Anarchistbanjo's World

It is the first full moon of 2020 and the message is to fill yourselves up with the incoming energies! Drink and drink deeply for you will need those energies throughout this coming year.

In my last post I said that I was going to share information about soulmates and divine counterparts in this post. In the meantime I’ve clarified that for myself to mean that I will tell my personal story in a way that I have never shared it before. The main and most important energetic of these cycles is to give until the energy comes back! That is how I started these soulmate cycles and that is how I will finish them! I will open my heart and share my story. Hopefully, some of you will recognize that it is your own story as well.

This is part of the secret; in sharing with others the path reveals itself. In the sharing of my own story my own path will be revealed to me. I don’t know of any other way to have it become revealed. So rather than a few short posts on soulmates and divine counterparts there will be a lot of posts that share information never made available before in the proper context. So please be patient with me because my story is a long one! I hope that you will find it interesting.

I was born 1957 in southern Minnesota and we moved to a 200 acre farm in north central Minnesota when I was two years old. It was my dad’s dream to be a farmer and he tried unsuccessfully to have a dairy farm three different times during the years I was growing up. Our farm consisted of swamp, sugar sand,rocks and Jackpine forest along with some beautiful Norway pines. This was not a good foundation for fertile crops…so we were very poor. My dad was forced to work other jobs and do his farming after hours.

The roof of the old farm house leaked when it rained and we didn’t have running water or plumbing, but we always had food to eat and a warm wood stove or two or three in the winter to keep us warm. Years later when the house burned we discovered that part of the original structure was built of logs that had been covered by stucco. There was newspaper in the walls for insulation. Growing up it was my job to bring in the firewood and we used almost thirty cords of wood every winter!

I was the oldest of four children and the nearest neighbors lived almost 1 mile away by road, a half mile over the swamp. I spent a lot of time with the animals and playing in the woods. Despite the poverty my childhood was very happy because I didn’t know any better. I had a vivid imagination and if I wasn’t playing with one of my sisters I was playing with the dog. We always had at least one dog, sometimes even three. We also had horses and my horse was named Mike. I loved that horse and he loved me.

I could walk out into the pasture with a handful of grass in my hand and Mike would come trotting up to eat it. I would jump on his back and ride him around the pasture bareback without a bridle or anything, simply turning him one direction or the other by pushing my hand on the side of his neck. My connection to animals has always been instinctive and very deep. Most of the time I prefer the company of animals over that of humans.

But there was a darker side to things as well. Even though dad and mom loved each other they never showed it and I never saw them hug each other until much later in life. It was a dysfunctional family and I grew up without the normal emotional attachment to my mother that other people have. It has been my deepest wound and the last one to heal after all these years. That wound was so deep I didn’t even know it existed until the healing energies of my soulmate cycles brought it forcefully to my awareness. Sadly I passed that sense of emotional abandonment onto my own children by not being there as they were growing up…their mother had taken them away from me. But that comes later…

My mother’s dream was to be a nurse and she went to school to become an LPN. But after we were born she needed to stay home and take care of us. Dad was very rigid and demanded a lot of himself and of everyone else. There was no fun in doing family things.

Mom suffered from constant migraine headaches and became addicted to pain meds. She spent most of my formative years stoned lying on the sofa or working in the house or garden. She was a really good cook! She also had affairs with several of the neighbor men and we never knew about it. Dad was always off working and the neighbors would come over to visit. Mom would send us out to play, even in the winter time. One time when I was in my late teens she ran off with a man and was in a car accident in Duluth about 200 miles away, so it all came out and everyone was shocked. She also finally lost her nursing license after being caught three different times stealing meds from patients when she did work in the hospital…

There was a sexual predator in the family as well, a second cousin that abused most of the women in my mother’s family. She came from a family of twelve children. To my shame I once saw this man teasing my sister and she was trying to get away from him but he wouldn’t let her. He kept trying to pinch her boob, but to me I thought he was trying to tickle her. At the time I thought it was funny. I was very innocent and had almost no social skills which I learned from my parents.

I mentioned that we were poor and I liked candy so I often shoplifted things from the grocery store and never got caught.

My parents, dad especially, were very religious and by the time I was twelve I was sent to confirmation class. I loved to read and unlike the others in the class I knew all the bible stories by heart because we were given them to read at home as young children. I stole money from the offering box at church, bought candy with it and ate the candy during confirmation class. My conscience didn’t really kick in until I was fourteen…I was bored…