Homo Sapiens: In the Maelstrom by Stanislaw Przybyszewski and translated by Joe E Bandel
In the Maelstrom
I.
Janina looked at Falk thoughtfully.
How he had changed in recent times. This restlessness! As if he expected some misfortune any moment. Then he could suddenly sink into a strange apathy for a whole hour and forget everything around him… What was wrong with him? No, he was not open with her. He made excuses. He calmed her with empty phrases… Now and then she saw his face twitch nervously, then he made a violent hand gesture and smiled. This smile—this ugly smile—he had brought from Paris.
Falk seemed to wake up. He straightened up on the sofa, took a few pieces of sugar and threw them into an empty glass.
“Do you have hot water?”
“You shouldn’t drink so much grog, Erik, it makes you even more restless.”
“No, no, on the contrary.” He seemed impatient. Janina hurried to bring the water.
Falk prepared the grog carefully. He looked at her: She was so eager, as if she wanted to make up for daring to contradict him. He became very friendly:
“No, on the contrary. That calms me. These are my calmest hours here with you… Sitting like this and drinking one glass after another… Yes, here with you…”
He suddenly fell silent. He seemed to be thinking of something entirely different.
“You have changed a lot since you came from Paris.” “Do you think so?”
“You weren’t like that before. You have become so restless and so nervous.” Falk looked at her without answering. He drank, looked at her again and leaned back on the sofa.
“It’s strange how good you are.” He spoke with a friendly smile. “I feel so well with you.”
“Is it true?”
“Yes, I always come back to you.”
“Yes, when you are tired… Oh, Erik, it was not good to leave me here in this terrible torment for three years. Not a word did you write to me.”
“I wanted you to forget me.” “Forget you! No, one cannot.”
He looked at her silently. A long pause ensued.
“Just tell me, Jania—” he suddenly became very lively—”tell me honestly: did nothing happen between you and Czerski? Be completely honest, you know how I think about it…”
“We were practically engaged… But why do you ask? I have already told you the same thing a hundred times.”
“Well, the whole thing interests me very much, and I am so forgetful. Your brother wanted it?”
“Yes, they were the best friends.” “And you?”
“I had nothing against it. I had completely given you up. He was very good to me. What should I wait for? I had great respect for him…”
“If he hadn’t been imprisoned, you would now be an honorable housewife… Hm, hm… I’m really curious how that would suit you…”
Janina did not answer. They were silent for a while. “Did you visit him in prison?”
“Yes, a few times at first.”
“And your brother successfully crossed the border?” “You know that.”
“Hm, hm…” Falk stood up restlessly and walked back and forth a few times. “Did they ever talk about me?”
“Who?”
“Well, your brother and Czerski.”
“Of course, very often. You sent money to Czerski. Have you forgotten?”
“And did they know anything about our relationship?”
“No! I always acted as if I had never known you. I was afraid of the two of them. They are so fanatical.”
“So they didn’t know at all that you knew me before?”
“No. But did you never talk to my brother in Paris about me? He was with you often.”
Falk rubbed his forehead.
“Yes, he came now and then; but we almost always talked about agitation… Yes, though: he once told me that he had a sister and that she would soon marry; besides, I left Paris soon after… Well, let’s leave it…”
Again he walked restlessly around.
“You, Erik, did you never long for me?” He smiled.
“Oh yes, sometimes.” “Only sometimes?” He smiled again.
“I came back after all.” “But you don’t love me.” Her voice trembled.
“I love no one, but I longed for you.”
He looked at her, her face twitched. She would probably burst into tears any moment.
Falk sat down beside her.
“Listen, Jania, I must not love. I must hate when I love.” “Have you ever loved?”
“Yes, once. And I hated the woman I had to love. No, let’s not talk about it.”
He became serious. The thought of his wife tormented him.
“No, no. One is not free when one loves. The woman pushes herself into everything. One must take a thousand considerations, one must take her, one must also have the same bedroom—well, that’s not absolutely necessary, but—well, yes, you understand me… I must be free, I hate every feeling that restricts my freedom, oh, I cannot tell you how I hate it.”
He took her hand and stroked it mechanically.
“It’s strange, Jania, that you love me so.”
“Why?”
“I am so cold here—here…” he pointed to his forehead. Janina swallowed her tears.
“You are enough for me like this. I don’t want you any other way. I demand nothing more from you.”
“That’s good. That’s why I feel so well with you.” He was silent for a long time, then suddenly straightened up.
“Do you believe I can love?” “Perhaps earlier.”
“But if I now, now, understand, loved someone, if I loved her so that this person—this woman became a kind of fate to me?”
Janina looked at him suspiciously.
“If I loved this woman so that I couldn’t live a day without her?”
She started.
Falk looked at her for a long time, suddenly recollected himself and laughed. “God, what a child you are! How you stare at me!”
Janina looked at him with growing unease. What was he saying? What did he want? “Erik, tell me openly what is wrong with you. Do you think I don’t see that you are suffering and want to hide it from me?” Her eyes filled with tears. Falk became very lively.
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