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Alraune by Hanns Heinz Ewers and translated by Joe E Bandel

She excused herself primly; it had only been a thought of her
mother’s. There was no need for the Fräulein to trouble herself over
it. She only hoped that the unpleasant incident hadn’t brought any
stormy clouds into their friendship–She chatted on without stopping
to think, senseless and pointless. She didn’t catch the severe glance of
her friend and crouched warmly under the green glowing eyes of
Fräulein ten Brinken, like a wild forest rabbit in a cabbage patch.
Frieda Gontram became restless. At first she was angered at the
immense stupidity of her friend, then found her manner tasteless and
laughable.
“No fly,” she thought, “ever flew so clumsily to the poisoned
sugar.”
But finally, the more Olga chatted under Alraune’s gaze, the
more quickly her own sulking feelings awoke under their normal
covering of snow and she tried very hard to repress them. Her gaze
wandered across, fastened itself passionately on the slender body of
Prince Orlowski.
Alraune noticed it.
“I thank you, dear Countess,” she said. “What you’ve told me
relieves me very much.”
She turned toward Frieda Gontram, “The Legal Councilor has
told me such horror stories about the certain ruin of the princess!”
Frieda searched for a last reserve and gave herself a violent
shake.
“My father is right,” she declared bluntly. “Naturally the collapse
is unavoidable–The princess will have to sell her little castle–”
“Oh, that doesn’t matter,” declared the countess. “We are never
there anyway!”
“Be quiet,” cried Frieda. Her eyes clouded, she felt that she was
entirely, without a doubt, fighting for a lost cause.
“The princess will have to rent out rooms in her household, will
have difficulty adjusting to her new life style. It is doubtful if she will
be able to keep her car, most likely not.”
“What a shame!” piped the black prince.
“She will also have to sell her horses and carriages,” Frieda
continued. “Most of the servants will have to be let go–”
Alraune interrupted her, “What will you do Fräulein Gontram?
Will you stay with the princess?”
She hesitated at the question, it was totally unexpected.
“I,” she stammered, “I–but most certainly–”
At that Fräulein ten Brinken piped up, “Of course it would make
me very happy if I were permitted to invite you to my house. I am so
alone. I need company–come to me.”
Frieda fought, wavered a moment.
“To you–Fräulein–?”
But Olga stepped between them, “No, no! She must stay with
us!–She is not allowed to leave my mother now.”
“I was never at your mother’s,” declared Frieda Gontram. “I was
with you.”
“That doesn’t matter!” cried the countess. “With me or with her–
I don’t want you to stay here!”
“Oh, pardon me,” mocked Alraune. “I believed the Fräulein had
a will of her own!”
Countess Olga stood up, all of the blood drained from her face.
“No,” she screamed. “No, no!”
“I take no one that doesn’t come of their own free will,” laughed
the prince. “That is my mark. I will not even urge–Stay with the
princess if you really want to Fräulein Gontram.”
She stepped up closer to her, grasped both of her hands.
“Your brother was my good friend,” she said slowly, “and my
playmate–I often kissed him–”
She saw how this woman, almost twice her age, dropped her
eyes under her gaze, felt how her hands became moist under the
lightest touch of her fingers. She drank in this victory. It was
priceless.
“Will you stay here?” she whispered.
Frieda Gontram breathed heavily. Without looking up she
stepped over to the countess.
“Forgive me Olga,” she said. “I must stay.”
At that her friend threw herself onto the sofa, buried her face in
the pillows. Her body was wracked with hysterical sobbing.
“No,” she lamented. “No, no!”
She stood up, raised her hand as if to strike her friend, then burst
out into shrill laughter. She ran down the stairs into the garden,
without a hat, without a parasol, across the courtyard and out into the
street.
“Olga,” her friend cried after her. “Olga!–Listen to me! Olga!”
But Fräulein ten Brinken said, “Let her be. She will calm down
soon enough.”
Her haughty voice rang–
Frank Braun breakfasted outside in the garden under the elder
tree. Frieda Gontram gave him his tea.
“It is certainly good for this house,” he said, “that you are here.
One never sees you doing anything, but everything runs like
clockwork. The servants have a strange dislike of my cousin and have
fallen into a passive resistance. The people have no idea of class
warfare, but they have already reached a point of sabotage. An open
revolution would have broken out long ago if they didn’t have a bit of
love for me. Now you are in the house–and suddenly everything runs
by itself–I give you my compliments Frieda!”
“Thank you,” she replied. “I am happy that I can do something
for Alraune.”
“Only,” he continued, “you are missed all the more over there.
Everything has gone topsy-turvy since the bank has stopped
payments. Here, read my mail!”
He pushed a few letters over to her. But Frieda Gontram shook
her head.
“No– excuse me–I don’t want to read, don’t want to know
anything about it.”
He insisted, “You must know, Frieda. If you don’t want to read
the letters, I will give you the short version. Your friend has been
found–”
“Is she alive,” whispered Frieda.
“Yes, she’s alive!” he declared. “When she ran away from here
she got lost and wandered around through the entire night and the
next day. At first she must have gone inland toward the mountains,
then curved back to the Rhine.
People on a ferryboat saw her not far from Remagen. They
watched her and stayed nearby. Her behavior seemed suspicious and
when she jumped from the cliff they steered over to her and fished her
out of the river after a few minutes. That was about noon, four days
ago. They brought her struggling and fighting to the local jail.”
Frieda Gontram held her head in both arms.
“To jail?” she asked softly.
“Certainly,” he answered. “Where else could they have taken
her? It was obvious that she would immediately try to commit suicide
again if they let her go free–So she was taken into custody.
She refused to give any information and remained stubbornly
silent. She had long since thrown away her watch, purse and even her
handkerchief–No one could make any sense out of the crown and the
initials in her linen undergarments. It was only when your father
reported her missing to the authorities that they were able to figure it
out and establish her identity for certain.”
“Where is she?” asked Frieda.
“In the city,” he replied. “The Legal Councilor picked her up
from Remagen and brought her to Professor Dalberg’s private insane
asylum. Here is his report–I fear that Countess Olga will need to stay
there for a very long time. The princess arrived yesterday evening–
Frieda, you should visit your poor friend soon. The professor says that
she is quiet and calm.”
Frieda Gontram stood up.
“No, no.” she cried. “I can’t.”
She went slowly down the gravel path under the fragrant lilacs.
Frank Braun watched her go. Her face was like a marble mask, like
fate had chiseled it out of hard stone. Then suddenly a smile fell on
that cold mask, like a ray of sunshine reaching deep into the shadows.
Her eyelids raised, her eyes searched through the red beech lined
avenue that led up to the mansion–Then he heard Alraune’s clear
laughter.
“Her power is strange,” he thought. “Uncle Jakob really had it
right in his leather bound volume of musings.”
He thought about it. Oh yes, it was difficult for Frieda to be away
from her. No one knew what is was, and yet they all still flew into her
hot burning flame–What about him? Him as well?
There was something that attracted him, that was certain. He
didn’t understand how it worked, on his senses, on his blood or
perhaps on his brain–But it did work, he knew that very well. It was
not true that he was still here because of the lawsuits and settlements
alone. Now that the case of the Mühlheim bank had been decided, he
could easily finish everything up with the help of the attorney–
without personally being here.
And yet he was here–still here. He was pretending, lying to
himself, skillfully creating new reasons, protracting the lengthy
negotiations as much as possible, in order to put off his departure.
And it seemed that his cousin noticed it as well. Yes, even as if her
quiet influence made him act that way.
“I will go back home tomorrow,” he thought.
Then the thought sprang out from the nape of his neck, “Why
should he? Was he afraid of something? Did he fear this delicate
child? Was he infected by the foolishness that his uncle had written
down in his leather bound volume? What could happen? In the worst
case a little adventure! Certainly not his first–and scarcely his last!
Was he not an equal opponent, perhaps even superior? Didn’t bodies
lie along the life’s path that his feet had trod as well? Why should he
flee?
He created her once, he, Frank Braun. It had been his idea and
his uncle had only been the instrument. She was his creation–much
more than she was that of his Excellency. He had been young at the
time, foaming like new wine, full of bizarre dreams, full of heaven
storming fantasies. He had played catch with the stars and from them
had captured this strange fruit from out of the dark, wild primeval
forest of the inscrutable where his steps had led him.
He had found a good gardener that he had given the fruit to. The
gardener had planted the seed into the earth, watered it, looked after
the seedling and tended the young little tree. Now he was back and
there shone his blossoming tree.
Certainly, it was poisonous; whoever rested under it encountered
its toxic breath. Many died of it–many that strolled in its sweet
fragrance–the clever gardener that cared for it as well.
But he was not the gardener that loved this strange blossoming
little tree more than anything else, not one of the unknowing people
that wandered into the garden by chance. He was the one that had first
plucked the fruit that contained the seed from which it grew.
Since then he had ridden many days through the savage forest of
the inscrutable, waded deeply through the sweltering, fever infested
swamp of the incomprehensible. His soul had breathed many hot
poisons there, been touched by pestilence and the smoke of many
cruel burning sins.
Oh yes, it had hurt a lot, tormented him and ripped open puss
filled ulcers–But it didn’t throw him. He always rode away healthy
under heaven’s protection–Now he was safe, as if wearing armor of
blue steel.
Oh, certainly he was immune–There would be no battle, now it
appeared to him more like a game. But then–if it was only a game–he
should go–wasn’t that true? If she was only a doll that was dangerous
for all the others, but a harmless plaything in his own strong hands–
Then the adventure would be too cheap. Only–if it really were a
battle, one with equally powerful weapons–only then would it be
worth the effort.
Fraud! He thought again. Who was he really kidding about his
heroic deeds? Hadn’t his victories often enough been easy and
certain?–More like episodes? No, this was not any different than it
always was. Could you ever know the real strength of your opponent?
Wasn’t the sting of the poisonous little wasp far more dangerous than
the crocodile like jaws of the caiman that goes up against the certainty
of his Winchester rifle?
He found no way out, ran around in circles, getting himself
confused as well. But he always came back to the same point, stay!
“Good morning, cousin,” laughed Alraune ten Brinken.
She stood right in front of him, next to Frieda Gontram.
“Good morning,” he answered curtly. “Read these letters here–It
won’t do you any harm to think about what you have been the cause
of–It’s time to stop this foolishness, do something sensible, something
worth the effort.”

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Homo Sapiens: In the Maelstrom by Stanislaw Przybyszewski and translated by Joe E Bandel

IV.

Falk entered his study, sat down at the desk, propped his head in both hands and groaned loudly. 

All the calm he had so laboriously maintained with Isa was gone and again he felt the throbbing and drilling of his torment. The unrest coiled like a pointed sharp funnel into his spinal cord, a feeling as if he must now fall apart, grew foaming up in him; he jumped up, sat down again, he knew no way out. 

It seemed to him as if everything around him must now collapse, break down, sink in; he felt an orgy of destruction and downfall ecstasy around him. 

And the sultry heat of the summer night crushed him, spread stiflingly in his lungs, he became so sensitive that he could hardly breathe. 

He tore open the window and almost recoiled in horror. 

The sky! The sky! He had never seen it like that. It was as if he had suddenly perceived the astronomical distance. He saw the stars as if they had been moved a million times further away, larger, fierier, like huge, gangrenous burn spots. And the sky seemed so terribly alive to him… Sweat broke out on his forehead, and he felt his eyes painfully bulge. 

Then he pulled himself together again. 

And in a moment his whole life crashed down on him with visionary clarity. One period unrolled after another with raging speed. All the terrible, horrific of his life: one downfall after another, one destruction after another… He had seen his life like this only once, yes, back then when he destroyed the poor child, this dove-soul of Marit… ugh, Marit, that was the most hideous. This pointless destruction, this murder… 

He suddenly came to consciousness and laughed maliciously. 

To the devil! Am I going senile? What does a murder concern me that nature commits? Ha, ha, ha… That she had the kindness to use my humble self as a murder instrument by chance, for that I should now suffer!? No! no! that won’t do. 

He got heated. 

Esteemed and by me especially highly valued audience—by the way, I wouldn’t mind spitting on all your heads, but I may only do that in parentheses—God how tasteful! So incredibly highly honored audience: I teach you a new trick, an extremely useful trick… It is an unmasking, a disavowal, a new testament, a new salvation… In the beginning was the cunning, malicious, devilish nature… You have been told she is mighty, unconcerned, cold and proud, she is neither good nor bad, she is neither dirt nor gold… Lie, esteemed audience, infamous, ridiculous lie! Nature is malicious, refinedly malicious, lying, insidious… that is nature! He, he, he… Naturally the esteemed audience opens its chewing tools as if a four-horse hay wagon should drive in… A slick smart aleck is nature, a malicious, villainous devil… What am I? Do you know? Does he know? Naturally! The individualists, the clever people who throw out their chests and shout: I am I! Oh, they know… the individualists! 

Falk laughed scornfully. 

I am nothing, I know nothing either! Oh! it is terrible! Terrible it is! Isn’t it, Isa? You are the only one who can appreciate the terrible… I see my movements combine into actions, I hear myself speak, I feel certain processes in the sexual organs, and an act is accomplished! What happened? A misfortune happened! Hi, hi, hi, do you hear the devil grin? Who did it? I?! I?! Who am I? What am I? 

He fell into a despair fever. 

I didn’t do it! My God, how can I prevent something that was… that was prepared in me long ago and only waited for an opportunity to break out and bury everything under its lava! Did I know anything about it? Can I prevent a glance sinking into my soul and calling forth forces there, forces of whose existence I had no idea? And for that, that something unknown in me instigated a misfortune, I should atone, for that I should be tortured by my conscience? 

Dear nature, try your malicious, insidious tricks on other people; I know your tricks and wiles too well—no! to torment me, you will never succeed—never! 

He poured himself a large glass of cognac and emptied it in one gulp. 

How wonderfully He had figured out the thing! He will go to my Isa and simply say: Gracious lady, your husband is a scoundrel, he has with a foreign woman given the impetus to a new genealogical line, to an illegitimate Falk line. You, gracious lady, will naturally divorce him so that your husband can marry the girl, whereby both lines attain a genealogical unity. Ha, ha, ha… 

But, dear Czerski, I have no intention of having two legitimate lines. 

Well, then I will tell your wife anyway, for I want to free you from the lie, I am a Tolstoy, a Björnstjerne-Björnson, I fight for truth… 

But, dear Czerski, don’t you understand that the two gentlemen are senile philosophers, don’t you understand that truth becomes an idiotic lie as soon as it destroys people? Don’t you understand that it would be infinite happiness for me to go to Isa and tell her everything, don’t you understand that this lie causes me infinite torment, but truth would cause me a thousand times greater, and besides destroy Isa? Don’t you understand that truth in this case would be an idiocy, a nonsense, a disgusting cruelty? 

These narrow brains naturally don’t understand that. And the disaster will come. Isa? Yes, Isa will go. That is certain. She will simply disappear… no, she will still shake my hand in farewell, no—perhaps not, because I have soiled her with the other. Yes, that’s exactly how she will say it… But what then, what then? 

He racked his brain as if he had to necessarily find the philosopher’s stone. 

His knees had grown weak, he fell exhausted onto the sofa. 

It was undoubted. The Other in him had ruined him. He felt endlessly slackened, weak and powerless: 

The power of circumstances has destroyed the knowing Herr Falk, precisely because he was knowing. But when Herr Falk goes under, it is quite different from when, for example, little Marit throws herself into the water because she didn’t want to become mother of a Falk side line. It is thought crudely, very crudely, but this crudeness hurts, and that is a pleasure… But yes, when Falk goes under, he can control it, follow the collapse from stage to stage, note, register… 

He, he, he… he had now thoroughly unmasked nature. He had also completely overcome conscience… 

Do you want to know why, you truth-fanatics? Just open your ears well so you can at least somewhat survey the unspeakable extent of your stupidity… Just listen to my reasons, the reasons of the knowing one who has unmasked nature. 

Nature destroys. Good, very good! To destroy, she uses various means, namely first the so-called forces of nature. In this category fall her moods in the form of lightning, storms, water and wind spouts etc., etc. 

Second, she has chosen the bacilli as an outstandingly effective murder tool, a splendid and unbelievably villainous invention… 

Third, no! no third! I am no classifier, I am philosopher, consequently I skip a cute number of the cutest murder and torture tools against whose most convulsive inventiveness the Inquisition must appear tame and pleasing to God, and go immediately to the human… 

The human! Just allow me to take a deep breath, refresh my dry throat with cognac and feed my stomach a little nicotine. 

So the human! Homo sapiens in Linnaean systematics: a self-acting apparatus equipped with a registration and control clock in the form of the brain! 

Wonderful! 

Now, please, just listen well. I continue my gospel, my great work of salvation. 

Nature was ashamed of her eternal, pointless murders. Nature is lying and cowardly, she wanted to shift the guilt for her pointless murders from herself and gave the human a brain. 

Do you know what a brain is?  A very bad, discarded, unusable apparatus. Imagine a poorly functioning blood wave recorder. It will of course record the rise and fall of the pulse, but wrong, quite wrong. One will only see from it that a sinking and falling is present, but nothing more. See, in this way the brain also learns that something is happening in the soul, but what? it learns nothing about that.

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By Stanislaw Przybyszewski and translated by Joe E Bandel

III.

When Falk came home, Isa sat half-undressed on her bed and read. “Finally you have come!” She came toward him. “Oh, how I have longed for you.” 

Falk kissed her and sat in the rocking chair. “Oh, how tired I am!” 

“Where were you?” 

“I was with Iltis.” “Did you hear anything new?” “No, nothing of importance.” “You are so pale, Erik?” 

“I have a little headache.” 

Isa sat beside him on a chair, took his head in both hands and kissed him on the forehead. 

“You stay away so long now, Erik. It is so unpleasant to sit alone all evening.” 

Falk looked at her and smiled. 

“I must gradually emancipate myself from you.” “Why?” 

“Well, if you should suddenly run away from me…” “Oh, you!” She kissed him even more violently. 

Falk stood up, walked thoughtfully up and down the room, then stopped before her and looked at her smiling. 

“What are you thinking about so much?” “You are very beautiful, Isa.” 

“Didn’t you see it before?” 

“Yes, of course. But it is strange that after a four-year marriage I still find you as beautiful as on the first day.” 

Isa looked at him happily. 

“You, Isa, we have lived very happily together.” 

“Oh, I was so happy, and I am so happy, I have such a strong, such a joyful consciousness of happiness… Sometimes I get fear that this great happiness should not last long… But that is naturally ridiculous, such a female superstition… I know that you will always love me, and then I need nothing more, then I can never feel unhappy. Even if you are so nervous now, and stay away whole days, it doesn’t matter… It is actually so beautiful to sit like this and think of our love.” 

She was silent for a moment. Falk walked around and looked at her from time to time restlessly. 

“And your love is so beautiful, so beautiful… I think so often that I am the first you loved, I also know that no other woman exists for you, and that makes me so proud, you perhaps don’t understand this feeling…” 

“Yes, yes, I can imagine it.” She looked at him smiling. 

“Isn’t it true, Erik, you have never, since you met me, looked at a woman so…” 

“How?” 

They both laughed at each other. 

“Well so, as I believe it says in the New Testament of the look that can desire more eloquently than words… Ha, ha, the gentlemen of the New Testament were experienced… But why do I ask you, I know it.” 

“Are you so sure?” 

Falk put on a mysterious expression. “Yes, nothing is so sure for me.” 

“Hm, hm… You must have an incredible trust in me.” “Yes, I have, otherwise I couldn’t be so happy.” 

Falk looked at her attentively. 

“But what would you say if I had betrayed you after all?” She laughed. 

“You can’t.” 

“But if I had done it?” “No, you haven’t.” 

“But let us assume I had done it under quite special circumstances, under circumstances for which no person is responsible.” 

She became a little restless and looked at him. 

“Strange how you can assume such a thing.” Falk laughed. 

“Of course I didn’t do it. But we can take such a case purely psychologically. I thought a lot about it today. It interests me.” 

“Well yes.” 

“So you see, Isa, I can hate you at times. I have often told you that. I can hate you so intensely that I am completely out of my senses. I hate you because I must love you so, because all my thoughts refer to you, because I cannot go anywhere without having you constantly before my eyes.” 

“But that is precisely so beautiful!” She kissed his eyes. 

“No, just leave it, Isa. Listen further. I hate you at times and love you simultaneously with such unrest that I can become quite sick from it. I try to get rid of you. It is no happiness to love like that…” 

Falk stood up and talked himself more and more violently into it. 

“Now you see, one gets such a purely physical longing to forget this unrest, this torment. One longs for a resting pillow… He, he—resting pillow, that’s the right word…” He smiled with a peculiarly crooked grimace. “Now one knows a woman from earlier. A woman who has gone up so in her love that she lives only for this love. One goes to her without thinking anything about it, one goes quite mechanically because one suddenly remembers that the woman must still exist. Yes: she is there and is mad with happiness… Ha, ha, ha… You get such a strange line around your mouth when you listen so tensely, just like little girls in school when they are very attentive. But just listen. Yes, right… Iltis, you know, he understands it. He once said that there is a moment when every woman becomes beautiful. And he is right. Now imagine: the woman becomes quite transfigured, she becomes so new, so strangely beautiful, she has ceased to be herself, something of the eternity of nature’s purpose shines in her…” 

Falk suddenly broke off and looked at her searchingly. “Well and?” 

“And? Hm, you know what can happen in a person without one being quite conscious of it…” 

He stood up again and spoke very seriously: 

“The human has gone so little beyond the animal. The little bit of consciousness is only there to constate something that has happened… It can be such a small sensation, such a tiny dot in the soul. One knew nothing of it before, nothing at all. But so this sensation, this tiny, detached sensation wakes. With a jerk it can grow into a huge, maniacal idea… It is perhaps the sensation of a drop of blood, isn’t it? Under some circumstance one can get the longing to see blood, no, not more blood, a sea of blood, a puddle of torn, ripped-apart limbs, God knows what all…” 

He suddenly looked at Isa and laughed. “You are probably afraid, Isa?” 

“No, no, but you have become so serious, and when you speak, your eyes widen as if you yourself had fear.” 

“Fear?… Yes, I have fear of this foreign person in me… But just listen: one sees the woman suddenly in this transfigured beauty. In this moment something like curiosity arises, a burning curiosity, a greed to grasp the woman in her primal ground.” 

“And?”  

“Yes, one forgets everything, one no longer belongs to oneself. Something works quite spontaneously in the soul, it does everything on its own. One takes the woman. Isn’t it terrible?” he asked suddenly. 

“Yes, terrible.” 

“What would you now say if something like that had happened to me?” 

“No, Erik, don’t speak like that. I don’t want to hear anything about it. I once thought about it…” 

Falk looked at her in astonishment. 

“When did you think about it?” 

“No, no, I didn’t really think. It just suddenly flew through my head once.” 

“When, when?” 

“When you were with your mother and got sick. You know, just then the girl drowned. But you are so pale and your eyes are getting so big. Strange how big your eyes are.” 

Falk looked at her fixedly. “What did you think then?” 

“I suddenly got such a painful jerk of fear.” Falk pulled himself together and tried to smile. 

“We are telling each other such beautiful horror stories… But what did you think then?” 

“I sat beside your bed, I was so tired and fell asleep. When I woke, your eyes were wide open and stared at me quite uncannily.” 

“I know nothing of that.” 

“No, of course not. I am also not sure if it wasn’t all a dream. But then it shot through my head like a lightning: God, if the girl had gone into the water because of you!” 

“What do you mean? She drowned in the bath. How did you get the idea…?” 

“I don’t know how I got it, I was so nervous and so overtired, and then your mother told that you were very much together with her.” 

Falk became restless. 

“Strange what ideas you get.” 

“I couldn’t get rid of these thoughts. I suffered so terribly because I knew that I would then have to leave you immediately, at once. Not a second would I then stay with you.” 

Falk stared at her: 

“It became infinitely clear to me in a moment that you would then go. Wouldn’t you? Immediately…” 

“Yes.” 

“Yes, yes, one understands such a thing in a second. There was something so uncanny in the way you spoke…” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Just don’t be so anxious.” Falk smiled. “But it seemed to me as if my fate had spoken.” 

“Your fate?” 

“Yes, you see, you don’t actually need to say what you mean… Yes, just look: At first you never told me that you loved me, we were still quite strangers, but I heard it in your voice. For you speak quite differently than all other people. Now I have heard it again, I mean, I now know so surely what would then

come. I don’t know where I get this certainty from… But what are we talking about… How is my big son?” 

“He was very restless today. Ran and screamed, and when I asked him why he screamed so, he answered: I must, I must!” 

“Strange!” Falk walked thoughtfully up and down. “The child is quite remarkably nervous. Yes, he will surely become a genius; all geniuses have hot heads and cold feet… Ha, ha, ha. Probably a small brain part should be cut out for him too… I believe every person has such a part that should be removed, yes, yes—then we would all become like God… But tell me, Isa: such a genius is a strange animal, like me for example. Just look at me: am I not a genius? He, he, he… Now the human race is so degenerated, out of five hundred million there are four hundred ninety-nine cretins and idiots. Shouldn’t a genius then have the obligation to improve the race?” 

“By what?” 

“Well naturally by begetting as many children as possible with as many women as possible.” 

“But you said that the children of geniuses become idiots.” Falk laughed. 

“Yes, you have a fabulous memory, but it would be interesting for our Janek to study later on living specimens the qualities that his magnificent Lord Papa had. In the possible hundred children that I could have in the possible hundred places, the hundred lovable qualities that I enjoy would have to be inherited.” 

“Now you are babbling, dear Erik.” 

Isa slowly undressed and did her hair. “Well good night, Isa. I want to work some more today.” 

“Erik, I am afraid. Don’t go yet.” 

“Don’t be a child… I only spoke about it because I will perhaps write it. Think of me, then you will forget the fear.” 

“Come, kiss me.” 

“No, I don’t want to kiss you. You are so confusingly beautiful, and I must work… Good night.”

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Homo Sapiens: In the Maelstrom by Stanislaw Przybyszewski and translated by Joe E Bandel

It was very stupid of her to torment herself with that. He had nothing on his heart. On the contrary, he had not been so cheerful for a long time. He hardly knew what suffering meant now. No, no… He only perhaps had a little desire to torment other people. He did that very gladly, he had a boundless need for love, and he felt it most intensely when he tormented people. Oh, he could stretch her on the rack in quite different ways, just to see this hot, devoted love flare up so fiercely in her torment. He could tell her the most incredible stuff, that he was married, for example, that he already had a child and that her child was born a bastard. Couldn’t she understand these instincts? Besides, she shouldn’t take him too seriously. He didn’t always have his five senses together. 

But Janina was not calmed. 

“No, no, dear Erik, I understand very well what you mean, but it’s not like that with you. I can distinguish very well…” She thought for a while. 

“Tell me, is Czerski making you so restless?” Falk pricked up his ears. 

“Czerski? Czerski? Hm… Yes, I will probably have a lot of trouble.” 

“Why?” 

“No, not exactly trouble… but…” Falk suddenly broke off. 

“He sat about a year and a half in prison?” “Yes, almost.” 

“Strange that he was released just now…” Janina looked at him questioningly. 

“Why is that strange?” Falk looked up in surprise. 

“Did I say it was strange? I was thinking of something quite different. But what I wanted to say… he probably looks very bad… Well, yes, of course… Hm, I’m sorry for him. He is an extremely capable fellow, only so reckless… Now he has probably become a complete anarchist. That is natural… Did he cry?” 

“No, he was very calm. He said he was prepared for it. Only reproached me for not having spoken completely honestly with him… Then he took the child, looked at it for a long time and asked about the father.” 

“You told him? Yes of course. Why shouldn’t you. He, he… I don’t need to be ashamed that I helped a good citizen into existence… He, he… you see, Jania, sometimes I have to laugh nervously like that, but it comes from being so overtired… Life is not as easy as you think in your youthful high spirits… Well, laugh at the nice joke…” 

But Janina did not laugh. She looked broodingly at the floor. Falk became irritated. 

Why was she so sad? Could he really go nowhere without being presented with sad and mournful faces? 

Janina was startled by his vehemence. 

He controlled himself and tried to smooth it over. 

“The little Erik is healthy, isn’t he? Yes, of course. But you are probably still very weak… Hm, it’s not easy to give birth to a child…” 

He looked at a picture hanging above the bed. 

“You drew that picture with me back then… Hm… Do you still remember? It was so terribly hot: you had a bright red sailor blouse on and when you lay over the drawing board like that… He, he, he… That’s how it started…” 

Janina looked at him seriously. 

“It would have been better if I had never met you.” “So? Why then?” 

“No, no… I don’t know. I was happy with you.” “But?” 

“I am afraid of you. I don’t know who you are, I don’t know what you do. I have known you now for ten years… Yes, ten years since I first saw you… I was not yet fourteen, I was with you almost daily for a time and I know nothing, nothing about you. I don’t believe you are open with me… Sometimes it seems to me that your words come quite mechanically, without you knowing exactly what you are saying… No, no, you are not happy. That is the only thing I know about you. Sometimes I become quite mad with pain. I want to crawl into you to see what is going on inside you… You don’t love me at all, you say it openly, and yet I must do everything for you, I don’t know why. I am like a small child to you, yes, will-less like a two-year-old child… What is it about you?” 

Falk looked at her smiling. “The stronger will.” 

“Perhaps you would love me if my will were strong?” “No.” 

“Why?” 

“Because I tolerate no other will beside mine.” Falk went to the window. 

The uncanny silence struck him. “Is it always so quiet here?” 

“Yes, at night.” 

He looked at the wide asphalt courtyard, four stories from four sides. A real prison yard. Opposite in the second floor he saw a window lit. 

He went to the table and poured fresh water into the glass. 

“It’s strange that Stefan managed to cross the border. But poor Czerski had to pay. There was probably a house search at your place too?” 

“Yes, but they left me alone.” 

“Hm, hm… I’m very sorry for him… He loved you very much, didn’t he?” Janina did not answer. 

Falk looked at her, drank hastily and stepped to the window again. “Well, I must go.” 

Janina looked at him pleadingly. 

“Don’t go, Erik, stay with me today, stay…” He became restless. 

“No, Jania, no, don’t ask me that. Demand nothing from me. It is so beautiful when I can come to you and go again when I want.” 

Janina sighed heavily. 

“Why do you sigh, Jania?” 

She suddenly burst into tears. 

He became impatient, but sat down again. She controlled herself with difficulty. 

“You are right. Go, go… It was just a moment… I suddenly became so restless. Always do what you want…” 

Her voice trembled. They were silent for a long time. 

“I probably can’t see the little one now?… I’ll come tomorrow or the day after anyway.” 

He stood up. 

“Does Stefan write to you often?” “Rarely…” 

“Strange that he knew nothing about our relationship. I mean the earlier relationship three years ago…” 

“He was in America then.” 

“Right! God, how forgetful I am… Well, goodbye… I’ll probably come tomorrow.”

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Homo Sapiens: Under Way by Stanislaw Przybyszewski and translated by Joe E Bandel

XI.

Falk and Marit stood facing each other, embarrassed. He had seen her walking along the lake from the country road and caught up with her. 

“I really have incredibly sharp eyes,” he said, extending his hand. 

“Yes, you do; it was quite hard to spot me here.” Silence. 

The afternoon was turning to evening; the sky was overcast, the air oppressive. 

They sat on the shore; Falk looked at the lake. 

“Strange how deeply still the water is today. You know: this calm, this heavy calm that lies beyond all calm, I have seen only once in my life.” 

“Where was that?” 

“Yes, when I was in Norway, at some fjord; I forgot the name. Oh, it was uncannily beautiful.” 

Silence fell again. Marit grew restless. 

“How did you get home yesterday?” “Oh, very well, very well.” 

The conversation wouldn’t move forward. 

“No, Fräulein Marit, it’s too sultry here; in the room it’s a thousand times better.” 

And they went home. Falk tried to become intimate. 

“That was yesterday the most splendid evening I ever experienced.” Marit was silent, looked at him anxiously. 

Falk understood her. This mute resistance disturbed him to the highest degree. He had to bring the story to a conclusion today; he felt it as an unavoidable doom. But he was limp; he didn’t feel the energy to break her resistance. 

He needed some stimulant. Yes, he knew it; after the second glass it always began to ferment and work in him, then came the intoxicating power that knows no obstacles. 

“Marit, do you have anything to drink? I swallowed a lot of dust.” Marit brought wine. 

Falk drank hastily. 

Then he sat in the armchair and stared at her fixedly. Marit lowered her eyes to the floor. 

“But what is it with you, Fräulein Marit? I don’t recognize you at all. Have you committed a crime? or what…” 

Marit looked at him sorrowfully. 

“No, Falk, you will be good. You won’t do that again. All night I tormented myself unheard-of. You are a terrible man.” 

“Am I?” asked Falk drawlingly; “no, what you’re saying.” 

“Yes, you don’t need to mock. You took everything from me. I can no longer pray. Continuously I must think of the terrible words you said to me. I can no longer think, always I hear you speaking in me. Look: You took my religion, you took my shame…” 

“Well, then I can probably go…” 

“No, Erik, be good, don’t do it anymore; it torments me so terribly. Do what you want; mock, scoff; only not that anymore—don’t demand it anymore from me.” 

The small child’s face was so grief-stricken; a heavy sorrow spoke from it, that Falk involuntarily felt deep pity. 

He stood up, silently kissed her hand, and walked up and down the room. 

“Good, Marit; I will be good. Only the one, single thing: call me *du*. You see, we are so close to each other; in the end we are like brother and sister to each other—you will do it, won’t you?” 

Falk stopped before her. 

“Yes, she would try if she could manage it.” 

“For you see, Marit: I really can’t help myself: I love you so that I am completely out of my senses. You see, all day I walk around only with the thought of you. At night I can’t

sleep. Yes, I walk around like a dizzy sheep. Well, and then: what should I do? I must of course go drinking to calm myself. Then I sit among these idiotic people in the pub and hear them talk the stupid stuff until I feel physical pain, and then I go away, and then again the same torment, the same unrest… 

No, my little dove, you can’t help it; I know. I don’t blame you either; but you simply destroy me. 

Yes, I know. I know you could give me everything; everything. Only the one, single thing that makes the greatness of love, that is at all a pledge of love: only that not. 

Yes, you see, you can say what you want, but we simply stand here before the single dilemma: If love is not great, then it naturally has reservations, conditions, prerequisites. If love is great, i.e. if it is really love—for the other is no love: an affair, an inclination, what you want, only no love—well, I mean: if love is love, then it knows no reservations, no scruples, no shame. It simply gives everything. It is reasonless, scrupleless. It is neither sublime nor low. It has no merits nor flaws. It is simply nature; great, mighty, powerful, like nature itself.” 

Falk got into the mood. 

“Yes, I infinitely love these natures, these bold, mighty violent natures that tear down everything, trample it, to go where the instincts push them, for then they are really human; the innermost, the great sanctuary of humanity are the strong, mighty instincts. 

Oh, I love these noble humans who have courage and dignity enough to follow their instincts; I infinitely despise the weak, the moral, the slaves who are not allowed to have instincts!” 

He stopped before her; his face clothed itself in a mocking, painful smile. 

“My good, dear child; an eagle female I wanted to have, with me up into my wild solitude, and got a little dove that moreover has rusty idiotic moral foot-chains on; a lioness I wanted and got a timid rabbit that constantly acts as if it sees the gaping maw of a giant snake before it.” 

“No, my little dove, my rabbit—” Falk laughed mockingly—”have no fear; I will do nothing to you.” 

Marit broke into a convulsive sobbing. 

“Marit! for God’s sake, don’t cry! Good God, don’t cry! I will go completely mad if you keep crying like that! I didn’t want to hurt you, but everything trembles, groans in me—for you, for you, my sweet, holy darling.” 

Marit sobbed incessantly. 

“No, Marit, stop! I will tell you such wonderful things. I will give you everything. I will now be so good, so good.” 

Falk knelt down; he kissed her dress, her arms, he took her hands from her face, passionately kissed her tears from her fingers. 

“Don’t cry—don’t cry!” 

He embraced her, pulled her to him, kissed her eyes, pressed her face into his arms, stroked and kissed her blonde head. 

“My dear, sweet child—my only darling—my…” 

She pressed herself against him; their lips found each other in a long, wild, gasping kiss. 

Finally she tore herself free. Falk stood up. 

“Now everything is good! Smile a little for me! smile, my darling, smile.” She tried to smile. 

Falk seemed very cheerful; he told a lot of anecdotes, made good and bad jokes, suddenly a pause occurred. A sultry unrest swelled like an air wave and seemed to fill the whole room. Both looked shyly into each other’s eyes and breathed heavily. 

It grew dark. A maid came and called Marit away. Falk stared after her. 

In his soul he suddenly felt a greedy cruelty. There was something hard, dogged; there was a stone that rolled, that knew it falls into an abyss, but that knew it must fall. 

It grew darker and darker in the room; the short twilight colored everything around with heavy, swimming shadows. 

The sky was overcast; it was unbearably sultry. 

Falk stood up and walked restlessly up and down. Marit stayed away so long! “Dinner, please!” 

Falk started. In the middle of his brooding the voice had fallen, as if torn from the body; a voice floating in the air and suddenly audible. 

“No, you mustn’t frighten me like that, dear Marit… yes, I am almost too nervous.” 

He took Marit’s arm and pressed it to him; they kissed. “Ssh… My brother is there too.” 

At table Falk told stories again; neither he nor Marit could eat anything. All the more eagerly the little brother ate, completely absorbed in his catechism. They soon left him alone. 

They returned to the salon. On the table the lamp burned and filled the room with light. 

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Homo Sapiens: Under Way by Stanislaw Przybyszewski and translated by Joe E Bandel

IX.

Falk walked.

He stopped on the path.

Shouldn’t he turn back, take her in his hands and carry her up to her room?

Yes: beg her, only be allowed to kneel before her bed, stammer wild prayers together with her!

Suddenly he examined himself whether this was really an insurmountable desire in him or only the intention to give Marit new suggestions of his great passion.

Yes: did he really have this desire? Or was it even only an autosuggestion?

He examined himself and examined, but he really couldn’t distinguish. He had devised so many plans of how he could conquer her, spoken so many words to himself, fabricated and lied so many feelings, that he could no longer distinguish what was real about it and what—hm, yes, how should he call it—was artificial growth.

The suggestions with which he wanted to influence her became realities, or at least took the forms of real feelings. The words that he had earlier invented with his brain now received sexual warmth: he had played feelings so often until he actually generated them in himself.

It seemed to him as if certain brain regions had created a new blood circulation for themselves. Why then did his heart go into these throbbings when he now repeated love words that he had earlier spoken coldly a hundred times without the slightest trace of spiritual excitement?

Falk lost himself in psychological investigations about the form of a love generated by autosuggestion.

He thought about how he would describe it. Yes, he could think of nothing else, he had to calm his brain.

So: he had an assignment from a psychological journal, yes. *Journal for Scientific Psychology*. How would he now make it clear?

Well: a frequently repeated, in the brain repeated state has linked itself with new blood vessels, acted on them so long that a regular blood circulation arose, and thus the thought-state became a sensual state.

Yes so; that would probably be correct. A sensual effect was generated through pure thought-suggestion.

He heard a carriage roll past close to him. Lanterns burned on the sides, and he saw how the carriage turned at a sharp road curve. Then he saw only the lights move on in rapid course; he followed them until they disappeared in the woods. Involuntarily he had to think of the peat cutter’s will-o’-the-wisps.

Then he looked around. There lay Marit’s house. Yes, he could go in. Perhaps she expected him. Perhaps she would be very happy if he appeared so suddenly now. Perhaps she was walking in the park to cool off. Or had gone to the lake to sit on the big stone where they both had sat together so often, yes; right by the ditch, by the ravine, where the ground all around was so deeply torn open.

Strange this ravine; could it perhaps be an old riverbed? Now he walked; stopped; walked again. His brain was very fatigued;

and yet this peculiar tendency to brood! Again he thought of the psychological essay.

No, that could probably be better used for a novella. So: the man has this autosuggestive love. Bien, good! But now he also has a real love beside it, which he constantly feels, yes quite as one feels a sick organ in one’s body.

So he loves simultaneously, that means he loves both. Only: the one first entered the individual and later the brain, the other took the reverse path, and the eternal in our hero gradually begins to react violently.

Yes, Falk felt clearly how it reacted; but at the same time he felt a great, sated tiredness.

Now Marit was completely indifferent to him again; only a foretaste of sex, and he was already sated.

Tomorrow of course a reintegration would occur; but it was an undeniable fact that he felt sated this evening, yes, this evening of April 28.

So he didn’t love Marit, for he had never felt this with his wife. No; never.

Yes, and the whole time after the embrace just now: He had clearly felt how a kind of hatred, shame, yes, shame, like after a crime, shame before himself and before her, waved back and forth between them.

Was it happiness? No!

Was it pain?

Yes, certainly: Pain and shame! But the real, the non-suggested love, the love that arises because it must arise, the love that has no brain, no thinking organ, only two heart-sacks and an aorta, this love knows no shame.

No, certainly not! He thought of his love affair with his wife. They took each other because they had to take each other, and were happy. – So what is it?

Yes, what is it?

Well, please, Herr Erik Falk: You are accused and accuser at once. You are Herr Falk and Herr X.

So, Herr X, you accuse me that I seduced a girl and thus destroyed her.

Now listen: You are an intelligent man, and I can drive up before you with an arsenal of reasons.

So: *Hors la méthode point de salut*. Methodically and systematically, Herr X!

*Primo* arose in me the suggestion that I must possess this girl. Since a similar suggestion never arose in me before, I must say: This suggestion is extraordinary, and consequently deserves quite special attention.

Falk pedantically examined whether he hadn’t specified something exactly enough.

Yes, so it is an extraordinary suggestion. How it arose, I don’t know. For I can name a thousand things that may have generated it; I sometimes name them too, but I know that my brain lies to me, that I am so to speak the cuckold of my brain, and so I say: the origin of this suggestion I don’t know. I can only recognize its character: it is a sexual suggestion. It was that from the beginning…

Falk thought of a series of feeling-experiences that lay in this direction.

First on the third day of their acquaintance: She had been to the station to throw an urgent letter into the train’s mailbox. He had met her in the city, yes, at the corner house where the watchmaker lives. She became embarrassed and he too. Why did he become embarrassed? He had immediately asked himself astonished. Then he accompanied her and spoke much; yes, what did he speak about exactly? Right, about religion.

‘Halt, there lies an important argument!’

Herr X, please, can you tell me why right from the beginning, without a clear consciousness of the final purpose, I fixated on destroying her religious dogmas?

Yes, please very much, you know me and know that it is absolutely indifferent to me whether a person believes or not. You also know that I rarely speak of my ideas because I consider it unrefined to force suggestions.

Now look, Herr X, before I was conscious of it, my sex already worked in me with consistent logic and argued thus: As long as she has religion, I will never possess her, consequently the religious in her is the first and most important point of attack.

You can really believe me, Herr X, I can assure you that I didn’t think for a moment of possessing the girl before I heard the voice of the blood on that day.

Look, it was right at the cemetery, close under the birch tree whose branches hang over the fence, there I suddenly noticed—something personal may have come into my speech—that my voice got a strange tendency to tip into whispering, into confidential murmuring, and then I felt a peculiar glow around my eyes, and the skin under the eyes I felt lay in little wrinkles, whereby the expression of my eyes gets something faun-like.

I felt this last clearly because I first saw these wrinkles on my father when he fell in love with our governess. Then I completely forgot them, until suddenly three years ago in a kind of vision I saw them clearly before me again. Since then I always think of them.

Yes, now I knew definitely: it is sex.

And now it grew in me and grew incessantly and gave me no rest, and now I must; yes, I must! why? I don’t know.

Yes, yes, I know you, Herr X: The topic interests you. You want to make your wisdom shine, solve the question and substantiate with reasons.

*Bien*; is good. For I can argue as follows: The woman’s period is dependent on the influence of the moon.

How so? you will ask astonished.

Listen then. The first living being was a sea creature; the moon is known to have a great influence on water, and naturally the influence that acts on the medium will also extend to the living being that lives in this medium. The living being now bequeaths this regularly recurring influence to its descendants as a fully organized property: *quod erat demonstrandum*.

Yes, good, very good. I know that you by no means need to drag such distant reasons… ‘by the hair’ you say? well good, so don’t need to drag by the hair; but even the nearest reasons have the same value.

Falk turned around. It seemed to him as if he heard the editor grinning behind his back: So in the end you believe in the fourth dimension?

‘Yes, you know, Herr Editor, you are a man of positive ideas and positive life course. You are a rationalist and materialist. I honor you and value you very highly; but as long as you can’t prove to me the non-existence of three beings between Us Two—”Us” capitalized because we value each other mutually—yes, as long as you can’t prove that, I also won’t stop admitting the possibility of such a dimension. Because you don’t see it, nor smell, nor hear it? Well, that’s no proof. For one can have a hundred senses in latent state that will later develop in the human race. Do you know, for example, that recently a new sense was found that is titled organ-sense?

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Homo Sapiens: Under Way by Stanislaw Przybyszewski and translated by Joe E Bandel

“No, she wouldn’t want that either. In the end, he was right too; but the mother…” 

“Yes, yes… the mother; it’s beautiful to have a mother.” Falk kissed both her hands. 

“By the way, Mama, do you have some cognac?” 

“Yes, she has it. But why does he want to drink so much? It’s terrible to get used to it. Doesn’t he remember the shepherd’s wife who got delirium?” 

Falk laughed. 

“No, he doesn’t want to get used to it; he just has a bit of a fever and wants to lower the temperature a little.” 

The mother fetched cognac. Falk thought meanwhile. Suddenly, he stood up; a decision flashed through his mind. 

“Yes, Mama; I want to tell you something. I’ve kept it from you so long, but it’s started to torment me. You must promise to listen calmly and not cry.” 

Falk drank a glass of cognac. His mother looked at him, anxious and surprised. 

“Yes, she promises him that.” 

“Well, Mama; I’m married.” 

The old woman sat perfectly still for a moment; a flash of fear sparked in her large, wise eyes. 

“You, Erik, you mustn’t play such nonsense with me.” 

“It’s as certain as I’m sitting here. I got married because I loved the girl, no, she’s a lady from a noble family—and so we went to the registry office and made a marriage contract.” 

“Without a church?!” 

“Yes, of course; why did we need a church? You know my views, Mama, I’ve never hidden them; besides, my wife is a Lutheran.” 

“Lutheran!” The old woman clapped her hands together, and large tears welled in her eyes. 

But Falk took the old woman’s hands, kissed them, and spoke of his happiness and his wife’s beauty and kindness. He spoke quickly, haltingly; in the end, he didn’t know himself what he was saying, but the old woman gradually calmed down. 

“Why didn’t he tell her earlier?” 

“Why bother? Marriage has no religious meaning for him; it’s only the meaning of a business contract to secure the woman’s economic position, and, well, to satisfy the police.” 

“Does he live with his—” the word wouldn’t pass her lips—“his so-called wife?” 

“So-called?!” 

Falk grew very irritated… 

Of course. His mother must get used to respecting state institutions just as much as church ones. Besides, he earnestly begged her to tell no one, absolutely no one, about it; he absolutely didn’t want that. He didn’t want any interference in his private affairs; he’d take it very badly from Mama. 

“Yes, she promises him that for sure; for her own sake, she wouldn’t. What would people say! She wouldn’t dare show her face on the street… a Lutheran!” 

“Yes, yes, people! Now Mama must go to bed; I’ll be as careful with the lamp as a hypochondriac. Good night, Mama.” 

“Good night, my child.” 

Now Falk began to think again. He sat down. His mind worked with unusual vivacity. 

What drove him with such terrible force to Marit? Was it just sexual desire? 

But then there were a thousand more beautiful women. He himself had seen far more beautiful women; many who should’ve stirred his sexual sphere far more than this pure, sexless child. 

Yes, sexless; that was the right term. 

Was it really love? A love like he felt for his wife, like he first learned through his wife? 

That was impossible. 

Falk stood up and paced the room. He had to finally make this clear. 

He tried to think very, very cleanly. 

My God; he had gone through this train of thought so often. Always anew, always with new arguments, new psychological subtleties. 

Yes, well! First… 

He laughed heartily. He had to think of a schoolmate who, no matter what you asked him, always started with “First,” but could never get beyond it. 

No, nonsense! 

Yes, yes, that first time he saw Marit. How strange was that hallucination of rose scent and something immensely mystical. 

With frantic speed, a memory unrolled in his mind back then, one he’d never thought of before. He saw a room, a coffin in the center, candles, large yellow candles around the coffin, and the whole room full of white roses, emitting a stupefying scent. 

Then he saw a funeral procession moving to the church on a beautiful summer evening. Everyone carried candles, flickering restlessly… Yes, he saw it: his neighbor’s candle was blown out by the wind. Then the coffin was laid out on a large black catafalque, eight priests in white robes, black vestments, and black dalmatics stood around, and everywhere the strong, mystical rose scent followed him. 

He heard Marit speak back then, she came and went, but he couldn’t shake the hallucination. 

Finally, he realized: Marit had white roses in her hair. Falk mused. His thoughts circled around this one experience. 

Was it the white roses? Was it the memory they triggered? Why had Marit made such a strong impression on him from the start? 

How was sexual feeling intertwined with this memory? 

What did one have to do with the other? 

The second he understood much better. There was a sexual impression from the start, somewhere in the depths of his slumbering subconscious, and it was stirred by Marit’s appearance. 

Yes, yes, quite by chance; or perhaps not… Not by chance? 

So were there a thousand connecting impressions between the first conscious impression and the second that he wasn’t aware of? 

Hmm, hmm; but that’s irrelevant, it’s only about the conscious. 

Their hands had met: he had the impression of something naked, the feeling of a completely naked girl’s body pressing against his chest: a feeling that flowed over his whole body with a faint, tingling pleasure. 

He could pinpoint exactly where it came from: he was barely twelve and swam with a girl. 

That’s what all the children did here in his homeland. 

The esteemed public, to whom he might one day tell this, mustn’t think there was anything indecent in it. 

No, absolutely not; you don’t have to sniff out indecency everywhere. 

Falk grew quite angry. 

What does Hamlet say? The leper itches… Who’s the leper now? Me or the public? Obviously them—quos ego: 

Now he laughed heartily: Why had he gotten so angry? Well… The girl fell into the hole. 

Unconsciously, he thought of the many holes and whirlpools in the local lake. 

His thoughts grew more and more fleeting. He noticed it suddenly and tried to focus them on one point. 

He grabbed the girl and carried her, tightly pressed, out of the water. 

Again, he felt that hot trembling in him: that’s when his sexuality was born. 

Falk thought with strange tenderness of the girl who had awakened the man in him. 

Strange! Yes, yes. But how was it that with Marit—yes, really, with Marit—for the first time in many, many years, he felt this sensation? Why not with other women? Why not with his own wife? 

He couldn’t understand it; there was probably nothing to understand. 

Yes, right, that was very interesting: They talked a lot together, she had just come from the convent and spoke a lot about religion and asceticism. Yes, about asceticism and the instruments for flagellation that could be bought at the market. 

With what devotion he had listened to her voice, constantly thinking of a wonderfully soft, inexplicable organ tone in the local church. The tone was produced when the organist pulled two stops; he had often pulled them, he loved them. What were they called? 

Falk couldn’t recall, no matter how much he thought. 

His heart grew very soft. He clearly heard that one combined tone, which eventually became something flowing. Yes: a silky, flowing mass. 

He distinctly felt the sensation of silky-soft hair in which he buried both hands. He saw Marit before him. 

No, no! He had to finish thinking. This was the case, the important, interesting case. 

So, from three foolish impressions that he could have received from a thousand other women, his love was born?! 

He couldn’t understand that. Impossible. The reason must lie deeper. 

Marit must have something about her that reached into his innermost being, into something where the whole riddle and mystery of his nature lay. 

Suddenly, he knew it. Absolutely. It was his homeland… Yes, for sure. 

Marit had something of his homeland; something expansive in the shape of her forehead. Yes, there was something in those forms of the austere flatland he loved so infinitely. 

This ridiculous homeland that an idiot could sketch with a few strokes! 

Why did his finest, purest feelings pour into these forms? Why did he love her so, this forehead with the blonde, rich hair, parted so simply, so un-Europeanly simply? 

What was happening in him? Was it really love? 

No, nonsense! He loved only one woman: his wife, his splendid, wonderful wife, who had become a part of him: soul of his soul, spirit of his spirit. 

So was it just sexuality? 

Yes, my God, then that idiotic sexuality could have turned to a thousand other women; there were hundreds of thousands of that commodity in Paris alone. 

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Homo Sapiens: Under Way by Stanislaw Przybyszewski and translated by Joe E Bandel

III.

Erik Falk didn’t go into the city. 

He turned off the country road and walked along the lake. Across the water, the forest faded into deep darkness, and the lake lay clear and soft, filled with the calm reflections of the evening glow. 

Falk stopped. 

How could he have forgotten so quickly what he said yesterday; the whole story had become a ridiculous comedy; yes, a foolish, boyish, clumsy comedy. 

But Marit, hmm, trusted him blindly; no, she hadn’t noticed anything, she believed everything he said: No, she wouldn’t suspect the slightest deliberate intent. 

Falk calmed down again. He lay down by the shore and gazed thoughtlessly at the lake. 

In his mind, a dark mass of thoughts fermented; only now and then did single associations, images, or fragmented slogans flash up in him. 

And again, he began to walk, slowly, laboriously; he wanted to recall something, he had to rouse himself to think about something, yes, to make something perfectly clear. 

It grew dark. Tiny lights shimmered from the nearby villages. Now and then, he heard the clatter of a cart on the country road, then he listened to the chirping of crickets and the croaking of frogs in the ponds. 

Yes, what did he actually want? 

He wasn’t a professional seducer. He had never sought the ridiculous fame of seducing a woman just to possess her. No, that wasn’t it. 

His thoughts refused to move further; he sat down on the grass and looked across to the black forest edge. 

Something dawned in his soul, and gradually an image rose within him, the image of a woman, with her grace, the refined grace of dying noble families; it was as if she extended her slender, long hand to him and looked at him so lovingly, so kindly with her eyes. 

Yes, that was his wife. Fräulein Perier. Falk smiled, but immediately grew serious again. 

He loved her. She had the great masculine intelligence that understood everything, that even understood him. She had the great, refined beauty he had searched for so long, so long. 

There she stood. Falk recalled her movement: that first time, the room in dim red twilight—God, how beautiful she was! He had understood at once that he had to love her, and he loved her. 

Yes, absolutely. Now he longed for her. Now he wanted to sit in the big armchair at his desk, hold her on his lap, and feel her arms around his neck. 

How was it that he could never forget Marit? 

In the wildest bliss of love, he suddenly saw his wife’s face transform into another, into a small, narrow child’s face; he saw it gradually change until he suddenly recognized it. That was Marit. 

And then he could stare endlessly at that little face, feeling his hands go limp, his thoughts drifting back to the past, to the time he spent with Marit when he had come home just a year ago and met her for the first time. 

And again, he clearly felt the slackening in his limbs, and again he felt that strange longing for this love that could only bring pain, this unbearable torment of desiring a woman and not possessing her. 

How happy he had been with his wife before he saw Marit. And now she stood between them, making him sad and angry because he always had to overcome her, kill her in himself anew to reach his wife. 

Why had he come back here? 

What did he want from Marit? Why did he lie to her, why did he torment her, why did he play this whole comedy? 

Yes, if only he could understand that! 

He did want something. He must have a purpose. Somewhere behind all consciousness, behind all logic, there must lie the hidden purpose, set out for his will in the unconscious. 

Was it sexuality, lurking in secret for a new victim? No, that was impossible. No! It would be an outrageous villainy to destroy a child, to defile this pure dove’s soul. No, he would never do that. 

Yes: doubly, a thousand times impossible. In two weeks, he would return to his wife; otherwise, he’d fall into the most hideous conflicts with his conscience. 

Yes, that wretched conscience. To sit in Paris and constantly think: now she lies prostrate on the floor, writhing and begging God for mercy. No, he wouldn’t have a minute’s peace. No, that would be too terrible: a whole life with this one image, this one thought, this eternal unrest of a tormenting conscience. 

He stood up and walked slowly on. 

It had grown dark meanwhile, and glowing mists rose over the meadows like mighty smoke clouds, steaming and billowing upward. 

Falk stopped, looked into this sea that flooded everything, and mused over something he couldn’t recall; he felt paralyzed in his mind. 

He couldn’t get past the one question: what did he actually want? 

Suddenly, he saw Marit before him. Yes, she looked splendid, sitting there on the stone with the marvelous red glow from the brim of her large summer hat. So slender, so delicate… 

A hot trembling began in his soul: he heard the faint stammering of sexuality. 

No: the conscience! My God—Falk had to smile: The great Übermensch, the strong, mighty one without conscience! No, Herr Professor had forgotten culture, the thousand centuries that labored to produce it. With reason, of course, you could argue anything away; with reason, logically speaking, you should be able to overcome everything, even conscience. But you couldn’t. 

What good was all his reason; behind every logic lurked the terribly illogical, which ultimately triumphed. 

And again, Falk thought of Marit and his love for her. Yes, in the end, that was all that interested him: this case of his. This case of double love was truly fascinating. 

It was clear to him: he loved both. Yes, undoubtedly. He wrote the most passionate love letters to his wife and didn’t lie to her, and two hours later he told Marit he loved her, and, God knows, he didn’t lie to her either. 

Now Falk began to laugh. 

But behind the laughter, he felt a biting pain, a strangely venomous anger. 

Of course, he had the right to love Marit; why not, who forbade him? Who had the right to forbid him anything? Should moral laws, made by crude people from stupid, unpsychological perspectives, be more binding than the power of his feelings? 

Why shouldn’t he seduce her if he desired her? Why shouldn’t he possess her if he loved her and she loved him? 

Yes, she did love him. So what forbade his will? Morality? Good heavens, what is morality? 

He knew no morality except that of his feelings; and in those feelings, there wasn’t a single law meant to govern the will of others. 

He started. A dog barked from a nearby farm, louder and fiercer. 

Stupid, idiotic beast! 

Falk turned onto a meadow path that passed by the cemetery. 

In the cemetery, the leaves of the silver poplars rustled with their eerie solemnity. White marble tombstones stood out from the darkness like ghosts. It was so terribly solemn, this eerie rustling of the trees. There was a sound that reminded him of the rattling of skeletons. He felt very uneasy. 

Ridiculous that these idiotic folk tales about the lives of the dead could still affect his mind. Yes—well, he was so nervous. 

His thoughts grew more and more confused. No, he was too tired. He couldn’t follow a single thought logically to its end; why bother? 

Yes, why this foolish logic? What was active in his soul, what lay behind all consciousness and what he didn’t know, that had its own logic, so fundamentally different from this stupid conscious logic, and it overthrew it. 

The white walls of the monastery now loomed before him; he stopped and stared at them. There was a strange poetry in there; he thought of the gruesome stories he’d been told as a child about the Cistercians who once owned the monastery. 

Yes, last year she came from a convent too; that’s where she was raised. Raised! Ha, ha, ha… 

Falk grew angry. 

The convent women destroyed her! Yes: Destroyed! Now she walks around in iron swaddling bands! Now her soul is tangled in the umbilical cord of Catholicism, strangling itself, the poor, misbegotten child. 

Why didn’t she have the will: look here, I love you! Take me! Yes, yes, yes; again the foolish logic of reason. 

And yet: he would be stronger than all her religion. He would root out this poisonous weed of Christian morality from her imagination. He would force her; she must obey him. He would make her free, yes, free; and himself too. 

Wasn’t he a slave? Yes, a foolish slave to his wife, his conscience, stupid old prejudices that now crawled out of their holes like earthworms in spring, tormenting him… 

Oh, she would see who was mightier: him or the crucified Rabbi! 

Falk felt an immense energy swelling in his brain. He quickened his steps. Eventually, he was almost running. 

Drenched in sweat, he arrived home. His mother was still waiting for him. 

“But good, dear, precious Mother, why are you still up?” 

“Yes, she’s always so afraid when he puts out the lamp. So many accidents happen with it. She’d rather do it herself.” 

“But you can’t possibly come to Paris every evening to put out my lamps.” 

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Homo Sapiens: Under Way by Stanislaw Przybyszdski and translated by Joe E Bandel

No, please, you must let me finish, I have to talk about this… 

“No, not at any price; I can’t bear scenes like yesterday. Be reasonable, you’re so nervous.” 

Falk fell silent, Marit choked back her tears. They walked a while in silence. 

“You asked me for friendship yesterday, so as a friend, I have certain rights.” 

“Yes, of course you do.” “Are you really married?” 

“No, I’m not. I only have a child, whom I love beyond measure; and I want to go back to him now and live with him, somewhere in Upper Italy—yes, that’s really my plan. I love the child so infinitely; I don’t know anything I love as much.” 

Marit grew nervous and silent. 

“The child is really quite wonderful…” 

And now Falk began to talk about the child with an unusual warmth and tenderness, all the while fixing his eyes sharply on Marit. 

Marit visibly suffered. 

“By the way, you probably don’t know: I was very ill in Paris, poisoned by nicotine, yes, nicotine. I would’ve probably gone to ruin if I hadn’t had excellent care.” 

“Who cared for you?” 

“Well, she’s a very remarkable lady. She’s very intelligent and plays the piano wonderfully. Oh yes, she has the mind of a man.” 

“Is that the child’s mother?” 

“Oh no, I have nothing to do with the mother.” Marit looked up at him, astonished. 

“But you said yesterday that you couldn’t get rid of the lady? You said she clung to you like a burr.” 

Falk grew confused. 

“Did I really say that?” 

“Yes, you said that; you even said that’s why we couldn’t be happy.” 

Falk thought. 

“Then I must’ve really been drunk. No, I don’t understand…” 

He acted as if he were utterly shocked at himself. Marit had to recount yesterday’s conversation in detail. 

“Yes, yes; I was really drunk. No, you mustn’t put any stock, absolutely none, in what I say in that state; I tend to make things up then.” 

Marit looked at him suspiciously. 

“You have to believe me; when I’m drunk, I tend to tell the wildest stories. No: the mother’s gone. I think she’s a model now, or something like that, living with a sculptor.” 

Marit grew very happy; she smiled. 

“So the whole story from yesterday was a comedy?” 

“Yes, yes,” Falk hurried to reply, “but it was a comedy I performed in good faith; I believed everything I said.” 

Marit still couldn’t understand, but she stayed silent. Falk grew restless. 

“No, no, I have nothing to do with the mother anymore. The lady who cared for me is entirely different; her name is Fräulein… Perier. For two weeks, she sat by my bed, endured my terrible moods with angelic patience, and played the most wonderful stories for me; day and night, she was there.” 

“Did she live with you?” 

Falk made a surprised face. 

“Yes, what’s wrong with that? In Europe—” he emphasized the word—“there’s great freedom in the interactions between men and women. There aren’t the foolish prejudices like here. Here, a lady can be officially engaged to someone in front of the whole world, and still the mother and two aunts have to trail behind. No, in Europe, there are no religious or conventional rules in matters of love. There, everyone is their own rule and law. 

Yes, yes, it’s so free there, so free. Good God, how narrow, how unbearably narrow it is here. 

There are laws and barriers and police measures; people are so confined—in a thousand idiotic: you may do this, you may not do that!” 

Falk thought. 

“Why did you pull away so violently yesterday? Can’t you kiss a sister or a friend, what’s wrong with that?” 

“No, I couldn’t do that. I’d have to despise myself. I wouldn’t be able to look you in the face freely. And would you have even a trace of respect for me?” 

Falk laughed loudly with open scorn. 

“Respect? Respect?! No, where did I lose that word, what is it even? No, I don’t know the word or such a concept at all. I only know free women who are their own law, and then I know women who are slaves, pressing their instincts into idiotic formulas. And among these slaves, I distinguish women with strong instincts, with enough power, beauty, and splendor to tear apart the foolish ropes with proud, victorious majesty, and then women with weak instincts—in a word: the livestock that can be sold like any other commodity, obedient like any other household animal.” 

“So you must highly esteem the woman who bore your child and then ran off to another?” 

“No, because I don’t know esteem. She only went where her instincts drew her, and that’s surely very beautiful.” 

“No, that’s ugly, despicable!” “Hmm, as you wish.”  

Marit grew very irritated. 

“And that Fräulein—what’s her name?—Perier.” 

“Yes, then you’d have to see Fräulein Perier as the highest ideal; why don’t you love her then?” 

“Of course, in fact, Fräulein Perier is the most intelligent woman I’ve met—” 

Marit flinched. 

“That I don’t love her is only because the sexuality with which you love is completely independent of the mind. In love, the mind isn’t usually consulted.” 

“So those are the women you like!” 

Marit was nearly crying. This Fräulein Perier was a bad person! Yes, she knew it for sure. 

“Yes, yes, yes; that’s how you judge from the standpoint of formulas and Catholicism.” 

Both fell silent. Falk was stiff and curt, making it clear that further talk was pointless. 

Marit suffered. She felt only one question: why had he told her all those stories yesterday about the woman who clung to him like a burr. 

“So the mother ran off from the child? Falk, be open! I tormented myself all night over this; I beg you.” 

“Why must you know that?” “Yes, I must, I must.” 

Falk looked up at her, surprised. 

“Yes, I told you. Besides, how could another woman care for me if she were with me?” 

Marit calmed down. So he had no woman with him. She was almost grateful to him. From time to time, she looked at him; there was something in her gaze, like a child who wants to apologize but is too proud. 

Falk stared stubbornly at the ground. They reached the garden gate. 

“Won’t you stay for dinner? Papa would be very pleased. Papa asked me to keep you. He has so much to discuss with you.” 

But Falk couldn’t possibly stay; he was very polite, but icy cold. 

Then he left, after bowing very correctly. 

Marit watched him for a long time: now he must turn back to her. Falk walked on and didn’t look back. 

My God, my God, Marit sighed in agony; what have I done to him? 

She went up to her room and lit the oil lamp before the image of Mary; then she knelt and threw herself on the floor before the gentle, smiling face of the miraculous Virgin.

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Homo Sapiens: Under Way Chapter 1 by Stanislaw Przybyszewski and translated by Joe E Bandel

Under Way

Dedicated to my friend Julius Meier-Graefe

I.

Fräulein Marit Kauer sat and rejoiced. 

So, finally. She had completely given up hope of ever seeing him again. At least ten times he had written to his mother that he would come: tomorrow, the day after. Then he was so terribly busy that he could only come the next month. Then another month passed, and another. But finally: now for real. 

Today, her little brother had come home from school and, among a thousand silly things, told her that Herr Falk, yes, definitely Herr Erik Falk, was here. Yes, absolutely certain: he was here. He sent greetings to the parents and would allow himself to visit them in the afternoon. 

Fräulein Marit was speechless for a few seconds; no, she could hardly believe it. 

God, how she had suffered! She had nearly lost her mind during that dreadful time when he couldn’t or wouldn’t come. She had sacrificed all her virginal dignity; she had lowered herself so far as to write letters to him, fervent pleas to him. 

Of course, she had only done so on his mother’s behalf, but was he so foolish that he didn’t understand the longing trembling in every word? 

Did he not want to understand? Could it be true? 

No, for God’s sake, no. It was a lie, a shameless lie. Those horrible, nasty stories: that he had a son, that he had secretly married, entered a civil marriage with a Frenchwoman. 

No! He was so honest, so sovereign. He would surely have written something about it; he couldn’t deceive her like that. Hadn’t he spoken of love to her? 

Hadn’t he assured her that she alone, only she, could give him great happiness? 

No, it was a lie; he was so infinitely noble and refined… 

Her heart began to beat strongly. She breathed deeply. Her eyes started to tear. A wild surge of joy rose within her: perhaps in a quarter of an hour, she would see him, look into his enigmatic eyes, and listen to his peculiar words. How she loved him, how unspeakably she loved him… 

God had heard her. She had paid for three masses to bring him back to her. Like a poor animal, she had lain at the feet of the Crucified, pleading, crying, and praying. Would the heavenly Father not hear her? Had she offended Him? 

And yet she fasted every Friday and Saturday to atone for sins she didn’t know. But even the righteous sin seven times a day. And perhaps: wasn’t her love a sin? But no: now Falk was here! God had heard her… 

She stood up. It was so oppressive under the veranda. The whole garden was so sultry. She stepped onto the country road leading to the nearby town. That’s where Falk would come from. 

Suddenly, a jolt ran through her body; she felt her blood surge to her heart. She trembled. 

Yes, she saw him clearly. It was definitely him. 

She clung to the fence. It urged her to run to him, to throw herself into his arms. 

No, no, not that! Just show him how infinitely she rejoiced. Yes, she wouldn’t hide her joy; he should see how she rejoiced. 

No: not that either! She couldn’t, she mustn’t. She turned back, returning to the veranda. 

No, it wouldn’t do; she couldn’t greet him here either. She felt fire in her temples, the hot glow in her eyes. She couldn’t speak a word now; she couldn’t even keep her composure. 

She ran up to her room, threw herself on the bed, and buried her sobbing face in the pillows… 

Falk was warmly greeted by Herr Kauer. 

“That you still exist! It’s nice of you to remember your homeland again. We’ve been waiting for you in vain for so long.” 

Falk made himself very charming. 

“Of course, of course! I’ve thought a lot about home; but this immense workload! Even in the last few days, I had to go through 30 sheets of proofs for my latest novel, and that’s the most dreadful thing there is. Now I’m immensely glad, I feel so expansive in the countryside, I feel love around me; there’s surely something beautiful about home.” 

“It was really necessary for me. I’m very nervous and quite foolish, but with Mother, it’ll soon, very soon be better. Mother is, after all, next to the art of printing, the most wonderful invention.” 

Herr Kauer was overjoyed to see him again; he’d truly longed to talk to him. In the provinces, the world was boarded up; you didn’t know what was happening out there. Now he had to know everything, Falk should tell him all. 

Wine was served. 

“Herr Falk must drink a lot; you probably can’t get such wine in Paris. By the way, it’s quite wonderful to drink with such an intelligent companion.” 

They soon lost themselves in a deep conversation about asparagus cultivation. 

“Herr Kauer must absolutely try the new method, namely leaving about a meter of soil for each asparagus root, then digging around it…” 

The door opened, and Marit entered. She was pale, looked freshly washed, and very embarrassed. 

Falk jumped up and extended both hands. 

“No, it’s wonderful to see you. Good God, how long it’s been!” 

“We didn’t expect you anymore…” she turned suddenly and began searching for something on the windowsill. 

Falk continued talking about asparagus but was restless. 

Kauer was very engaged, constantly expressing his joy. He hadn’t had much luck; it had been a bad harvest. His wife had been ill for a year, now she was at a spa, where she’d spend the whole summer. Now he had to manage the household with Marit as best he could. Yes, and Falk mustn’t mind if he disappeared for an hour; he had some arrangements to make. 

Falk was left alone with Marit. 

She looked out the window; he took a strong gulp from his glass. Then he stood up. 

She trembled, turning alternately red and pale. “Well, Fräulein, how have you been?” 

Falk smiled kindly. “Very well; very well…” 

She lowered her eyes to the floor, then looked at him strangely. 

“It’s remarkable that you came after all; what actually brought you here?” 

“Well, good God, you know, when you’ve wandered a lot and become very nervous, you get this peculiar feeling of weakness; you get so soft, and then you have to go to your mother, just like a child to its mother.” 

It grew quiet. Falk paced thoughtfully. 

“Yes, I love my mother. But I couldn’t come. There were very important things holding me back; very peculiar circumstances.” 

He fixed his eyes on her, as if probing her. She suddenly became stiff and aloof. 

“Yes, right, I’ve heard a lot about it; about those strange, peculiar circumstances.” 

She spoke with ironic emphasis. 

Falk looked at her, surprised; he seemed prepared for it, though. 

“God, well, yes: people tell a lot of foolish things, that’s obvious. It’s terribly indifferent to me what they say about me.” 

It grew quiet again. Falk poured himself another glass and emptied it. 

She looked at him harshly. His face was pale and sunken, with a feverish, peculiar glint in his eyes. 

He must have suffered a lot! Her pity stirred. 

“Oh, you must forgive me. No, I didn’t mean to throw those unpleasant stories about you in your face right away. I have no right to do that either. Of course, it must be indifferent to me.” 

“Yes, yes…” 

Falk seemed tired. 

“It’s peculiar… Hmm, I traveled two days, didn’t sleep a wink all night, but I had no rest: I had to go to her, had to see her…” 

The spring day was over. Dusk began to fall. They both stood at the window. They looked at the river and beyond to the wooded hills. Mist rose from the river, spreading over the hills and creeping into the forest, as if the river had overflowed its banks and wanted to flood the whole world. Gradually, the hills and forest vanished, and the wide, shimmering mist merged with the horizon. 

A message came from Herr Kauer that the hour would stretch another hour, and Falk must stay at all costs. 

They remained alone. Falk drank incessantly. Now and then, he spoke a casual word. 

“She shouldn’t mind that he drank so much; it was really necessary for him now. He was very run-down; a delirium wasn’t to be feared, though. By the way, it was all terribly indifferent. Oh, she shouldn’t think he’d become sentimental; no. But you could objectively state, quite simply, as an established fact, that you’re not happy. She shouldn’t take it personally; or—perhaps she should. But it was all so foolish and indifferent; she needn’t put any weight on it.” 

Marit suddenly stepped toward him. 

“You know, Herr Falk, let’s not play a comedy! No, let’s speak openly. A year ago, when you were here, do you remember: when we met? Back then, you told me you loved me. You wrote it to me too. I have all your letters; they’re my great treasure. Now, you know how I feel about you; yes. You know it exactly. You must be kind. I trusted you. I gave myself entirely to the feeling of love for you. I tried to suppress this love at first. I knew it was aimless. You told me so often that you love only for the sake of love. 

You told me openly that you couldn’t promise me anything, that our love had no future. I didn’t want promises either. I expected nothing from you. I loved you because I had to love you—” 

Marit grew more and more confused. She wanted to say so much, but now everything compressed, piled up, and pushed forward, disordered, incoherent. 

“Yes, good God, no! That’s not what I meant to say. I just want you to speak openly to me, to tell me the whole truth. I’ve tormented myself so unspeakably, I’ve suffered so much…” 

Falk looked at her, surprised. What did she want to know? 

“Oh, you know already; there’s so much talk about you in the whole area, and all these stories must have some basis. Yes: tell me: is it all true? That—that with the Frenchwoman—and—no—it’s impossible…” 

“What then?” 

“I mean… the child.” “Child? Hmm…” 

Falk paced with long strides. A painful silence fell. From the courtyard, a servant’s voice was heard. Suddenly, Falk stopped before her. 

“Well, I’ll tell you the whole brutal truth; everything, everything I’ll tell you; completely open. Yes, I’ll be completely open, even at the risk that you won’t want to hear me and show me the door. Of course, I have a child; the child was alive before I met you. Yes, the child is a wonderful thing; it saved me, this child. It was like a strong spine that put me back together. I was falling apart, I was already a wreck. I was worse than the worst. No, you must listen calmly. I was a man, a little man, and as such, I had the right to father children… 

Now, if you can’t shed your foolish prudery, you shouldn’t provoke confessions.”  

Marit had tears in her eyes. 

“Forgive me, Fräulein, but I’m very nervous.” Tears streamed down her face. 

“Good, dear Marit! Be kind, Marit! Listen to me as only a wise sister can. Even if you don’t understand half of it, listen to me… 

Good God, does she want to keep playing blind man’s buff and stumble in the dark? I can’t allow that, she’s too refined and intelligent for that. 

Of course, I have a son, and I love him. His mother, no, I don’t love her. When she crossed my path back then, I was in complete ruin; she was good to me, we lived together, and so we had a son.” 

“My God, my God, how is that possible?” “Yes, many things are possible.” 

Falk spoke in a tired voice and drank again. He paced a few times, then took her hand… 

“Marit! Now I’ll tell you completely openly. Marit: you mustn’t love me. I was a wretch. Yes, I craved your love, I begged and pleaded for your love, but back then I believed I could make you happy. I believed in it, I wanted to make you my wife, and you would have loved my son. But that woman clung to me like a burr. A hundred times I tried to shake her off, but I couldn’t, and I probably won’t be able to.” 

Falk seemed very agitated; Marit tried to interrupt him. 

“No, no, let me finish. Yes, I believed I’d make you happy. That’s why, only why, I nurtured your love; you mustn’t think I’m a scoundrel. But now, now it’s all over. Now I mustn’t demand this love anymore; no, it’s impossible. Not an ounce of happiness can I give you; that’s completely out of the question. Only one thing: be my friend, my sister.” 

Marit sat as if faint. 

Falk knelt before her and grasped her hands. 

“You, be kind, be my friend. You can’t be my beloved. No, not even a friend—no; I’m going, I’m going now. Answer me; you mustn’t see me anymore, not anymore. So, you: goodbye, I’m going.” 

Falk rose unsteadily. 

But at that moment, Marit sprang up desperately. 

“No, stay! Stay! Do what you want; but I must see you, or I’ll get sick. Oh God, God, this is terrible!” 

Falk suddenly fell upon her. 

“No, for heaven’s sake, no!” She pushed him away and ran out of the room. 

Falk sat at the table, drank the bottle empty, and stared ahead. The darkness felt good to him. 

Suddenly, he started. 

“It’s remarkable how you can be startled by a lamp. I’m really very nervous.” 

Marit smiled wearily; she placed the lamp on the table. 

“Papa must come soon; you’re staying for supper, aren’t you?” 

“Yes, I’ll do that. I’m a good man. I’m a gentleman. I mustn’t expose you to Papa’s suspicions.”

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