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The Rebirth of Melchior Dronte by Paul Busson and translated by Joe E Bandel

Ronde came.
Kregel had been missing for a week, and no one knew
more than that he had received a letter from home, about which
he was visibly offended and upset. He was one of the
abandoned Germans who lived in the stolen land of the area of
Kolmar.
One day a royal forester came to the Colonel and
reported that children had found a soldier hanging in a tree.
They had however, immediately ran away in fright and now no
longer knew where the place was. And so he thought one or
two companies should search the forest so that the dead man
could be buried in the ground.
So we went in search of Kregel and roamed through the
large pine forest. As we slipped through the thickets and sticks
it happened to me that I got completely lost from the others and
when I shouted for the others as commanded in such cases
received no answer.
When I was so alone with myself, I had to think about
Kregel, who was now freed from all torture and torment. How,
was it not most clever, to put this dog’s life behind him? I
thought how yesterday an eighteen-year-old boy, the Squire
von Denwitz, had stabbed me with a rapier, the tip of which
had lead embedded in it, because there was a chalk stain on my
coat from cleaning the white stuff; how the corporals beat us to
their hearts’ content, how miserable the food was that was served
to us like sows in large tin buckets; how the bread crunched
with sand when it was cut. All this would have been bearable.
But that no hope showed itself, how and when it could ever get
better, that one day after another was filled with curses and
sorrow, to allow another, just as gruesome, to rise, that was the
bad thing. For man must have some hope, if he is not to wither
and wilt.
In this hard school, which God’s hand had thrust me into,
I learned to force myself. I didn’t make a face when my breast
ached from burning pity for the unjustly mistreated, and I kept
silent about the most severe insults which I received by anyone
who was elevated by a braid or finer cloth. Perhaps it was a
punishment that had come to me. But then it could also be an
eternal justice, but how was that possible when far worse than I
could live in joy and glory until the end of their lives. So why
did this burden of suffering fall on me? What purpose could
higher powers, if there were any, have pursued with me by
placing on me burdens of my own and other people’s torment,
to endow me with the finest sensibility for every injustice that
happened to others and gave me more sensitive feelings than
probably all my comrades? They cracked their jokes even when
the worst and most unbearable of arbitrariness had happened to
them, and found full consolation with a glass of schnapps and
in the arms of their soldier’s wives.
I was mad at everything that had hitherto been upright
and consoling of my being and I could not believe what was
happening in front of me day in and day out, I could not
believe in a divine meaning of all these events. What does a
person do who lives in a chamber with hostile, crude, violent,
bad, cowardly, false, and evil people and sees no one in the
whole circle, who wants to create order and justice and has the
ability to do so? One leaves such a chamber. He closes the door
behind him and rejoices, to have escaped the abominable
existence in such a room.
So I now thought to act. Kregel, the poor lad from Alsace,
had shown me the way. And there were enough trees all around;
I wanted to attach my trouser belt to some branch.
I prepared to walk across the small sunlit clearing to
finish my last deed in the deciduous wood when I had to stop,
because in the middle of the open space sat someone, and I was
not alone.
It was the man in the robe with the black turban. He was
resting on a tree stump and his walking stick lay beside him in
the forest moss. His noble hands held the string with amber
beads. It was Ewli.
Once again the strange man, whose small image was
under the high glass dome in my children’s room, stepped in
my path in an intangible way. How did the stranger in his
unusual dress get everywhere? Unmolested, and not even
noticed by the children, he had been sitting at the wayside
shrine, when the Prussian recruiters came for me and my
companions of fate, until the recruiters took me and my
comrades away on their wagon.
At that time I could not connect him with myself any
more than I could about his mysterious interest with my person
in the prayer-filled church. And just as I did not find him in
front of the church anymore, he had disappeared from my view
at the lime trees of Distelsbruck. This time, however, he was to
speak to me before I started the work of self-destruction.
Nevertheless, I could not put one foot in front of the other.
Because the man from the Orient was not alone. In front of him
stood a deer, which rubbed its narrow head flatteringly against
Ewli’s knees. In his hand, which held a birdcage, perched a jay
with a pinkish-grey head and blue wing feathers, and in the
bramble bush to his right chirped uncounted colorful balls of
feathers. Two squirrels, chasing each other, a reddish-brown
one and a black one, went up onto his body, hiding themselves
in the folds of his robe, rolling and chattering, and to my horror
the reddish brown one suddenly disappeared into his robe, as if
it had melted into the same color of the coarse fabric, while the
second one crawled onto the black turban, lost its outline and
did not appear again. I looked at the face of Ewli, overcome by
the radiance of his eyes. Was he looking at me? Were the dark
stars directed into the far distance? I did not know, I just felt
how warm, divine love enveloped me.
Slowly, however, he stood up, walked across the clearing
and disappeared between the tall trees.
Then I came to and was able to move. I ran. Where were
the animals? Not a bird, not a deer was to be seen. Where was
Ewli? I ran into the middle of the high wood and suddenly
stood among my comrades. They had just found Kregel and cut
him down. Horrible to look at, black-blue and green spots on
his face, the swollen ink-colored tongue stretched out, with
open, complaining eyes, he lay on the ground, the rope in the
furrow of his neck. Nobody paid any attention to me.
They had spades with them and dug in the deep, soft
forest soil, where the mouse tunnels ran crisscross and root
snakes crawled.
It was late when we were finished.
In the evening-red sky an endless train of crows flew
silently.
“That means war!” said Wetzlaff and looked at me.

How long had we been in the field? Nobody reckoned
anymore, nobody knew.
I was camped with four comrades in bitter winter. We
had found makeshift quarters in a burned-down farmhouse. All
we had were two piles of rotten, damp straw and a blanket
singed by campfires. And this miserable property we had to
protect and guard, so that not even more miserable ones stole it.
The rifles had to be constantly cleaned without stopping.
After a day they were red again with rust. Zulkov had frozen
the toes of both feet. They were black and stank like the plague.
I had to treat Repke with gun powder and a residue of brandy
to wash out a graze on his back because no one else would do it,
and he screamed so loudly that I took pity on him. Wetzlaff had
gotten severe diarrhea and every five minutes he walked on
wobbly legs in front of the house. Where he had squatted the
snow was bloody all around from his stool. In the night he
moaned so much, that no one could sleep. And although we all
endured, they threw everything at him in the dark that they
could grab with their hands. Then he limped out again to
relieve himself with convulsions. The quietest of us all, a
gloomy person named Kühlemiek, read in a small, tattered
hymnal next to the fire and sometimes murmured:
“O Lord, have mercy on me a sinner!”
Repke was happy when I had bandaged his back again
with old rags, and put dry nut leaves in his pipe.
“The king has said -” he wanted to begin.
But Wetzlaff interrupted him snorting:
“He has said! He has said! If the King lets one go, you
miserable wretches are blissful with doglike awe. Oh, you
starving ribs, you cannon fodder! What is it then that makes
such a king so great?”
“Fridericus Rex is the greatest war hero of all time, you
poisonous toad!” roared Zulkov. “Dare not to insult His
Majesty!”
“Dear brothers in Christ,” pleaded Kühlemiek, “turn your
thoughts to the One who has entrusted all of our lives in His
grace-giving hands!”
“Shut up, old pietist!” Repke shouted at him, “Let
Wetzlaff speak!”
“Oooh!” he groaned, and hurriedly ran out again. We
heard the sound of his discharges and his groaning all the way
into the house. Then he came back again, white as lime, and let
himself fall on the straw.
“As I say, a man must edify and revive himself in the
Lord and King,” Zulkov said after a while. “But there are some
who forget the oath…”
“Do you mean me?” asked Wetzlaff, straightening up
with difficulty. “Refresh yourself, as much as you can with that
cold fire that you have on your hind claws. Yes, you sheep’s
head, so that Friederich can be a great war hero, you must keep
your toes in your shoes, my intestines have to bleed out, a
thousand have to be shoveled into the pits. I ask one, when all
around, with the Austrians over there and us over there, if there
were such guys as me, there would be no more king and
empress, but also no war and no people-beating. But you are in
general too stupid to understand such things. And from this
stupidity of yours all kings and generals, princes and counts
and barons down to our squire with the ass face live equally in
glory and joy and sit enthroned like peacocks in all majesty,
while we are kept as cattle and are driven to the slaughter with
the trilling of pipes and the beating of drums. O you damned,
thick-skinned fool, you horse-apple brains…”

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Alraune by Hanns Heinz Ewers and translated by Joe E Bandel

Finale
It is late in the summer, the hollyhocks now raise their heads
away from the stalks. The mallows scatter their dull tones in tired
colors, pale yellow, lilac and soft pink. When you knocked my love,
the spring was young. When you entered through the narrow gate into
my dream garden the swift little swallows were singing their welcome
to the daffodils and the yellow primrose.
Your eyes were blue and kind and your days were like heavy
clusters of light blue wisteria dropping down to form a soft carpet. My
feet walked lightly there through the sun glistening pathways of your
arbor–Then the shadows fell and in the night eternal sin climbed out
of the ocean, coming here from the south, created out of the glowing
fires of the desert sands.
She spewed forth her pestilent breath in my garden strewing her
rutting passion beneath her veil of beauty. Wild sister, that’s when
your hot soul awoke, shameless, full of every poison. You drank my
blood, exulted and screamed out from painful tortures and from
passionate kisses.
Your marvelous sweet nails that your little maid, Fanny,
manicured grew into wild claws. Your smooth teeth, glowing like
milky opals, grew into mighty fangs. Your sweet childish breasts, little
snow-white kittens, turned into the rigid tits of a murderous whore.
Your golden curls hissed like impassioned vipers and the lightning
that unleashed all madness reposed in your soft jeweled eyes which
caught the light like the glowing sapphire in the forehead of my
golden Buddha.
But gold lotus grew in the pool of my soul, extended themselves
with broad leaves upon the vast shallows and covered the deep
horrors of the whirling maelstrom. The silver tears that the clouds
wept lay like large pearls upon their green leaves, shining through the
afternoons like polished moonstones.
Where the acacia’s pale snow once lay the laburnum now throws
its poisonous yellows–There, little sister, I found the great beauty of
your chaste sins and I understood the pleasures of the saints.
I sat in front of the mirror, my love, drank out of it the over
abundance of your sins while you slept on summer afternoons, in your
thin silk shift on white linen. You were a different person, my dear,
when the sun laughed in the splendor of my garden–sweet little sister
of my dream filled days. You were an entirely different person, my
dear, when it sank into the sea, when the horrors of darkness softly
crept out of the bushes–wild, sinful sister of my passionate nights–But
I could see by the light of day all the sins of the night in your naked
beauty.
Understanding came to me from out of the mirror, the ancient
gold framed mirror, which saw so many games of love in that wide
turret room in the castle of San Costanzo. The truth, which I had only
glimpsed in the pages of the leather bound volume, came to me from
out of that mirror. Sweetest of all are the chaste sins of the innocent.
That there are creatures–not animal–strange creatures, that
originate out of villainous desires and absurd thoughts–that you will
not deny, my love, not you.
Good is the law; good are all the strict rules. Good is the God
that created them and good is the man that carefully observes them.
But there is the child of Satan who with arrogant hands brazenly
rips the eternal laws from their appointed place. The Evil One, who is
a mighty Lord, helps him–that he might create out of his own proud
will–against all nature.
His work towers into the heavens– and yet falls apart and in its
collapse buries the arrogant fool that conceived it–
Now I write this for you, sister, this book–I ripped open old, long
forgotten scars, mixed their dark blood with the bright and fresh
blood of my latest torments. Beautiful flowers grow out of such soil,
fertilized by blood.
All that I have told you, my love, is very true–yet I take it from
the mirror, drink out of its glass the realizations of my latest
experiences and apply them to earlier memories and original events.
Take this book sister. Take it from a wild adventurer who was an
arrogant fool–and a quiet dreamer as well–Take if from one, little
sister, that has run closely alongside such a life–

Miramar–Lesina–Brion
April–October 1911

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A Modern Inquiry into the Hermetic Mystery

Part IV: The Hermetic Practice

Chapter 3: The Six Keys of Eudoxus, Part 4

Introduction: The Six Keys of Eudoxus unlock the philosopher’s stone, a divine gift that transforms and heals through sacred wisdom. This section concludes with the stone’s universal blessings, uniting material and spiritual realms in divine harmony.

The Divine Physician’s Blessings

The philosopher’s stone, as Helmont describes, is a universal medicine wielded by the divine physician, chosen by God to heal with compassion. It fills life with health, riches, and divine favor, as Solomon declares: “Honor the physician, for the Lord created him.” This radiant essence, purified through the Six Keys, expels diseases and curses, bringing consolation and eternal life, as promised in Revelations: “To him that overcometh, I will give the Tree of Life.”

The adept, guided by charity and faith, becomes a vessel of divine light, transforming souls and bodies with the stone’s miraculous virtues, as Van Helmont’s cures of thousands attest.

The Fall and Restoration of Wisdom

Helmont laments the decline of the healing art, where ambition and sloth extinguished charity, separating physicians from surgeons and burying truth in confusion. Yet, the stone’s wisdom, rooted in the “Universal Spirit,” remains accessible to those who seek it with faith, as the Wisdom of Solomon affirms: “Wisdom preserved the righteous, guiding them through trials.”

Mesmerism, a first step toward this ancient wisdom, hints at the divine temple’s foundations, awaiting the adept’s will to resurrect the “Corner Stone” of divine light through persistent inquiry and love.

The Promises of Divine Wisdom

The stone’s blessings, as Revelations promises, include the “hidden Manna” and “White Stone,” granting power, purity, and eternal union with God. Wisdom, as Solomon declares, is “better than rubies,” offering riches, honor, and strength to those who embrace her. The adept, aligned with divine will, wields this universal treasury to uplift humanity, fulfilling the ancient creeds of love and truth.

Closing: This chapter unveils the philosopher’s stone’s divine blessings, uniting material and spiritual realms. The journey into its modern applications deepens in our next post, unveiling further secrets of this sacred art.

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The Rebirth of Melchior Dronte by Paul Busson and translated by Joe E Bandel

I went back again. Dark yellow light fell out from the
chamber; a coffin stood on black-covered trestles, on which
was a cross of silver, and a high funeral crown, with flitters,
colored glass and mirrors. The wax ran and dripped, the
candles flickered. The flowers smelled of earth. Muhme knelt
by the coffin.
“O my Aglajele! My Aglajele!” she cried. That her little
face is never to be known! – Is it raining already?” she asked,
turning her puffy eyes toward me.
“I don’t know.”
And then I cried out and cried so wildly that Muhme put
her arms around my shoulders and spoke to me.
“You must not, boy, you must not – the people are
coming!”
One could hear feet trampling. People were coming,
murmuring. The finch in the hallway jumped from rung to rung
in its cage and kept shouting:
“Look – look – look – the travel gear!”
I stood up.
The priest came. He had the sniffles and often pulled out
his handkerchief. He had baptized Aglaja and blessed her.
Carriages drove up: the Sassens came, the Zochte, the
Merentheim, the cuirassiers from the city, Doctor Zeidlow, the
old Countess Trettin, the Hohentrapps.
A bell rang in the village, tolled; bing – bong – bing –
bong. Schoolchildren.
Muhme waved to the teacher. I heard how she said,
sobbing:
“He makes me sing the same song as he did with my
blessed little Hans, even though she was already blessed. But
she is in white innocence, as it were like a newborn child – God,
oh God!”
Ursula Sassen and Gisbrechte Hohentrapp embraced her
and led her. Then the servants picked up the coffin and carried
it out into the rain.
It was not far to the cemetery. Crows were sitting in the
weeping willows. Crooked old crosses leaned on both sides of
the gravel-strewn path. The iron gate of the hereditary burial
ground stood open with rust-red insides. Above it was a marble
skull with two crossed bones. In its open yawning mouth birds
had built a nest. It stood empty and abandoned. On top of the
head grew moss like woolly hair. I saw everything.
They put the coffin on the ground, and the school sang
again. As Muhme had wanted it, a song that is usually only
sung for very young children. My cousin Hans was two years
old when he died.
When little heirs to heaven
Die in their innocence,
So you don’t forfeit them.
They are only there
Lifted up by the Father,
So that they may not be lost.
Then the priest blew his nose and spoke. The old man
cried. The eighty-year-old Countess Trettin raised her lace
shawl upwards.
“Dust to dust -,” said the priest.
They carried the coffin down. The footsteps sounded
hollow, there was a terrible echo. Voices came from the depths.
Something fell with a thud down there in the darkness.
The rain rushed harder and harder. The carriages drove in
puddles of water. The men tied red handkerchiefs over their
hats, and the women put their skirts over their heads when they
were outside.
My father looked sternly on all sides. The sexton brought
him the key to the crypt.
“There – now have a drink!” said my father, and the
sexton, wet and chattering with his teeth, bowed low. He made
a face and ran his hand to his shoulder. He suffered from acute
Rheumatism.
“Aglaja is freezing -” said a disconsolate voice inside me.
“Aglaja-“
The big house was empty when I got home, the corridors
silent. There was a whispering in the corners, and the clocks
ticked. The stairs creaked in the night, and the wind cried in the
chimney. It was a very strange house. So big and so empty.
On the dark corridor of the second floor was a Dutch
clock with a polished face, on which the moon, sun and stars
moved. Above it, the ornate hands went their way. The
pendulum swung back and forth with a muffled, wham – wham.
After every quarter of an hour, the striking work let its three-
note sound be heard as if from far away:
Gling-glang-glong. At the end of each hour chimes
announced their number. Then a door above the dial opened,
and a small brown rooster slid out of it, moving its wooden
wings with a groaning sound. His voice was lost. Always an
invisible force took him back and closed the door again. At
noon, however, an angel with a blue, gold-edged robe appeared
instead of the cock and in three stiff jerks lifted a green palm
branch.
At twelve o’clock at night, however, a dead little girl
would appear in place of the angel. So we were told when
Aglaja was still alive.

I was standing in this corridor one night. It smelled of
apples and the strange wood of the wide linen cupboards on the
wall. Deer heads carved from wood hung there. They held
white turnips in their mouths and wore antlers that father and
grandfather had captured. Certainly a hundred such deer heads
were distributed throughout the entire house. One of the deer
had been kept tame, held in a fenced area and then released.
Later it had killed a fodder servant and the maids said that the
blood of the servant still stuck to the antlers. The paint had
peeled off the eyeballs of the wooden head, and so he looked
down on me with a ghastly white and blind glare.
Old Margaret, shuffling through the corridors with her
cane and enjoying the bread of mercy, had told me that at the
midnight hour of the day the dead walked in the house where
they had liked to be during their lifetime. I held in my hand a
candelabrum with one of the wax candles that had burned at
Aglaja’s coffin a year ago, and waited for her to come.
The cupboards cracked, there was a throbbing in the wall,
and then it was like a sigh. The wind went over the roof, so that
the shingles rattled. When the hour strike was about to begin,
the door above the clock face opened, and sure enough out
came out a little dead man with hourglass and scythe, turned
his skeleton once to the right and once to the left and raised the
tiny scythe to strike.
“Wham – wham -,” went the pendulum in the pauses of
the hoarse chime of the bell.
“Aglaja” I called softly and peered down the corridor.
Then silently the door of the closet opened, I was
standing nearby, and in the uncertain light of the candle I
thought I saw an ancient woman with a wrinkled brown face
and a large white hood. I staggered to the wall, but when I
forced myself with all my courage to look once more I could
not see anything but the closed door.
Then there was a cough and shuffling footsteps.
Something gray and stooped. The candlestick rattled in my
hand. But it was only old Margaret who was worried about me
and came to see if I was really up there. I held on to her sleeve
like a child and told her what I had encountered. She giggled
and nodded.
“It was the old woman- The great-grandmother of Aglaja
Starke, the daughter of the mayor, who had twisted the family
tree – on the Krämer side. You have seen rightly, my Melchior,
quite rightly. It’s just that she came instead of the young one.
She grabbed me by the jacket. I tore myself loose and stumbled
down the stairs.
In the afternoon Heiner Fessl was executed. He had
overheard the magistrate harass his wife, and since he noticed
that his wife had given in to the powerful man, he had run from
the workshop into the room and had shoved a red-hot iron that
was lying in the fire, through the body of the magistrate, so that
the strong man had to perish and die miserably. He had cruelly
beaten him and likewise the woman. She was dying, people
said. – Powerful helpers, who would have taken care of him-
were not there, and so they broke the staff for him.
At dawn, the man of fear had gone out into the field and
had announced it to the ravens, that the flesh of the sinner
would be available before sunset. So the executioner’s pigeons
were sitting on all the roofs and waiting.
Father told me to put on the silk, lavender-grey coat and
go with him.
“You’re a wimp and a whiner, but you’re no Dronte,” he
said. “I’m going to take you to the spa, boy!”
I felt sick with fear when I heard from a distance the
muffled beat of the drum and the roar of the crowd. All the
alleys were full. They had all travelled to see Fessl on the
executioner’s cart, and now he was to return. To my comfort,
we had to stop quite a distance from the scaffolding, because
the crowd did not move and did not take into consideration the
rank of my father.
“There you see how bold the scoundrels are when there
are many of them together,” said my father loudly and angrily.
He was appeased, however, when the baker, who had his store
there, hurriedly brought us two chairs, so that we could rest for
the time being.
“What you see will be very wholesome for you,” my
father said after a while. “Justice does not work with rose water
and sugar cookies. If it did, we noble folk could pound gravel
on the roads and give our belongings to the rabble.”
In the trees that stood in front of us and lined the square,
many people were sitting. Just in front of us squatted an
abominable fellow, dressed in the manner of Hessian cattle
dealers, in the crown of a linden tree. The sight of him was so
repulsive to me, that I had to look again and again.

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A Modern Inquiry into the Hermetic Mystery

Part III: Concerning the Laws and Vital Conditions of the Hermetic Experiment

Chapter 4: Mental Requisites and Impediments, Part 4

Introduction: The Hermetic art demands a disciplined mind, suitable tools, and a pure heart to unlock divine wisdom. This section explores the practical and spiritual preparation needed, from choosing the right instruments to cultivating charity, to transform the soul into a radiant vessel of truth.

The Philosophic Vessel

The Hermetic art requires a suitable “vessel” to manifest its divine work, as Norton advises: “Ordeyne Instrumente according to the werke.” Vessels vary—small for separation, broad for circulation, narrow for correction—made of lead, clay, or glass, each chosen to harmonize with nature’s processes. Glass, especially the “morning stuff” vitrified from ashes, is prized for containing spiritual essences without leakage, as Vaughan notes: “The glass is one, simple, and easily carried.”

The adept must guide the crafting of these vessels, ensuring they align with the work’s intent. Norton humorously recounts the need for skilled assistance, as careless servants disrupt the delicate process. A faithful, diligent helper, as Solomon suggests, is “like thine own hearte,” essential for success.

The Ideal Environment

The Hermetic work thrives in specific environments, as Norton explains: “Places convenable” vary—dry and windless for some operations, bright or moist for others. Secrecy is crucial, shielding the work from disruptive influences like strong winds or corrupt impressions, which Agrippa warns can pollute the spiritual ether. The adept must choose locations that resonate with the art’s subtle energies, much like Virgil’s serene settings for his bees.

Vaughan emphasizes that the true furnace, or “Athanor,” is simple, requiring minimal effort, yet it holds the secrets of corruption and generation. The right environment ensures the “Central fire” of the work burns harmoniously, avoiding chaos.

The Heart of Charity

Success demands a “charitable seraphic mind,” as Vaughan instructs, rooted in faith and piety. The adept must avoid destructive passions, which disrupt the “sweet spirit of Peace” and cause division in the chaos. A heart aligned with divine love, as Agrippa advises, ascends in piety and descends in charity, uniting with the divine to open the “Door of Nature.” Without this, the work fails, as Zeno’s wisdom reminds: “Hear much, speak little.”

Closing: This chapter unveils the practical and spiritual requisites—vessels, environments, and charity—for mastering the Hermetic art. The journey into its operational secrets deepens in our next post, unveiling further wonders of this sacred pursuit.

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Homo Sapiens: In the Maelstrom by Stanislaw Przybyszewski and translated by Joe E Bandel

XII.

“Now you must go to Geißler and arrange everything with him, then we can leave the day after tomorrow.” 

Falk stood thoughtfully for a while. “Yes, yes… we will leave soon.” He smiled distractedly. 

“You love him very much, didn’t you?” he asked suddenly. “Who?” 

“Well, Geißler of course. If something should happen to me, you could marry him, couldn’t you?” 

He looked at her smiling. 

“Die first, then we will see,” Isa joked. “Well, then goodbye.” 

“But don’t come back so late again. I have such fear for you now. Think of me: I will go mad with unrest if you stay out long again today.” 

“No, no, I will come soon.” He stepped onto the street. 

It was just quitting time, the workers streamed in large crowds from the factories. 

Anxiously he turned into a side alley. It was generally strange what everything now became fear for him; his heart was in constant fever activity. 

If he heard a noise at the door, he started and could not calm down for a long time; he heard little Janek cry and started in highest fear: he could not remember for a long time that he had a son, no, now he even had two: little Janek and little Erik, two sweet, wonderful children… 

Oh, this splendid father idyll! If only it were not so infinitely comical. 

He walked thoughtfully along the empty street. 

The events of the last days whirred through his head and blurred into a feeling of an unspeakable sadness. It seemed to him as if he must suffocate: he breathed deep and heavy. 

What would it help if he fled? Not travel, only flee, flee, so that his lies would not be discovered? He could no longer live with all the disgusting lies, now he could no longer look Isa calmly in the eyes: her trust, her faith tormented him, humiliated him, he felt disgust for himself, tormenting shame, that he would most like to have spat at himself. 

Strange woman, this Isa. Her faith has hypnotized her. She walks like a sleepwalker. She sees nothing, she hardly suspects that he suffers. The awakening will be horrible. It cannot go on: her faith will now be broken sooner or later anyway. 

“So I am a double criminal. I broke the marriage and its condition, faith. Actually I am only a criminal against myself, for I cut the roots of my existence. I cannot live without Isa after all. However I think and consider: it does not go. And because I am I, because I am thus God, for God is everyone who makes everything around him his thing—and everything around me is my thing—, so I have sinned against God, thus committed a sacrilege.” 

He spoke it half-aloud with deep reflection to himself, suddenly noticed it and stopped. 

That could not be his seriousness, he knew no crime after all. No, whatever he might think about his heroic deeds, the concept of crime could not be constructed. Crime postulates a state of mind that is precisely no coziness… He, he, he, coziness!—I actually wanted to say heartlessness. Well, the devil knows, I am anything rather than heartless. I have more pity in me than our whole time together. So I am no criminal. 

He lost himself in the subtlest investigations. 

“But perhaps a state of feeling is now forming that did not exist before, and for which something counts as crime that was by no means crime before. A feeling of offense against civilizational developments, e.g. against monogamy.” 

But his brain was so exhausted that he could not pursue the thought further: it was also indifferent; the brain with all its lawyer tricks was quite powerless against the feeling. Why brood further then? 

He suddenly got the sure, immediate certainty that now everything would be in vain, whatever he did, that the terrible would now surely, unavoidably, with iron necessity break over him. 

He shuddered and his knees became weak. He looked around: no bench nearby. 

With difficulty and despair he dragged himself further. 

His brain now became quite distracted, he could no longer concentrate it. Instead he saw with uncanny clarity the slightest details. So he saw that a letter hung crooked on a sign, that a bar was bent outward on a grating, that a passer-by had the characteristic gait of a person whose boots fit badly. 

His brain exhausted itself in these trifles. Suddenly he cried out softly. 

The thought that he had heard working all day in the lowest depth, and that he had tried so hard to stifle, broke through. 

He had to follow Grodzki! 

He had so often considered suicide theoretically, but this time it was like a huge compulsion suggestion: he felt that he could not resist it. It did not come from outside, no, it came from the unknown: a domineering will stifling every contradiction. 

He trembled, staggered, stopped and supported himself against a house. 

He had to do it! Just as Grodzki had done it. Train the brain will for it, force it to obey the instinct will. 

Suddenly he felt a peculiar numb calm. He forced himself to think, but he could not, he went further and further thoughtlessly, sunk in this numb, inner death silence. 

He stumbled and almost fell. That shook him up. No! it was not hard, why should he torment himself longer. 

He thought what would not be torment, but he could find nothing. Then he thought what would not be lie, but there was nothing that it was not, at most a fact, but what is a fact, said Pilate and washed his hands. No! Pilate said: what is truth? and only then did he wash his hands. 

He began to babble. 

But when he came to the house where Geißler had to live, he became very restless. 

He had completely forgotten the house. But here he had to live. He read all the signs, among them especially attentively: Walter Geißler, lawyer and notary, but he could not orient himself. 

He went into the hallway, stepped out onto the street again, read the signs again, came to his senses and became half unconscious with fear. 

Should he go mad? That was after all a momentary confusion of senses. Oh God, oh God, only that not! 

He collected himself with difficulty, a morbid shyness to show no one what was going on in him began to dominate him. 

He directed the greatest attention to his face, made the strangest grimaces to find out the expression of indifferent everydayness, finally felt satisfied and went up. 

“One moment!” 

Geißler wrote as if his life depended on it. Finally he jumped up. 

“I namely have insanely much to do. I now want to hang my law practice finally on the nail and devote myself entirely to literature. That is after all a charming occupation, and I work now to unconsciousness…” 

“But first you will arrange my affairs?” Geißler laughed heartily. 

“There is nothing more to arrange. You also have not a glimmer of your circumstances. Your whole fortune is at most three thousand marks.” 

“Well. Then I will come to you tomorrow; you can give me the money tomorrow, can’t you?” 

“I will see.” 

Falk suddenly thought. 

“You actually need to give me only five hundred, the rest you will send monthly in hundred mark installments to this address.” 

He wrote Janina’s address. “Who is that?” asked Geißler. 

“Oh, an innocent victim of a villainy.” 

“So, so… You probably want to go into the desert now and fast?” “Perhaps.” 

Falk smiled. He suddenly remembered his role and began to laugh with exaggerated cordiality. 

“Just think, I asked very eagerly for you.” “Where then?” 

“In a completely strange house. I wanted to mislead a spy and so I asked very loudly and with great emphasis for you on the second floor… But that is not interesting at all.” 

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Homo Sapiens by Stanislaw Przybyszewski and translated by Joe E Bandel

“Strange, strange… the doctor said you should lie at least three days, and I have seen this expression of strength and energy in your face for a long time. You are different from all people.” 

“Yes, yes, that is the new strength. Drink, drink with me… I was so little with you… Drink the whole glass out.” 

They drank out and Falk filled the glasses anew. 

He sat down beside her, took her both hands and kissed them. “We have not spoken together for a long time,” he said. 

“Now everything is good, isn’t it?” she asked tenderly. 

“It will become good. We will travel away from here… What do you think of Iceland?” 

“Are you serious?” “You make so many new plans…” 

“This time I am serious, because it is namely no plan. It occurred to me today, yesterday, I actually don’t know when, but I must away from here.” 

Isa beamed. She did not want to tell him, but she found it unbearable in this boring city. 

“Think, such a small fisherman’s house by the sea. Isn’t it? Wonderful! And the autumn nights when the waves play this terrible eternal music on the beach. But you will not be bored?” 

“Did I ever get bored with you? I need no person, nothing, I need absolutely nothing if I only have you.” 

“But I will often be away from you, very often. I will go out with the fishermen for entire nights, I will go into the mountains. And when we are together, we will lie in the grass and stare at the sky… But drink, drink then… Oh, you can no longer drink as before.” 

“See then!” She drank the glass empty. 

“And in this twosomeness: you and I, and you a piece of me, and we both a revelation of the immanent substance in us…” He stood up. “Isa! we will seek the God we lost.” 

She was as if hypnotized. 

“The God we lost,” she repeated half unconsciously. “You don’t believe in God?” he asked suddenly. 

“No,” she said thoughtfully. 

“You don’t believe one can find him?” “No, if one does not have him in oneself.” 

“But that is what I mean: to find God, that means to feel God, to feel him in every pore of one’s soul, to have the immediate certainty that he is there, to possess the wild supernatural power that the God-feeling gives.” 

“Do you want to seek another God, a God outside? What do you want this God for? I don’t want him. I don’t need him. I have the immediate certainty of the God-feeling, I feel him as long as you are there. I need nothing higher… And I will not tolerate such a feeling in you either. Then I will not go with.” 

He looked at her long. 

“How beautiful you have become now. As if a light had suddenly bloomed in you…” 

Suddenly he lost balance and came into a strange rapture. 

“Yes, yes, I mean the God who is you and I. I mean the holy, great My-You! Do you know what my you, my dark you is? That is Jahveh, that is Oum, that is Tabu. My you, that is the soul that never prostituted itself in the brain. My you, that is the holy soul that rarely comes over me, perhaps once, as the Holy Spirit came only once over the apostles. My you, that is my love and my doom and my criminal will! And to find my God, that means: to explore this you, to know its ways, to understand its intentions, so as not to do the small, the low, the disgusting anymore.” 

Isa was carried away. They grasped each other violently by the hands. 

“And you want to teach me to find and explore it in me?” “Yes, yes…” He looked at her as if he had never seen her before. 

“And you will be in me?” 

“Yes, yes…” 

“I am yours, your thing and your you… Am I it?” “Yes, yes…” He began to become distracted. 

“We are poor, Isa,” he said after a while, “I lost the whole fortune.” 

“Throw the rest away too,” she cried laughing to him and threw herself on his breast. 

Fear suddenly rose in him. 

“You, you—if it is over tomorrow? I have such mistrust of myself.” 

“Then I will pull you with.” 

“But is it perhaps not only an over-fatigue, an over-excited mood that whips us into this ecstasy?” 

He started. 

“I lie, I lie,” he said suddenly hoarsely, “I have lied too much… Now…” 

He broke off. The thought to tell her now everything, to tell everything in detail, shot through his head and grew into a great, maniacal idea. 

“Isa!” He looked at her as if he wanted to bore into the ground of her soul… “Isa!” he repeated, “I have something to tell you.” 

She started frightened. 

“Can you forgive me everything, everything I did evil?” 

The confession forced itself with irresistible power over his lips. Now he could no longer hold it back. He grasped her hands. 

“Everything? Everything?!” “Yes, everything, everything!” 

“And if I had really done the one thing?” “What?” She recoiled horrified. 

“This… with a strange woman.” 

She stared at him, then cried out with an unnatural voice: “Don’t torment me!” 

Falk came to his senses instantly. He felt sweat run over his whole body. 

She jumped toward him and stammered trembling: “What? What?” 

He smiled peculiarly with a superior calm. 

In the same moment Isa noticed that he became deathly pale, and that his face twitched. 

“You are sick!” 

“Yes, I am sick, I overestimated my strength.” 

He sank together on the sofa and in a wild maelstrom the experiences of the last days shot through his head. He saw Grodzki: 

“One must be able to do it with will!”

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Homo Sapiens: In the Maelstrom by Stanislaw Przybyszewski and translated by Joe E Bandel

IX.

Olga was very surprised when Falk entered. 

“Yes, you see, dear Olga, what the devil led you to live above a restaurant? One can come to you at any time of day or night without claiming the help of a night watchman. And below the detectives can set up their camp. He, he—I have a little persecution mania. Suddenly I believe I see a police agent in every person.” 

He laughed nervously. 

“I even believe that I asked some person who asked if he had the honor to speak with Falk, just think: the great honor to speak with Falk…” 

He suddenly stopped. 

“You, Olga, I am probably really sick. Just think, I asked the person if he wanted to arrest me…” 

Olga laughed, but then looked at Falk worriedly. 

“You are really sick. Is your chest bothering you again?” Falk thought deeply. 

“I was namely with Czerski,” he said suddenly and looked at her. “What? You with Czerski?” 

“That surprises you? He, he, but that was your fault. Didn’t you perhaps believe that I sent the money to get rid of him? And if you believed that, he had to believe it even more. And so I went to him to ask him to go to Isa immediately to free me from the lie… By the way, we parted as friends. The whole time we philosophized very beautifully about the overman, and there I found out that you and he are the only overmen, perhaps there are a few others, a few medics with principles…” 

“Did you come to mock me?” She looked at him sadly. “By the way, I didn’t believe for a second that you could send the money out of cowardice, and I thank you also for the honor that you hold me for an overman. I don’t need it, I just want to remain human, simply human.” 

“Wonderful answer! Splendid answer. No, really seriously. That is what I should have become too.” 

“I didn’t say ‘become,’ but ‘remain.'” He looked at her seriously. 

“Yes you—you and Czerski. But I, I would first have to become human to remain human.” 

Olga looked at him almost angrily. 

“I find your self-accusations and your morbid pleasure in humiliating and slandering yourself quite unbearable. It almost seems to me as if the love brought to you is repugnant to you, and as if you wanted to destroy it in this way.” 

“Yes, that is what I want,” he suddenly cried out raging. “That is what I want! You prevent me from being what I am, a scoundrel, a rascal, ha, ha, ha… no, to thunder no scoundrel! Ridiculous! You prevent me from being evil, yes, great in evil, to create through evil. I despise your creating goodness because it always takes the path into evil. Yes, now I feel for the first time how contemptible your goodness and your love is. And I stupid donkey, I run around to all of you and beg you for forgiveness. Why?” 

He fell exhausted and stared at Olga. 

“Why do you look at me so startled? I am furious at myself because I talked too much with Czerski. I bowed before this person… But it only came in the fever… If only I get well first: I have thought up a hellish plan… You will see, the whole plan is thought out and worked out to the finest detail… I swear to you that I will ruin the whole mining association, he, he, it is a company of twenty million, in ten months at the latest…” 

He suddenly started triumphantly. 

“I will do that together with Czerski… We are now friends. He is the only person with whom I can do it together. He has suffered horribly. I examined whether he had not got white hair. One gets that namely when one suffers so much. But do you know, Olga, go down and get a bottle of cognac. I am a little sick. Go, go, here you have money; I want to speak with you very long. I want to begin a new life. I will follow Czerski. Czerski is a Christ. He is the purest person—yes, he and you…” 

Falk fell into the sofa and brooded. Olga got the cognac. He drank a full glass. 

“Strange how that helps. It is really no imagination, but on my organism cognac works enormously stimulating. I probably cannot die at all, for I overcome every illness with cognac.” 

He was silent and sank into thoughts. 

“You, Olga, you have probably tormented yourself very much because of me?” he asked suddenly. 

She did not answer. 

“It is bad of me that I keep you near me, but I cannot do without your love, it seems to me as if I would become a new person in your presence.” 

“And yet you seek to destroy this love.” 

“No, no, you are mistaken,” he said eagerly. “I only get such fear that I could lose it and then I become so desperate—yes, really desperate,” he added slowly. 

They were silent for a long time. 

He rose in sudden unrest and walked back and forth. 

“Tell me, Olga, have you ever had the feeling that the world is going under? I namely have the feeling suddenly now. It is not the first time. It comes often, and more and more often, yes—perhaps since a year. Hm, it is possible that it is only a ridiculous suggestion from somewhere… I have seen too much misery in the last time. One can namely really get that through suggestion, I think. It lies in the environment, in the air, one reads it off some face… When I was still a student, several of us often came together… we were probably six people… There were hideous debaucheries. We also drank very much. Then suddenly a person got terrible cramps in the middle of drinking. Now imagine: there was a fellow, a jurist, strong as a spruce in the primeval forest. But he sees the one writhing in cramps there, he gets a mad fright and falls into cramps himself… A third begins to scream as in death agony, not like a human, no, they were horrible, animal screams that tore the nerves out of the body… I don’t know what would have happened if the people from the whole house had not run together…” 

Falk dried the sweat from his forehead and became pale as a corpse. 

“Listen Olga. I must tell you this. It torments me, and I have no person to whom I can say this… I actually don’t know why I should tell you this…” 

He looked at her silently. She took his hand. He seemed to suffer horribly. 

“Yes, tell me, perhaps it will relieve you.” Falk looked at the floor. 

“I namely killed a child…” “What?” Olga started. 

“Yes, a girl of sixteen years… I didn’t kill her directly, but—” he looked Olga fixedly in the eyes. 

A long pause. 

“Tell, tell everything!” Olga collected herself. “You won’t despise me?” 

“No!” she said harshly. 

“For a whole week I worked on the destruction of this white, pure soul.” 

“And you were married?” “Yes.” 

He was silent and looked at her fixedly again. Sweat broke out on his forehead again, and his lips trembled. 

“It was a thunderstorm, she was alone at home, and then she gave herself to me. I don’t know much more then. I only know that I went home in unspeakable torment, that lightning struck around me, I remember a willow that suddenly stood in flames and fell apart, then I became sick and lay unconscious for a long time.” 

“Then you probably did it in the fever?” “No! I got the fever afterwards.” 

“And she?” 

“She drowned herself the next day when I told her that I was married.” 

A long, painful pause ensued. 

“I didn’t think much about it. I remember that for a whole year after her death I thought very little about it. But suddenly, when I came here from Paris a year ago, I met her father on the street. He was probably driving with his sick wife to the spa. They were also at the spa then, and there I seduced little Marit…” 

Falk got an attack of tormenting fear, his breath stopped and the fever began to rage in him again. He spoke quickly and softly. 

“I met him suddenly on the street, then I got a jerk as if struck by lightning. I stood as if nailed, I could not have moved if the sky should collapse over me…” 

He laughed hoarsely. 

“Yes, naturally, then even less… But I saw the old man, he stared at me as if he wanted to kill me with his gaze. I wanted to look away, but I could not… He had become quite white…” 

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Homo Sapiens: In the Maelstrom by Stanislaw Przybyszewski and translated by Joe E Bandel

“But you are fighting windmills. Do you believe that Napoleon is a great person for me? He is only that for you because he showed you with what ruthlessness and brutality one may proceed when it comes to satisfying one’s greed…” 

Falk stared at him with feverish tension. But he did not grasp what the other said. And suddenly he saw Czerski’s face as if he had never seen it before! 

“Strange, strange,” he murmured, staring incessantly at Czerski. He moved quite close to Czerski and spoke quite softly. 

“See, you will commit crimes, no, no! don’t get upset. Understand me correctly, I mean what our society calls crimes. I know it. I suddenly saw it now. I believed you were sick or ate opium, now I know it. How? Suddenly. All at once. All political criminals get the same expression. I saw Padlewski in Paris, you know, he murdered the Russian ambassador… I saw him three hours before… 

Falk sat down again. For a moment everything went dark before his eyes. But it passed immediately. 

When you murder, you naturally have motives for it. Yes, I know, you have great love and great pity. And in what do the roots of your great pity stick? Only in the greed to realize the purpose you have before your eyes. In what does your greed differ from mine? Ha, ha, you don’t even listen to what I say, your 

gaze is a thousand miles from here… Ha, ha, you don’t need to listen to it at all, but just tell me, in what will your crime then differ from mine? In that my crime remains unpunished, and you are punished with death. But I have the torment, and you have the happiness of sacrifice, yes—of sacrifice, Falk cried out. 

Czerski started. 

“What did you say now?” 

“You have the happiness of sacrifice! And I have the torment.” Falk fell exhausted back into the chair. 

“Naturally you will say I got all that from Nietzsche. But that is not true. What Nietzsche says is as old as the bad conscience is old…” 

He straightened up again, his state bordered on ecstasy. 

“You said you spit on all this. Didn’t you say so? Well, approximately so. And I agree with you! This with the overman… Ha, ha, ha… Nietzsche teaches that there is no good and no evil. But why should the overman suddenly be better than the last human? Ha, ha, ha… Why is the criminal more beautiful than the martyr who perishes out of pity? Where does the valuation between beautiful and ugly suddenly come from? Why? Oh, I love great suffering beauty, I love ascetic beauty… Ha, ha; I perhaps loved Janina because she is so extraordinarily thin… What do I know? Everything is nonsense! I spit on all that, I spit on the overman and on Napoleon, I spit on myself and the whole life…” 

He looked around confused and suddenly became very serious, but then he began to speak again, quickly, hastily; he tumbled over himself, it seemed to him as if he could not say enough. 

“I have told no one what I tell you. I admire you, I love you. Do you know why? You are the only one who has ceased to be himself… Yes, you and Olga—you both. I love you both for the sake of your love. And I love great love. That is the only feeling I love and admire. Don’t you hear how my heart beats, don’t you feel how my temples throb… But to love, one must have your faith, yes, the faith that has no purpose, only love, love, love is!.. He, he, he… I love, I admire, I crawl on my knees before this love that is the great faith. It is 

so strange that precisely you, you levellers, you compassionate ones are the overmen! Faith, love makes you so mighty and so strong. I am the human on the extinction list. I am the last human. See: in the Polynesian archipelago there is a wonderful human race that will no longer exist in thirty, fifty years. It is dying out from physical consumption. My race is dying from physical phthisis. The lung of the brain, faith is rotted, eaten away… 

Falk suddenly began to laugh. 

“Ha, ha, ha… I had a friend. He was also such an overman as I. He was not as strong as I, and so he died from the debaucheries. When he was dead, I went to a café to think about death and to make clear to myself that he was really dead. I met there a fat and greasy medic who had muddled with us. I said to him: Gronski is dead. He thought a little. Then he said: I could imagine that. Why? I said. One must have principles, was the answer. One must have principles. If one has principles, one does not perish. But to have principles, one must believe, believe… 

He suddenly straightened up and stood long almost unconscious. “It is my despair that speaks through me,” he finally said… 

You are right, Czerski—the whole life, this disgusting life of the worm that eats in the flour, the life of small love… You are the first I have seen who has thrown that away, who has forgotten that… For you there are not these commandments for whose sake I suffer, because you are too great for that… 

Falk suddenly seized his hand and kissed it. Czerski jerked violently and tore his hand away. 

Falk looked at him long without saying a word, then sat down again. It seemed to him as if the fever had suddenly left him. He also didn’t quite know exactly what he had said or done. 

Czerski was unusually pale. “Why did you come here?” 

His voice trembled. 

Falk looked at him calmly. They looked into each other’s eyes for probably a minute. 

“I swear to you,” he finally said, “that I came for no small motives.” 

“Is it true?” 

“Yes, it is true.” 

Czerski walked uncertainly back and forth a few times. 

“I retract everything unpleasant I said to you—his voice was very soft, he seemed to have great difficulty fighting down his excitement. You are no scoundrel, Falk. Forgive me that I wanted to insult you.” 

He went to the window. 

A long pause ensued. Suddenly Czerski turned around. 

“I didn’t know you,” he said harshly, “I believed you were unscrupulous… I wrote everything to Janina’s brother because I had promised him to watch over her. And now I have something else to think about.” 

“You wrote to Stefan Kruk?” “Yes.” 

Falk looked at him indifferently. 

“Hm, perhaps you did well… But now farewell Czerski. I am glad that we do not part as enemies.” 

He went down mechanically.

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Homo Sapiens: In the Maelstrom by Stanislaw Przybyszewski and translated by Joe E Bandel

“That’s why it must be eliminated, just as one eliminates madmen who commit crimes without knowing it.” 

“So only the harmful consequences decide about crime?” “Yes.” 

“But suppose you blow up a factory for the sake of the idea and thereby plunge hundreds of families into misery, then you commit a crime because the consequences are criminal.” 

“No! For thereby I bring my idea closer to realization and I bring millions happiness. When Christ spread his teaching, he knew very well that thousands of his followers would be sacrificed, so he delivered them to certain ruin to bring millions salvation.” 

“You believe in God?” Olga asked absentmindedly. Czerski suddenly fell into great excitement. 

“I believe in Jesus Christ, the God-man… But don’t interrupt me. I have the right to it, nature taught it to me. What decides about the pleasantness of a feeling? Not that it is pleasant in itself. 

The habituation to opium is very painful at first, only in length becomes pleasure. So only the duration of the same decides about the final nature of the feeling. It is self-evident that the first consequences of a factory explosion are unpleasant, but…” 

“So you will shrink from no crime?” 

“No, no crime,” he interrupted her eagerly, “I will shrink from no action that guarantees my idea victory.” 

“And if your idea is false?” 

“It is not false, for it is built on the only truth we have: love.” 

“But if your means are false?” 

“They cannot be false, for their motives are love. By the way, I don’t want to resort to these means at all, even if I should hold it necessary. I have no program like the anarchists. I want to commit no act of violence so as not to be counted to a party that has violence in its program.” 

“Out of vanity?” 

“No; out of caution, only out of caution, so that the anarchists, thus a party, do not believe they have the right to regard my act as the consequence of their program.” 

“You are ambitious.” 

“No! But I am only in my act. I have only one right, and that is: to be. And my being is my act. Yes, I have an ambition if you want to call it so: to be, to be through my act. I am not as soon as I execute foreign commands.” 

“Those are old thoughts, dear Czerski.” 

“I don’t know if they are old, I got them in prison and so they are my own. I thought them out with great effort. I was not used to thinking as long as I was in the party. Now I have detached myself from everything to be alone and determine my act with my own thoughts.” 

“And if you hadn’t got the money from Falk, would you have taken it?” 

“Yes.” 

“And what do you want to do now?” 

“I want to teach people to sacrifice themselves.” 

Olga looked at him questioningly.  

“To be able to sacrifice oneself: that is the first condition of every act. I will teach the enthusiasm of sacrifice.” 

“But to sacrifice oneself, one must first believe in the purpose of sacrifice.” 

“No! The sacrifice does not spring from faith, but from enthusiasm. That is it precisely. See, all previous parties have faith but no enthusiasm. No, they have no faith, they have only dogmas. Social democracy has died in dogmatic faith. Social democracy is what every religious community is: it is faithful without enthusiasm. Is there a person who would go into the fire for his God? No! Is there a social democrat who would plunge into ruin without reservation, without hesitation, for his idea? No! They all have the calm, comfortable certainty of faith; their dogmas are iron truths for whose sake one, God knows, need not get excited. But I want to create the fiery, glowing faith, a faith that is no longer faith because it has no purpose, a faith that has dissolved in the enthusiasm of sacrifice.” 

He suddenly fell into an ecstatic state. His eyes shone and his face transfigured itself peculiarly. 

“So you speculate on the fanaticism of hate in the masses.” 

“Fanaticism of love,” he said radiantly, “fanaticism of love for the infinity of the human race, love for the eternity of life, love for the thought that I and humanity are one, inseparably one…” 

He varied the thought in the most diverse expressions. 

“I will not say: Sacrifice yourselves so that you and your children become happy, I will teach anew the happiness of sacrifice in itself. Humanity has an inexhaustible capacity to sacrifice itself, but the fat church and fat socialism destroyed that. Humanity has forgotten the happiness of sacrifice in the fat, disgusting dogmatic faith. The last time it tasted it in the great revolutions, in the Commune—purposeless, only out of love for sacrifice, to enjoy once more the infinite happiness of purposeless selflessness… And I will bring this happiness back to memory through my act…” 

He suddenly stopped and looked at Olga suspiciously. 

“You probably believe I am a mad fantasist?” 

“It is beautiful, very beautiful what you said there—I understand you,” she said thoughtfully. 

He was silent long. 

“Yes, you are right that those are old thoughts,” he said suddenly. “They touch in many ways what Falk expressed at the congress in Paris. I would have liked to kiss his hand then…” 

He suddenly became very restless. 

“But it did not become a life matter for him. His brain figured it out. His heart caught no fire… No, no—how is it possible to have such thoughts and not perish with shame that one can say all that cold and calm… See, that is the shamelessness of his brain, that it cannot shudder at it. His brain is shameless… He is a—an evil person. He is not pure enough for his ideas. One must be Christ, yes, Jesus Christ, the God of humans, the holy source of willingness to sacrifice.” 

“You have changed very much, Czerski. By the way, I didn’t know you. Kunicki slandered you. I will think much about what you said…” 

Olga stood up and looked at him shyly. 

Over his face lay a transfigured glow. She had never seen anything like it. 

“Take care of yourself, Czerski. You look very sick.” “No, I am not sick. I am happy.” 

He thought long. 

“Yes, yes,” he said suddenly, “yesterday I was still a small person. But now it is over, it is past…”

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