dronte!” I bowed briefly to those who obviously remained behind, and stood next to a tall, strong man who, with a contemptuous expression, derisively pushed his chin forward. By his braids and lapels and the uniform, I recognized him as a major of the Broglie regiment. “Skunks – riffraff from the gutter!” he growled and spat out so violently that a small, hungry-looking soldier jumped to the side, startled. A somewhat lopsided, gray-clad man with a mocking face, who was one of those called up, laughed softly to himself. “This carnival play will soon be over. And it wasn’t even very funny.” We were now; about twenty in number, led out of the cellar, went up the stairs and came to a courtyard that was completely surrounded by soldiers. It was still trickling thinly from the cloudy sky. Some ladder wagons were standing there, and we were ordered to sit on the boards nailed across. A boy of about fifteen years old climbed up behind us and tied our hands behind our backs with strong vine cords, supervised by a mounted sergeant. I saw that the young lad whispered something in the ear of each person whom he bound. And when it came to my turn, I heard from behind, half-breathed, while the warm breath hit my shivering neck, the words: “Forgive me!” I felt how restless and hot the hands were that bound my arms. Amidst much shouting, running to and fro, and up and down trotting of the cavalry escort the wagons were finally loaded with their human cargo. Next to the coachman, a soldier swung himself onto the bench and the big door of the courtyard opened with a loud creak. Incalculable masses of people filled the street outside and formed two rows, between which our carts now slowly began to roll. Quietly, I looked around me. In front of me, stiffly erect and looking over the people, sat the Marquis de Carmignac, next to him the major of the Broglie regiment, who, with his furiously lowered red head reminded of an irritated bull. Crouched on the bench next to me was an obviously deranged man, about sixty years old, with white beard stubble, a wrinkled face and rolling eyes, who was intoning incessant incantations to himself. “O Astaroth, O Typhon, O ye seven fiery dragons, you, O keeper of the seals, hasten to help me! Let flames fall upon them, let the earth open up and take them to the lowest hell, but carry me to the garden of the white Ariel Arizoth Araman Arihel Adonai.” The words became unintelligible, and at last he burst into a triumphant giggle and became calm, obviously firmly convinced of the sure effect of his spirit invocation. I turned my head with difficulty to the back bench and caught sight of an aging girl with brick-red spots on her cheekbones, who was dressed in a black robe, with her eyes turned to Heaven, praying without ceasing. Beside this nun, who with glowing eyes, was preparing for martyrdom, trembled like a jelly, a white-flour covered baker, whose swollen, puffy eyes gazed out of a hot face in which mortal fear gaped. His huge belly, which almost burst the buttons of the trousers, wobbled back and forth with every step of the horses. I saw excessively clearly, and not the slightest detail escaped me. I noticed a hanging silver button on the jacket of the marquis. On the neck of the major an inflamed pustule. On the vest of the man sitting next to me the remains of an egg dish, and the medals on the nun’s rosary sometimes clinked against a board of the cart. My poor body, which was now to change, was doing everything in its power to keep the calm serenity of the spirit that was preparing to leave busy with unimportant worries on its way into eternity. A natural need, for the satisfaction of which there was no time left to satisfy, arose with annoying agony. An old cold pain which had not tormented me for a long time, had shot into my right hip during the night and caused me great agony with the shocks of the cart. And to all this was added the fear of death that the body felt. It manifested itself in strong stomach pains and finally brought it to the point that cold drops ran down my face. It was cold sweat, death sweat… But I stood above or beside these sensations which, in spite of their strength, could no longer really penetrate to the consciousness. A sharp and irrevocable divorce between body and soul had occurred, and the soul realized with joy that no earthly feeling would accompany it on its way. From the crowd a song burst forth in full chords, into which thousands of voices fell. The truly entrancing melody, the words of which I could not understand, except for “Fatherland”, “tyranny” and the like, had a strong and moving effect on me. It was a genuine and noble-born, fiery child of the time, and it was as if this rapturous singing carried something hot in it. Everywhere people were looking out of the windows of the suburban houses, joining in the song with bright, enthusiastic voices and waving their scarves. The horses in front of our wagon, a chestnut and a summer black, neighed and began to prance and nod their heads in time with the mighty tune, which was glowing and storming up to the sky. Even the driver, a scowling man, and the young soldier next to him sang the hymn, for such it was, with a loud voice.
The Rebirth of Melchior Dronte by Paul Busson and translated by Joe E Bandel
“I wanted to protect the defenseless woman,” I said, looking him in the eye. He shook his head reluctantly. There was a murmur. “Are you a friend of freedom?” I thought for a moment and then answered the question with a “yes.” “Was it known to you that citizen Lamballe had fled to England and returned from there to Paris?” “Yes.” “In that case, it was reasonable to assume that there was valuable information about her co-conspirators located here that could be obtained. Not so?” I was silent. He looked at me again with a quiet, disapproving head movement and with a tongue-lashing spoke slowly and clearly, emphasizing each word: “I know what you are trying to say, Citizen Dronte. In your zeal to serve the republic and prevent a premature and early end of the traitor, you have sought to use violence to prevent the execution of the sentence. However, you fared badly enough. Is that so? Give me answer!” He nodded an almost imperceptible “yes” and waited. I felt briefly and strongly the lure to return to freedom from the horror of this justice. But a powerful, insurmountable feeling inside me made the friendly images of imminent freedom quickly fade away. I realized, like a holy necessity, that I had to be hard and merciless against myself, otherwise I should be thrown back into levels from which I had ascended and not allowed to higher ones whose aura I had attained. “I have tried to save the princess on the basis of feelings of a personal nature!” The chairman heaved a sigh of annoyance, swayed his head, drummed on the table and raised his eyes to the ceiling. The committee members looked at me bored, and in the auditorium a yawning voice said: “These are quibbles, Jeannot – Do you understand any of it?” “In a nutshell: you had no intention of protecting the woman as such, but rather to render a service to the Republic. We have no time, Citizen Dronte, and I hope that your sincere admission of this fact will settle the case!” A cold breath passed over my face. The scales stood: a lie had to sink the bowl — “I did not think of the Republic in my deed!” Now it was spoken. Great unrest arose. Even the drowsiest among the listeners understood, awakened to irritated attention. The face of the chairman turned red with anger. He threw his head back so that his hair flew and hissed at me: “You dare tell me that?” “It is the truth,” I replied. It was clear to me that the grateful magister must have had his hand in this, and it saddened me that his not without danger effort had now been in vain. But I had to follow the path that my innermost feeling was the right one, to go to the end, regardless of the feelings that arise from the body’s instinct for self-preservation. The behavior of the chairman changed immediately. A deep vertical wrinkle appeared between his eyebrows, and he bit his lips angrily before continuing the interrogation. “You are a stranger. For what purpose did you come to Paris?” “To become acquainted with the Revolution and its aims- .” “With friendly or hostile intent?” “I did not come with hostile intentions.” “You are a baron. – How can an aristocrat’s opinion of the Revolution be otherwise than hostile?” suddenly the bilious committee member intervened. “Does such a person love the poor people -?” growled the one with the stained red cap. “How?” he turned to me. “I love all the people.” “These are sayings such as every priest has in his pocket who stands before the tribunal,” the judge snapped at me and assumed a frowning pose with a lurking look at me. “You have thus joined the brave ones who have gone the Lamballe way, not in the interest of the state, but in order to protect the queen’s intimate for some other dark motive.” “Don’t make such long stories!” grumbled someone behind me. “He’s one of the whore’s lovers, nothing else!” Shrill whistles sounded. Wild stomping of feet revealed that the people wanted an end. The skinny man talked to the chairman. The latter shrugged and turned to the other committee member, who nodded his head vigorously, raised his right hand and dropped it with the edge on the table. It was clearly understandable what he meant by this. The chairman stood up, stretched out his right hand toward me like a king of the theater, while the left hand rested on his heart, and spoke with his voice low and rolling the R’s: “Citizen Dronte is guilty of treason against the Republic!” Thunderous clapping of hands resounded. I sat down, completely calm and certain of the end. Then the man in the dark blue, gold-embroidered jacket slowly turned his stern and stony face toward me, smiled and said very loudly and audibly: “Allow me, Baron, to express to you my sincere esteem!” Laughter and jeering followed his words. An apple case flew past my head and remained in front of the judge’s table. The theatrical chairman slammed his fist on the table and shouted, “Quiet!” Gradually, the scolding, laughing and whistling ceased. “Citizen Carmignac!” rang out the complacent voice. The man in the blue jacket stood up. “I am Philipp Anton Maria Marquis of Carmignac, Pair of France, Privy Councillor of His Majesty the King, Chairman of the Breton Chamber of Nobility, Commander of the Order of Louis —“ The hall cheered. This tall man and his proud manner promised a spectacle. The emphasis on his rank even evoked a certain respect. “He looks well, the marquis,” someone said. “But his neck is as thin as that of Lamballe’s lover,” laughed in response. “Curses! And the thing is settled.” The marquis took a pinch from his little gold pear and carefully patted his brocade vest with a small lace cloth to clean off the tobacco dust. “You are accused of -,” began the presiding chairman. “Above all,” said the nobleman with inimitable haughtiness, “I wish to make the declaration that the privileges to which I am entitled have been violated with unlawful violence and I was brought here by unlawfully armed persons. Now, as to this court I note that it is not made up of royal courtiers, but of a bad actor, a master carpenter and a runaway servant of the church, “and therefore offers no cause for further consideration.” After these words the marquis sat down, contemptuously staring into the air. For a few seconds there remained silence. The stupefaction was general. But then arose such a thunderous noise, such a roar of anger that the soldiers present were hardly able to hold back the frenzied crowd. Meanwhile, the presiding judge stood up. One saw him waving his hands urgently to call for silence. It took long enough for him to make himself understood. He directed an angry, scornful look at the count, who looked past him equanimously. “Citizen Carmignac, I demand that you stand up before I have to use violence and give the tribunal of the people the homage it deserves.” The marquis shrugged his shoulders and nonchalantly stood up on his feet. “I do not wish to get dirt stains on my jacket,” he said. “For this I rise.” The actor sat down and pushed his chin forward. “If I understand you correctly, Citizen Carmignac, you fell asleep before the revolution and still haven’t awakened, eh?” The mocked man made no reply. Some people in the hall laughed. “You have made an attempt to bribe the turnkey of the Temple to give Citizen Capet, who is kept there, information on the successes of the emigrants at the Austrian and the Prussian court, by means of a small piece of paper concealed in a gold case, which was hidden in one of six lemons. Is it this case?” The hand of the judge was holding a tiny gold case of elongated shape. The marquis measured it under half-closed lids. “Since you are playing court here, you will have to go to the trouble of proving your accusations.” The displeasure in the room grew noticeably. “He shall be embraced by Samson’s coquette!” roared the voice of one of the angriest screamers. The courtiers bowed their heads to each other, whispered, nodded, the chairman stood up and without any movement pronounced his “guilty”. The court rose. Four soldiers stepped in to us and told us to stand up. It was fairly quiet as we were led out of the hall. The people were satisfied. When we stepped out of the door, where a new troop of anxious, well-guarded people of both sexes were waiting to be interrogated, I felt something angular in my right palm, like a piece of folded paper, and closed my fingers tightly around it. We were going a different way than the one that had brought us here from the prison, under an open portcullis, and finally found ourselves in a spacious, dry and bright cellar. It was full of people.
The Rebirth of Melchior Dronte by Paul Busson and translated by Joe E Bandel
Only when complete silence had fallen in the background he leaned back in his armchair, so that the blue-white-red sash wrapped around his body tightened, took a sheet of paper from the table, as if playing, and said with a singing and theatrical voice: “Citizen Anastasia Beaujonin!” Loud murmuring, throat clearing and spitting out behind us betrayed the now beginning tension of the audience. The young woman next to me had let out a small scream at the mention of her name. She stood up, burst into a new torrent of tears and pressed a tiny handkerchief to her eyes. I looked at her pityingly. Her pretty dress, pink and blue flowered, was badly wrinkled and disfigured. Several times she ran with her hand, smoothing out the wrinkles. Surely the appearance of her person preoccupied her just as much as the concern about the outcome of a trial that knew neither witnesses nor in its deliberate brevity offered little hope. The chairman assumed a significant posture, made a beautiful gesture with his right hand, and spoke with an emphasis as if he wanted to declaim: “Pay attention to what I say, Citizen Beaujonin! Think about your answers, because our time is short. It does not belong to us, but to the nation. You are accused of keeping Baron Hautecorne hidden in the attic of your house for three days although you must have known that he belonged among the proscribed. What do you have to reply?” “Oh, my God,” the woman stammered. “I loved him so much — -“ The judge smiled. From behind one heard a coarse woman’s voice: “She is brave, the little one, and speaks as a woman should speak.” “Silence, Mother Flanche!” shouted the judge. “You must not make any remarks here!” “Don’t break anything, my sweet boy!” it came back. “I have known you since you were a Temple singer.” The chairman was about to start up, but then only made a dismissive gesture with his hand and said, turning to the young woman, “So?” She swallowed a few times and directed her shy, fearful gaze on me for a moment, as if she were trying to get courage from me. This seemed to annoy the judge, because he took a petition and knocked violently on the table with it. “And why did you love citizen Hautecorne so much?” he asked mockingly, showing his white teeth. “Because he was so beautiful-almost as beautiful as you!” She said softly, looking at him with a full gaze. A storm of applause, mixed with shouts, laughter and the trampling of feet roared through the hall. Even the committee members smiled sourly, and the chairman stroked back a curl of hair that had fallen across his forehead with a smug movement. “Let the little girl go – -,” cried one. “She needs her head to give it to you-,” they laughed. “Well said, Rodolphe.” “She knows how you men must be treated.” When silence had returned, the Judge said in a gentle voice: “Madame, I have reason to believe that you were unaware of the danger of this enemy of the Republic when your assistance was rendered?” “Oh – no,” sobbed the accused, quickly grasping her advantage. “I love the Republic -. I would have never –“ “Did he at least do his thing well, your baron?” roared one of the audience. The judge struck the butt of the file angrily. “Hey, now, Perrin, Verrou, and Mastiche, see who’s trying to make my acquaintance back there!” he shouted, and at once three soldiers stumbled into the background, their heavy rifles in their arms. Immediately there was silence. The judge leaned toward the committee members. They whispered and nodded to him. “Madame,” then said the presiding judge, “I will dare to set you at liberty for the time being. But take care!” “Oh -” the woman cried out and laughed all over her face. “Wait Madame. I want to take it upon myself. I have a responsibility to answer to the nation. You see, the people are mild and chivalrous to women, if that is possible. Before you leave you will have the goodness to write your future address on a piece of paper and hand it to me!” “Oh, you damned truffle pig,” laughed one of them. The soldiers spoke fiercely at him. “I’ll say no more,” he assured them. “Let go of my paws!” Silence fell again. The little girl smiled gracefully, pattered on her high heels to the tribune table and scribbled a few words on a piece of paper, which the judge held out to her, read and pocketed. Suppressed laughter in the auditorium accompanied this action. “You may go, Madame, but you will remain at the Tribunal’s disposal!” The woman stopped, looked sheepishly and uncertainly at the judges and then at the laughing spectators, turned suddenly and ran quickly, looking neither to the right nor to the left, right through the middle of the dumbfounded looking soldiers and out of the room. Immediately, the chairman assumed a dreadful official face, rustled with paper and then said briefly and sharply: “Citizen Melchior Dronte!” I stood up. Everything in me was calm, all fear disappeared. Again, I felt as if I were now contemplating a fate, whose further development was completely clear to me. Without any hostility I looked at the vain man who had set himself as a judge over me. His gaze immediately met mine and passed me by. In order to hide this weakness, he took his eyes off me and taking some sheets from the table acted as if he needed a constant insight into the act, which would explain the circumstances of my capture and the charges against me. At last he raised his head and said: “In the case of an expression of the will of the people, which was directed against the rightfully detested citizen Lamballe —“ A many-voiced outburst of rage arose. “Death to the aristocrat! Down with her!” “Shut your mouths!” “She’s already perished!” “Death to Lamballe!” The judge waited patiently for the noise to subside, and then continued: “- The detested citizen Lamballe, from whom important information about a conspiracy in England against the republic were to be hoped for, has been crushed by the holy wrath of the citizens. You, citizen Dronte, have made the attempt to obstruct the people, who were passing and carrying out its judgment. What were your intentions with the way you handled this?”
The Rebirth of Melchior Dronte by Paul Busson and translated by Joe E Bandel
“At the risk of disturbing your meditations, I would like to ask you, with your kind permission, a few more serious questions, the answers to which I am very anxious to hear.” With a quiet unwillingness I tried to recognize the facial features of the interrupter. But I could only determine that he was no longer young and that his white and very narrow hands were folded around his knee. “I am glad to be at your service,” I said quietly, so as not to disturb the deepening silence. The unknown man moved with his stool close to me and whispered, as it seemed to me, in some agitation: “All of us, who are here, so far as human calculation is correct, will be sentenced to death in a few days. In the certainty that our life, which would lead anyway to annihilation will now be completed more quickly than nature demands, there is nothing frightening for me. Another question worries me, my lord. What happens, when the path of life, which leads from the brain to the most distant and smallest parts of the body, is cut by the axe?” “Any doctor can tell you,” I answered. “What happens is what we call death.” “What we call it!” hissed the stranger close to me. “But have you never heard that the severed heads are still alive? Do you know that they move the eyes, the hairs stand up straight against the walls of the basket? That they look in the direction of the caller, when their name is called, and form clearly recognizable words with their lips when they are asked? How? Come to me, esteemed one, but not with Doctor Galvani’s frog. Here we are talking about the ability to think, to be conscious– “ “The problem is idle in a higher sense,” I said, “even if we assume that the cut-off head still thinks and tries to act, this lasts only a few seconds as a result of the lack of blood supply. Then the standstill is there.” The man slid his stool even closer. “Good, good,” he said excitedly. “Let’s not bother with that. It is indeed of little importance. What however, is death? Is it the death of the body and the freedom of the soul, or are the body and the soul so much together that one dies with the other? Can you give me a comforting answer?” The last words sounded like a plea. It had become completely quiet in our dungeon, and nothing could be heard but the stomping of the guards in front of the windows and a soft whistling, the breath of the sleepers. “Since you seem to be interested in the opinion of a stranger, I will answer you. Now then, my dear Herr, I believe that after death, the soul is separated from the body and enters the eternal life from which it comes,” I said in a muffled voice. He shook his head vigorously. “The priests of all creeds say such things. But no one can imagine what they are really saying. What do you mean: Return to eternity? Without the artful apparatus of the brain, the soul is incapable of expressing itself. What becomes of it? A vortex of air, a cloud of smoke, transparent ether? Where does it go?” “It goes into a new vessel.” I felt as if someone else was speaking out of me. I had never thought this thought, and yet now it was there as if I had always carried it within me. The other laughed unwillingly. “Into a new vessel, that is, a new body! Here is already the absurdity. The number of departed are so great that not even a thousand of them can find a new home.” I listened to the inner voice. “Whoever can preserve the consciousness of his earthly existence beyond death will be reborn in a human body. That is my belief.” “And if it succeeds – how often would such a return have to take place?” “As often as needed until the soul is purified,” I replied, moved. “And then?” “Then the soul rests consciously in God.” The man struck his knees with his fist. “Always the same old stories! Purified! Pure! And the hatred? The burning greed for revenge, the rage beyond the end, the hope to retaliate a thousand fold?” “These are all impurities that must fall off,” I repeated what my inner voice said. “In the purification of purgatory -“ “Purgatory?” he cried out. “You talk like a Catholic priest.
Where is it supposed to be, this fabulous purgatory?” “Here, it is life. Life in human form or -“ “Or?” “Or in the body of an animal,” I said, and saw in my mind’s eye how tears were streaming from the parrot’s ugly spherical eyes. “But these are theories. I want certainty -“, my late companion insistently demanded. “There is only one certainty: that of feeling.” “Faith, then, my lord.” It was I who spoke thus. “Fairy tales, my lord, fairy tales. I will tell you what is after death: nothing is. And that’s the terrible thing, this extinction of being. To have never been! It is horrible. And I don’t need to believe in it. I know it.” “I’m sorry I couldn’t bring you more comfort,” I said, and was seized with intense pity. “It is my fault,” he defended me politely. “A few days ago I spoke to ‘Abbe Gautier before he was executed. An old man with white hair, a worthy priest. He was struggling to find a hunchbacked quack- who had been convicted of common crimes, and pointed him to the infinite, eternal goodness of God. But the Italian with the hump would have nothing of it and kept shouting: “Niente! – Finito -nulla. Nix immortalita – o Dio, Dio!” “Then why did God call upon him?” I asked. “Out of habit, I guess. That good Abbe Gautier said about the same thing as you. I envy him and you. Sleep well!” He slipped into a dark corner with his stool. I heard him sigh deeply. A bunch of keys jingled. The iron door creaked open. The sleepers groaned unwillingly, turned around, and muttered unintelligible words. A turnkey, carrying a large, dimly burning lantern, entered, and followed by a commissar with a tricolor sash. Carefully he examined the paper that the official had handed to him, and then called out half aloud: “Citizen Dronte!” I stood up and saw the commissar make a violent movement of surprise or of joy. He took the lantern from the overseer’s hand, motioned for him to stop at the door, and came quickly towards me. “I am Commissar Cordeau!,” he said hastily and quietly. It was Magister Hemmetschnur whom I had taken from Krottenriede. “I can only stay for a minute,” he repeated in a monotonous, indifferent voice, while the lantern in his hand clinked and trembled. “I went to all the prisons when I found your name on the list. This is the last one. I know everything. As many of the cursed Aristocrats I have sent to the Orkus. I would go back to being the poor miserable Hemmetschnur on Krottenriede if I could save your noble life, which is so dear to me. Do not move, do not speak. There are spies in every dungeon, even here. I’ve spoken to the chairman of your tribunal. The charge is false. It was not your intention to free Lamballe, but rather as a loyal supporter of the Republic, you wanted to prevent the ignorant people from a rash act through which the discovery and exploration of the dangerous plans in which the princess was involved are now forever impossible to determine. They will believe you. You were providing an important function that will protect you forever. Do not move your head. You must accept. Otherwise, you will be lost. If you have not understood me, clasp your hands together as if pleading. You don’t? So you have understood everything. Now a necessary comedy begins. Do not be frightened of me, who would like to kiss your hand.” And with a loud voice he continued, “So you refuse? You want to know the whereabouts of the escaped traitor? Good. You will stand in front of your judges tomorrow. Don’t forget that the lictors’ bundle also contains a hatchet.” Seemingly angrily, he stomped up and waved at the turnkey. “Citizen Gaspard! You’re liable to me for this dangerous person!” The turnkey shone his light in my face and grinned: “This head is loose! I’m getting the hang of this thing, Citizen Commissar!” Laughing, the magister slapped him on the shoulder, and they both left the dungeon. The door slammed shut with a thud, the key rattled. “Francois!” scolded one in his sleep. “See, which of the cursed peasants drives over the inner yard.” Then there was silence. The darkness dripped down like pitch. Before me in the darkness I saw the face of Isa Bektshi. The kind gaze was directed at me. The narrow scar between the eyebrows shone like the dawn. “I will not lie,” I said to myself. I saw nothing but the black night and I stretched out on the thin straw of the floor to rest a little. After breakfast, which the turnkey brought in on his board, a commissar appeared with several soldiers and brought three of us, including me, to the court session. A young, pretty woman, who had mostly been sitting on a cot, crying, and had received little notice by the ladies in my prison, was brought in with me and a tall, very haughty looking man in a dark blue, gold-embroidered jacket and white stockings was led away. The name of my fated companion I had not understood when I was introduced yesterday. The only thing that struck me was the deference with which the aristocratic prisoners had treated him, and his careless, condescending manner with which he had spoken a few words to this one, then to that one, while he hardly noticed me. I was walking behind these two, the woman and the haughty man; I was walking alone between two soldiers who had been specially commanded to guard me. We were led through a narrow, terribly dirty alley, in which all kinds of garbage rotted, to an old building, over the archway of which fluttered the three-color flag. Then we reached a corridor into a low, very large room, and had to pass behind a freshly painted cabinet, smelling of fresh oil paint and then stopped. The inner elevation, in which I had spent yesterday evening, was gone from me. The thought that this day was to be one of my last lay heavy as lead on me and filled me with a dull ache. Even the inanimate objects around me took on a strange and unfamiliar ghostly form, and even the early morning light that shone through the dirty windows had a mysterious reddish glow. When a soldier motioned for us to sit down, I was given the seat between the young woman, who from time to time sobbed violently, and the gentleman in the blue jacket, who looked before him with a stern and unapproachable face, without paying any attention to anyone. Now and then he would pull out of his pocket a gold can in the shape of a pear and sniffed it with an extremely affected movement. In front of us stood a heavy table with carved legs, on which everything necessary for writing was piled up. On the walls lolled pale, long-haired soldiers, some of them wearing wooden shoes on their bare feet, and blowing foul-smelling tobacco smoke from their lime pipes. They only changed their comfortable position, when a rumbling drum roll outside the door announced the entrance of the revolution tribunal. We were compelled to stand and wait until the judges were seated at the large table. I looked at the men who presumed to decide on the duration of the lives of others. The first at the table on the left was a craftsman with badly cleaned, hands, whose imprint was visible on the rim of his red cap. In the middle between him and a constantly coughing, obviously sickly person with pointed, gray-yellow face, was enthroned a black-haired young man of peculiarly impudent, but not unhandsome appearance. His restless, dark eyes sparkled under strong brows, and his long, carefully stranded hair under the two-cornered hat hung down to his shoulders. He stretched his legs, clad in white pants and boots with cuffs, far under the table, waved to an acquaintance in the densely packed area in the back of the room, and then rummaged with a pile of files that lay in front of him. Then he spoke a few half-loud words to the sitters and to the skinny clerk at the narrow end of the table, propped his elbows on the tabletop, rested his chin on his clasped hands and looked at us in turn with a look that seemed to command the highest respect.