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OD by Karl Hans Strobl and translated by Joe E Bandel

Chapter 15

Max Heiland had actually felt a troubling premonition all day, and it was foolish of him to stubbornly suppress and dismiss it.

This premonition warned him against visiting his lodgings on Kohlmarkt today, and he would have been wise to heed it.

For when he heard Ottane’s light step on the stairs and then her signal at the door, and when he—now with some difficulty—assumed the face of the delighted lover and opened the door, there stood Therese Dommeyer before him.

Damn it all, how could his sharp hearing have deceived him so—now the reckoning was at hand.

“Quite cozy you’ve got it here,” said Therese, stepping in and closing the door behind her.

“Who: we?” asked the master, rather lacking in wit.

Therese went further; she removed the key and tucked it into her fold-up purse. Then she said, “Well, you and your lover.”

Max Heiland deemed it appropriate to react gruffly: “What kind of foolish talk is this?”

“So is this perhaps your new studio? I don’t know much about it, but it seems the light isn’t great. I think I’ll have to shed some light on this for you.”

“So what do you want here?”

“I’d like to meet your lady.”

There was nothing to do but give in a little. “I beg you, Therese, surely you don’t want to cause a scandal!”

“I’m just curious about who comes to see you.”

“Very well… but you must give me your word of honor to cause no scandal.” He choked out the name as an honorable man yielding only to necessity. “It’s Frau Oberstin Arroquia!”

He breathed a sigh of relief. “You understand… a Spaniard like that… what can one do? It’s practically a business matter. Frau Arroquia has connections to court circles, the best connections, and if she ends our friendship and turns the entire nobility against me—well, I’d look pretty foolish. One can’t afford to offend a woman like that.”

Therese hadn’t been listening to the master and was sniffing around the room. “Yes, one mustn’t offend a Spaniard like that,” she said, continuing to sniff. She picked up a silk scarf from an armchair and examined it: “This shawl looks familiar, but I think I’ve seen it with someone else.”

Yes, there hung Ottane’s shawl, and on the dresser stood a prominent, unmistakable picture—Ottane’s daguerreotype, taken by Schuh, with a small vase of roses before it, like a household altar of love. Therese stood reverently before the image and said, “But the Frau Oberstin has changed remarkably lately.”

Good heavens, Max Heiland realized everything was lost—Ottane’s picture was there, and on top of that, he had placed roses before it out of exaggerated chivalry.

“So it’s Ottane,” Therese turned around, “this little game with Ottane, with whom you’ve been cheating on me. Is this also because of court circles and business considerations?”

Now further denial would be pointless, mere waste of time, and there was no time to lose. Ottane’s moment was at hand; she could arrive at the door any second, and what might follow was unthinkable. A confrontation must be avoided at all costs. Max Heiland gave himself a shake and stood up straight: “I’ll tell you the truth. It really is Ottane. And what do you intend to do now?”

“I’ll wait here until she comes,” said Therese, settling broadly into a chair with rustling skirts.

“You won’t do that, my dear.”

“Don’t call me ‘my dear’!” Therese flared up angrily. “You know I can’t stand that.”

“You won’t do that because you don’t need to. It’s entirely unnecessary for you to make a scene. You’ve discovered this… well, this affair at a time when it’s nearly resolved for me. You’ve only hastened its natural end. In a few days, I would have broken with Ottane. I’ve had enough of her.”

Therese raised heavy eyelids with a look that suggested little trust. “Is that true?”

Heiland nodded affirmatively. He had spoken the truth—at least a kind of truth; he had indeed grown somewhat weary of Ottane. Her passion no longer swept him away; he remained more out of politeness and favor than from an inner urge as a tender lover. He had other life goals, other women, and his work; in truth, he was already bored, and Therese’s intrusion into the fading love idyll merely provided the external push to end it. It excused the violent act, to which he hadn’t yet been able to resolve himself out of pity and consideration.

“If I’m to believe you,” said Therese, “then write a farewell letter to her right now.”

“I’m ready to do that,” Heiland conceded, with the seriousness befitting such a moral turn. He sat at the small desk, took paper and pen, and began to write.

“And to make it easier for you,” Therese continued, twirling Ottane’s shawl in the air until it formed a rope, “you’ll come away with me now.”

Heiland looked up in surprise.

“Yes, I’ve been granted leave; I must make a guest performance tour in Germany, and you’re coming with me.”

All respect, one had to give Therese credit—when she did something, she did it thoroughly. “Very well,” said the master after a brief reflection, “I’ll go with you. It might do me good to take a break for a while. I don’t know what’s wrong with my eyes; sometimes it’s like a veil over them, and then I can hardly see nearby things. It will benefit my eyes to not paint for a few weeks.”

He wrote a few more lines and then asked over his shoulder, “And your old man?”

“My old man?” Therese wrinkled her nose. “The Reichenbach? Yes, he’ll have to manage without me.”

Now Heiland even managed his captivating smile again: “But you must tell me how you found out… that we were here…?”

“You’d like to know, you sly one!?” Therese laughed, half-reconciled. “I just have very good connections with the police. The police know everything, and it was an honor for the Hofrat to oblige me.”

Heiland hurried to finish his letter, for now there was no minute to spare.

“Show me!” Therese commanded as he sprinkled sand over the ink. She read it, nodded, was satisfied; and then they didn’t linger any longer. Heiland felt the ground burning beneath his feet—my God, only not another encounter at the last moment on the stairs, in the stairwell, or on the street, an open confession. Heiland wasn’t fond of awkward confrontations; his quota was fully met by Therese. He breathed a real sigh of relief only when they turned the next street corner.

Ottane arrived quite flushed; an urgent operation that Semmelweis wouldn’t perform without her had caused the nearly half-hour delay. As she entered the house, the curtain at the caretaker’s window moved, and then the caretaker emerged, holding a letter.

“Herr Heiland just left with a lady… and I’m to give you this letter.” Rarely had Frau Rosine Knall carried out an errand with such satisfaction. The foolish Doctor Semmelweis had dismissed her—that was an outrage—and her disposition toward him hadn’t improved with the neighborhood joke that she’d been fired on the spot. She knew this young lady was, so to speak had taken her place—this person who took bread from poor women and, of course, indulged Semmelweis in his madness. She included Ottane with fervor in her resentment; it had been a delight to provide information to the police spy when he came to inquire, and now she had lurked behind the curtain of her door window like a hunter on the lookout.

The arrow had been loosed—this letter, she knew, was a poisoned dart. Ottane realized it the moment she received the letter.

“Thank you!” said Ottane and walked away. Only don’t let this woman notice anything, only don’t give those greedy, hateful eyes a spectacle. She walked a few houses down and stepped into a wide gateway.

She knew what the letter contained; she had sensed it coming. Max Heiland’s arts hadn’t been enough to deceive the feeling that something dreadful approached; the hours of passion had been followed by bitterness, a gaze into emptiness, a rise of fear.

Now Ottane held the letter in hands that trembled as they broke the seal.

She read: “My conscience can no longer allow…”

She read: “I cannot bring myself to involve a girl from a first family, so pure and blameless…”

She read: “Under this conflict, my art and the noble purpose of my existence suffer…”

She read: “Though my own heart bleeds from a thousand wounds…”

She read: “And so I depart alone…”

Ottane leaned against the wall; her legs stood in a mire into which they sank. The view of the street through the gateway swung in pendulum motions left and right. Then she heard voices from above; footsteps clattered down the wooden stairs, a child crowed with delight.

No, only don’t let anyone notice, for God’s sake, don’t let anyone notice.

She pushed off from the wall, staggered a little, but then walked out into the life of the street.


“Are you packing?” said Freiherr von Reichenbach, surprised, as he entered Therese Dommeyer’s room.

She stood with her maid amid piles of clothing and feminine accessories, wrestling with a stubborn suitcase.

“Are you traveling?” the Freiherr asked again, faced with these unmistakable preparations.

“Yes, I’m traveling,” laughed Therese. “I’m going to Germany—Dresden, Leipzig, Berlin, and so on, a big guest performance tour…”

“You must be very excited about it?” the Freiherr remarked, distressed.

Therese, with the maid’s help, had subdued the unruly suitcase. She jumped onto the lid and held it down with the sweet weight of her body while the maid quickly fastened the straps.

“I’m overjoyed. A chance to get out of the Viennese sausage kettle, see new faces, and earn a bit of money!”

Therese was evidently not the least bit saddened by the farewell; she sat soulfully delighted on the lid, drumming the sides of the suitcase with the heels of her cute shoes.

A shadow of melancholy darkened Reichenbach’s features: “I came to invite you to a session, but…”

“Yes, with the sessions, that’s over now,” Therese waved off. “Now you’ll have to sit without me. And I’m not sensitive anymore.” She leaped off the restrained suitcase and dove into a pile of clothes. “Jesus, Rosa, where’s the blue hat? Haven’t you seen the blue hat? It was still in the bedroom a moment ago.”

The maid slipped out; they were alone for a short while, perhaps only minutes, as Rosa would return soon. Reichenbach hadn’t come solely for the session—the matters needed clarification, and with no time for slow deliberation, a bold move was needed to force a decision.

“And I had thought—” said the Freiherr, looking at Therese with heartfelt emotion.

“Well, man proposes, and God and the theater agent dispose.”

“You can’t be in doubt,” Reichenbach pressed on resolutely, “about what I mean, can you? You must have noticed it yourself long ago. I came here today with a specific intention. I… I had hoped to take your ‘yes’ home with me today, that you… well, that you would become mine.”

Therese was neither surprised nor overwhelmed by the great honor; she had no time to feign surprise or emotion, nor to artfully soften her rejection. “Look, dear Baron,” she said, digging a violet petticoat from a stack of clothes and tossing it onto a nearby pile, “look, dear friend, you must get that idea out of your head. That’s just not possible. How do you even imagine it? There’s no question of it. I don’t suit you, and you don’t suit me. We get along well enough, but as your wife—no, that won’t do. So, what about the hat, Rosa?”

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OD by Karl Hans Strobl and translated by Joe E Bandel

But one day, Therese Dommeyer was there.

She sat opposite Reichenbach in the blue room on Kobenzl, but she wasn’t cheerful at all. She wore a raincloud face, and it was clear she had been deeply affected by something.

“Why haven’t I come? Look, Baron, you’re a serious man, and that’s precisely why one should be able to laugh when with you. And I’ve had little to laugh about all this time, my soul! not at all.”

She played with the tassel of a cushion lying next to her on the divan. “What’s been going on? Better not ask. All sorts have happened, nothing good or beautiful. Nothing but trouble and sorrow. Bitter disappointments! You can’t rely on people. Especially not on those you’d sworn by, least of all on them. That hurts when you’ve built on someone and then discover their falseness. And then one easily becomes unfair to one’s true friends, the real ones, neglects them, and feels ashamed afterward.”

She looks up suddenly, and the divine’s unexpected glance shoots a flame into Reichenbach’s soul. There sits Therese Dommeyer, lamenting her woes, very melancholic, and to Reichenbach’s surprise, he finds her melancholy suits her almost better than her exuberance. And perhaps, his heart beats, this might be a turning point where what seemed impossible becomes possible.

He takes Therese’s dangling hand: “You would make me indescribably happy if you would trust me. What is it that weighs on you?”

She looks at him sharply for the blink of an eye and shakes herself: “Oh, what,” she laughs forcedly, “I’ve got debts, that’s all. Everyone at the theater has debts—why should I be the exception?”

She has debts! Certainly, Therese has debts, Reichenbach doesn’t doubt that. But it’s not just the debts that are at stake. In any case, it will be good to engage with that.

“And you only remember now,” says Reichenbach, “that you have a friend in me?”

“Should I perhaps let you pay my debts? You know how it is at the theater; if someone pays a actress’s debts, they usually expect something in return.” She pulls her hand back as if offended and insulted.

“Are your daughters at home?” asks Therese, and this is clearly a change of subject.

Yes, Hermine and Ottane are at home, but why does Therese pull her hand back—is it perhaps uncomfortable for her when the Freiherr holds it?

“Uncomfortable?” marvels Therese, “why uncomfortable? Oh, I see! It must be something odic. You’ve driven the whole city mad with your Od for a while now. And are you angry with me for saying it’s uncomfortable?”

“No? God forbid, no, it’s a scientific observation. And this?” The Freiherr now takes Therese’s left hand with his right.

“How must that be, odically?”

“Coolly pleasant!”

“Yes, really, it’s coolly pleasant,” Therese lies, “like a gentle breeze.” She’s heard something about this breeze and is curious about what comes next.

Reichenbach jumps up excitedly; his gaze searches the room, spots the tassel of the cushion dangling, grabs it, and pulls out a silk thread. “Take the thread in your right hand, like this… and now, what do you feel?”

He has taken the other end of the thread between two fingers of his right hand and looks at Therese almost standing.

“What am I supposed to feel?” asks Therese.

“Fräulein Maix says she feels a burning cut.”

“Ow!” says Therese, letting the silk thread from the cushion tassel slip and shaking her fingers. It’s not really an “ow,” of course; she just wants to see where this is going and enjoys applying a bit of her acting skill to feign something unfelt. Perhaps she overacts, blowing on her fingers as if seriously burned, and Reichenbach stammers excitedly: “Was it that bad?”

He brings a variety of objects—glass rods, crystals, sulfur pieces—has Therese file a piece of iron, slowly tear a sheet of packing paper, and speaks in between of odic conduction and friction Od. Sometimes Therese gets it right, sometimes not; then Reichenbach explains the sources of error, and finally, just as Therese begins to find it boring, he announces the overall result. He says, breathing deeply: “You are a highly sensitive.”

“Maran atha,” Therese exclaims convincingly with great shock, “how terrible!”

“Not terrible at all,” the Freiherr enthuses, “it’s not a disease. But you must allow me to conduct experiments with you often; there’s something different about you—I need to figure out how it works.”

“Look, at least one good thing comes out of it,” sighs Therese, “I’ve forgotten my troubles and misery for a while.”

Reichenbach stands before her, regarding the now doubly precious woman with a thoughtfully furrowed brow. “If it were only the debts, Therese, then as your friend, I demand that you allow me to help you.”

Therese’s eyes spark with barely restrained mischief: “I don’t think Od can help with my debts.”

“Seriously, Therese, trust me—how much do your debts amount to?”

She calculates in her head, and it looks utterly charming when Therese does mental arithmetic—it’s an unusual task, but even mathematics suits her delightfully. “Well,” she says finally slowly, “it must be around ten thousand gulden.”

Reichenbach dismisses this trifle with a casual gesture of his hand, then says with a slightly faltering voice: “And besides, Therese, your entire existence should… yes, I mean, so to speak, on different foundations… if your heart…”

But before Reichenbach can elaborate on what Therese’s heart has to do with different foundations of her existence, Ottane enters—very untimely, Reichenbach thinks with annoyance.

Ottane had no idea Therese was still there; otherwise, she certainly wouldn’t have come, but now she can’t just run off again. She braces herself with cool detachment. Therese becomes all the more affectionate, embracing Ottane, and Ottane barely avoids a kiss. “Oh, my dear child, be glad you have nothing to do with the theater. We were just speaking with your father about the theater. It eats you up, hollows you out inside; it’s a poison that first puffs you up and then slowly kills you.”

Ottane has nothing to say to this confession.

“And the worst,” Therese continues, “is that everyone thinks an actress must be a frivolous woman. No one believes in our decency. And yet, in so-called good society, there are women and girls who behave much worse than us. But they know how to do it; they present a hypocritical face to the world—no suspicion dares touch them. Until suddenly a little scandal breaks out, and then everyone asks: ‘What? How is that possible? Her?’”

Reichenbach listens in wonder at the direction Therese has given the conversation; it seems to him this isn’t exactly a continuation of what came before.

“Well, I must go to rehearsal,” says Therese, “next week I’ll play Maria Stuart again. You’ll come to the theater, Ottane? Come, you must distract yourself a bit; always staying home isn’t good for a young girl. It’ll do you good—tell her, Baron, that Ottane looks a bit peaked. She shouldn’t have worries or troubles or anger; she should look better.”

Certainly, if one looks at Ottane more closely, it’s undeniable that she’s grown a bit thin lately and has a tired face with a dull complexion. It’s true, as if, despite Therese’s assurance, she harbors a secret sorrow. She stands facing Therese, pale, with pressed lips, only her eyes flashing strangely and piercingly.

And now Therese plants a surprising kiss on Ottane’s forehead, then nods to Reichenbach and leaves behind a sweet smile as her final impression.

Ottane rubs her forehead so vigorously with her handkerchief that a red mark appears. She straightens the cushion, which still bears the impression of Therese’s body, and intends to leave without a word.

But Reichenbach, who has been pacing the room with his hands behind his back, stops and raises his lowered head: “Stay, Ottane, I need to speak with you.”

Obediently, Ottane pauses at the door.

“I have made a decision,” says Reichenbach, and the words seem to come to him with some difficulty, “a decision. I’m no longer a young man, that’s true. But I’m not yet old enough to forgo all the happiness life offers. How deeply the loss of your mother affected me, you’ve likely seen—or perhaps you didn’t fully understand because you were too young. That was many years ago, and my life since has been nothing but work…”

“Father,” interrupts Ottane, and her eyes flash as brightly and strangely as before—almost combatively, one might say, “Father, I will never tolerate that.”

“Tolerate?” Reichenbach retorts. “Tolerate? Are you speaking of tolerating? What won’t you tolerate?”

“I will never tolerate,” says Ottane quietly but with great determination, “I will never tolerate that person coming into our house as your wife.”

Reichenbach bursts into laughter—a bitter, mocking, angry, and slightly uncertain laugh. “Oh, so that’s what you won’t tolerate? Is that so? Did I ask you what you will or won’t tolerate? When I’ve made a decision, you must accept it without objection, understood?”

“A Therese Dommeyer must never stand where our mother stood.”

“So because of you,” Reichenbach snorts furiously, “should I give up my late happiness?”

“Happiness?” Ottane interjects, in a tone that seems to question the very possibility of happiness through love.

“Yes, do you think it’s only science that makes a person happy? All these years, I’ve consumed myself with longing for love; I hunger for love. Have I found love with you?”

“Perhaps you haven’t given us enough? And…”

“Enough,” Reichenbach cuts Ottane off, “I have decided to make Therese Dommeyer my wife.” He intends to add: if she will! But he doesn’t—why should he say if she will, she will want to; today he has received an infallible certainty—or hasn’t he?

Ottane remains unyielding and steadfast; she doesn’t back down: “Father, if that happens, I will leave your house.”

“You will leave my house,” Reichenbach shouts, “fine, you can go right now if you want; I won’t stop you. A child who stands in the way of their father’s happiness is no longer my child.” And then Reichenbach takes a precious, polished glass vase from the cabinet and smashes it against the wall, the shards clattering. He doesn’t And now Therese plants a surprising kiss on Ottane’s forehead, then nods to Reichenbach and leaves behind a sweet smile as her final impression.

Ottane rubs her forehead so vigorously with her handkerchief that a red mark appears. She straightens the cushion, which still bears the impression of Therese’s body, and intends to leave without a word.

But Reichenbach, who has been pacing the room with his hands behind his back, stops and raises his lowered head: “Stay, Ottane, I need to speak with you.”

Obediently, Ottane pauses at the door.

“I have made a decision,” says Reichenbach, and the words seem to come to him with some difficulty, “a decision. I’m no longer a young man, that’s true. But I’m not yet old enough to forgo all the happiness life offers. How deeply the loss of your mother affected me, you’ve likely seen—or perhaps you didn’t fully understand because you were too young. That was many years ago, and my life since has been nothing but work…”

“Father,” interrupts Ottane, and her eyes flash as brightly and strangely as before—almost combatively, one might say, “Father, I will never tolerate that.”

“Tolerate?” Reichenbach retorts. “Tolerate? Are you speaking of tolerating? What won’t you tolerate?”

“I will never tolerate,” says Ottane quietly but with great determination, “I will never tolerate that person coming into our house as your wife.”

Reichenbach bursts into laughter—a bitter, mocking, angry, and slightly uncertain laugh. “Oh, so that’s what you won’t tolerate? Is that so? Did I ask you what you will or won’t tolerate? When I’ve made a decision, you must accept it without objection, understood?”

“A Therese Dommeyer must never stand where our mother stood.”

“So because of you,” Reichenbach snorts furiously, “should I give up my late happiness?”

“Happiness?” Ottane interjects, in a tone that seems to question the very possibility of happiness through love.

“Yes, do you think it’s only science that makes a person happy? All these years, I’ve consumed myself with longing for love; I hunger for love. Have I found love with you?”

“Perhaps you haven’t given us enough? And…”

“Enough,” Reichenbach cuts Ottane off, “I have decided to make Therese Dommeyer my wife.” He intends to add: if she will! But he doesn’t—why should he say if she will, she will want to; today he has received an infallible certainty—or hasn’t he?

Ottane remains unyielding and steadfast; she doesn’t back down: “Father, if that happens, I will leave your house.”

“You will leave my house,” Reichenbach shouts, “fine, you can go right now if you want; I won’t stop you. A child who stands in the way of their father’s happiness is no longer my child.” And then Reichenbach takes a precious, polished glass vase from the cabinet and smashes it against the wall, the shards clattering. He doesn’t not out of blind rage but with deliberation; he means he must not only thunder but also hurl a lightning bolt to give weight to his words. If he even smashes glass vases, these disobedient children must realize how serious he is about his decision.

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Homo Sapiens by Stanislaw Przybyszewski and translated by Joe E Bandel

VI.

How had this idea suddenly come to him? 

A woman must be at the center of the painting, alluring, seductive—and from all sides, yes, from above, from below, a thousand hands reach for her. A thousand hands scream, howl, scream for her! Lean, nervous artists’ hands; thick, fleshy stockbrokers’ hands with big rings, a thousand other hands—an orgy of yearning, lustful hands… And she with alluring, mysterious gazes… 

Mikita was feverish. 

Yes, he had to paint it immediately. Faster, faster, or it would slip away, and then come the wondrous thoughts… 

Falk is no scoundrel! Do you understand, Mikita? Falk is no scoundrel! He shouted it clearly to himself. 

But suddenly, he saw them both gazing at each other in wonder and admiration; he saw their eyes burrowing into one another and then smiling shyly. 

And tonight at Iltis’s: there will surely be dancing. He hadn’t thought of that before. 

Dance… Dance. Isa loves to dance. Isa is a born dancer. It’s her only passion. 

He saw her once, dancing. Everything in him broke. That wild, bacchanalian surge… 

That’s what should be painted—that! Dear Mr. Naturalist. That, how the soul opens and the damned foreign thing crawls out. This monstrous thing—Othello and something like it… 

Disgusting nature! Why could it never be obvious to him that she loved him, had to love him; yes—him—him! He was worth something, if only as an artist. 

Damned conditions! There’s Liebermann painting three stupid sheep in a potato field, or potatoes in a field, or a field with women gathering potatoes, and he gets money and the gold medal. 

And I’ve painted all of humanity and a bit beyond: the inhuman—and got nothing for it. 

Nothing?! Foolish Mikita! Haven’t you seen how the sweet rabble in Hamburg and Paris and, of course, Berlin rolled with laughter? Well! That’s supposed to be nothing? 

And the caricature in *Fliegende Blätter*—didn’t I inspire that? 

I should pay taxes?! Good God, no bread to eat, and pay taxes! Fine state of affairs! They want to seize my things for overdue obligations I supposedly owe the state? What is the state? Who is the state? What do I have to do with it? 

“Are those your paintings?” 

“Of course they’re mine! They’re worth forty thousand marks. Why are you laughing?” 

“Why shouldn’t I laugh? Who’ll buy those things? You won’t get a penny for them.” 

“Sadly, there’s nothing to seize from you.” 

Well then, dear Isa, am I not the great artist? He began to paint and grinned. 

But it gnawed at him, gnawed. 

Strange! What’s so special about Falk? I didn’t fall off the table like little Eyolf. My spine is intact. My brain has ideas too… 

“Have you written the essay, Mikita?” 

“Of course I wrote it, Professor.” “Did no one help you?” 

“Who would help me?” 

“But I clearly see foreign influence, exerting itself in active aggression on your essay.” 

“Well said, Professor, but I wrote the essay myself.” 

“Mikita, don’t be stubborn, admit that Falk sewed silk patches onto your felt slippers. Where is Falk?” 

But Falk was never at school on such occasions. He reported sick and wrote poems at home. 

Suddenly, Mikita grew furious. 

It’s shameful to think of Falk like that. 

Paint me, Mr. Liebermann, this second shameful soul, how it hurls a piece of filth into one’s brain! Paint that for me, and I’ll give you all my paintings, delivered free to your door! 

And Isa is dancing now—with Falk. He knows how. He felt hate. 

Falk, dear Falk, where’s the woman who can resist you? Isa dances, Isa is a dancer. 

“Have you ever believed in anything? Do you know what faith is?” Of course, she didn’t know. 

“Do you know who you are, Isa?” No, she knew nothing. 

“You’re a stranger to yourself, Isa?” She nodded. 

And he, with a faith of a thousand years in his bones! Yes, yes, hence his ridiculous desire to fully possess a woman, the faith in a love that endures centuries. 

He pulled himself together. 

No! He won’t go to Iltis’s: no! Now he’ll see if he can’t control himself… Yes: go there and stand and watch her lying in his arms, so close… 

Mikita tore open his work smock. He felt shamefully hot. To stand there and watch! Othello, with a dagger in his cloak. 

And Iltis winks and says to the Infant: “Isa’s dance is getting to him.” 

A painful restlessness tore at his brain. No, not again! He had to master this. Did he have reason to doubt Isa? 

No! No! 

So, what did he want? 

His restlessness grew. The pain was unbearable. 

Yes, he’ll go. He must show Isa that he’s above it now, that he’s given up doubting. Yes, be merry and dance! 

You can’t do that, dear Mikita! You hop like a poodle in a fairground booth. And you’re small too, smaller than Isa. 

Splendid pair! Splendid pair, those two! 

Mikita had to sit down. It felt as if all his tendons had been cut with a scythe. 

Damn, that hurts! 

“Mikita, come here for a moment.” “What do you want, Professor?” 

“Look, Mikita, it’s really outrageous of you to write such foolish nonsense as that apology. And if you’d at least written it alone, but Falk did it.” 

How was it that he didn’t slap the old man? Suddenly, he stood up. 

Have I gone mad? What do I want from Falk, what do I want from Isa? 

He grew frightened. This was already pathological. It wasn’t the first time. 

When he went from Isa to Brittany to do studies… yes, studies, how to start getting sentimental idiocies. 

Funny Mikita. 

Suddenly, he’d rushed onto the train, in a fit of madness, and raced to Paris, arriving at Isa’s half-crazed. 

“You’re here already?” She found him terribly funny. 

That he didn’t bury himself in the ground from shame! Look, Mikita—he began speaking aloud to himself—you’re an ass, a thorough ass. Love must be taken! Not doubted, not fingered and circled endlessly like a cat around hot porridge, no! Take it, seize it, proud, obvious… Yes, then it works! Conquer! Not as a gift, not as alms! No, dear Mikita, begging won’t do! 

Well, they’re dancing now… 

He began to sing, the only street tune he’d retained: 

*Venant des noces belles, Au jardin des amours 

Que les beaux jours sont courts!* 

Splendid! And the drawing for it by Steinlen in *Gil Blas*. A funny clown, so brusquely dismissed by the girl. Splendid! Splendid! 

*Venant des noces belles, J’étais bien fatigué. 

Je vis deux colombelles, Une pastoure, ô gué!* 

And there was no doubt! No, dear Mikita, how nice it would be if you didn’t have to doubt. Right, little Mikita? 

Yesterday in the cab… 

He stood up and paced hurriedly. Usually, she’d ask me: What’s wrong, Mikita? 

Usually, she’d stroke my hand. 

Usually, she’d silently lean her head on my shoulder. Yesterday, nothing! Not a word! 

“Good night, Mikita!” 

“Good-bye, Fräulein Isa, good-bye!” 

Now he bellowed into his studio with a strong and, of course, false intonation: 

*Venant des noces belles, Au jardin des amours…*

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OD by Karl Hans Strobl and translated by Joe E Bandel

It doesn’t look very good, thinks Reinhold, that these two suspicious fellows have pockets full of stones—what does the cause of freedom have to do with such questionable characters and stones in their pockets? Yet they walk alongside the procession as if they belong, and Reinhold looks around somewhat embarrassed, wondering if anyone among the onlookers on the street is someone who knows him and wonders how the students came to have such followers. But Futterknecht pulls him along, and they stride quickly to arrive in time.

They arrive in time; those from the university haven’t yet set off; there’s still a dense throng crammed into the small square in front of the lecture hall entrance. Everyone wants the same thing, but there’s a lack of an organizing and guiding spirit, the final spark of a word. Even a professor is still speaking, urging patience, awaiting the further noble resolutions of the monarch.

“We’ve waited enough now,” shouts Futterknecht, “up to the country house!”

Now Reinhold no longer marches at the front; he has managed to slip away from Futterknecht and blend into the crowd. No, he doesn’t have to march at the front; it’s not necessary, and it’s even embarrassing to have all eyes fixed on him as if he were a leader, when he knows he’s just going along. Yes, to be a leader, he might have had to do things quite differently at home—not always standing stiffly, not letting all growth be crushed under the yoke of blind obedience. And as long as it was just words, it was a good and beautiful cause; the words were pure and grand, spreading shining wings. But now the words have descended into reality; it seems they’re on the march toward action, and they have pockets full of stones and suddenly look entirely different.

The people in the windows call and wave, and many stand along the houses, calling and waving; at the corner of Herrengasse, Reinhold suddenly spots Verwalter Ruf, his father’s steward. He stands with some suspicious characters, gesturing wildly with his hands, his face bright red from wine and shouting, and the others gesture and shout too, and perhaps they’re all a bit drunk together. But Reinhold doesn’t take the time to look closer; a sudden fright strikes his heart; he ducks his head, makes himself small, and dives under. There stands Verwalter Ruf, and it could be that he might someday tell his father: “Yes, and our young master was among them too.”

Soon after, Reinhold is caught in a whirl and, with many others, is swallowed by the gate of the country house. So many people are crammed into the narrow courtyard that they can hardly move.

Above, the estates deliberate; below, the students rage. They hoist a speaker onto their shoulders, and he throws words like torches into the crowd. He says: “We must stand at the height of this day!” And he says: “Whoever lacks courage on this day belongs in the nursery!”

Next to Reinhold, a student asks: “Who is that? I don’t know him.”

The speaker himself answers, accompanied by a grand gesture: “The Damocles sword of the police hovers over my head, but I say like Hütten: I have dared! I am Doctor Fischhof!”

A note flutters out of one of the windows into the courtyard. The The estates have passed a resolution; a hundred hands reach for the note; someone climbs onto the fountain roof and waves the paper over the surging heads—a broad-shouldered, bearded Futterknecht.

“Read! Read it aloud!”

Futterknecht reads: “The estates have resolved to request His Majesty to deign to order that a statement on the bank and state budget be presented…”

“Ridiculous! Are they trying to make fools of us?”

And Futterknecht continues reading: “The estates have resolved to request His Majesty to deign to order that a provincial committee of all provinces be convened to discuss timely reforms…”

“That’s typical of the estates!” — “They want to stall us to betray us!” — “Away with this nonsense!”

Futterknecht folds the paper, tears it in half, then again, letting the scraps flutter away: “I solemnly declare, in the presence of those here and in the name of the Austrian people, that we have no use for such a scrap. We want freedom, not committees and statements.”

A bang cuts through the roar. “They’re shooting at us!”

“No, no, it’s just a door slamming shut!”

“Up! Up! We want to speak to the estates ourselves!”

In a frightful crush, the crowd presses into the house, up the stairs—yes, they want to speak to the estates themselves; the days of groveling are over; they must be told plainly what it’s about.

Reinhold is pushed along, but at that moment, he stands by a window where a man is present. The man stands about a step from the window, his back to the courtyard, apparently speaking to someone in the hallway, invisible from here. And the man—head, shoulders, posture—it can only be his father. At that same moment, all sense deserts Reinhold. He doesn’t ask how his father got here, what his father is doing in the country house. He thinks: The father is everywhere, even where one least expects him, and he thinks, if the father sees me here, if the father sees me here!

Reinhold braces against the push of the crowd; he struggles desperately—no, not that, not to be driven before those clear, cold eyes. He elbows his way around, ducks, charges headfirst into the crowd, ignoring angry and mocking shouts.

It works; he reaches the gate, but only to get stuck in another equally dire crush. Across, the bayonets of soldiers glint in the midday sun, blocking access to the Hofburg. An old man in a general’s uniform towers in the saddle of his horse above the human throng. He might want to calm things, perhaps means well, but he misjudges his tone. He barks at the people as a corporal might snap at recruits on the barracks square. “Do you want to The estates have passed a resolution; a hundred hands reach for the note; someone climbs onto the fountain roof and waves the paper over the surging heads—a broad-shouldered, bearded Futterknecht.

“Read! Read it aloud!”

Futterknecht reads: “The estates have resolved to request His Majesty to deign to order that a statement on the bank and state budget be presented…”

“Ridiculous! Are they trying to make fools of us?”

And Futterknecht continues reading: “The estates have resolved to request His Majesty to deign to order that a provincial committee of all provinces be convened to discuss timely reforms…”

“That’s typical of the estates!” — “They want to stall us to betray us!” — “Away with this nonsense!”

Futterknecht folds the paper, tears it in half, then again, letting the scraps flutter away: “I solemnly declare, in the presence of those here and in the name of the Austrian people, that we have no use for such a scrap. We want freedom, not committees and statements.”

A bang cuts through the roar. “They’re shooting at us!”

“No, no, it’s just a door slamming shut!”

“Up! Up! We want to speak to the estates ourselves!”

In a frightful crush, the crowd presses into the house, up the stairs—yes, they want to speak to the estates themselves; the days of groveling are over; they must be told plainly what it’s about.

Reinhold is pushed along, but at that moment, he stands by a window where a man is present. The man stands about a step from the window, his back to the courtyard, apparently speaking to someone in the hallway, invisible from here. And the man—head, shoulders, posture—it can only be his father. At that same moment, all sense deserts Reinhold. He doesn’t ask how his father got here, what his father is doing in the country house. He thinks: The father is everywhere, even where one least expects him, and he thinks, if the father sees me here, if the father sees me here!

Reinhold braces against the push of the crowd; he struggles desperately—no, not that, not to be driven before those clear, cold eyes. He elbows his way around, ducks, charges headfirst into the crowd, ignoring angry and mocking shouts.

It works; he reaches the gate, but only to get stuck in another equally dire crush. Across, the bayonets of soldiers glint in the midday sun, blocking access to the Hofburg. An old man in a general’s uniform towers in the saddle of his horse above the human throng. He might want to calm things, perhaps means well, but he misjudges his tone. He barks at the people as a corporal might snap at recruits on the barracks square. “Do you want to “Pöbel, do you want to make common cause? Do you want to let bad people incite you?”

“Get rid of the military!”

A club swings; the blow knocks the old man’s feathered hat down, strikes his temple; beneath the white hair, dark blood wells up, dripping onto the white uniform coat.

Reinhold throws himself back into the crowd, works his way through, reaches the mouth of a side alley. He just sees a battalion of pioneers marching in from Freyung into Herrengasse, rank upon rank, filling the entire street width with leveled bayonets. It stamps the crowd into the street’s narrowness, crushing bodies to pulp; pain and rage howl. Reinhold stands as stones and wooden debris rise, and then a salvo roars.

Reinhold runs; behind him, a scattering crowd; behind the crowd, pioneers with leveled bayonets. Now and then, one of the soldiers stops and fires.

Reinhold runs; a blow hits his shoulder. He turns while running, but no one is close enough to have struck him. A few screaming women, groups of men, then the soldiers behind.

Reinhold runs, makes a sharp turn, reaches Schottentor. There’s no intent behind it; he has no definite plan; he just wants to escape the cauldron there and the father’s fixed stare. Through Schottentor, from the suburbs, more crowds of workers still approach. Fleeing people come toward them: “They’re shooting at us!” — “We’re being murdered!” — “Blood has been shed!”

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OD by Karl Hans Strobl and translated by Joe E Bandel

And I myself,” Semmelweis clutched both hands around Reichenbach’s right arm, his face contorted in pain, “I myself, imagine it, I myself for years as an assistant dissected corpses every morning before visiting the clinic. For years. How many women might I have brought death to? Unknowingly! Isn’t that terrible? One washes one’s hands before the examination, of course, with soap and water one washes. But one can’t get rid of the corpse smell. One must wash the hands with chlorinated water to kill the germs.”

He fell silent, exhausted, and the Freiherr said: “That is truly a great matter.”

Semmelweis laughed: “A great matter! You say that. But our wise gentlemen think otherwise.”

Severin brings the coffee in, and since there’s no other place, he pushes a stack of books and notebooks aside on the desk and sets down the tray. Reichenbach pours the steaming black and white into a light brown mixture and makes an inviting gesture. But Semmelweis doesn’t sit; standing, he takes a cup and brings it to his mouth; the coffee is scalding hot, he spurts it out again over the books and notebooks. And while he pulls out his handkerchief and dabs at the coffee stains, he says grimly: “Yes, our noble professors, these old fogeys… There’s Professor Klein. His predecessor was the great Boer. Emperor Joseph II knew what kind of man he was. But precisely for that reason, he was a thorn in the side of his successors, the priests, and Metternich. They deposed him and gave Klein the position as his successor. Why? Because Boer expressly said that Klein was the dumbest among his students. Just to annoy Boer one last time. We are in Austria, understood! Skoda wrote a textbook on percussion and auscultation. They got upset that he was only burdening the patients with all that tapping and listening, and they sent him to the insane asylum. Yes, we are in Austria.”

He pauses and stirs his coffee cup angrily with the spoon.

“One would think,” says Reichenbach, “such a simple matter…”

“Exactly, simple matters,” nods Semmelweis eagerly, “one just washes one’s hands with chlorinated water, that’s it! And the result is immediate—the mortality rate almost drops to zero. But the gentlemen have their theories. They insist that childbed fever is an epidemic; they believe in a genius epidemicus, they talk of an accumulation of impure humors in the blood and of erysipelas-like inflammation of the intestines… they close their eyes to avoid seeing what admits no doubt. Are those criminals or not?”

“You should write about it in detail,” says Reichenbach, “publish your discovery for the whole world.”

Semmelweis starts, like a sleepwalker who has heard the cry that brings a fall. One notices that it was a soliloquy he had been conducting, perhaps he wouldn’t have spoken so openly about Austria and Metternich and the professors otherwise. Now he stands dazed and intimidated. “Write,” he sighs, “oh, if only I could write. I went to a school in Pest, German and Hungarian, and now I can’t write either German or Hungarian properly. But don’t you believe that the truth must prevail even so?”

“One must also help the most obvious truths to their feet,” Reichenbach remarks, “few can walk on their own.” Reichenbach is quite stirred by what he has heard, but he still doesn’t know what to do with it. “I am unfortunately not a physician—”

Semmelweis wipes his damp forehead with the back of his hand, sinks back into the chair at the desk, and draws the coffee cup toward himself with a trembling hand. Yes, now one can finally drink; he sips the coffee in small gulps. “Forgive me,” he says. “You still don’t know why I’ve come to you! It’s not for my sake, but the many women I may have killed in my ignorance demand it of me… I’d rather leave Vienna, but I must try; I’d like to apply for a privatdozent position. Skoda, Hebra, even Klein’s own son-in-law Chiari are for me, but Klein and the other fogeys and the ministry… You have connections with the ministry…”

“Do not overestimate my influence,” says Reichenbach, nonetheless flattered by a trust that seeks to make him an ally in an important matter, “in Liebig’s case, I couldn’t enforce anything either.”

A sincere look pleads for his assent: “If you believe in me, then you must at least try.”

“Very well,” says Reichenbach, won over by the complete devotion of this man to his one radiant thought, “I will see what I can do.”

Chapter 8

The days have grown short; rain and autumn wind sweep the forests around Kobenzl bare. It is time to move back to the city; the crates stand around in the garden hall and are being loaded onto the wagon by Severin and the old servants.

The Freiherr goes through the castle once more to check if anything has been left behind that might be needed in the city. He also casts a glance into the silkworm room, though there is nothing to see there. But there is something to see; someone stands at the window and is crying.

“Must you cry again, Friederike?” asks Reichenbach. It is unmistakable that her eyes are moist, but she pulls herself together, for she knows the Freiherr does not like such letting go.

“It will be so sad in the castle now,” she says, “when everyone is gone.”

The care for the silkworms has come to an end since the last animals perished and Reichenbach has for the time being given up dealing with the ungrateful creatures. Friederike is a good child; she always wants to make herself useful somehow and bring the Freiherr some joy.

“You must take good care of the father,” Reichenbach says soothingly. Oh God, certainly that would be the next thing, to take care of the father, but Friederike would much rather be truly useful to the Freiherr. She pities him, quite indescribably so, and yet she couldn’t say why. The father goes to the tavern, is grumpy because there’s never enough money in the house, and when he’s really drunk, he sometimes even strikes Friederike!—but she says nothing of this to Reichenbach, or he would surely give the father a stern talking-to. The Freiherr, however, has always been good to her; her entire childhood was one of looking up to him, and it seems to her as if things aren’t quite going for him as he deserves.

“So keep a good watch on the little castle,” Reichenbach jokes, “and if robbers come, you shoot them dead for me.”

Then he goes out in front of the castle; the carriage is already ready, the Freiherr climbs in, and Friederike waves with her handkerchief, and then she can cry to her heart’s content, since no one sees her anymore.

Friederike, yes, Friederike, thought Reichenbach as his carriage drove toward the city, she had something so loving and attractive in her nature that she was never overlooked when she happened to cross a guest’s path at Kobenzl. Everyone turned to look at her and asked: “Who is she, then?” She looked so delicate and refined that, dressed in fine clothes, she could quite well have denied her origins from the Blansko forest lodge. From her father, she had certainly inherited nothing—not the somewhat bulbous nose, nor the receding chin, nor the watery-blue eyes. She must owe most of it to her mother, but Reichenbach could no longer quite recall her; he only remembered that people had said she was an exceptionally beautiful woman, despite the many children. That was probably also the reason why the Altgräfin later no longer allowed her to come to the castle, after she had been called in as a helper for several years.

Things might also have turned out somewhat differently for the girl if her mother had remained alive. But she had to die because back then no one had any inkling of the causes of childbed fever, because every doctor was a murderer, unwittingly and guiltlessly, yet still an assistant to the strangling angel of mothers.

There the Freiherr was again with the thoughts that had occupied him incessantly in these last weeks. Chemistry and geology and metallurgy and astronomy and all the rest—those were certainly respectable sciences! Ironworks and sugar factories and—if only those treacherous silkworms hadn’t been so sensitive—silk mills, all very fine, profitable, and incidentally honorable. One could even become a Freiherr that way. But what was all that compared to the science of man? There were hours when Reichenbach wrestled with the fact that it had not destined him for the career of a physician. To heal sick people! To prevent diseases! Jenner had invented the cowpox vaccination; this German-Hungarian Semmelweis, who couldn’t even write properly, would undoubtedly become the savior of countless mothers. How would it have turned out if, say, a Reichenbach had mastered cholera? Was there a more enticing riddle, a more alluring mystery than the still-unrevealed nature of man?

Stoked by these thoughts, Reichenbach’s discontent grew, and even the move to the city did nothing to change it. It was hard to please him. Hermine neglected her scientific work, and why? She suddenly developed such a zeal for singing and music that everything else fell short.

“You do value it,” Hermine objected, “you yourself invited Schuh.”

“But it’s not necessary for him to come daily.”

“He doesn’t come daily,” Hermine resisted with gentleness, “he comes once or twice a week.” “So not daily, but still too often. He’s drawing you away from science.” Still, Reichenbach didn’t want to issue an outright ban; this Schuh was a useful fellow, one could talk with him about all sorts of things; now he was occupied with Daguerre’s process.

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Chapter 73: Moral Absolutes – Anchoring in True Will and Personal Integrity

Have you ever navigated the foggy shades of ethics, questioning where unwavering principles stand amid life’s ambiguities—discovering that certain absolutes, like knowing your True Will and perfecting your unique worldview, can guide you to harmony and purpose? What if “miracles” of fulfillment emerged from these anchors: cumulative personal effort, unflinching honesty, and rejecting destructive habits or coercive control, ensuring actions align with self-defense, individual rights, and inner authority rather than external surrender? In this reflection on moral absolutes, we identify timeless pillars in the murk—True Will as your cosmic role, a refined paradigm as your reality map, and the rejection of habitual dishonesty, laziness, needless destruction, unjust control, force beyond defense, and power abdication. This isn’t rigid dogma; it’s empowered self-determination, where blind acceptance yields to thoughtful discernment, fostering growth without illusion.

This moral framework subtly reflects a balanced dynamic: The expansive pursuit of True Will (outward, generative purpose like branches seeking their skyward path) aligns seamlessly with the grounding refinement of paradigm (inward, stabilizing honesty like roots affirming solid earth), creating harmony without compromise. Like an oak tree, whose enduring form stems from intrinsic direction (innate will) and adaptive strength (refined structure), miracles of integrity arise from absolutes that work. In this chapter, we’ll illuminate these truths into guiding principles, exploring True Will and paradigm perfection, cumulative effort and honesty, unconditional wrongs, and self-reliant discernment, all linked to your OAK Matrix as third-eye clarity (inner authority) resonating with solar plexus resolve (personal power). By the end, you’ll possess tools to embrace absolutes, reject harms, and turn ethical alignment into “superhuman” empowerment, elevating ambiguous choices into purposeful stands. Let’s clarify your anchors and uncover how moral absolutes unlock miracle-level integrity.

True Will: Your Unique Place in the Universe

At the heart of absolutes lies knowing your True Will—your text positions it as your distinct reason for existence, harmonious with the cosmos yet unique, discovered via inner authority rather than external gurus.

Why miraculous? It orients all efforts, ensuring actions contribute cumulatively without waste. Common trait: Personal, non-conforming; in sync with universal flow.

Dynamic balance: Will’s outward expression (generative direction) aligns with universe’s grounding harmony (stabilizing fit), blending individuality with wholeness.

In OAK: This crown-level purpose (cosmic role) fuels third-eye intuition for authentic guidance.

Empowerment: Quiet reflection—ask, “What feels eternally right?” to reveal your will.

Paradigm Perfection: Refining Your View of Reality

A perfected personal paradigm—your text describes it as a unique reality view, differing from others but aligned with truth—serves as a moral compass, built through honest self-assessment.

Why? It ensures efforts yield results, free from illusion. Common: Evolving, effort-based; harmonious despite diversity.

Dynamic: Paradigm’s stabilizing refinement (grounding in honesty) aligns with life’s outward challenges (generative adaptation), fusing perception with progress.

In OAK: Mental-level clarity integrates with heart’s ethical balance.

Practical: Challenge one belief weekly—retain if it empowers; discard if it distorts.

Cumulative Effort and Unflinching Honesty: Foundations of Integrity

Moral strength demands personal effort and honesty—your text stresses applying ourselves without relying on others, being true at all costs, and respecting others’ autonomy.

Why superhuman? Effort accumulates power; honesty prevents self-deception. Common: Self-reliant; mutual respect fosters growth.

Dynamic: Effort’s stabilizing persistence (grounding in action) aligns with honesty’s outward truth (generative trust), blending diligence with authenticity.

In OAK: Solar plexus will (effort) resonates with throat’s communication (honesty).

Empowerment: Commit to a daily honest act—build effort toward a goal, noting cumulative gains.

Unconditional Wrongs: Habits and Actions to Reject

Certain behaviors are absolutely harmful—your text lists habitual dishonesty/laziness, needless destruction, denying rights/controlling others (especially via laws/government), unjust force (beyond self-defense), and surrendering power to causes/authorities.

Why? They erode personal and collective harmony, serving self-interest over mutual good. Common: Destructive intent; coercive control.

Dynamic: Wrongs’ destabilizing chaos (scattering energy) contrasts with absolutes’ grounding principles (stabilizing respect), highlighting rejection for balance.

In OAK: Lower emotional traps (laziness/control) opposed by unity’s ethical resolve.

Practical: Identify a “wrong” in your life—replace with an absolute-aligned choice.

Shared Traits: Uniqueness, Cumulation, and Self-Reliance

These absolutes converge: True Will/paradigm as unique anchors, effort/honesty as builders, wrongs as avoidables—your text unites them in self-honesty, cumulative progress, and rejecting blind following.

Why? They ensure harmony without illusion. Dynamic: Uniqueness’ stabilizing core (grounding in self) aligns with reliance’s outward stand (generative power), merging personal with universal.

In OAK: Lower chakras (habits) resonate with higher unity for moral miracles.

Empowerment: Spot compromises in routines—realign with absolutes for empowered clarity.

Cultivating Moral Mastery: Discerning Through Inner Authority

Mastery involves thoughtful discernment—your text advises listening to inner authority over teachers (including these), deciding independently without blind acceptance.

Why? It perfects paradigm, honors True Will. Dynamic: Discernment’s stabilizing introspection (grounding in truth) aligns with mastery’s outward application (generative ethics), fusing question with conviction.

In OAK: Third-eye (authority) integrates with solar plexus (resolve).

Practical: Question a teaching daily—adopt only if it resonates internally.

Practical Applications: Embracing Absolutes Daily

Make moral miracles steadfast:

  • Will Journal: Note a “True Will” insight (male path: generative pursuit; female path: stabilizing harmony). Reflect dynamic: Grounding paradigm + outward effort.
  • Partner Integrity Share: Discuss an absolute stand with someone (men: outward resolve; women: grounding honesty). Explore seamless integration. Alone? Affirm, “Self and cosmos align in me.”
  • Effort Ritual: Visualize a wrong (e.g., control); replace with honest action. Act: Apply effort to a paradigm tweak, noting integrity boost.
  • Discernment Exercise: Weekly, evaluate an external idea—embrace if it empowers your will.

These awaken power, emphasizing seamless dynamic over compromise.

Conclusion: Unlock Miracles Through Moral Anchors

Moral absolutes—True Will, paradigm perfection, effort/honesty, rejecting wrongs—anchor integrity by fostering unique harmony, cumulative growth, and self-reliant discernment. A balanced dynamic unites grounding with expansion, turning ethics into superhuman purpose. Like an oak standing firm through storms via intrinsic truths, embrace this for principled living.

This isn’t imposed—it’s chosen. Honor your absolutes today, act honestly, and feel the alignment. Your miraculous life awaits—true, empowered, and absolute.

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Chapter 5: All of Life Is A Celebration – Embracing Joy in Every Moment

Have you ever stood in the midst of a storm, feeling the rain on your skin and the wind whipping around you, and suddenly realized that even in chaos, there’s a wild beauty worth celebrating—like the thrill of being alive amid nature’s fury? That’s the essence of seeing all of life as a celebration, a mindset that turns every experience, good or bad, into an opportunity for empowerment and growth. In your essay “All of Life Is A Celebration,” you describe the present moment as an eternal, lonely spark of awareness, yet one that can expand to encompass everything, rejecting logic’s traps for the intuitive flow of life’s energy. This chapter expands that vision for The OAK Matrix Unleashed, a rewrite of Modern Survivalism, delving into celebration as a path to personal empowerment: rejoicing in the now’s glory, where duality’s loving embrace unites struggle and victory. Like an oak reveling in sun after rain, shedding old leaves to sprout new ones in triumphant growth, celebration resolves opposites—pain’s depth (containing female) meeting joy’s radiance (expansive male)—birthing a life of purpose and ecstasy. It’s not naive optimism; it’s warrior wisdom, turning life’s battles into festivals of strength.

In a world that often feels overwhelming—with endless demands, failures, and uncertainties—celebration might seem like a luxury. But your essay challenges that: the present is our eternal existence, a spark that can expand to hold all, transcending logic’s paradoxes for intuitive flow. Why celebrate when life hurts? And how does it empower? We’ll explore the present as a boundless canvas for joy, the warrior’s glory in effort, life’s sacred energy as celebration’s fuel, and duality’s embrace in all moments. Through chaos theory’s leaps, celebration becomes a tool to break free from slavery to the masses, turning the now into a God or Goddess’s domain. Empowerment is living fully—drinking deeply of life’s rapture, as you urge, to transcend ordinary humanity.

The Present as Boundless Canvas: Your Eternal Spark of Awareness

Your essay opens with the present moment as a lonely point of awareness—an “I” forever alone, yet capable of expanding to encompass all that exists. This spark, like a star in the night sky, can’t leave the now but can make it vast, turning isolation into infinite connection. Chaos theory explains: inputs from life build chaotically (a painful memory stresses, a joyful surprise expands), leaping to stability when we celebrate the moment. The present isn’t confining; it’s empowering—your unique canvas, painted with beliefs, experiences, memories, and instincts (Chapter 1’s possibility cloud)—offering lessons no one else accesses.

Duality’s loving embrace resolves: expansive infinity (male, outward like an oak’s branches, holding all possibilities) meets containing aloneness (female, inward like roots, focusing the spark). Your essay’s call—be a God/Goddess in the now—empowers this: reject old thinking (logic’s traps) for celebration’s freedom. The “I” is a photon spark (evolved light), manifesting through effort—victory’s glory or fight’s honor. Empowerment: recognize your spark’s power—effort cumulative, leading to success, like chaos leaps turning hard work into triumph.

To empower: daily “Canvas Expansion”—pause in the now, list three “expansions” (e.g., a smell evoking memory, a sound sparking idea), celebrate one (journal its joy). Chaos builds (loneliness stress), leaping to connection—embracing the present’s boundless canvas.

The Warrior’s Glory: Effort as Cumulative Path to Victory

Your essay declares: to be a God or Goddess is to do life well—glory in fight and victory, effort cumulative against the masses’ effortless demands. Chaos theory illuminates: hard work builds chaotically (setbacks stress), leaping to stability when persistent—turning failure into empowerment. The masses seek unearned rewards, damning flow; warriors celebrate effort, like water breaking dams to reach the ocean.

Duality embraces: expansive victory (male, outward glory) meets containing fight (female, inward resolve), birthing triumph. Your essay’s sexual/bio-electrical energy (life’s flow) empowers this—generating it in the now transforms us, transcending ordinary humanity. Empowerment: embrace both—rejoice in struggle’s lessons, victory’s ecstasy. Reject logic’s paradoxes (proving/disproving anything), for they distort truth; follow intuitive flow, turning the present into a warrior’s arena.

Example: A failed project stresses, but celebrating the effort (what learned) leaps to new success. Daily: “Warrior Effort”—choose a hard task (e.g., exercise), journal its glory. Chaos leaps: cumulative work empowers, defying the lost.

Life’s Sacred Energy: Celebration’s Fuel and Flow

Your essay ties celebration to life’s energy—sexual/bio-electrical force pulsing in the now, transforming us into Gods/Goddesses. Chaos theory: energy builds (tension in moments), leaping to release when undammed—turning life’s swirl into joy. Duality embraces: expansive flow (male, outward like water seeking ocean) meets containing ocean (female, inward fulfillment), birthing ecstasy.

Empowerment: don’t dam with control—let energy flow through moments. Your essay warns: forced paths (conscious manipulation) curse; trust brings joy. For example, a spontaneous laugh with a friend generates energy, sparking connection. In love, it’s bio-electrical waves—prolonged sharing (talk, touch) floods body, opening psychic senses. Empowerment: recognize dams (fear, judgment), release them—say yes to moments, letting energy guide. Like an oak’s sap flowing undammed, sacred energy turns present into rapture.

Daily: “Flow Check”—reflect on a blocked moment (e.g., hesitation to speak), release it (act freely). Chaos leaps: tension resolves in joy.

Worship Life’s Unfolding: Moments as Teachers

Your essay urges worshiping life’s unfolding—not Deity, but moments themselves—as they tremble with heart-leaping joy or terror. Dams of old thinking block this; break them to flow free. Chaos theory: moments build chaotically (joy/terror tension), leaping to fulfillment when undammed. Duality embraces: expansive worship (male, outward rejoicing) meets containing containing experience (female, inward learning), birthing wisdom.

Empowerment: live moments fully—pain teaches, joy heals. Your essay’s call: have courage to follow energy, even if paths diverge. For relationships, it’s sacred—don’t dam love; let it end when spark fades. Empowerment: embrace all—laugh at joys, learn from terrors. Like an oak worshipping rain’s storm (terror) and sun’s warmth (joy), unfolding teaches resilience.

Daily: “Moment Worship”—pause in a moment (happy or hard), feel its pulse, journal its lesson. Chaos leaps: unfolding empowers presence.

We Teach Each Other: Love as Mutual Growth

Your essay culminates: we’re teachers, helping love and live—have courage to end when growth stops. Chaos theory: exchanges build tension (differences), leaping to harmony. Duality embraces: expansive teaching (male, outward sharing) meets containing learning (female, inward receiving), birthing mutual empowerment.

Empowerment: recognize others as mirrors—learn from “around you,” teach freely. Your essay’s true mate: opposites joined, rejoicing in sacred time. For singles, teach self-love; for all, break dams of hate—embrace as teachers. Like oaks in a grove teaching wind’s lessons, we grow together.

Daily: “Teach Sync”—share a lesson with someone (or journal), receive one back. Empowerment blooms: love teaches, life unfolds.

Practical Applications: Embracing the Flow

To empower in the present:

  • Classroom Scan: List three “teachers” around (person, book, nature). Engage one—journal lesson. Meditate under an oak, feeling trunk as shared wisdom.
  • Energy Release: Identify a “dam” (fear). Release it (act boldly). Partner: Men: Expansive share; women: Containing receive. Hold hands, breathe, feeling sync. Alone, balance within.
  • Unfolding Ritual: In a moment (joy/terror), worship its pulse. Oak Ritual: Touch bark, ask: “What teaches me?” Visualize dam breaking, flow uniting opposites.
  • Daily Teach: Morning: Affirm three exchanges (smile, listen). Evening: Reflect lessons, release past dams.

These tools empower mutual growth.

Conclusion: Life’s Sacred Classroom – Your Empowered Flow

We teach each other in the now’s classroom, undamming life’s flow for joy and love. In The OAK Matrix Unleashed, it’s duality’s loving exchange—moments birthing empowerment. Joe Bandel invites: live, teach, love deeply. The oak teaches: embrace the flow, and infinity unfolds.

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Chapter 4: We Teach Each Other – The Power of Shared Growth in the Now

Have you ever found yourself in a conversation with a stranger that unexpectedly shifts your perspective, like a gentle breeze revealing a new path through the woods, leaving you inspired and connected in ways you couldn’t have planned? That’s the magic of teaching each other—a sacred exchange where we grow together in the present moment, sharing life’s lessons without force or expectation. In your essay “We Teach Each Other,” you describe the present as a gateway to infinite possibilities, urging us to cast away old thinking, generate sacred energy, and let it flow like water seeking the ocean, undammed and free. This chapter expands that vision for The OAK Matrix Unleashed, a rewrite of Modern Survivalism, framing mutual teaching as a cornerstone of personal empowerment: in the now, we learn from those around us, trusting life’s intelligent flow to guide us toward true connections and fulfillment. Like an oak’s branches intertwining with neighboring trees, sharing shelter and strength without competition, this path resolves duality’s tension—expansive exploration (male, outward seeking) meeting containing wisdom (female, inward nurturing)—birthing growth through loving exchange. It’s not about control; it’s about flow, turning the present’s uncertainty into a classroom of joy and discovery.

In a world where we often feel isolated, chasing self-sufficiency or fearing vulnerability, the idea of teaching each other feels revolutionary. Your essay reminds us the present isn’t empty—it’s surrounded by directions, people, and opportunities, each a teacher if we open to them. But why do we build “dams” of resistance, clinging to what we know? And how does trusting the flow empower us? We’ll explore the present as a shared classroom, sacred energy’s undammed path, life’s unfolding as worship, and mutual teaching as love’s essence. Through chaos theory’s leaps, we’ll see exchanges building tension to birth new understanding. Empowerment is embracing the unknown around you—learning from others, generating energy in the now, and letting it lead to true mates. Let’s dive deep, making this a tool for living fully, turning solitude into connection.

The Present as Shared Classroom: Infinite Directions Around You

Your essay opens with the present moment as a crossroads—directions everywhere, things to do, but uncertainty in choosing. No one wants “me”; they want what’s not me—this old thinking traps us in isolation. Empowerment starts by casting it away: the present is meant for living, experiencing, rejoicing. Chaos theory explains: inputs around you (people, opportunities) build chaotically, stressing until leaping to clarity in choice. The present’s “around you” is unique—your beliefs, experiences, memories, genetics (Chapter 1’s possibility cloud)—offering lessons no one else accesses. A stranger’s story might spark insight; a friend’s advice shifts perspective. We’re not alone; we’re dams in life’s river, blocking flow. Empowerment: open to what’s around—listen, learn, exchange. Like an oak’s branches reaching to neighboring trees for wind’s lessons, the present becomes a classroom where we teach each other, turning uncertainty into growth.

To empower: daily “Around Me Scan”—list three things/people nearby (e.g., a book, colleague, nature sound), engage one (read a page, ask a question, listen deeply). Chaos builds (discomfort in unknown), leaping to connection—embracing infinite possibilities in the now.

Sacred Energy’s Undammed Path: Water Seeking the Ocean

Your essay likens sacred energy (sexual/bio-electrical) to water—flowing downhill, seeking the ocean (true mate), but dammed by old thinking. Generate it in the now, or it never happens. This energy, life’s intelligence, wanders unknowably but inevitably fulfills. Chaos theory: energy builds chaotically (moments of tension), leaping past dams to stability. Duality embraces: expansive wander (male, outward flow) meets containing ocean (female, inward fulfillment), birthing ecstasy.

Empowerment: don’t dam with control—let energy flow through moments. Your essay warns: forced paths (conscious manipulation) curse; trust brings joy. For example, a spontaneous laugh with a friend generates energy, sparking connection. In love, it’s bio-electrical waves—prolonged sharing (talk, touch) floods body, opening psychic senses. Empowerment: recognize dams (fear, judgment), release them—say yes to moments, letting energy guide. Like an oak’s sap flowing undammed, sacred energy turns present into rapture.

Daily: “Flow Check”—reflect on a blocked moment (e.g., hesitation to speak), release it (act freely). Chaos leaps: tension resolves in joy.

Worship Life’s Unfolding: Moments as Teachers

Your essay urges worshiping life’s unfolding—not Deity, but moments themselves—as they tremble with heart-leaping joy or terror. Dams of old thinking block this; break them to flow free. Chaos theory: moments build chaotically (joy/terror tension), leaping to fulfillment when undammed. Duality embraces: expansive worship (male, outward rejoicing) meets containing experience (female, inward learning), birthing wisdom.

Empowerment: live moments fully—pain teaches, joy heals. Your essay’s call: have courage to follow energy, even if paths diverge. For relationships, it’s sacred—don’t dam love; let it end when spark fades. Empowerment: embrace all—laugh at joys, learn from terrors. Like an oak worshipping rain’s storm (terror) and sun’s warmth (joy), unfolding teaches resilience.

Daily: “Moment Worship”—pause in a moment (happy or hard), feel its pulse, journal its lesson. Chaos leaps: unfolding empowers presence.

We Teach Each Other: Love as Mutual Growth

Your essay culminates: we’re teachers, helping love and live—have courage to end when growth stops. Chaos theory: exchanges build tension (differences), leaping to harmony. Duality embraces: expansive teaching (male, outward sharing) meets containing learning (female, inward receiving), birthing mutual empowerment.

Empowerment: recognize others as mirrors—learn from “around you,” teach freely. Your essay’s true mate: opposites joined, rejoicing in sacred time. For singles, teach self-love; for all, break dams of hate—embrace as teachers. Like oaks in a grove teaching wind’s lessons, we grow together.

Daily: “Teach Sync”—share a lesson with someone (or journal), receive one back. Empowerment blooms: love teaches, life unfolds.

Practical Applications: Embracing the Flow

To empower in the present:

  • Classroom Scan: List three “teachers” around (person, book, nature). Engage one—journal lesson. Meditate under an oak, feeling trunk as shared wisdom.
  • Energy Release: Identify a “dam” (fear). Release it (act boldly). Partner: Men: Expansive share; women: Containing receive. Hold hands, breathe, sync. Alone, balance within.
  • Unfolding Ritual: In a moment (joy/terror), worship its pulse. Oak Ritual: Touch bark, ask: “What teaches me?” Visualize dam breaking, flow uniting opposites.
  • Daily Teach: Morning: Affirm three exchanges (smile, listen). Evening: Reflect lessons, release past dams.

These tools empower mutual growth.

Conclusion: Life’s Sacred Classroom – Your Empowered Flow

We teach each other in the now’s classroom, undamming life’s flow for joy and love. In The OAK Matrix Unleashed, it’s duality’s loving exchange—moments birthing empowerment. Joe Bandel invites: live, teach, love deeply. The oak teaches: embrace the flow, and infinity unfolds.

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Day 1: The Call to Radon
Night blazed over Xenon, a crimson haze threading a radiant sky—silence pulsed where war once roared, the earth thrumming beneath the Knights’ boots, rubble humming like a lover’s breath. A warm breeze swirled through, earth and bloom rising sweet from below—war-torn vines glowed vibrant across the ruins, their light threading warm through healed scars, the landscape pulsing with life. Tobal stood near a rift’s shimmer, his tunic—red, frayed—swaying loose, wild hair brushing his shoulders—scars ached faintly, medallion glowing, gold humming bold against his chest, yang’s awareness threading his grip as he faced Kael, Mara, and Lila—Fiona’s warmth pressed tight, a spiced spark threading his stance. Fiona leaned into him, her tunic—rough, stitched—billowing free, red hair spilling wild, green eyes glinting bright—her staff rested light, wood gnarled, yin’s wild pulsing through her veins, vines weaving soft around his waist—her hand gripped his, a tender heat flaring bold.

The war was dust—Xenon’s wild surged triumphant—Kael stood steady, wiry frame firm, scarred face softened, tattered cloak swaying—his voice rang clear—“Wild’s ours—we’ll rift too.” Mara flanked him, lean and calm, matted hair framing her face, cracked staff pulsing faint—her purr steadied—“Love holds—we follow.” Lila darted beside, slight and quick, patched hood framing her hope—her hum pulsed—“Peace thrives—we go”—together, they joined, allies bound by Xenon’s healing. Lumens stood radiant, her silver luminescent skin glowing fierce in a black dress, green hair flowing like vines, eyes flaring with earth’s core—shimmering wisps flared—“Xenon thrives—we all rift.” Becca stood with Kael, her tunic—dark, torn—stretched taut over broad shoulders, shaved head gleaming—blue eyes flared bright, axe propped beside her, yin’s wild humming low as she grinned—her breath flared warm. Rafe danced near Mara, his tunic—coarse, patched—flapping loose, hazel eyes glinting mischief—his knife spun wild, steel flashing, yang’s playful spark threading his wiry frame as he juggled a stone—a grin flashed sly. Cal stood tall with Lila, his tunic—soft, faded—hanging easy, tangled brown hair brushing his brow—gray eyes steadied calm, spear light in his grip, yang’s quiet strength pulsing steady as he nodded farewell—his stance relaxed firm. Valentine sat near, his coat—thick, matted—bristling soft, yellow eyes glinting sharp—claws tapped rubble, yang’s instinct rumbling low through his shaggy stride, a soft bark threading his calm.

A sudden hum pierced the air—Radon’s call, sharp and urgent, threading through the wild—“Help us—wild fades”—a faint echo of distress pulsed from the rift. Fiona’s vines pulsed—“Web’s alive—Radon cries”—her voice sang warm, green eyes locking on Tobal as vines brushed his chest, a spiced warmth threading her lean—her lips pressed his neck, a bold heat weaving through—“We’re called”—her hand squeezed his, sparking alive. Tobal’s pulse thrummed—“Wild’s strong—Radon needs us”—his voice rasped low, brown eyes glinting as his whip snapped free—yang’s spark flared the rift, a tender heat threading through—his arm pulled her close, lips grazing hers, flaring bold—“We all go.”

The circle shifted—Kael’s growl rumbled—“Peace holds—let’s move”—his scarred frame stood firm—“Radon waits!” Mara’s purr flared—“Love guides—we rift”—her hands steadied Kael—“We heal!” Lila’s hum rose—“Wild calls—we answer”—her quick feet danced—“Duality leads!” Becca’s cheer surged—“They’re steel—let’s roll”—blue eyes flared bright, axe gleaming as yin’s fire pulsed—“Peace endures!” Rafe’s knife spun—“Next fight—bring it”—breath minty, a spark leaping as he tossed it skyward—“Love flies!” Cal’s spear swung—“Wild’s free—Radon calls”—his voice flowed low, gray eyes glinting resolve—“We’re set!” Valentine’s bark pulsed—“Web pulls”—yellow eyes flared bright—“Peace howls!” Lumens’ wisps pulsed—“Xenon holds—we rift”—her voice hummed—“Radon needs love.”

The circle glowed—the radiant light of the Wild enveloped them—rubble stilled—war’s echo faded—wild’s hum surged, Xenon’s cry weaving—the crew and allies stood firm, Kael, Mara, and Lila rifting with Tobal, Fiona, Becca, Rafe, Cal, Valentine, and Lumens, wild thriving fierce as Xenon faded, Radon’s call pulling them through.

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Chapter 4: Practicus – Mind Meets Body

The OAK Matrix unfolds deeper now, where opposites tangle and awareness sharpens. This is the Practicus stage—mind meeting body, a crossroads where the male and female within us wrestle their own truths, not to defeat, but to dance. For him, it’s a battle of intellect and spirit, logic clashing with intuition’s call. For her, it’s a surrender to flesh, body overtaking mind in a sensual rush. Both stand here, teetering between what they’ve been and what they’ll become, pulled by love’s quiet thread—kinship tightening its hold. The “A” of Awareness grows; the “K” of Kinship whispers louder.

I’ve walked the male’s path here. I was a young man, head full of ideals—perfect love, perfect life—standards so high they mocked reality. The Practicus Degree names it: logic and reason rule, but they falter. I’d puzzle over good and evil, sin and salvation, only to find more questions, a spinning fog where answers dissolved. Psychology marks this—industry vs. inferiority, the mind straining to master life—while mysticism calls it the death of intellect, intuition rising like a tide. I’d set my hero worship on lovers, friends, a world I couldn’t grasp, until reason screamed its limits. Trust came hard—faith in a still voice, the Christ within, over the noise of thought. Body and spirit clashed; love—puppy love, flawed and fierce—urged me to let go.

Then I’ve felt the female’s current. I was a girl blooming into womanhood, periods crashing, body waking with a roar. The Practicus here is no battle, but a dive: mind bowed to flesh, instinct reigned. Life was clear—sensual, immediate, right. I loved myself, the world, every shiver and curve—biology’s pulse, maiden to mother in the making. Psychology sees it as identity’s bloom; nature mirrors it in spring’s reckless growth. No fog, no questions—just joy, freedom, a body that knew before mind could catch up. I trusted it wholly—reason faded, words lost to touch. Love pulled me outward—flirting, laughing, needing others—not as ideals, but as flesh to meet mine.

These paths collide yet caress. He’s caught in a storm—chaos of thought seeking spirit’s order, intellect dying for intuition’s birth. She’s swept in a flood—order of body embracing chaos’s thrill, mind yielding to sensation. I’ve been both: the boy lost in heady dreams, standards crumbling under love’s weight; the girl alive in her skin, chasing hedonism’s gleam. Kinship shifts here—his love a fragile bridge to faith, hers a bold leap to connection. Neither wins; both bend. The Practicus isn’t about mastery—it’s about meeting: mind and body, self and other, opposites held in tension’s tender grip.

This lives beyond books. Physics hums it—energy wavering between wave and particle, mind and matter entwined. Psychology traces it—adolescence balancing thought and urge. Mysticism crowns it—intuition’s triumph over reason’s reign. The Practicus is no sterile grade, but life’s pulse: a first kiss, a broken plan, a body’s ache. Awareness deepens not in solitude, but in relation—his faith a gift from struggle, her power a gift from surrender. Love weaves them closer, opposites not at war, but in a waltz—mind meeting body, step by shaky step.

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